My husband cheated while I was pregnant - can't get over it...

[on1wheel]

1st of all, I am sooo sorry for your pain. This was supposed to be the most joyous time of your life & instead he has shaken your entire belief system to it's core. I am a BS (almost 3 yrs now) & if you're anything like me you will never get over this betrayal. You may choose to try to get past it for your babies sake, but you will NEVER look or treat him the same. I believe that there are 2 types of people in this crazed world; those with morals & those w/o.

I am perhaps over simplifying, but a person with morals would never have done that to you; it would never be possible. Those with morals have the same urges/needs as those w/o, it's just that we wouldn't act upon them. We follow the rather useful "do unto others as you would have done to you". If the answer is "No, I wouldn't want that done to me", then what should be done is crystal clear.

The problem now is "what to do?" Only you can decide:

-can I survive on my own with a baby?

-will the baby be better off if I find a man that has strong morals?

-Do I think I can get past this betrayal?

If the answers are "yes we can survive w/o him, yes I think he will cheat again" then both you & your baby are better off w/o him. Any man that would cheat on a woman that is carrying his baby will certainly cheat whenever he thinks he can get away with it in my opinion. That is the lowest of the low in my view. I can safely say that I am certain this is neither the 1st or the last time he will cheat. This man has no sense of right & wrong & is selfish to the core of his soul. I am embarrased to be a man right now.

I stayed with my W after D-day for my 19 mths babies sake, but not 1 single day goes by that I am not reminded of or suffer from what she did to me. I wasn't able to support my baby had we separated @ the time & my gorgeous daughter would have sufferred as a result. That was not an option for me. My W said & did all the things necessary for me to hope that it would not happen again & so I stayed, but I am consumed with betrayal, sorrow, suspicion & fear that I am wasting my life if she cheats again. I wouldn't wish those aspects of my life on my worst enemy. What happened to you is even worse, as you were going to have his baby.

Read people's advice, ignore the very bitter/hostile ones & then decide what is best for you & your baby. I wish you well & let me know if you have any questions as to what my life has been like since I found out. Cheers.

[dreamingoftigers]

1st of all, I am sooo sorry for your pain. This was supposed to be the most joyous time of your life & instead he has shaken your entire belief system to it's core. I am a BS (almost 3 yrs now) & if you're anything like me you will never get over this betrayal. You may choose to try to get past it for your babies sake, but you will NEVER look or treat him the same. I believe that there are 2 types of people in this crazed world; those with morals & those w/o.

I am perhaps over simplifying, but a person with morals would never have done that to you; it would never be possible. Those with morals have the same urges/needs as those w/o, it's just that we wouldn't act upon them. We follow the rather useful "do unto others as you would have done to you". If the answer is "No, I wouldn't want that done to me", then what should be done is crystal clear.

The problem now is "what to do?" Only you can decide:

-can I survive on my own with a baby?

-will the baby be better off if I find a man that has strong morals?

-Do I think I can get past this betrayal?

If the answers are "yes we can survive w/o him, yes I think he will cheat again" then both you & your baby are better off w/o him. Any man that would cheat on a woman that is carrying his baby will certainly cheat whenever he thinks he can get away with it in my opinion. That is the lowest of the low in my view. I can safely say that I am certain this is neither the 1st or the last time he will cheat. This man has no sense of right & wrong & is selfish to the core of his soul. I am embarrased to be a man right now.

I stayed with my W after D-day for my 19 mths babies sake, but not 1 single day goes by that I am not reminded of or suffer from what she did to me. I wasn't able to support my baby had we separated @ the time & my gorgeous daughter would have sufferred as a result. That was not an option for me. My W said & did all the things necessary for me to hope that it would not happen again & so I stayed, but I am consumed with betrayal, sorrow, suspicion & fear that I am wasting my life if she cheats again. I wouldn't wish those aspects of my life on my worst enemy. What happened to you is even worse, as you were going to have his baby.

Read people's advice, ignore the very bitter/hostile ones & then decide what is best for you & your baby. I wish you well & let me know if you have any questions as to what my life has been like since I found out. Cheers.

 

Amen :(

[redlady]

1st of all, I am sooo sorry for your pain. This was supposed to be the most joyous time of your life & instead he has shaken your entire belief system to it's core. I am a BS (almost 3 yrs now) & if you're anything like me you will never get over this betrayal. You may choose to try to get past it for your babies sake, but you will NEVER look or treat him the same. I believe that there are 2 types of people in this crazed world; those with morals & those w/o.

I am perhaps over simplifying, but a person with morals would never have done that to you; it would never be possible. Those with morals have the same urges/needs as those w/o, it's just that we wouldn't act upon them. We follow the rather useful "do unto others as you would have done to you". If the answer is "No, I wouldn't want that done to me", then what should be done is crystal clear.

The problem now is "what to do?" Only you can decide:

-can I survive on my own with a baby?

-will the baby be better off if I find a man that has strong morals?

-Do I think I can get past this betrayal?

If the answers are "yes we can survive w/o him, yes I think he will cheat again" then both you & your baby are better off w/o him. Any man that would cheat on a woman that is carrying his baby will certainly cheat whenever he thinks he can get away with it in my opinion. That is the lowest of the low in my view. I can safely say that I am certain this is neither the 1st or the last time he will cheat. This man has no sense of right & wrong & is selfish to the core of his soul. I am embarrased to be a man right now.

I stayed with my W after D-day for my 19 mths babies sake, but not 1 single day goes by that I am not reminded of or suffer from what she did to me. I wasn't able to support my baby had we separated @ the time & my gorgeous daughter would have sufferred as a result. That was not an option for me. My W said & did all the things necessary for me to hope that it would not happen again & so I stayed, but I am consumed with betrayal, sorrow, suspicion & fear that I am wasting my life if she cheats again. I wouldn't wish those aspects of my life on my worst enemy. What happened to you is even worse, as you were going to have his baby.

Read people's advice, ignore the very bitter/hostile ones & then decide what is best for you & your baby. I wish you well & let me know if you have any questions as to what my life has been like since I found out. Cheers.

 

Thank you for your opinion, input, suggestions and support. I'm so very sorry to hear that your W cheated on you. It's a terrible situation and I fear you're right, that I will never get over it.

 

I've started individual counseling and although I've only had 1 appointment, I feel hopeful it will help me. I also think I'm suffering from ppd, which is adding to all of this for me. but I'm also seeing my OB for this and they will prescribe medication if they feel it's necessary.

 

I have good days and bad (though the bad seem to outweigh the good). Today will likely be a bad day as the weather is terrible (and I think I have seasonal depression!) but I'm going to try to be positive and think that will not be the case - it will be a good day! I think the suggestion of many to focus on the baby and me is helping too. A very big thank you for that to all!

[CakeEatersWife]

Learning Curve, trash is as trash does.

 

Just for the record, a woman who seeks out a married man, knowing his wife is pregnant no less, sends him photos of herself and puts on the full woo to tempt him to have sex with her by most people's standards would be considered both vile and trash.

 

How dare you attack Redlady expressing her emotions. Gosh, I am so sick of these people who feel they have to attack someone who comes to open their soul and find healing for the painful hurt a cheating spouse has caused.

 

Didn't you learn, if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all?

[redlady]

Today during my counseling session, I felt like we touched on a huge issue. My H deals with things by repressing them and just acting as if they haven't happened. As a result, he hasn't shown or felt enough remorse for what he's done (he has shown remorse, but it's more of a "I'm sorry I shrunk your jeans" not "I'm sorry I ruined our family") and so, I keep reeling from this because I'm trying (subconciously) to make him have an appropriate reaction to what he's done.

 

So now I wonder, what is the best way to handle this? I think his repressing things is a result of his upbringing and how his parents treated him awfully, so I can't completely hold that against him...

[Carrot2000]

I think his repressing things is a result of his upbringing and how his parents treated him awfully, so I can't completely hold that against him...

 

While you technically may not be able to hold it against him, it's time for him to learn a new way of being. He has far too much at stake to fall back into repressing emotions that are difficult to deal with. You can't give him a pass on this because of what his parents may have done to him; his difficult past does not make him any less accountable to you and he must take ownership for the hurt he has caused you.

[wicar1]

He cheated once, he will do it again...just a matter of time. Rather than getting hurt again it's better if you leave him.

[Woman In Blue]

Just don't go calling the OW a "vile piece of trash". How disgusting is that?

Oh for Christ's sake - she can call the OW anything she WANTS. The OW clearly knew the cheater was married and that his wife was in her 3rd trimester and KNOWINGLY engaged in an affair.

 

What the hell is RedLady supposed to call her? A humanitarian?

 

Give me a friggen break.

[Woman In Blue]

Well, as I've said, I don't believe there's ever a valid reason to have an affair, but I will keep my comments about other ow to myself.

You don't have to promise anyone anything. This is your thread, you can vent as you like.

 

If certain people who were OW don't like it, then they can simply click the "back" button. Jesus.

[Lauriebell82]

Wow, I am very sorry this happened to you redlady. It is horrible what your husband did to you.

 

I think that without realizing it you have already made up your mind whether you can forgive him. I don't think you can unfortunately. I honestly don't blame you, if I found out my husband had cheated on me I'd be out the door.

 

And his promise that he won't do it again? B.S. Like you said, he promised in front of God and friends and family that he would love and be faithful to you..and he didn't. It's very unfortunate that he was treated badly as a child, BUT that is not an excuse for cheating on you. Don't buy into that crap.

 

I think your husband is grasping at straws here..think long and hard whether or not you can live with what he did to you for the rest of your life. If you stay with him you will have to forgive him and accept what he did..or else you will end up miserable like you are now. If you can't find a way to forgive him then you will need to end the marriage.

 

I am so sorry for your pain.