Stockalone Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Here's something I do know about men in general. If: *He says that he's been burned and doesn't want commitment *He wants you to drastically physically change yourself *He says he's too busy at work to be a good boyfriend for you and only ever wants you to come over late at night, or meet him at bars * You haven't met his friends * He asks what the term boyfriend entails * He wants to start things out "casually" (sex) and see where it goes: I agree, except I am not quite sold on the friends thing. But that depends on how we define friend. When I was dating, I had no close friends (people I actually go out of my way to stay in touch with) living nearby. And I also don't form many friendships, so the women I dated met only (if they actually met anybody) acquaintances that I wasn't really close with. They never met one of my "real" friends. That said, I do see your point and think it is valid in general. My gf most certainly wanted to know what's that all about (her not meeting family or close friends), so that's something that should be addressed, because it's most likely not the norm. If a guy isn't telling the world about your relationship, he's not that into you. ... There are usually reasons why people keep things under wrap and most often, they're reasons you're not going to like. A bit OT to being with: It's been a while. How is the TBF family doing? Back to topic, I agree with you about there being a reason, but I wouldn't equate the amount of "announcing-it-to-the-world" with interest level. I have never brought a woman home to meet my folks, nor have I even mentioned a gf or dating when talking with my family. And now that I think about it, the same actually applies to my best friends, too. I may have talked very, very briefly about a woman once, but they never met a woman I dated. Though with my best friends, it was simply a coincidence that they never met my gf.
jerbear Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Precisely. I also think there are "degrees" when it comes to disclosure/introductions on either side. This relates to what I posted earlier. Telling friends, introducing to friends, etc--important, yes. Now family--that's on a whole other level. It's a huge deal. Especially in my present case and others like it. I keep family away from dates as much as possible. It is one of those feelings that I just can't do till later on like she and I are under the same roof. Or by accident when I'm visiting parents, bring her along, and parents were home. Really awkward. Many of my friends are close friends so when she meets them, it is a big crowd.
allina Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Now family--that's on a whole other level. It's a huge deal. Especially in my present case and others like it. I agree. It can also vary from culture to culture. I know that for my husband bringing a girl home and introducing her to his parents as his gf is serious. While for me, my parents meeting a guy I'm dating isn't as big of a deal. There are different formalities and different expectations when it comes to family.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 If a guy isn't telling the world about your relationship, he's not that into you. As an example, Pyro and CE. Plenty of trumpeting and blatancy there, even before the two met. does this only apply top the guys friends, family etc? What if it happens in a wider social circle such as groups of friends, in classes, workplace? Shouldn't you keep this under wraps under these conditions?
gypsy_nicky Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 What true "friend" would try to do that? And if a women leaves you for your friend just because hes hotter then consider yourself lucky you dodget a bullet of being with a whore nah man. You can't blame it entirely on the woman ('whore'). Some guy friends are very weak willed when it comes to women, especially really attractive ones, and will do what it takes to c*ck block you and steal her away. That's why you come across posts here and evidence elsewhere that really attractive people have less same sex friends because they usually end up enticing their friends' lovers.
threebyfate Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 A bit OT to being with: It's been a while. How is the TBF family doing? Back to topic, I agree with you about there being a reason, but I wouldn't equate the amount of "announcing-it-to-the-world" with interest level. I have never brought a woman home to meet my folks, nor have I even mentioned a gf or dating when talking with my family. And now that I think about it, the same actually applies to my best friends, too. I may have talked very, very briefly about a woman once, but they never met a woman I dated. Though with my best friends, it was simply a coincidence that they never met my gf.We're doing great, Stock! Hope you're doing well too. If you were deadly serious about these women, would your friends and family really not know about them?
Stockalone Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 We're doing great, Stock! Hope you're doing well too. Things are like they always are, I can't really complain. If you were deadly serious about these women, would your friends and family really not know about them? Obviously, they would be invited to the wedding. But seriously, my family knows absolutely nothing about my love life. It's none of their business and I really see no advantages in introducing a gf to my family. I also see no point in talking about it with my family. However, I don't talk about it with my friends either. That said, it was simply a coincidence that they never met my gf. My only LTR was in college and it was LD (weekend relationship) for the most part. My friends went to other universities in different cities, and some also studied abroad for some time. So I didn't see them much while I had a gf. There simply weren't many opportunities to bring my gf with me and introduce her to my friends. Most of the time, it was boys' night out (no gf allowed) anyway. And the other times, exams, work, family events, etc. always came in the way and prevented a meeting. Now, if I had a gf these days, my friends would definitely meet her. We live within driving distance and meet up every other week. There would be enough opportunities for a gf to meet my friends. As far as family is concerned, I would prefer for her to not meet my family for quite some time. But the decision to meet would be up to my gf, as it was back then. I explained my reasons to her, and if she had insisted on meeting my family, I would have introduced her.
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