Awesome Username Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Here's something I do know about men in general. If: *He says that he's been burned and doesn't want commitment *He wants you to drastically physically change yourself *He says he's too busy at work to be a good boyfriend for you and only ever wants you to come over late at night, or meet him at bars * You haven't met his friends * He asks what the term boyfriend entails * He wants to start things out "casually" (sex) and see where it goes: He's not that into you. There's nothing you can do. Don't waste your time! Hope that helped. Heart, AU.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 * You haven't met his friends somewhat disagree with this one. Some guys (usually insecure) don't like their gf's meeting their friends especially if they are so-so in the looks dept and their friends are somewhat better looking or hotter than him
shagg Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 This could go both ways, what you really need to do is get to know him a little better. Some guys really have been hurt that much and are so tired of it that they just don't wany it, but if it just happens that would be different. Then there are the kind of guys that you are thinking of and yes that would then be true. To be honest if everything you wrote is true... it does sound like the latter of the two.
Insanitylater Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Women that usually meet guys in bad environments(bars/clubs) have a skewed outlook on men. They continue their habits of meeting the same type of guys because they continue to go to the same type of places to meet said guys. So they whine and cry that all they ever meet is jerks/users when in reality they are not broadening their search base. OR The female sleeps with the guy too soon, which in turn makes the guy feel he can use the girl, and that shes not maturely looking for a serious relationship. There are good guys that given the opportunity of an easy woman, will treat her the way she presented herself, he doesn't always have to be a jerk/user 24/7 to begin with. I believe there's a fine line between how a women presents herself, and allows herself to be treated, compared to "most" guys just looking to use any women they come in contact with. Smart women that respect themselves, dont have the same issues the OP described. Desperate women, that jump into bed the first date, will always end up bitter towards men. She will label all men as pigs, but conveniently leave out the part of the story of her being so willing.
paleblue Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Here's something I do know about men in general. If: *He says that he's been burned and doesn't want commitment *He wants you to drastically physically change yourself *He says he's too busy at work to be a good boyfriend for you and only ever wants you to come over late at night, or meet him at bars * You haven't met his friends * He asks what the term boyfriend entails * He wants to start things out "casually" (sex) and see where it goes: He's not that into you. There's nothing you can do. Don't waste your time! Hope that helped. Heart, AU. I think this can go both ways also, men AND women. Bottom line is if your love interest exhibits these behaviors...Do yourself a favor and not waste your time because you're not going to change them!!!! If someone Really wants to be with you they will be.
Insanitylater Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 (edited) If someone Really wants to be with you they will be. Which leads to why everyone plays the 'hard to get" or "pretend im busy" game. people withdraw to make the other person pursue and show genuine interest Edited October 9, 2010 by Insanitylater
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 somewhat disagree with this one. Some guys (usually insecure) don't like their gf's meeting their friends especially if they are so-so in the looks dept and their friends are somewhat better looking or hotter than himIf a guy isn't that into their gf's looks, they're not all that into them. Good list AU.
sagetalk Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Here's something I do know about men in general. If: *He says that he's been burned and doesn't want commitment *He wants you to drastically physically change yourself *He says he's too busy at work to be a good boyfriend for you and only ever wants you to come over late at night, or meet him at bars * You haven't met his friends * He asks what the term boyfriend entails * He wants to start things out "casually" (sex) and see where it goes: He's not that into you. There's nothing you can do. Don't waste your time! Hope that helped. Heart, AU. AU, if that's how you feel then I guess the Alpha's are out, you're a smart girl . I only disagree with one of those and I put a strike through it. If a guy tells you to change yourself by getting healthier (loosing weight, sleeping more, stop smoking/drinking), then I'd say that's a great sign that he IS into you. If he wasn't into you for a LTR he couldn't care less, would say nothing (or whatever you want to hear), have sex with you, then dump you.
gypsy_nicky Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If a guy isn't that into their gf's looks, they're not all that into them. Good list AU. ???? I was saying if the guy is unattractive and insecure he wouldn't want to introduce his gf to his friends because they might steal her.
dispatch3d Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 AU, if that's how you feel then I guess the Alpha's are out, you're a smart girl . I only disagree with one of those and I put a strike through it. If a guy tells you to change yourself by getting healthier (loosing weight, sleeping more, stop smoking/drinking), then I'd say that's a great sign that he IS into you. If he wasn't into you for a LTR he couldn't care less, would say nothing (or whatever you want to hear), have sex with you, then dump you. what part of telling a girl she needs to get hotter is alpha? Lol. That's a pretty clear sign of a guy being shallow, unaccepting, or manipulative (probably all 3). But like, don't get fat!
theBrokenMuse Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I only disagree with one of those and I put a strike through it. If a guy tells you to change yourself by getting healthier (loosing weight, sleeping more, stop smoking/drinking), then I'd say that's a great sign that he IS into you. If he wasn't into you for a LTR he couldn't care less, would say nothing (or whatever you want to hear), have sex with you, then dump you. She meant change physical appearance (seeing a person as a fixer upper of sorts). If someone sees the 'potential' for a person to be hot in their eyes with some tweaks here and there, then they aren't exactly seeing that person as someone who's beautiful in their own right in the here and now.
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 ???? I was saying if the guy is unattractive and insecure he wouldn't want to introduce his gf to his friends because they might steal her.Now I understand. But then he'd be happy to intro her to some of his family, namely sibs to start out with, unless they're all whacked upside the head.
sagetalk Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 She meant change physical appearance (seeing a person as a fixer upper of sorts). If someone sees the 'potential' for a person to be hot in their eyes with some tweaks here and there, then they aren't exactly seeing that person as someone who's beautiful in their own right in the here and now. I thought girls had that one exclusively. "He's a bad boy, but I can change him :love:". It's disgusting really. Maybe a few guys do that, but it's mostly having them dress sexier or lose weight. I don't see that as a big deal.
tigressA Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I thought girls had that one exclusively. "He's a bad boy, but I can change him :love:". It's disgusting really. Maybe a few guys do that, but it's mostly having them dress sexier or lose weight. I don't see that as a big deal. I have a really good friend whose ex-BF would complain that she never dressed "for him". She's really petite, with goddess curves and porcelain skin, with a crazy punk-pixie hairdo. She exclusively dresses in jeans and t-shirts, and it suits her. It ticked me off when she told me about that because I thought, "He knew exactly what she was like when he got involved with her, and then he had the audacity to claim he was unhappy with it? Give me a break."
GooseChaser Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I would like to add to your point about the guy wanting you to change something about yourself, and share my experience. I think minor changes, like dressing cuter, or losing a BIT of weight, are not a big deal. However, what I do think is a big deal is if a man criticizes me a lot, not only about my physical attributes, but more importantly, WHO I AM. The guy I am dating right now isn't that into me, and it shows, because he is always telling me I need to change to seem older, whether in dress or in behavior. I don't mind dressing sexy for a man and I would do that. However, if a man hates something as core in who I am as my youthful, carefree behavior, I am not willing to change myself drastically just to make him happy. Just the fact that he is so critical and rarely mentions what I do well says it all, and it's a huge red flag. Other signs that he isn't that into me include: he tells me he isn't that into me and doesn't want us to get too close (the best way to know), he encourages me to date other men, and he makes me feel alone and disposable. It's clear that nothing is going to come of this; it's a shame he won't give it a chance, but maybe it's for the best. I have a first date with someone new today. Hopefully all goes well!
AD1980 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 ???? I was saying if the guy is unattractive and insecure he wouldn't want to introduce his gf to his friends because they might steal her. What true "friend" would try to do that? And if a women leaves you for your friend just because hes hotter then consider yourself lucky you dodget a bullet of being with a whore
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If a guy isn't telling the world about your relationship, he's not that into you. As an example, Pyro and CE. Plenty of trumpeting and blatancy there, even before the two met.
tigressA Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If a guy isn't telling the world about your relationship, he's not that into you. As an example, Pyro and CE. Plenty of trumpeting and blatancy there, even before the two met. There are some people who would prefer to keep things close to the vest, at least in the initial stages, though this would have to be agreed upon by both parties. BF and I mutually elected to keep things partially under wraps for now due to several factors, but I still have met several of his closest friends/colleagues and now maintain a friendship with them all. They know the nature of our relationship. IMO if one insists over the other that the relationship be kept private, then they're not that into you. Especially if they don't give you a reason explaining why, or the reason sounds like total BS. Like "I don't want my ex to feel hurt; they're really fragile". Ugh!
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I've yet to experience otherwise Tigress. There are usually reasons why people keep things under wrap and most often, they're reasons you're not going to like.
tigressA Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I have always thought that sometimes there are legitimate reasons for electing to not boast to the world about your relationship, and it can also run to a matter of personal preference. Personally, I don't even tell most of my friends when I'm dating someone new, until some time has passed. That's why I'm glad I found this forum; I post here to get unbiased advice about my dating experiences. When BF and I started seeing each other it was him doing all the boasting--to friends, coworkers, etc. It actually made me a little uncomfortable.
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 It's interesting to use the word "boast". If you're really happy with your partner, you're going to express it. I recall you strongly expressing/boasting about your current partner.
jerbear Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 This is very interesting. I do exhibit some of what AU's list when I don't like someone. I now tell the person I'm interested in my schedule and why I can't see her. Sometimes it is work related or a function she has no interests. Most of the time it is me going out to alumni / networking / fund raisers and I would like her to come along. I don't know but I personally like to have my date come with me. Maybe because I'm biased and that I like the woman?
tigressA Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 (edited) Well yeah...but at the same time, I don't know any of you on LS in real life. I was much, much more secretive with my other friends. So it was kind of daunting to know that he was telling people he knew well, worked with, hung out with, etc, about me when we weren't even really established and didn't know each other well at all. They even knew what I look like (he told me he had shown some of them my Facebook pics). When I met his 3 close friends/coworkers last month, they all said they had seen my picture(s), heard "so much" about me, it made me feel a bit weird. I guess because I'm not the type to do that with close friends, at least not so early on in the relationship. Edited October 9, 2010 by tigressA
jerbear Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 When I met his 3 close friends/coworkers last month, they all said they had seen my picture(s), heard "so much" about me, it made me feel a bit weird. I guess because I'm not the type to do that with close friends, at least not so early on in the relationship. It can be weird. I've introduced a now recent ex, to friends. Now that is an ex, it can be weird for friends to ask. It is not easy when it is early in the "relationship" or meeting.
tigressA Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 It can be weird. I've introduced a now recent ex, to friends. Now that is an ex, it can be weird for friends to ask. It is not easy when it is early in the "relationship" or meeting. Precisely. I also think there are "degrees" when it comes to disclosure/introductions on either side. This relates to what I posted earlier. Telling friends, introducing to friends, etc--important, yes. Now family--that's on a whole other level. It's a huge deal. Especially in my present case and others like it.
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