Scottdmw Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I'm curious what people would suggest as far as practical things a man can do to become more attractive to women. I'm talking practical things here that a man can actually change if he is willing to take action, so not something like “get taller”. However, I would open it up to major changes and difficult things like for example changing careers or working to acquire new skills, things that might require a significant amount of time and energy to do. Let's assume that we're not talking about a man who is seriously lacking in any area, of course if a man is emotionally needy, out of work, really out of shape, addicted to something, etc. he needs to work on that. We're talking about an average normal man without any obvious problems who would like to be better. I would like to encourage people to be practical and specific. For example, if you think a man should be more “confident”, what exactly do you mean by confident? How would a man go about becoming that way, what daily actions and steps can he take? What would be an example from life where a man was confident in the way you suggest? I would also be really interested to hear examples from your life where whatever your suggestion is worked. For example, for women responders, if you say “be yourself” is there an example where a man was doing this where you felt very attracted to him, where you wanted to date him as a result? Or, for men responders, if you suggest “improve your sense of humor”, is there an example from your life where you did that and noticed a change in how women responded to you? It would also be interesting if people could include how much difference they think a particular thing makes. For example if a man were to work out at the gym and get more muscular(not to an extreme), is that going to make a small, medium, or large change in how attractive he might seem to most women? If a man started making significantly more money, would that make a small medium or large change (or none at all)? Hopefully you get the idea. Scott
Disillusioned Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 You think women are actually going to tell us that? My short answer: get rich first.
TouchedByViolet Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I got a few tips and they are from my personal experience... 1 - Dress nicely/Hygiene. If you are on a date or just out, wear fitting clothes that look good on you. Pick a color that enhances your looks. This can be a huge boost in attractiveness. 2 - Have a physical activity you enjoy doing at least once a week. It is fun to be athletic, and women like a man who isn't sedentary. This is directly very healthy for you, and indirectly a decent boost in attractiveness 3 - Smile more and make eye contact. This can be very beneficial in determining and obtaining initial interest
Feelin Frisky Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 (edited) ...if you think a man should be more “confident”, what exactly do you mean by confident? How would a man go about becoming that way, what daily actions and steps can he take? What would be an example from life where a man was confident in the way you suggest?... I'll try to tackle the piece I quoted from your OP. I think what appeals to women about men in this regard is a man's apparent readiness to ACT in situations which demand action and act in ways that are consistently honorable. It's not something that the ladies follow a script on and consider objectively as in actually deciding what confidence is and when it is being asserted honorably or admirably by a man. It's like physical attraction--something of body language above mere appearance that quickly registers on the mind without ritual pre-consideration. Does a guy act expediently to do the right thing with no apparent insecurity? Or does he hesitate and sometimes fail to fill his boots on time because he is uncertain--a trait which in mere body language is interpreted as "fearful"? So, "confidence" is body language--a dialog beneath any dialog. To many men this is a matter of nature that they don't have to think about. They just are what they feel they need to be in this regard. They know when circumstances demand decisiveness and action and "do". To many others it is not so fluid and natural. It may be to their credit that they turn introspective when times for action knock. But the sub-dialog of body language projects a question mark instead of an exclamation point which registers as a no rather than yes in the natural sub-dialog inside a woman's feelings. How does one change this about himself? For one start making it a practice and an ethic to be first or among the first to speak up in social situations like say, in meetings on the job. Determine to circumvent nervousness by getting initial exposure out of the way so that one is engaged in dialog rather than obsessing about when to speak up. It works to overcome butterflies in the gut. It IS a large question of whether a man is of substance and what he says appears considered and considerate. I don't quite know how to instruct someone for whom this is problematic. But making it an ethic to be informed and always stay that way makes for the ready availability of substance in what he says, how and how soon he says it (and whether or not he' appears flushed with social panic in doing so). Edited October 7, 2010 by Feelin Frisky
alexlakeman Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Make yourself into eye candy for the women. Go to the gym, get a solid six pack, shoulders, arms. Easier said than done. That would probably be were I would personally improve. Once you look good your confidence goes up and it's easier to talk to women.
In The Green Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I'll echo the guys about hitting the gym. I love a man in shape, however that doesn't necessarily include muscles - I'd be happy with him being just skinny/fit. Too many men and women are letting themselves go soft and getting what I call the American Round face (and gut?). I'm a sucker for bone structure what can I say. If you don't have any hobbies/special interests...getting some would be great too. I love guys who are really into stuff outside of their jobs. A person with no interests besides tv, drinking and work is a bit of a turnoff. There is so much more to life! Then find the gal who loves all the same stuff you do and have a blast together. Dressing well and having a good sense of fashion style can be a plus with some women. It doesn't have to cost you a lot of money either if you learn where to shop. My brother is straight but has a fantastic sense of style and always has women flocking around him. To balance interior/exterior advice I would say raise your vibration. Make the time to do things that you love and make you happy. A person who is enjoying their life is extremely attractive. People will notice this positive glow about you and be naturally attracted to it. This will help both professionally and in dating. Keep an open mind and a generous heart.
EasyHeart Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 IME, the easiest thing you can do to make yourself more attractive to women is to dress well. I notice this just in the different reactions I get from women when I'm in my work clothes (lots of attention) versus when I change into jeans and a hoodie when I walk from my office to the gym. It's almost comical. You don't have to be a fashion plate, but teach yourself about styles and fit and fabric and get yourself some nice outfits. Checkout magazines like Esquire and GQ for examples of looks to go for, and just keep your eyes open for guys who have a good sense of style, and copy what they do. Figure out what kind of look works for you, and give yourself a style. Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man. Exercise is good if your particularly chubby or scrawny. But IME, if you're basically fit, most women don't particularly care if you have a 6 pack or 20 inch biceps. But beer bellies or stick figures can be a big turnoff. Confidence will come naturally once women start noticing you.
SteveC80 Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Dont worry about "confidence" asl ong as your nto the extreme oppsoite that cant look women i nthe eyes, its a meaningless overused word in the dating world that women put on Men theyre sexually attracted to.. I was an insecure mess when i was young but because women were attracted to me i still did well. You cant force attraction,women are just as visual and shallow as Men the idea you can magically make women who arent attracted to you attracted is a huge myth, but theyres women out there attracted to you already you just have to find them which might be harder for some then others.
Knittress Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I don't have a lot to add to the slew of good advice already offered, but I'd like to suggest taking a class or learning a new skill. Being a dude who's growth-oriented is HOT. (rawr)
KraftDinner Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 (edited) I'm a woman. How a man dresses is WAY more important than men seem to realize. I'm not talking spending a zillion dollars. But... if you live in a big metropolis, and are trying to attract urban women, you really should invest in some stylish, quality shoes. That probably won't be a big deal for small town women, I don't know. Clothing is more important to most women than whether or not your body is toned. BTW, I'm aware that men who ask questions like this never seem to believe the answers. I've told two single male friends lately that they need to upgrade their wardrobes (they way they dress is a TURN-OFF) and they think I'm being silly... probably because they don't care what women wear and are more concerned with women's bodies underneath their clothes. But they don't seem to understand that it's not exactly the same thing and I really think they'd do well to listen to me! Edited October 7, 2010 by KraftDinner
laRubiaBonita Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 most of the already listed things are good. here are my suggestions: have a nice smile and just smile more. smiles are great! it makes a pesron seem much more approachable and send the message that you are happy. additionally, make sure your teeth look decent if you are gonna be all smiley (no spinach or pepper pieces stuck in them) be able to hold a conversation with anyone being able to speak to and communicate with anyone and everyone is a skill, practice with the elderly, with kids, women, men... etc... have some subject matter in mind so you never 'run out of things to say'.... the best thing is to ask questions- the favorite subject of many people is themself. always have a few funny/ non offensive jokes memorized- that you are able to tell well a good- clean and funny joke that can be told and delivered well is a great weapon to have in your arsenal. learn how to be Handy around the House it may seem sexist- but it's true. learn how to unclogg a drain, learn how to change the oil in your car, learn how to do at least some minor repairs.... it will not only save you money- but i love it when a guy can fix things! Be a good cook have at least a few good recipes that you know how to cook by heart. hamburgers and mac & cheese are not to be included on this list . know what spices are like- use spices. Clothes if you are in public your clothes should fit you and they should 'fit' the genre of where you are at (work, at play, etc..), not be ratty looking, not have holes or stains, and not look like you found them wadded up on the floor in the dark.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I'm a woman. How a man dresses is WAY more important than men seem to realize. I'm not talking spending a zillion dollars. But... if you live in a big metropolis, and are trying to attract urban women, you really should invest in some stylish, quality shoes. That probably won't be a big deal for small town women, I don't know. Clothing is more important to most women than whether or not your body is toned. BTW, I'm aware that men who ask questions like this never seem to believe the answers. I've told two single male friends lately that they need to upgrade their wardrobes (they way they dress is a TURN-OFF) and they think I'm being silly... probably because they don't care what women wear and are more concerned with women's bodies underneath their clothes. But they don't seem to understand that it's not exactly the same thing and I really think they'd do well to listen to me! Dressing well would be a case of "acting" as opposed to punting which I covered in my previous post. How a man dresses is reflective of his preparedness to face life's challenges. This is a body language cue that most people don't do a hard-check on a script for. It's just an immediate read. Does a man look considered and considerate or are his apparel choices an afterthought or a mere necessary evil? It all gets factored into impression of who a guy is. So, dudes need to dress well not necessarily just to build a neat and appealing personae but preventively allay women's impression of a weak constitution.
2sure Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Watch where you part your hair if you require a part. Have a pro advise you and do not stray from it .
redmelon Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 brush and floss your teeth daily. have fresh breath. cut your finger and toe nails often and NEVER let them be long, dirty or jagged do not have dry crusty heels or elbows - use lotion. use chapstick or lip balm so you don't have crusty, cracked and rough lips. stop wearing tons of cologne, and probably update your scent or discontinue using cologne altogether. Many men's colognes smell cheap and instantly put me off, I find. do not use tons of gel in your hair that makes it look pointy, hard and spiky (I see this all the time) it's very out of fashion and has been as long as Friends has been off the air. Do not tuck tshirts into pants. Do not wear a tucked in shirt without a belt. Do not wear white socks. Start there, as it seems lots of men have problems with basic tasks such as these. Hope I helped!
SteveC80 Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Watch where you part your hair if you require a part. Have a pro advise you and do not stray from it . People still part their hair? I havent seen that since the 90's
2sure Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Yeah, they DO and I find it disturbing and distracting.
GorillaTheater Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 People still part their hair? I havent seen that since the 90's Yeah, they DO and I find it disturbing and distracting. Oh boy. I part my hair on the left. My kids tease me that I've had the same haircut for the past 30 years, and they're probably right (though at least I still have all of my hair). Maybe it's time to think about something different. As sort of a subset of this thread, what hairstyles (appropriate for a 48-year-old guy) are attractive?
redmelon Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 that really depends on what you look like, what shape your face is, and how much hair you have. You would do well to have a consultation at a reputable salon and ask their advice. Be open and willing to make a change, get out of the rut!
2sure Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Maybe it's time to think about something different. As sort of a subset of this thread, what hairstyles (appropriate for a 48-year-old guy) are attractive? Well, clearly people over 40 such as ourselves cannot and should not attempt to mimic trends. The best look for you is the one that works for you ...and at a certian age you should have found that. But thats not to say that change should not be accepted and embraced. Right? Go to a pro. Not the same pro that cuts your teen's hair. Not a barber. Do it today.
GorillaTheater Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Talked me into it (though frankly I have been tossing around the idea for a while). I'm a cheap bastard, so I'm not too keen on spending more than 12 bucks on a haircut. But still.
welikeincrowds Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I'm all about parting hair. I don't do it myself, but I can't say that parted hair has ever really gone out of style, for the past century. I can think of a look involving parted hair for every decade, and I bet you could too, if you gave it a minute. What I see a lot of right now is 80s-early-90s inspired cuts, and also a resurgence of 50s slicked hair, and you can probably thank Mad Men for that one. But I digress. As long as you don't look like a slob, I would say that the eye contact + smile combo makes the most impact in simple attraction. Being attractive to the point where someone entertains the thought of a conversation with you isn't the hard part, or the thing you have to make any lifestyle changes for, I would say.
2sure Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I'm a cheap bastard, so I'm not too keen on spending more than 12 bucks on a haircut. But still. No problem. We can start a fundraiser thread and collect money for updating GTs Part. Have each of your kids kick in a buck and you'll just about have the 50 you need.
D-Jam Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Physically, here's what I think: 1) Do some regular activity. You don't have to be some chiseled athlete (unless you're going after women who want athletic types), but women are not deeply into couch potatoes. Be healthy, be active, and be interesting even. So you perhaps hike in the mountains rather than on a treadmill. That's two pluses in my opinion. 2) Dress well. This does not mean you have to run out and buy Diesel Jeans and $200 t-shrits, but it does mean you might want to invest time in magazines like GQ and Details, as well as look around the windows and see what turns you on in fashion. You could think your baggy jeans, polo shirt, and sneakers are "fine", but compare that to the guy in boot cut jeans with an interesting shirt, nice shoes and jacket...and wonder why the women pass you up. Experiment! Wear a hat, wear a jacket. Try things that might look interesting and yet will make you stand out from the pack. Even if someone pokes fun, be confident and stand by your decisions. If some guy persists and tries to make you look like a clown, then point out how bland his own sense of style is. Point out how you prefer to be an individual than a sheep like him. Women will love the confidence...and think the other guy is insecure. 3) Hygene and hair. I always found it funny when I go to street fairs. I'll see women all decked out to go out, while the guys look like they rolled out of bed. Even on big bar days like St. Patty's or a football game, the girls always seem to look better than the guys. I'm not assuming this because I'm a guy, but I see it. If you have hair, take some time to style it up. Ask your hair dresser if he/she has ideas for you. Have a style that compliments you, is modern, and doesn't make you look like a politician or newscaster. Now if you don't have hair (or are losing it) then don't do the combovers or horseshoe. Buzz it off and use it to your advantage. Not every woman is using "hair" as a requirement...but a shaven head or "setting 1" shave looks better than a Homer Simpson horseshoe. Mentally...it comes back to the confidence and gaining social skills.
Recommended Posts