make me believe Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Who brings a bottle of vodka for themselves to someone's house on the third date...? I'm not uptight, I don't claim to have any class, and I'm a seasoned drinker... but even I think that's tacky. If you are having a white trash night in with your best female girlfriends, maybe. Third date? No way. He sounds like an alcoholic. I agree! I didn't think he sounded too bad from the first post, but after hearing the details of it I think you should let him go, LoveLace. Why are you guys drinking on EVERY single date anyway? And showing up to your place with a bottle of vodka for himself? Seriously?? Additionally, you seem way too invested in this guy considering you've only been on three dates with him. He has "everything you need in a man," really?? How do you know? After three dates (three dates in which you've both been drinking), how well do you really know this guy? Idk... if I was trying to impress someone I certainly wouldn't show up to our third date with a bottle of vodka in my hand.
Star Gazer Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I haven't found the niceness to be too much for me. He spoils me in ways and says things that I've always wanted a man I like to do or say. It's a change that I'm enjoying a lot. In my past I've always wasted time wishing that other guys would do or say the things he does. It's so nice that he does it all without me having to ask for any of it. And I do my best to show appreciation. But he barely knows you. How can you believe any of it is sincere?? Who brings a bottle of vodka for themselves to someone's house on the third date...? I'm not uptight, I don't claim to have any class, and I'm a seasoned drinker... but even I think that's tacky. If you are having a white trash night in with your best female girlfriends, maybe. Third date? No way. He sounds like an alcoholic. Now see, when Spook is telling you somethin' ain't right when it comes to drugs or booze, you should listen. You know I love you Spook.
Author LoveLace Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Our first date was only 3 beers. 2nd date was pizza and football with beer but we only drank 1-2 with our food. It's not as though all of our time together has consisted of being wasted. When he was coming over, I asked him to bring me beer for watching a movie (but I had no intention of getting "drunk" and I didn't). He asked if I wanted vodka...I said no but to bring some for himself if he wanted to. I didn't know it would make him act like a huge dork. The extent of it was that he was trying to be funny when it wasn't funny at all. It got on my nerves. But with a few beers this didn't happen. So his explanation was that he was trying too hard to be funny; I already think he's a funny guy so he doesn't need to go the extra mile for that. When he did it was annoying. Since we've talked about it now I'm hoping he will learn from that, and hopefully this won't become a pattern. If it does I will lose interest. It's not like he was drunk and ready to go streak the neighborhood or something crazy; so I'm trying to focus on the things I like about him and not let this break the deal. When I say "everything I need" I'm talking about basics. Very intelligent, VERY good stable job, very generous to me, and fun to be around (if he's not getting on my nerves, apparently). But if his fun side continues to become just an annoyance, none of that will matter, sadly. I really like him and I'm not ready to fully judge him on this yet. However he's more invested than I at this point. I like him a lot right now with the exception of one day that leaves me a little confused. I do have a date for next week because I'm obviously not ready to stick with this one even though I want to believe he's a keeper. He told me from the start he likes to spoil women and he's more than proven that to be correct. He waits on me hand and foot. Tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and that he is liking me a lot already. I can already tell he is the type to never leave the side of someone he loves no matter what. And ultimately that is what we all want...so I'm bumming out if I have to hurt him. But i'm trying to give this another chance in hopes that I won't have to. At the same time, I want to leave my options open for now because it's too early not to.
waynebrady Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 It seems you don't actually like the guy. You only keep him around because he as you say worships you. But that's a common scenario though...
Art_Critic Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 If every date or activity you guys do has alcohol involved and or revolves around alcohol then it is a pattern and one that you may want to watch. A person with a drinking problem will never see it your way.. "why can't we just go out once and not drink or get drunk?" "Do you always have to drink or get drunk every time we go someplace or cook out?" It really is all up what you are up for.. if your lifestyle fits his then go for it.. but if his lifestyle is at odds with yours and you won't change then it is time to call this off for just different people with different likes/dislikes..
Author LoveLace Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 I am a social drinker. Our meetings haven't involved drinking just because he drinks. It just appears he might be more prone to binge drinking than I am...in my 20s I was a huge binge drinker. I'm just lighter weight now because I don't like rough hangovers or slurring my words. Now I always stop just before I feel "buzzed" because that is all I need to be content. But I might be finding out he is not that way, which I may or may not confirm when I see him again. And again, our first 2 dates were no more than 3 beers each. And the 1st was because many people "have drinks" for a first date. The 2nd was because it was pizza/football day and we each had 3 beers all day long. This is not a drinking problem by any means. But if he binges on vodka again and acts like an idiot, that's when I likely walk. He's already promised me that he won't act like that at the festival tomorrow. That's great, but we'll see if he meant it...I"m hoping I don't feel annoyed by him again because I would really like to see if it can work between us.
Philetus Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 He doesn't handle alcohol well. ... Is there potential for me to help modify his behavior? What do I say to him? I don't want to lose him yet because he worships me and has everything I need in a man! It's this one thing! Help... I believe that if you really like someone but they do something that annoys you, you talk to them about it. They may not even be aware it's a problem and be responsive to your opinion. Successful relationships require communication, flexibility, and compromise (among other things). I don't think you throw away someone that makes you happy if you haven't even tried to address any issues between you. When you talk to him, try not to be critical but positive. It's not that his drinking annoys you as much as you prefer him sober.
Author LoveLace Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 I believe that if you really like someone but they do something that annoys you, you talk to them about it. They may not even be aware it's a problem and be responsive to your opinion. Successful relationships require communication, flexibility, and compromise (among other things). I don't think you throw away someone that makes you happy if you haven't even tried to address any issues between you. When you talk to him, try not to be critical but positive. It's not that his drinking annoys you as much as you prefer him sober. I agree with all that. And we have already talked about it, and he's pretty responsive so far in apologizing for his behavior and for owning up to it as well. But I'm also starting to realize it might not even be about alcohol; it could just be I'm learning that our personalities are not compatible, even though they seemed to be very much so at first, this has me wondering. Just saying there's a possibility alcohol has nothing to do with it and we just clash as characters. I'm attracted and he has a huge list of things to offer. Plus he makes me laugh and he can't keep his mind off of me (which has been more than clear coming from him). I've wanted all this in one package for soo long now. So I will be really bummed weather it's alcohol or compatibility that made me think "ew" for a minute. Either way I won't be able to keep him based on those Because I don't want someone too goofy on the juice, nor do I want a mismatch in personalities...obviously. But up until this little problem I didn't see a mismatch in sight. I think spending the day with him tomorrow will help my confusion (I hope). Thanks to everyone and I hope a good report comes back.
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