spiderowl Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I really struggle with getting to places on time so I can say what it feels like from the inside. I have every intention of getting there on time, so I allow myself enough time, then I put off doing something necessary for a little while thinking I've got plenty of time, and then before I know it I'm rushing to do things in order to get there. If anything crops up at this point which delays me at all, then I'm late. I don't know why it happens. I feel I miss out by not being at places on time and it's embarassing turning up late so I don't want to do it. I don't think it's passive-aggression as I'm the one who misses out or feels embarassed. If I start getting ready much earlier than I feel I need to, then I get there in good time and sometimes very early, but it feels so weird to set off so early. I'm truly baffled as to why I always end up rushing. It genuinely feels like some sort of time contraction occurs and that last hour disappears in 15 minutes!
tami-chan Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I am late a lot for dates and appointments during workdays...that is why I always have a 30 minute allowance and I let people know I MIGHT be late and when I am running late someone will definitely will be calling them to let them know I am. However, when I am not working or when the date/appointment is not on a work day, I am almost never late. I also do think it is rude to show up routinely late without a very good reason.
Ariadne Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 So.... what does a chronic late person get out of this behavior? He has to be getting something out of it, otherwise the grief he gets from everybody for being late all the time just wouldn't be worth it. I'm usually late for things and I can tell you why that is. Usually I'm very happy doing whatever it is that I'm doing prior to the time I have to leave. So I have no inclination to get up and go somewhere because "the time has come". I usually go places when I feel like it, but when there is a time it always seem to be at the wrong time.
Author ComeUndone Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Why would he change? From what you describe, it sounds as if you, his family, or his friends have all tolerated his behavior. He has no consquences for what he does; he knows you'll simply all put up with him. When you stop tolerating the behavior and letting someone else determine whether you get frustrated or not, then he'll change. Talking about it and talking about it some more obviously doesn't work, only actions will. You don't HAVE to put up with it if you don't want to; you just have to be willing to change your own behavior first. Yeah he doesn't have much to deal with in the way of consequences, but frankly even if he did, I seriously doubt he would ever change anyhow. I think even if I left him over this it probably wouldn't make a difference. I imagine he would think 'my next girlfriend will have to be someone ok with my schedule, that's all' ...rather than realizing how his actions affect me and making a conscious decision to work on his tardiness. I'm not saying it's a deal breaker but I do get really upset about it at times. Generally I internalize it because it's not like having a conversation with him is going to change anything, and I know that's not really doing anything for me. When I internalize it starts becomes evident that something is on my mind, and eventually he'll drag it out of me, only to follow up with "I wish you would tell me when issues come up" .....really? Because when I do, nothing changes. So I know it's on me to decide if I can live with it or not. Been doing it for several years already so he's obviously doing other things right. Just wish I could understand how his brain works sometimes and how to not be so affected by this. Like Carhill says, irrespective of his company I need to enjoy doing my own thing. I'm working towards that.
Author ComeUndone Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 (edited) Quote: Originally Posted by alexlakeman I am habitually late , all the time. I just procrastinate, wait till the last minute to get ready, try to squeeze in one more thing I need to do. What can u do? Lol, can't teach an old dog new tricks. I think this is what your bf's problem is. However, I 100% agree with you that the laidback, inconsiderate, self-centered, "What can you do?" attitude is ****ing obnoxious and frustrating as hell. I think you're right about this but I think there's a bit more self-focus going on with him... I think there are plenty of occasions where he knows damn good and well how late it's getting and he still f***s around until he's decided it's the right time to leave, regardless of any previously discussed time. This is the particularly annoying aspect of his tardiness - the lack of consideration. But this: I'm usually late for things and I can tell you why that is. Usually I'm very happy doing whatever it is that I'm doing prior to the time I have to leave. So I have no inclination to get up and go somewhere because "the time has come". I usually go places when I feel like it, but when there is a time it always seem to be at the wrong time. ...describes him even more accurately. Still inconsiderate. Edited October 7, 2010 by ComeUndone
shlee Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 My SO is also often late...it's really inconsiderate and annoying. It's pretty much always over stupid things too, like he was supposed to leave for work 10 minutes ago, and still isn't dressed all the way, but decides that he's going to turn on his computer and check FB (which is something he could do from his phone or at work). I always know that it is going to take him way longer to get ready to leave than it does me, so when it looks like he's ready I'll say "Are you just about ready?" and he'll say "Yeah, I'm ready when you are" and I'll say "Great, I'm just going to go grab my purse and let's go"....and then I'll be standing by the front door with my purse while he changes his shirt, goes to the bathroom, messes around with his hair for 5 minutes, looks for his shoes, veerrrryyyyyy sllooooooowllly puts on his shoes (he is NEVER in a rush), looks for something to eat in the car, takes out the trash, loads the dishwasher, then asks me, "Do you think we should take the dog for a quick walk?" while I'm fuming and wondering why, if he felt these things needed to be done before we left, he didn't do them 20 minutes ago instead of messing around on his computer.
Recommended Posts