Serenitynow Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I enjoy mingling when I'm in a social situation meant for mingling and I'm there to mingle and I'm open to mingling. So once again we are sent back to picking up women at bars, clubs etc. Even though 99% of women say they cant stand being hit on when they go to these places Is anyone surprised at how everything is always a contradiction with most women(especially when theres a paper trail to refer back)
sanskrit Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 OP mentioned book stores and grocery stores, not bars or clubs. Bars and clubs are social atmospheres where people specifically go to interact with other people. And the reason I mentioned bars and clubs is that it is a common topic that comes up "Why o why don't men understand that I am not in a bar to be hit on?" Not really. It's a cultural thing. In Eastern Europe, strangers don't even smile at each other. If I lived in most parts of Eastern Europe, I probably wouldn't have a lot to smile about generally. JK on that, but yes, out on the street is different. People aren't obligated to talk to strangers on busy urban streets, no argument. In a place where people are standing around or sitting, different story entirely. Bristling at a polite stranger approaching in that environment is a sign of the character flaws I posted previously. No one is obligated to talk all day if they don't want to, but we don't carry magic bubbles of "keep away unless you are totally hot" around with us in day to day activities. If you want to chat someone up, go to a bar or coffee house. No, if being spoken to politely by a stranger annoys one so much... stay home. There are no "special bounds" in public in open, safe places where an expectation of no contact from strangers is reasonable. One certainly has the right to be able to terminate the contact at will, but not to be annoyed that a stranger merely spoke. It's silly to expect people to go to "designated zones" to be able to approach and speak to others.
sweetjasmine Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 So once again we are sent back to picking up women at bars, clubs etc. Even though 99% of women say they cant stand being hit on when they go to these places Is anyone surprised at how everything is always a contradiction with most women(especially when theres a paper trail to refer back) Good lord. I said I. Me. As an individual. Of course my preferences are sometimes going to contradict other women's preferences. I never go to clubs and I rarely go to bars. Go ahead and quote someone else saying they do those things and then rant about how women are always contradicting themselves.
sweetjasmine Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 In a place where people are standing around or sitting, different story entirely. Well, if you want to get pedantic, people aren't standing around if they're grocery shopping. They're actively engaged in a task. Same goes for reading a book. Bristling at a polite stranger approaching in that environment is a sign of the character flaws I posted previously. No one is obligated to talk all day if they don't want to, but we don't carry magic bubbles of "keep away unless you are totally hot" around with us in day to day activities. There's a difference between a polite stranger saying something and someone hitting on you. I regularly get stopped and asked for directions by tourists. I help them out every time, even if I'm in a rush. That's different from a person trying to "hey baby, *wink*" me when I'm trying to remember whether I ran out of oregano or parsley.
carhill Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 The innocent social interaction presents an opportunity for either party to note the other, and perhaps to see the other as standing out from the background of the world going by. If no interaction, then this potential will never occur. It's just a potential. It might be a beginning; it might be an end. It might be ten seconds out of one's day. Who knows?
Feelin Frisky Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I'm not one for "picking up" women. I just think one needs to be fast on the draw if they give you cues. I admit I have been "picked up" by females--for instance twice on the subway in NY while standing and holding the pole (dressed in my flattering suits) I would mutter contempt for the train stopping between stations or a false start or something. Fast on the draw chicks asked me immediately "what?" I wasn't even looking at them. I turned fast on the draw too and surely didn't bitch about the train or tell them I was just expressing my consternation with the motorman or brakeman. It was "nice day for a subway ride, don't ya think?"
sanskrit Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Well, if you want to get pedantic, people aren't standing around if they're grocery shopping. They're actively engaged in a task. Same goes for reading a book. There's a difference between actively traveling from point A to point B and merely doing something. We are engaged in some activity 24-7, even if that task is sleeping... if you want to get pedantic. There's a difference between a polite stranger saying something and someone hitting on you. There might be. But most of the people one approaches in public are approached in the same way, "Hi, noticed you are..." "Excuse me..." No one here is advocating tolerance for rude approaches such as catcalls or "Hey baby." That's different from a person trying to "hey baby, *wink*" me when I'm trying to remember whether I ran out of oregano or parsley. Disingenuous, as no one is advocating rude approaches. Neither is anyone claiming one is obligated to maintain contact, just that it is childish and privileged to be annoyed at the contact itself, that a person somehow has a force field that turns off and on based merely on the how welcome the approach is.
Crazy Magnet Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Welcome to the mind of most females I gave you a big list of places to talk to women and you seem to have ignored them completely! We can't help it if you don't pay attention when we give you the info you ask for.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 It's honestly a matter of how I'm approached that determines my pleasure or displeasure at the idea. I accept that, once I leave my house, I am "in the public." I have no illusions or "rules" as to where I should or should not be approached as that is out of my control anyway. An approach such as carhill's is one I would never rebuff, regardless of where I am, and how busy I am. Yes, how attractive I find him also plays a role. If he approaches with a cheesy line, a swagger and a "hey, girl," or a predatory look in his eye, then I will never be pleased with that approach regardless of how he looks.
Mad Max Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 If he approaches with a cheesy line, a swagger and a "hey, girl," or a predatory look in his eye, then I will never be pleased with that approach regardless of how he looks. This has Will Smith written all over it.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Do you realize how in the minority that line of thinking is for females *shrug* It may or may not be; I haven't polled any women to determine the veracity. If it is, well, then add my love of first-person shooters, my height and job in high-tech to "other things that aren't typically female," either. Which is why putting an entire gender in a box and making proclamations about them is always a fallacy in thinking.
Crazy Magnet Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 An approach such as carhill's is one I would never rebuff, regardless of where I am, and how busy I am. Yes, how attractive I find him also plays a role. If he approaches with a cheesy line, a swagger and a "hey, girl," or a predatory look in his eye, then I will never be pleased with that approach regardless of how he looks. This. But it's rare that I encounter the guys like carhill and more often that I encounter the guys with the cheesy line. And I quote: Me: (just being friendly) Whew, it's hot! Guy: Cause you're here!
sanskrit Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Me: (just being friendly) Whew, it's hot! Guy: Cause you're here! Hope you reply, "But it's gettin real chilly fast."
Crazy Magnet Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Hope you reply, "But it's gettin real chilly fast." I believe the look on my face created a glacier. Anyways, the point of that is women can be approached in a lot of different places but guys screw it up because they go for the lame-o skeez approach rather than the "Hello I am a normal human being" approach.
carhill Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Additionally, such interactions are great information for both genders about who the other person really is. It's really cool to get that information right at the beginning. Wow. IMO, it's all about perspective. We *choose* how we view stuff, including casual social interaction.
sanskrit Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I believe the look on my face created a glacier. Anyways, the point of that is women can be approached in a lot of different places but guys screw it up because they go for the lame-o skeez approach rather than the "Hello I am a normal human being" approach. I just ask them if they'd like to be in a movie and give them one of my fake Dreamworks business cards with notes like "call steve with production schedule" scribbled on the back.
Chocolat Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I accept that, once I leave my house, I am "in the public." I have no illusions or "rules" as to where I should or should not be approached as that is out of my control anyway. This. Plus, flirting is fun! What's wrong with a little banter while waiting in line at the grocery store or wherever? That's not to say it will all lead to a date, but I tend to find myself in conversation with people -- male and female -- all the time. If something comes of it...
Crazy Magnet Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 This. Plus, flirting is fun! What's wrong with a little banter while waiting in line at the grocery store or wherever? That's not to say it will all lead to a date, but I tend to find myself in conversation with people -- male and female -- all the time. If something comes of it... This could be a geographical thing. Down here in the South we talk to anybody and everybody all the time. I know the life history of the cats of the women who checked me out at the grocery store last week. I could have a conversation with a light post and nobody would think anything of it. Head to NYC and it's every man keep to him and avoid others at all cost. There is no banter in the grocery store line. People will think you are trying to con or rob them. It was hard for me, as a southern girl, to adjust to this way of life when I first moved up there.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 This could be a geographical thing. Down here in the South we talk to anybody and everybody all the time. I know the life history of the cats of the women who checked me out at the grocery store last week. I could have a conversation with a light post and nobody would think anything of it. Head to NYC and it's every man keep to him and avoid others at all cost. There is no banter in the grocery store line. People will think you are trying to con or rob them. It was hard for me, as a southern girl, to adjust to this way of life when I first moved up there. I'm a Southern girl, too, and people are just plain friendly in the South. I am used to chatting openly with cashiers, fellow customers, passersby. From the tiny Southern town my mom is from, pretty much every driver on the road waves at drivers passing in the opposite direction! Sure, there are times I just don't want to be bothered. But most of the time, I find flirty conversations in unexpected places to be much more charming than those that take place in meet market situations. I find the randomness of it romantic and exciting.
Seamless74 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 To the O.P. Dont listen to a goddamn thing most of the girls on this thread are saying... Plenty id say if not most girls would love it if a nice, attractive guy stop and took a moment to appreciate them... Matter of fact i say screw the majority of the female responses on this thread its your perogative as man to talk to whomever you feel like whenever you feel like just to get your own rocks off... Lets see thats why half of every romance novel and love story has these two lonely strangers hitting it off at all the places you mentioned... U know? And seriously ladies going to the mall or buying a ****ing grapefruit is not a mission ok... its just not.. if your married got 5 kids work 80 hours a week o.k. whatever but if seriously takes that much mental stock to accomplish those rather simplistic tasks then well you really dont need to be talked to anyway.. But my main message to the O.P. is i would recommend trying to talk to the ones who at least give you some type of prolonged eye contact before hand, But still even then you do have a pair between your legs and hair on your chest and maybe your face so in my book that makes you a man so if you see a beautiful lady out and about and you wanna make her day or your own you do what the hell you please just be prepared to deal with any potential consequences,, although in truth you really shouldnt worry too much about those either,,,
bac Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 You should have someting real in common to talk about. It should not be like you are a horny guy who hits every attractive moving target in the grocery store.
tami-chan Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 People always make small talk with me. I think I have a very non-threatening presence-must be the height..lol..! It is not uncommon for older folks to talk to me in a loud,very slow, deliberate manner, ex: "DO....YOU....KNOW...WHERE...THE ...BATHROOM....IS?"-always makes me wonder if they think I'm deaf or do not speak English or both . When I answer them in English, I can actually hear their sigh of relief and I get a pat on my arm as they walk away...really sweet..!
Mad Max Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 People always make small talk with me. I think I have a very non-threatening presence-must be the height..lol..! It is not uncommon for older folks to talk to me in a loud,very slow, deliberate manner, ex: "DO....YOU....KNOW...WHERE...THE ...BATHROOM....IS?"-always makes me wonder if they think I'm deaf or do not speak English or both . When I answer them in English, I can actually hear their sigh of relief and I get a pat on my arm as they walk away...really sweet..! You're Asian?
sweetjasmine Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 This could be a geographical thing. It is. It's a cultural thing, which is why I mentioned the way people act in Eastern Europe. In some places, you're a rude a-hole if you don't chat with strangers, and in other places, you're a psycho if you do. I grew up right outside NYC and come from a culture where people are suspicious because of the very common con games strangers play on gullible people. Even if you're not in that environment, you tend to stick to the patterns you've already developed. Not to mention, certain experiences might reinforce or chip away at those patterns. I had my "I don't like it when strange men come on to me" pattern strongly reinforced recently by a man who saw me alone out in public, sitting by the lake. He tried to hit on me in a very forward way, and I felt creeped out by it. He ended up sitting 10 feet behind me, watching me the whole time, and when I felt threatened enough to leave the area, he started following me until I managed to get to a spot where I was out of view so I could get away without him seeing where I went. I really don't mind small talk of the type carhill described, but I very rarely initiate it. It can be nice sometimes. I just don't like it when people I don't know hit on me. I don't give a flying f- what people write in romance novels - the fact of the matter is that I've never given my phone number to a stranger who approached me in a store and I highly doubt I ever will. But I'm just one person. There are other women who enjoy it.
D-Lish Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 The bottom line is that it always depends on who it is doing the approaching. If you find them attractive and they do it in the right way, it most likely won't come off as creepy and it will be welcomed. There have been times where I've seen a really attractive guy, we've made eye contact and I'd hoped he'd say hello. Sometimes they do, more often than not, people won't. Unwanted attention from much older guys or much younger guys? Seems to happen more frequently.
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