alexlakeman Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 .,... let's say the supermarket or just at a barnes and noble , for example? How has a guy approached you that's been successful and hasn't freaked you out? I'm talking about adults, not kiddies at the mall, lol... Just wondering.... slow evening, lol...
Kinder-Horror Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 lol. Depends on if he's cute and if I am or am not wearing pajamas. ((Also, side note: don't approach her at Barnes and Noble if she is reading. All my gfs agree that a girl reading is not an "in" for you to come and ask her what she is reading and then hit on her. It's annoying.))
Lemontang Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Side note: don't approach her at Barnes and Noble if she is reading. All my gfs agree that a girl reading is not an "in" for you to come and ask her what she is reading and then hit on her. It's annoying. lol, I've done this twice and gotten two for two. Granted they were both reading books by authors I really enjoy. But if it was Twilight or Harry F'n Potter then these girls would have had no chance.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Both of the guys in line behind me at the grocery store today were flirting. Normally, this would have been great, except I was not expecting to be flirted with this afternoon, and was certainly not dressed for it. I also had some junk food on the belt (rare indulgence for me), which I would not have done if I'd known two cute guys were gonna be chattin' me up. Then I went to Home Depot to get some closet shelves, and SIX different men working there asked me if I needed help. This is why I love going to the Home Depot. So yeah, normally, I love the random flirts. And the bookstore is one of my very favorite places for flirting. I think it would be the perfect place to meet a lover.
Kinder-Horror Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 lol, I've done this twice and gotten two for two. Granted they were both reading books by authors I really enjoy. But if it was Twilight or Harry F'n Potter then these girls would have had no chance. Haha - I guess it just depends on the person and the situation (again... if he's cute, I probably wouldn't mind!) But usually, I HATE it. Usually because I am actually really trying to read (I am talking about sitting and reading, not browsing the bookshelves - thats fair game)! But granted, none of the guys that have ever approached me have asked me about my book - just said "what are you reading?" and then proceeded to hit on me. *sigh*
Star Gazer Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Although it honestly happens to me all the time, I never end up actually having a conversation with them or give them my number. Like, ever. I think I'm just so focused on my "mission" of whatever I'm doing (grocery shopping is a sport; reading takes me to my special place ; and don't even TRY flirting with me mid-workout ) that I don't respond favorably to being approached at those places. I'm not rude or anything (well, except at the gym maybe), just more...indifferent.
Mad Max Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 If the guy is hot, it doesn't matter what the setting is.
sweetjasmine Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 So yeah, normally, I love the random flirts. And the bookstore is one of my very favorite places for flirting. I think it would be the perfect place to meet a lover. I'm the opposite. I don't respond well to being approached by people in grocery stores, department stores, bookstores, etc. If I'm at one of those places, I'm running errands, not looking to flirt and be picked up by someone. I'm usually on a schedule and want to get whatever it is done and then leave so I can move on to the next thing on my to do list. Though I'm not rude or mean to people who might approach me, I do get kind of irritated by the more persistent ones. And, no, it doesn't depend on what he looks like.
make me believe Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I agree with Star and Jasmine. Usually I'm just focused on what I'm doing so any attempt at flirting just catches me off-guard and is distracting. It doesn't freak me out or anything, but often I feel like I just don't have time for this crap right now.
Kinder-Horror Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I'm the opposite. I don't respond well to being approached by people in grocery stores, department stores, bookstores, etc. If I'm at one of those places, I'm running errands, not looking to flirt and be picked up by someone. I'm usually on a schedule and want to get whatever it is done and then leave so I can move on to the next thing on my to do list. Though I'm not rude or mean to people who might approach me, I do get kind of irritated by the more persistent ones. And, no, it doesn't depend on what he looks like. So <insert celebrity of your dreams here> hits on you at the grocery store and you seriously will walk away because of your mission? We are all on a mission when we are running errands but I'm telling you if Josh Duhamel approaches me at the bookstore, he'll get my attention
FearandLoathing Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Usually I hate it. HATE it. I don't go out shopping to be hit on or picked up. I guess it's the way guys do it, like the ones who I have recognized as hitting on me have been really lewd and disgusting about it. The guys who are friendly, I just assume they're being friendly and don't think anything else of it.
Author alexlakeman Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Lol, I had always heard that hitting on a woman at d bk store or grocery were great places, but the women here seem to disagree. I wonder if this is why so many women in our societ are single. I mean who cares if your hair is up on a pony tail, or your buying junk food, or you are dressed in gym attire. I would assume if the guy is hitting on you that he likes what he sees. But you don't want to be bothered lol
Author alexlakeman Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 If the guy is hot, it doesn't matter what the setting is. Omg and all this time I thought you were a guy!
Serenitynow Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 It doesn't freak me out or anything, but often I feel like I just don't have time for this crap right now. So where is a good place to talk to a woman according to your opinion? This is what kills me. People ask this question on here over and over. Women constantly answer with the majority saying they dont really like it. The problem is, these same women never give their opinion on where they do enjoy mingling. Is there EVER a good place to have a guy approach you?
Crazy Magnet Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Approach me at a social event or during a leisure activity, not when I am on a mission for a grapefruit! If I'm actively reading a book at BN don't try then either. If I wanted to talk to someone I wouldn't have my nose in a book. Chat me up in a park, while walking my dog (bonus points for playing with the dog), while hiking, at a group meet-up type thing, a restaurant, a community lecture, a zombie walk, a birthday party of a mutual friend, listening to live music, at an art show...do I need to keep going? If I'm involved in an activity where I have time to stop and enjoy flirting then I'm all for it. If I am clearly standing there at Home Depot confused as to what bizarre home product I need to purchase to fix whatever has fallen apart on my house, then feel free to a) help and b) flirt. The helping me with my issue is going to get a guy farther than flirting with me while I am frustrated trying to pick out nails. I do not, however, need help selecting my fruit.
Pleco Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 If the guy is hot, it doesn't matter what the setting is. This. If I'm really attracted to someone, which is very rare, I will stop and talk to them no matter what I'm doing. I think that most girls are the same way, even if they claim differently. But the chances of someone I'm attracted to just walking up out of the blue and chatting me up are approximately a million to one...so most of the time, yes, I am creeped out and annoyed when approached at a B&N while reading.
carhill Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 If the guy is hot, it doesn't matter what the setting is. Yep, that's pretty much been my experience, relevant to the situations where/when I've been perceived that way. When the lady considers the man attractive (subjective 'hot'), venue is irrelevant. The key IME is approaching in a way which allows the 'attractive' part to precede the 'annoyed he's in my space' part. Tricky, for me anyway.
Author alexlakeman Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Yep, that's pretty much been my experience, relevant to the situations where/when I've been perceived that way. When the lady considers the man attractive (subjective 'hot'), venue is irrelevant. The key IME is approaching in a way which allows the 'attractive' part to precede the 'annoyed he's in my space' part. Tricky, for me anyway. How the heck do you approach then?
sanskrit Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 It used to be communal practice that there was a speaking tradition of engaging most of the people one saw during the day, if only a tip of the hat or a "Good afternoon." I much prefer that to the "isolation bubbles" we carry through our daily lives today, and blame it on the automobile and lax social norms among other things. The general level of people's social skills and expectations is abysmal today. If you are truly in a hurry, some brusqueness is understandable, but if you are browsing in a store, the book store for example, or in a bar or club (which used to be called "public houses"), getting annoyed at being approached by anyone other than oversolicitous clerks or very attractive people is a sign of self-centeredness, a privileged attitude and poor socialization. If you want to be alone and isolated, go home. Of course this doesn't apply once you have been engaged by a stranger, made it clear you aren't interested in social/sexual interaction with them, and yet they persist. Mr. Manners
carhill Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 How the heck do you approach then? I usually focus on product, like at the store, scanning my list, then the product area and making product-oriented comments or questions like 'have you ever tried this?' or 'I thought this was on sale' or similar. I actually learned some of this from women who've approached me in stores, since I did a lot of the grocery shopping when I was married. Nothing wrong with being friendly and asking people non-personal questions. If they aren't ammenable, no harm done. More items still to shop. Also, reading body language is helpful. Some women are closed and focused; others are more relaxed and just 'wandering' and 'looking'. I tend to have better success with the latter. I also meet women a lot when traveling, either on airplanes, in airports, hotels, shuttle buses, or just wandering around. Striking up conversations is easy if one is friendly. Again, no investment. No harm, no foul. I don't discriminate. I really don't care about their relationship status. At that point, I'm not going ask them on a date; it's merely a social interaction. So far, in life, I've found women to be pretty open to friendly approaches where it's obvious the guy isn't 'hitting' on them. The next part is transitioning that, which, now that I'm nearly divorced, I need to start working on again. Rusty tools
sweetjasmine Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I wonder if this is why so many women in our societ are single. I'm not single, and he didn't pick me up in any store. I mean who cares if your hair is up on a pony tail, or your buying junk food, or you are dressed in gym attire. I would assume if the guy is hitting on you that he likes what he sees. But you don't want to be bothered lol For me, it's not about how I'm dressed. It's the fact that I'm in the middle of something and generally don't like being approached by people I don't know. The problem is, these same women never give their opinion on where they do enjoy mingling. I enjoy mingling when I'm in a social situation meant for mingling and I'm there to mingle and I'm open to mingling. If I'm at the grocery store picking up some more chicken stock because I completely messed up my sauce and I have to run home and fix it because I'll otherwise have to throw it out and start all over again, no, I don't feel like mingling and chatting about the weather, even if you're Brad Pitt. but if you are browsing in a store, the book store for example, or in a bar or club (which used to be called "public houses"), OP mentioned book stores and grocery stores, not bars or clubs. Bars and clubs are social atmospheres where people specifically go to interact with other people. getting annoyed at being approached by anyone other than oversolicitous clerks or very attractive people is a sign of self-centeredness, a privileged attitude and poor socialization. Not really. It's a cultural thing. In Eastern Europe, strangers don't even smile at each other. I'm not talking about straight up ignoring people or being rude. If you want to be alone and isolated, go home. If you want to chat someone up, go to a bar or coffee house. Nothing wrong with being friendly and asking people non-personal questions. I agree, this is different. I don't mind strangers making some sort of comment or asking a question, but once the interaction is over, I go on my way.
carhill Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I don't mind strangers making some sort of comment or asking a question, but once the interaction is over, I go on my way. Yes, I recall doing this with a seatmate on one of my trips overseas and ended up with someone who turned out to be native to the country insisting his family take me from the airport to a hotel and make sure my visa was registered and I was safe. He happened to be a man, but women can and have been just as friendly and generous. Not everything is about romance, sex, and 'hitting' on people. My perspective is things happen as they happen. If the lady moves on, accepted. I hopefully enjoyed the interaction and that's what life is about, sharing.
Author alexlakeman Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Oh forget it, in planes I'm like the women! Lol I don't want to talk to any one. I either want to sleep if it's an international flight, read , or do some work on d laptop. I guess I'll have to start putting my book down when I fly. Lol
sweetjasmine Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Yes, I recall doing this with a seatmate on one of my trips overseas and ended up with someone who turned out to be native to the country insisting his family take me from the airport to a hotel and make sure my visa was registered and I was safe. He happened to be a man, but women can and have been just as friendly and generous. That was very thoughtful of him. Oddly enough (or maybe not ), I'm more open to talking to people on airplanes and long-distance trains. I've met some interesting characters. And since neither of us is going anywhere, chatting can be a nice way to pass the time. Not everything is about romance, sex, and 'hitting' on people. My perspective is things happen as they happen. If the lady moves on, accepted. I hopefully enjoyed the interaction and that's what life is about, sharing.
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