Allisha Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Men aren't mind readers, so unless you communicate with them and tell them what you like sexually, it probably will be a little boring.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm going to be honest here-and say that if the roles were reversed (and I hate bringing a double standard into this) and a guy posted the same thing-he'd be an ahole. Plain and simple. Guys don't get away with ignoring calls like women do, women label a man such as this as 'needy' 'forcing contact' and women label men who ignore their calls as 'players' 'users' 'aholes.' In all honesty, you don't have to pick up the phone. You can send a text. But it's easier to just hide away and wallow while this guy worries over what he's done wrong, right? I really don't get it, because if it was the other way around, you'd be up in arms about it. There'd be no excuses for ignoring you/avoiding you, at the end of the day, it's immature. We ALL have times like this, some of us just choose to face up to them and be honest rather than crawl away and not say a word. First time sex is always awkward, and I'm not making excuses for him, but maybe you aren't emotionally connected enough for that kind of intimacy? Maybe you're just not compatible-whatever it is, you owe him to be honest. If you need time or want to slow things down, tell him so. If you'd never like to see or hear from him again, tell him so.
sweetjasmine Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Great post, Kamille. I suspect this goes back to what I've said before. SACWA/OG relies on men for external validation, regardless of whether she actually likes them in return or not. I suspect she had sex to obtain that validation, not because of how she felt about him. Yeah, but it seems that when she does finally get that validation, she gets completely turned off and disgusted. I agree with Anne - I feel sorry for the guy. I bet if he hadn't even called after all this, she would be flipping out about his low interest and about her performance instead of his.
Sivok Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 The guy obviously doesn't feel comfortable around you. You intimidate him and it's unattractive to you. I wouldn't be surprised if you next tell me he seemed much cooler/more confident at first glance. I also assume he oversold himself to you. I also would not at all be surprised if he feels that lack of connection as well but is trying to force it to work due to desparation and being hard on himself. I mean 5 calls and voicemails? You def sound like you need an assertive man both in/out of the bedroom, but be careful... Those are the types most likely to break your heart
Woggle Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm going to be honest here-and say that if the roles were reversed (and I hate bringing a double standard into this) and a guy posted the same thing-he'd be an ahole. Plain and simple. Guys don't get away with ignoring calls like women do, women label a man such as this as 'needy' 'forcing contact' and women label men who ignore their calls as 'players' 'users' 'aholes.' In all honesty, you don't have to pick up the phone. You can send a text. But it's easier to just hide away and wallow while this guy worries over what he's done wrong, right? I really don't get it, because if it was the other way around, you'd be up in arms about it. There'd be no excuses for ignoring you/avoiding you, at the end of the day, it's immature. We ALL have times like this, some of us just choose to face up to them and be honest rather than crawl away and not say a word. First time sex is always awkward, and I'm not making excuses for him, but maybe you aren't emotionally connected enough for that kind of intimacy? Maybe you're just not compatible-whatever it is, you owe him to be honest. If you need time or want to slow things down, tell him so. If you'd never like to see or hear from him again, tell him so. I fully agree and I am honestly shocked at the empathy this guy is getting from the women.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I fully agree and I am honestly shocked at the empathy this guy is getting from the women. I think everyone universally, regardless of gender, knows how it feels to be ignored. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, man or woman. If you're a man, be honest and tell her what's going on, if you're a woman, be honest and tell him what's going on. NEVER assume ignoring someone is the way to go, it's disrespectful, hurtful and immature. The funniest thing, is that when he ignored you, (or very simply took 'too' long to respond) it was wrong. But it was perfectly acceptable to ignore and avoid him because you're a woman. That's the top and bottom of it. But alas, like most people have said, move on from this dude. Let him find someone compatible for him, and let yourself find someone good for you. Also, you need to loosen up on the sex deal. 3 times isn't indicative always of how great the sex will be throughout an LTR, it's often awkward, messy, funny, and it works both ways. If you felt it was awkward, and whatnot, chances are he did too. He probably just had lowered expectations and a realistic view on things to not take it too seriously. I'm going to quote (not verbatim) Feelin' Frisky on this and say that every person's orgasm and enjoyment of sex is their own responsibility. Course, if a partner is a dead fish or a jackhammer (haha) then you may be pot out of luck, but men and women can be taught. People always say everyone is different, everyone's likes and dislikes are varied, and it all depends on the person-what gets one off may not another. So why do people assume that guys just know what gets a woman off if it changes from woman to woman? You have to speak up, tell him, better yet, show him. The onus for good sex is on both of you, as Kamille rightly pointed out.
tincanman99 Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 Tell him he is done. You dont really like him, so be done with it. Repeat after me: "This is not working for me, I dont want to see you" Poof, done. Or you can say: "Your services are no longer required, please see the cashier at the door" . Either way just cut him loose. He called because he figured the vibe was wrong. Good luck, you are going to need it.
donnamaybe Posted October 4, 2010 Posted October 4, 2010 I'm going to be honest here-and say that if the roles were reversed (and I hate bringing a double standard into this) and a guy posted the same thing-he'd be an ahole. Plain and simple. Guys don't get away with ignoring calls like women do, women label a man such as this as 'needy' 'forcing contact' and women label men who ignore their calls as 'players' 'users' 'aholes.' In all honesty, you don't have to pick up the phone. You can send a text. But it's easier to just hide away and wallow while this guy worries over what he's done wrong, right? I really don't get it, because if it was the other way around, you'd be up in arms about it. There'd be no excuses for ignoring you/avoiding you, at the end of the day, it's immature. We ALL have times like this, some of us just choose to face up to them and be honest rather than crawl away and not say a word. First time sex is always awkward, and I'm not making excuses for him, but maybe you aren't emotionally connected enough for that kind of intimacy? Maybe you're just not compatible-whatever it is, you owe him to be honest. If you need time or want to slow things down, tell him so. If you'd never like to see or hear from him again, tell him so.You nailed it. There is absolutely NO WAY for any guy to do anything right.
Recommended Posts