lizzy22w Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 So in this day and age, there seems to be only lying, cheating you-know-whats of men and women. I know I am one of the few good women left, but who else feels like there are not many who are willing to commit to just one person? Who has the same principles as they did in the old days? Who believes in taking vows seriously (even if you are just dating)? What are your views, and what do you look for? State your opinions and everything else about this matter here.
callingyouuu Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 So in this day and age, there seems to be only lying, cheating you-know-whats of men and women. I know I am one of the few good women left, but who else feels like there are not many who are willing to commit to just one person? Who has the same principles as they did in the old days? Who believes in taking vows seriously (even if you are just dating)? What are your views, and what do you look for? State your opinions and everything else about this matter here. While very liberal in other ways, I'm "old-fashioned" in terms of relationships (especially for my age). I date one person at a time. When I get married, outside of infidelity, nothing will make me consider divorce/separation. I think courtship and involving our mutual families is important in a long-term relationship, after the initial phases of a relationship are over. However, I don't think we're the only ones. It might just be the crowd I hang out with, but I find there to be quite a few of us around.
Woggle Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Not many. I really feel bad for good women like you who I admit sometimes do have to pay for the actions of the cheaters and the walkaway wives and the misandrists.
GooseChaser Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I'd say I'm pretty traditional! I date one at a time so I can focus on him, and I will take marriage seriously when it's my time.
AverageJoe Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I am unmarried, live alone, and I have never been happier in my entire life. I see no reason for a relationship or even marriage. There is nothing to really gain from it as a man. I do what I want, when I want, wherever I want, as much as I want, with who I want and answer to no one. I do enough answering at work. I go out and have fun when I want, have sex, meet new people, and see places some people never get to see. I also stay home when I want and do absolutely nothing if I choose. No one yelling at me to get up when I want to sleep in. Its absolutely great! I dont have to worry about being cheated on or anyone cheating on me. Not to mention the financial gain from it. So in this day and age as you put it, that is where I am. You say you are one of the good ones. According to who? What constitutes a good one? What principles do you speak of, you didnt go into detail. Nah, I dont need a good one. I am happier than I have ever been.
Gattica Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 So in this day and age, there seems to be only lying, cheating you-know-whats of men and women. I know I am one of the few good women left, but who else feels like there are not many who are willing to commit to just one person? Who has the same principles as they did in the old days? Who believes in taking vows seriously (even if you are just dating)? What are your views, and what do you look for? State your opinions and everything else about this matter here. I am at the same point as you are. I am sure there must be some "old fashioned" style men left...I just have not met them! I think far too many people today use the line(s) about not being obligated or owing someone they are dating anything and I don't believe that. I feel I am owed respect and honesty from date one, even if it doesn't go further than date one. I also I am looking for someone that is upfront with how they are feeling about me and the situation. I am sick of the games that are played. It seems as though I either come off as clingy or indifferent. If I let a guy know I am interested =clingy. If I am willing to call him and even set a date up = clingy. If I let a guy initiate most interactions = I am not interested. If I don't wait around for a phone call or have to cancel something for a good reason = I am not interested. I feel way too many people don't treat each person they encounter as an individual and instead have these fast and steady rules on what it means if someone acts a particular way and respond accordingly. Hell, I have no idea how to work the dating scene anymore. It is extremely frustrating at this point and my walls are up. I have a difficult time trusting what I am being told seeing as the last few men I have dated told me what they felt I wanted to hear and in actuality, where not being honest. I always land up finding out the truth. Why waste someone's time? ARGH!! [/rant]
AverageJoe Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I feel I am owed respect and honesty from date one, even if it doesn't go further than date one. I felt the need to respond to this. Respect isnt given, it is earned and I dont care who it is. I treat everyone as a human being with cordial mannerisms and politeness I may interact with. Until I get to know someone I dont respect them any more than a common stranger. So this 'treatment with respect' falls on deaf ears here. Dates or not.
Gattica Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I felt the need to respond to this. Respect isnt given, it is earned and I dont care who it is. I treat everyone as a human being with cordial mannerisms and politeness I may interact with. Until I get to know someone I dont respect them any more than a common stranger. So this 'treatment with respect' falls on deaf ears here. Dates or not. My definition in regard to my post is as follows: "to show consideration for; treat courteously or kindly". I don't see anything wrong with that and I think all people deserve to be treated in such a way. It is how I treat others and how I expect to be treated.
crfsti Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I'm a guy who thinks he's pretty darn old fashioned (maybe a little too much at this day and age) when it comes to dating, i like to open doors, pull out chairs, lend her my coat if she's cold, etc. for girls. Yet I'm still single at 27, I sometime feel like I'm a second-hand watch in a digital age. I always wonder if I would of had better luck with women if I would of been born in the 1930's, 40's or 50's.
Mad Max Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 The truly good ones don't need to promote it. Their actions speak louder than words. If I let a guy know I am interested =clingy. If I am willing to call him and even set a date up = clingy. If I let a guy initiate most interactions = I am not interested. If I don't wait around for a phone call or have to cancel something for a good reason = I am not interested. First off, letting a guy know you're interested and willing to set up a date does not make you clingy. I'd rather a girl do that than play hard to get and expect me to do everything. But, I do agree with the last part(somewhat). If you expect me to initiate most contacts, I am going to lose interest.
Author lizzy22w Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 I am unmarried, live alone, and I have never been happier in my entire life. I see no reason for a relationship or even marriage. There is nothing to really gain from it as a man. I do what I want, when I want, wherever I want, as much as I want, with who I want and answer to no one. I do enough answering at work. I go out and have fun when I want, have sex, meet new people, and see places some people never get to see. I also stay home when I want and do absolutely nothing if I choose. No one yelling at me to get up when I want to sleep in. Its absolutely great! I dont have to worry about being cheated on or anyone cheating on me. Not to mention the financial gain from it. So in this day and age as you put it, that is where I am. You say you are one of the good ones. According to who? What constitutes a good one? What principles do you speak of, you didnt go into detail. Nah, I dont need a good one. I am happier than I have ever been. Well honestly...good for you! at least you are not telling someone you want a commitment, when you know that you don't. I would rather more men be honest, like you, than try to play a game. Seriously...I give you major kudos. I'm a guy who thinks he's pretty darn old fashioned (maybe a little too much at this day and age) when it comes to dating, i like to open doors, pull out chairs, lend her my coat if she's cold, etc. for girls. Yet I'm still single at 27, I sometime feel like I'm a second-hand watch in a digital age. I always wonder if I would of had better luck with women if I would of been born in the 1930's, 40's or 50's. I cannot tell you how many times I have said the same thing. LOL.
carhill Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 So in this day and age, there seems to be only lying, cheating you-know-whats of men and women. I know I am one of the few good women left, but who else feels like there are not many who are willing to commit to just one person? Either it's (commitment) in you or it's not. IMO, it's a socialized and role-modeled instinct. It is the rest point for the object in motion. The good news is that most people reveal who they are quite early, so, once you see they are not on your path, it's easy to diverge clearly, but you must be willing to act decisively on what you experience. One perspective is to see people not as 'good' and 'bad', but rather 'compatible' and 'incompatible'. A person who does not share your perspective on commitment is incompatible in that regard. This pertains to their suitability for an intimate relationship, as opposed to conformance with societal norms and customs, which is a separate issue. Yes, there are some 'good' ones left. Using the analogy of the child, the 'good' child is quietly in the corner playing with their toys and the 'bad' child is throwing things, raising hell and otherwise occupying everyone's time and emotion. Guess what and who those children grow up to be and which you will always notice more.... Good luck
ascendotum Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I feel way too many people don't treat each person they encounter as an individual and instead have these fast and steady rules on what it means if someone acts a particular way and respond accordingly. I agree with this, and reading the posts on LS, tends to reinforce it.
leftfordead2 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I'm a guy who thinks he's pretty darn old fashioned (maybe a little too much at this day and age) when it comes to dating, i like to open doors, pull out chairs, lend her my coat if she's cold, etc. for girls. Yet I'm still single at 27, I sometime feel like I'm a second-hand watch in a digital age. I always wonder if I would of had better luck with women if I would of been born in the 1930's, 40's or 50's. Might not mean much to you, but I find those actions you mentioned really sweet and thoughtful. I would definitely appreciate that.
Eeyore79 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I also only date one person at a time, and I expect my partner to do the same. I don't agree with multi-dating; it seems kind of disgusting to be kissing several people at the same time, never mind sleeping with them! If you genuinely like someone, then you should respect them enough to give them a serious chance without dating anyone else - and if it doesn't work, then move on and date someone else afterwards. I don't believe in divorce; I think if you make an informed decision about who to marry, and put in the effort to work on your marriage, then divorce shouldn't be necessary. Even if your marriage isn't working, you've made a vow and you owe it to the other person (especially if kids are involved) to make it work. Divorce should be the exception, not the rule; it should be an absolute last resort in situations where something un-fixable has happened, such as infidelity. I expect a man to be polite and gentlemanly, occasionally bring flowers etc, and in return I am happy to take the feminine role and look after him, make his dinners etc. I expect him to behave decently, be honest about our relationship and about his intentions, and not mess me around. I also expect the relationship to be going somewhere in the long term; to me, dating is a process of finding the one person you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with, so I wouldn't appreciate it if a man strung me along with no intention of ever marrying. I refuse to play stupid games or beat around the bush. If I want to see him, I will call him. If I like him, I will tell him. I will always treat him respectfully and respond to his communication in a timely manner, so I expect the same from him. If being honest and respectful like this is too much for him, then he can get lost, because he's obviously not the one for me if he can't handle a direct approach. If he attempts to play stupid games with me, I will lose interest - I don't want a man who messes me about. Perhaps this is an old fashioned perspective - I must admit, I am also not a great believer in things like having children out of wedlock either (I don't condemn anyone who does it, it's just not for me). Like others have said, perhaps I would have fared better with dating in an earlier era where more people shared my honest and respectful approach to relationships.
EasyHeart Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Speaking as an insufferable ass, I think the answer to your question is: "NO!"
crfsti Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Might not mean much to you, but I find those actions you mentioned really sweet and thoughtful. I would definitely appreciate that. Well, your one of the few at least where i come from.
Lovelybird Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I was not a multi-dater, but I am brainwashed right now, that I should do multi-dating, without kiss and sleeping with any of them, this way I can know which kind of guy suits me
SilentVoice Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I am unmarried, live alone, and I have never been happier in my entire life. I see no reason for a relationship or even marriage. There is nothing to really gain from it as a man. I do what I want, when I want, wherever I want, as much as I want, with who I want and answer to no one. I do enough answering at work. I go out and have fun when I want, have sex, meet new people, and see places some people never get to see. I also stay home when I want and do absolutely nothing if I choose. No one yelling at me to get up when I want to sleep in. Its absolutely great! I dont have to worry about being cheated on or anyone cheating on me. Not to mention the financial gain from it. So in this day and age as you put it, that is where I am. You say you are one of the good ones. According to who? What constitutes a good one? What principles do you speak of, you didnt go into detail. Nah, I dont need a good one. I am happier than I have ever been. This sounds like the life... good for you.
eerie_reverie Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 The good ones looking for long-term commitment tend to get snagged up pretty fast. In my social cirlce, no, there are not too many good ones left. I have watched almost every one of my friends cheat on a SO.
Knittress Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Might not mean much to you, but I find those actions you mentioned really sweet and thoughtful. I would definitely appreciate that. Seriously! I'd flash a big smile, bat my eyes, and then hold the next set of doors open for HIM.
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 There are tons of "good ones" left. But they get overlooked for the bad boys and then when the ish hits the fan, they wonder where the good men are.
Sphere Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I'm not old fashioned or new wave when it comes to relationships. When I am with someone I am fully committed to that person, I will not stray, I will not lust after other women. She has my loyalty, my focus and my commitment. It's just finding a Great woman is difficult at the moment. I think there are good women and men around, you just have to find them and find the ones who want you as much as you want them.
crfsti Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Seriously! I'd flash a big smile, bat my eyes, and then hold the next set of doors open for HIM. Where have you ladies been all my life
Knittress Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 One of the "few good women?" I find this critical and ungenerous attitude offputting, even if I generally agree with you. I often suspect that people who think they are more special than everyone else might be somewhat delusional, as people tend to see the world (good or bad) as they themselves are.
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