Chitowngirl Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 So I was going to meet a guy from match.com tonight. Yesterday he emailed me saying he'd call me around 5pm today to 'schedule our meeting'. Well 5pm came and went and at 8pm he texts me saying he's here (he lives 2.5 hours away and was coming to my town to visit his brother) and wants to know when I can meet him tonight. This seems inconsiderate to me. Is this a typical move when guys arent really that interested? We have never talked on the phone and his emails are very brief with little personality. He's a 33 yr old single dentist if that sheds any light...How should I respond?
GooseChaser Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Yeah, it was a bit inconsiderate. Hehe, maybe being a dentist, he gets used to doing things on his time. On the good side, I'd think that a dentist would be dedicated, hardworking, and educated. At least he didn't expect you to meet him right when he called. That would have been very short notice and rude, especially when he had said he would arrange that earlier with a call. Have you arranged a time to meet him tonight? Still, don't wait around the phone if they don't call you. Just keep going and getting things done so it doesn't become a problem for you. You could also give him a call if he forgets to call you at a time that he schedules. Again, it was bad of him, but try not to let it get to you too much this time. If he does this again, then it might be a bigger issue, but maybe this was just a lapse in memory. Just go out to meet him tonight at a time you two agree on and have a great time! Myself, I would respond by letting it slide this time, or mentioning briefly to him that you were expecting a call at 5 pm and were disappointed to be left hanging for three hours. I wouldn't make it into a huge deal though. Again, it would be more serious if this turned into a bad habit of his.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 "Oh hey, I didn't hear from you so I made some other plans. Sorry. Maybe some other night." 20-30 minutes past 5? Ok. 3 hours? Uh uh. If you accept this behaviour you're setting the tone for all of your interactions (and possible relationship) to come. We teach people how to treat us, so teach him that you find what he did unacceptable. If he's interested he'll attempt to reschedule (whether or not you accept is up to you), and if he's not, then he won't.
Author Chitowngirl Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 Thanks. Yeah, I pretty much said what you did. I'm not meeting him. On to the next one.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Thanks. Yeah, I pretty much said what you did. I'm not meeting him. On to the next one. Good for you! Next!
carhill Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 'You should have called at five like you said you would. My chair is busy.' EOS. Next.
sanskrit Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Will go against the grain here and say you should have asked him why he didn't call at five, and if he apologized or had a good excuse, cut him some slack. Dentists can have some really rough days and get sidetracked. For all you know he may have had emergency patients come in with all sorts of nasty problems. As far as cursory Emails and limited phone before the first meet, what would you prefer, that or the big bad wolf huffing and puffing sending you 10 texts a day, calling constantly, professing feelings? Your dentist guy is showing signs of emotional stability and common sense by not getting all wound up before the first meet. Those are the good ones, not the "lover boys."
carhill Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 OP, good point and something to consider. *If* Dr. Dentist had *called* at 8 and *apologized* for not calling at five and asked you if you were still available this evening, would that have influenced your reaction? I will say it would have influenced my response. As it is, meh, self-indulgent superior being. Incompatible.
Author Chitowngirl Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 OP, good point and something to consider. *If* Dr. Dentist had *called* at 8 and *apologized* for not calling at five and asked you if you were still available this evening, would that have influenced your reaction? I will say it would have influenced my response. As it is, meh, self-indulgent superior being. Incompatible. Yeah, I was hoping he had a great excuse. But he said, "Sorry, I decided to spend time at home getting things together and forgot to call you at 5pm. I'll be out with my brother if you want to meet up later tonight." Ok and during your 2.5 hour drive it didnt dawn on you to text me or call? Just rude. No thanks.
carhill Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 OP, as a point of clarity, please include this kind of information in the OP in the future. It adds to the complete picture. Not saying it would *change* overall opinion, but having more information is a good thing, IMO. Have a great weekend!
Author Chitowngirl Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 Will go against the grain here and say you should have asked him why he didn't call at five, and if he apologized or had a good excuse, cut him some slack. Dentists can have some really rough days and get sidetracked. For all you know he may have had emergency patients come in with all sorts of nasty problems. As far as cursory Emails and limited phone before the first meet, what would you prefer, that or the big bad wolf huffing and puffing sending you 10 texts a day, calling constantly, professing feelings? Your dentist guy is showing signs of emotional stability and common sense by not getting all wound up before the first meet. Those are the good ones, not the "lover boys." lol I wish this was the case.
Author Chitowngirl Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 OP, as a point of clarity, please include this kind of information in the OP in the future. It adds to the complete picture. Not saying it would *change* overall opinion, but having more information is a good thing, IMO. Have a great weekend! what information? I didnt know how detailed to be. I hate the very long posts. I just wanted to know if this guy (who is UGLY by the way and I was giving him a chance b/c I typically only date very attractive guys...they're all the same *tear tear*) was a jerk.
sanskrit Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I just wanted to know if this guy (who is UGLY by the way and I was giving him a chance b/c I typically only date very attractive guys...they're all the same *tear tear*) was a jerk. Ahh, you did the right thing then by not meeting him, but has nothing to do with his not calling at 5.
LoveLace Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Way rude, good job to you. I had a guy once that only texted me when he wanted to see me that very night, but nothing in between. Then he actually had the nerve to be aggravated when I had plans already. So I finally told him not to expect a gal to be available on such short notice for him. DUH.
brainygirl Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 It was inconsiderate, but I thought the whole "I'll call you at five" thing was weird to begin with. I suspect the man has social skills issues. Or, perhaps lack of social skills issues.
spiderowl Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Yes, it's pretty thoughtless. He's not taking your schedule into consideration much if he expects you to jump and meet him at short notice when he feels like it. Er ... I wouldn't.
carhill Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 what information? I didnt know how detailed to be. I hate the very long posts. I just wanted to know if this guy (who is UGLY by the way and I was giving him a chance b/c I typically only date very attractive guys...they're all the same *tear tear*) was a jerk. This, in the OP: Well 5pm came and went and at 8pm he texts me saying he's here (he lives 2.5 hours away and was coming to my town to visit his brother) and wants to know when I can meet him tonight. Evolved to this: But he said, "Sorry, I decided to spend time at home getting things together and forgot to call you at 5pm. I'll be out with my brother if you want to meet up later tonight." See the difference?
Author Chitowngirl Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 It was inconsiderate, but I thought the whole "I'll call you at five" thing was weird to begin with. I suspect the man has social skills issues. Or, perhaps lack of social skills issues. Yeah, I thought that was weird too, and why I added that he was a dentist, as they tend to be socially awkward.
Author Chitowngirl Posted October 2, 2010 Author Posted October 2, 2010 Unless I missed it, why didnt you call him? He had never called me over the months he had my number..and said he would call me for the first time...
AverageJoe Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 He had never called me over the months he had my number..and said he would call me for the first time... Apparently I am missing something, afterall. You didnt put forth any effort?
TaurusTerp Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 what information? I didnt know how detailed to be. I hate the very long posts. I just wanted to know if this guy (who is UGLY by the way and I was giving him a chance b/c I typically only date very attractive guys...they're all the same *tear tear*) was a jerk. You sound very spoiled with an enormous sense of entitlement. Your looks will fade, he will get ever richer. Sounds like you lost out more than him.
CLC2008 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 So I was going to meet a guy from match.com tonight. Yesterday he emailed me saying he'd call me around 5pm today to 'schedule our meeting'. Well 5pm came and went and at 8pm he texts me saying he's here (he lives 2.5 hours away and was coming to my town to visit his brother) and wants to know when I can meet him tonight. This seems inconsiderate to me. Is this a typical move when guys arent really that interested? We have never talked on the phone and his emails are very brief with little personality. He's a 33 yr old single dentist if that sheds any light...How should I respond? So for your first date, he never confirmed plans, but instead drove to your town and texts you he's in your town visiting his brother and for you two to meet up? Ick....
AverageJoe Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 So for your first date, he never confirmed plans, but instead drove to your town and texts you he's in your town visiting his brother and for you two to meet up? Ick.... See that is what I cant figure out. Did he just do a drop in after months of having your number? Or was all of your communication over months of time, only over email or txt, or whatever? For him to drive two hours or more for just email exchanges seems very odd to me. She had his number also, and never called it? Something isnt adding up.
CLC2008 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 (edited) what information? I didnt know how detailed to be. I hate the very long posts. I just wanted to know if this guy (who is UGLY by the way and I was giving him a chance b/c I typically only date very attractive guys...they're all the same *tear tear*) was a jerk. Wait, I totally missed this post. If this is the case, it looks like he did you a favor...(or is it supposed to be "himself"). It's late and I don't think I am phrasing it properly. Edited October 2, 2010 by CLC2008
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