Serenitynow Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 What is the direct, straight to the point answer? If you like a guy, and you play hard to get, or pretend to be busy, what is the reasoning for it? What is the thought process for acting that way? Arent you supposed to let him know you like him? Why this unwritten rule to prolong the mystery? And if you DONT do this, then you dont need to tell me that you dont. I realize on my own that not every female does it. So save it if you just want to say " I dont do this" And if you want to tell me that guys do it too, I already know that as well. However, since I dont date guys, I really dont care what they do or dont do.
Alma Mobley Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I don't think I ordinarily play hard to get so I tried to think of some instances where I may have done what you listed back when my guy and I were first dating. I remember that he called me five days after our first date. It was around 4:30PM. He wanted to know if I wanted to do something. (We lived about 45 mins away from each other.) I didn't like that this was so short notice and I mean, it had been five freaking days since I'd heard from him. I said I was busy -- I think my plans were to get nachos from the taqueria and watch my recording of Battlestar Galatica, but they were still plans. He said, oh okay, and we made a date for later in the week. I didn't think he should not call me for days and then expect me to drop everything for him on short notice. I also hate constant last-minute dates so I didn't want to set a precedent. I'll post about another instance if I think of one.
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Im a guy but ladies do it because they don't want to look easy.
Mystique01 Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I don't think most girls do it to play games. I think most girls do it because chasing a guy never works. Plain and simple. :-/ Plus, usually when a woman is TOO "available" or makes it too easy for a guy, a lot of times guys either take the girl for granted, or they lose interest in her. So, I think after going through this, girls just learn how to be a little more cautious when it comes to guys. I do this now because I was hurt before by a guy who I showed interest in in the past. I made things too easy for him. I was humiliated when he would shun me and then later on try to feed me crumbs in order to keep me interested. It was a constant game to him. So, now days I'm just more cautious. Not mean...just cautious. It's not really a game. We women just have to make sure that the guy is really interested in us before we become overly emotionally invested. Women are just more emotional than men, so we tend to get our emotions involved quicker than men. That's usually why a lot of times you'll see women being more cautious (or playing hard to get) with men. She's not sure if the guy is really interested in HER, or whether or not he's just playing games or making her another "number" in his cell phone. Only time and consistency can prove what his true intentions are. Hope that helped!
GooseChaser Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Every woman's different. For me, I let him know that I like him, but I have to show him that I have a life of my own too, and I'd be just as happy whether he chose me or not. My happiness doesn't depend on him. That takes pressure off of him and makes me seem less needy and more interesting too. Some would use the "hard to get" tactic to lure a guy, because it makes the person look "not easy", like a person of worth who they would want, and a challenge, so it could make the chase more interesting for the guy. He would have to show that he was interested in her to have a chance. Even if she was difficult, she would still make sure the guy knew that he had a chance. She would just also let him know that she had many others to choose from if he didn't win her over in time.
Gattica Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I don't think most girls do it to play games. I think most girls do it because chasing a guy never works. Plain and simple. :-/ Plus, usually when a woman is TOO "available" or makes it too easy for a guy, a lot of times guys either take the girl for granted, or they lose interest in her. So, I think after going through this, girls just learn how to be a little more cautious when it comes to guys. I do this now because I was hurt before by a guy who I showed interest in in the past. I made things too easy for him. I was humiliated when he would shun me and then later on try to feed me crumbs in order to keep me interested. It was a constant game to him. So, now days I'm just more cautious. Not mean...just cautious. It's not really a game. We women just have to make sure that the guy is really interested in us before we become overly emotionally invested. Women are just more emotional than men, so we tend to get our emotions involved quicker than men. That's usually why a lot of times you'll see women being more cautious (or playing hard to get) with men. She's not sure if the guy is really interested in HER, or whether or not he's just playing games or making her another "number" in his cell phone. Only time and consistency can prove what his true intentions are. Hope that helped! Very well put. On the whole, I am upfront with how I feel and where I stand, but many times I am met with sudden disinterest. I don't know what to do these days.
lilbunny Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I don't want to do it, it isn't natural to me, it seems stupid. That said it seems as though if you are upfront and don't enter into these games a little bit then you don't get shown much respect or interest for very long. Much like the sleeping together very early/first date. The guy wants to do it, they rarely say no, everyone is happy with it at the time, but it seems like in an awful lot of cases they won't be sticking around after. It isn't something I've tried, but that is the general impression I get. I suppose it is a 'needs must' situation for me.
alexlakeman Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 The chase works for most women.. as most guys chase I guess. I typically do not.. Take for example a lady I was talking to last week I had met online... We had a lunch date set for Friday.. I didn't hear back from her after I texted her fri a.m... no biggie, made alternate plans.. I get a text from her 1/2 an hour b4 our meet time and said she had car problems... "ok, fine", I said, "just call me when if you want to reschedule".... I just figured she was blowing me off, playing hard to get, whatever... I had no plans on calling her back.. if she called fine, if not, whatever.. I actually heard back from her today.. so guess her "hard to get" game back fired or she really had car problems.. lol Bottom line, playing hard to get works for some women..and for some it doesn't... WAIT, another example, ex gf... ahh , I'll continue later, lol
Knittress Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I AM hard to get. I bond deeply with people I get involved with and I'm sick of drama and angst that comes from falling for incompatible people - at this point, getting to me to consider a person worth the risk takes some convincing.
Crazy Magnet Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I guess the hardest to get game I play is that I don't initiate contact with a guy for the first month or two in the dating process. IME guys want to pursue if they are interested so I let them. It also puts me in a position where I don't have to worry about who is really interested. If they want me, they will come and get me, if not, oh well they won't. I always call or text back if the guy doesn't get a hold of me, but I don't initiate dates or contact after the date. I'm also very receptive and chatty when a guy does call. I think there's a difference between playing a game and letting men do, what I have observed, they like to do anyway.
Green Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 women they are such delicate creatures, put your hands on their breasts and they give you all they got ~ Zorba
Cee Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I AM hard to get. I bond deeply with people I get involved with and I'm sick of drama and angst that comes from falling for incompatible people - at this point, getting to me to consider a person worth the risk takes some convincing. This is exactly where I stand too. Just tonight I said a similar thing to a friend.
Lovelybird Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Man wants loyalty only when they can NOT have it.
Mad Max Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Women seem to think they have a false sense of power by playing hard to get. Every girl that played hard to get with me, I moved on. By playing hard to get, the only person that loses out is you. It's limited to either gender. If a girl is playing hot and cold, why should I be a sucker and chase her? I don't play these games, nor will I chase a woman.
elaina Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Hello Serenitynow, I "play hard to get" because I want to get to know the man very well before I decide to give my heart to him. Both men and women are valuable human beings, and both can get hurt by each other, so it is good for both men and women to proceed with the understanding that it is an important decision and with caring for the feelings of each other, as well as their own self. So, I also appreciate a man "Playing hard to get" because I don't want a man to fall in love with me without me following him, or for me to fall in love with him without him seeking me. It works both ways.
sanskrit Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 There's a difference between playing hard to get and actually being hard to get due to rational thinking and smarts.
elaina Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 There's a difference between playing hard to get and actually being hard to get due to rational thinking and smarts. Elaborate please?
Citizen Erased Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Personally, I don't. I've been rather easy to get for the 3 people I've been with. If a guy expresses interest in me, they either get a green or a red light. I have no patience for playacting.
Star Gazer Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 Elaborate please? PLAYING hard to get: Turning down a date, despite the fact that you've got nothing better to do. BEING hard to get: Turning down a date because you've got interests beyond just dating, so you'd already made plans to keep your life full and fun regardless of whether there's a dude in it.
elaina Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 PLAYING hard to get: Turning down a date, despite the fact that you've got nothing better to do. BEING hard to get: Turning down a date because you've got interests beyond just dating, so you'd already made plans to keep your life full and fun regardless of whether there's a dude in it. Ahh ok, thanks for explaining. Then no I don't play hard to get. I am hard to get.
Kamille Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 (edited) Seeing how this thread has evolved, I don't play hard to get, I'm cautious. In my case, it has nothing to do with beliefs about men and the chase. It's about me finding the healthiest ways to keep my balance, my own life and my own priorities while getting to know someone I'm romantically interested in. I've fallend hard and fast for guys in the past and the relationship that ensued didn't work for me. We would become intertwined way too fast - twice we moved in together within 3 months- and then I felt like I had lost myself in the relationship. So, at the beginning of my current R, I paced things so as to not lose my own balance. I made sure to take time for myself and to not lose sight of myself, even if it meant a date of ordering pizza and watching movies at home by myself. I have no qualms about letting a guy know I like him very early on. If a guy is turned off by the fact a girl is into them, then I really have no time to waste on their commitment-phobia. Better to find this out sooner than later IME. Like others though, I am low on initiating contact at the beginning of an R. In my experience, it's the best way to gage a man's interest. I would say my ratio is 1:2. I'll initiate a contact or date for every 2 that he initiates. I do think it's important to initiate a few of the dates because 1) it means he gets to know me, my world and the activities I like to do 2) it tells me a lot about how he responds when I'm taking the lead and 3) it shows him I'm interested. Note: I pick up the phone if I'm available when he calls or return messages. What I mean by "initiate contact" is separate from the common courtesy of returning phone calls. Edited October 2, 2010 by Kamille
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