coloredinks Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Apparently I suck at telling, because I've assumed before a few guys weren't attracted to me who were. Are some guys just really good at concealing it? What are some good clues before you actually start dating or hanging out one on one outside of a group?
Sphere Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 If a man is interested, you'll know it about it, unless they're shy, but why bother with a shy man in the first place? Shy people take a lot of time and effort and more often than not it's a waste of time. You're better off just allowing men to approach you.
LoveAintEverything Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I do not agree with not to date shy guys because they can be very great people. Just let him come to you, that tells you if he likes u
PixieStix Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Men are simple creatures. You will know if they are interested. If they act silly (depending on age, of course), or touch you casually on the arm or shoulder, lean in towards you when talking, ask you to do things alone then they are definitely interested.
Knittress Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 If a man is interested, you'll know it about it, unless they're shy, but why bother with a shy man in the first place? Shy people take a lot of time and effort and more often than not it's a waste of time. You're better off just allowing men to approach you. ?! I love the shy sweeties. As long as he isn't a sackless 'nice guy.'
Mad Max Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 If a man is interested, you'll know it about it, unless they're shy, but why bother with a shy man in the first place? Shy people take a lot of time and effort and more often than not it's a waste of time. You're better off just allowing men to approach you. Why is it okay for a woman to be shy, but not a guy? What if i said "why bother with an outgoing girl"? Shyness is not a negative trait.
OceanGirl Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Why is it okay for a woman to be shy, but not a guy? What if i said "why bother with an outgoing girl"? Shyness is not a negative trait. I agree. I am sick of shy people bashing. One of the advantages with a shy guy is that you know that he is not chatting up everybody.
USMCHokie Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 One of the advantages with a shy guy is that you know that he is not chatting up everybody. So what if, as a couple, you are placed in a social situation...? Would you not be the slightest bit embarrassed that your shy SO is sitting by himself in the corner sipping on his Apple Martini while you are mingling with others? And perhaps you try to call him over to you, but he shakes his head and gestures a silent "nuh uh"...then you glare at him with a hostile stare until he stands up and awkwardly shuffles over to your group...he's staring at the ground and as you introduce him, his eyes will peek upwards to look at each person...maybe he'll offer a weak handshake his just as fingers...like princesses do...then he'll go back to sipping on his Appletini... But at least he's not chattin' up the other women...
Mad Max Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 So what if, as a couple, you are placed in a social situation...? Would you not be the slightest bit embarrassed that your shy SO is sitting by himself in the corner sipping on his Apple Martini while you are mingling with others? And perhaps you try to call him over to you, but he shakes his head and gestures a silent "nuh uh"...then you glare at him with a hostile stare until he stands up and awkwardly shuffles over to your group...he's staring at the ground and as you introduce him, his eyes will peek upwards to look at each person...maybe he'll offer a weak handshake his just as fingers...like princesses do...then he'll go back to sipping on his Appletini... But at least he's not chattin' up the other women... There's a huge difference between simple shyness and painfully shy.
Sphere Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I do not agree with not to date shy guys because they can be very great people. Just let him come to you, that tells you if he likes u If he is shy then the chances of him showing interest is minimal. Shy guys will try desperately to surpress their feelings and not give anything away. If shy guys showed interest there wouldn't be as many threads on the subject as there are on forums. When a woman takes charge of the situation more often than not the shy man will get scared and retreat into his shell, you can coach him out, but it takes time and effort. It depends how patient you are and how interested you are in him. Shyness and coyness are nice when you're 12, but when you become an adult you really should mature and grow out of it. Shy people are shy because they are socially awkward. It's not a positive trait to have, it hinders you in life, it really does. Take it from a guy that was really, really shy at one point.
Sphere Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Why is it okay for a woman to be shy, but not a guy? What if i said "why bother with an outgoing girl"? Shyness is not a negative trait. Who told you it was acceptable for a woman to be shy? Shyness is a negative trait, the most successful people in this world are confident people (and I'm not talking about with women which cannot be classified as success). Donald Trump didn't get where he did by being shy, neither did Barack Obama or Bill Gates for instance. Shy people do not move out of life's first gear.
USMCHokie Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 There's a huge difference between simple shyness and painfully shy. Of course...and my anecdote simply illustrated some of the characteristics of shy people...some will exhibit less of these behaviors (e.g., isolation, lack of eye contact, timidness with strangers, poor conversation skills, etc.) than others and to varying extent... Yes, very few folks are as painfully shy as I just described...but they do exist...
Mad Max Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Who told you it was acceptable for a woman to be shy? Shyness is a negative trait, the most successful people in this world are confident people (and I'm not talking about with women which cannot be classified as success). Donald Trump didn't get where he did by being shy, neither did Barack Obama or Bill Gates for instance. Shy people do not move out of life's first gear. It's not positive or negative. It's a personality trait. That's like being tall is a great quality where as being short is negative. If everyone was outgoing, life would be pretty boring. Shy people shouldn't have to change who they are. But that's also referring to simple shyness and not those that are painfully shy. Too much of anything is never good.
Sphere Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 It's not positive or negative. It's a personality trait. That's like being tall is a great quality where as being short is negative. If everyone was outgoing, life would be pretty boring. Shy people shouldn't have to change who they are. But that's also referring to simple shyness and not those that are painfully shy. Too much of anything is never good. It is a negative, because it impacts your life and how you live it. Height is nothing you can change, it cannot be altered. It's not the same thing at all. Shyness is a social condition, it can be changed, it can altered. Shy people shouldn't have to change who they are, but that's not how life works, unfortunately. Shy people just don't get anywhere in life. And shyness is shyness at the end of the day, all you're doing is splitting hairs.
carhill Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 how do you know if a guy is attracted? He'll want to get closer to you but something will get in the way
Kamille Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I had to go back to the OP to check and see if CD mentioned anything about shyness. Off-topic anyone? I don't think the problem in this case is that the guy is shy or not showing his interest, but rather that CD truly doesn't know how guys manifest their interest. The one true sign that a guy is interested is: he makes a move. He asks you out, or he kisses you. But, men also show interest by chatting you up, joking with you, trying to talk to you alone when in social situations, paying you small attentions. Until the guy actually makes a move, it can all be very subtle. I used to joke that when in doubt, it's always safer to assume a guy is interested. If you think a guy is cute and he does some of the subtle clues, assume there's a good chance he's interested and flirt with him. If he is interested, he won't waste any time and will ask you out.
EasyHeart Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Generally, if a guy pays attention to you when he doesn't have to, he's interested. If in doubt, assume he's interested.
make me believe Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 In my experience if a guy is attracted to you, you will know it!! Guys don't really pay attention to or try to get to know girls they're not attracted to, so... I agree with Kamille, most likely if he's interested he will make a move or ask you out. If he doesn't, it means he's either not interested or he's too scared/passive to make a move, in which case I personally wouldn't be interested in him anyway.
Star Gazer Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I agree. I am sick of shy people bashing. One of the advantages with a shy guy is that you know that he is not chatting up everybody. That just reeks of insecurity. Do you avoid attractive men too, because, hey, at least they don't get as much attention? I don't care for shy people in general.
OceanGirl Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 That just reeks of insecurity. Do you avoid attractive men too, because, hey, at least they don't get as much attention? I don't care for shy people in general. No, I love attractive men (as you know) I don't care for loud, over-confident people in general
Star Gazer Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I don't care for loud, over-confident people in general Who said anything about loud, over-confident people? They have nothing to do with shy people. The opposite of shy isn't over-confident. It's just confident and outgoing.
OceanGirl Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Who said anything about loud, over-confident people? They have nothing to do with shy people. The opposite of shy isn't over-confident. It's just confident and outgoing. Hookie provided an extreme definition of shy - I provided an extreme definition of confident.
somedude81 Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 In my experience if a guy is attracted to you, you will know it!! Guys don't really pay attention to or try to get to know girls they're not attracted to Yup, I don't really bother talking to and certainly don't try to get to know girls I'm not interested in. Somebody who's aware of that fact, could just fallow me around for the day and right away know which girls I'm interested in. Sure I'll socialize with girls I'm not into. But as soon as I can, I'm back to talking with the girls I like. Another huge hint is if a guy wants to do something with the girl. I simply would not bother inviting out a girl I wasn't interested to spend time with me. It's very simple. But girls make it complicated by thinking (pretending) that the guy wants to be her friend.
OceanGirl Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 What about married or taken men? If they go out of their way to talk to you and invite you to lunches...does that mean that they are attracted? (even if they wouldn't do anything because they have a SO)
carhill Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 They could be attracted or looking to get their ego fed. Situational ego feeds have IME the most common dynamics with married people I've had such interactions with. They play a bit, suck some attention and gratification and, perhaps, in a guy's case, get his noodle wet, then it's back home to spousie.
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