Feelin Frisky Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 There are very few men here that use their photo for their avatar. Other than Hokie and Pyro (and I KNOW it's not them), the only other male posters I can think of who uses their picture as their avvie are Lakeside_Runner (who's single, no GF) and FeelinFrisky (or whatever his name is). I agree with Allisha that you're just causing drama for yourself. You should talk to him. yeah, I've used my real pictures, Star Gazer or whatever your name is..
GorillaTheater Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 There are very few men here that use their photo for their avatar. Other than Hokie and Pyro (and I KNOW it's not them), the only other male posters I can think of who uses their picture as their avvie are Lakeside_Runner (who's single, no GF) and FeelinFrisky (or whatever his name is). Don't forget about me.
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 So what should I say "Oh by the way, I ran into you online..guess it's not so anonymous. Please stop bragging about all your sexual experiences, you're hurting my feelings." That just seems crazy? lol. Yes it does, and it is. He has the right to post whatever he wants, and you have no right to tell him to stop. If you don't like what he writes then don't read.
GorillaTheater Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 He has the right to post whatever he wants, and you have no right to tell him to stop. Agreed on both counts, BUT she does have the right to ask him to stop if it violates her boundaries. And, if he doesn't, she has the right to enforce her boundaries as she sees fit.
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Agreed on both counts, BUT she does have the right to ask him to stop if it violates her boundaries. And, if he doesn't, she has the right to enforce her boundaries as she sees fit. She has no right to "enforce" any "boundaries" either. This guy should be free to talk and say whatever he wants. If she doesn't like it it is her problem.
GorillaTheater Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 She has no right to "enforce" any "boundaries" either. This guy should be free to talk and say whatever he wants. If she doesn't like it it is her problem. Holy France, Batman! She doesn't have the right to enforce her own, personal boundaries?! Like boundaries at least a few of us have with respect to cheating and abuse? I don't know whether what her bf is saying here violates her boundaries are not, but if it does, it's her business and her right to mention her concerns to him (i.e., com-mun-i-ca-tion) and if she feels strongly enough about it, to walk. He's free to do what he wants. And so is she.
CLC2008 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I wouldn't feel great if I heard that sort of thing either OP. You can't erase your boyfriend's past, but if he is constantly bragging about past sexual experiences in great detail, that's unsettling... You're in a relationship together right? Well, when you're in a relationship with someone, that includes letting him/her know when certain things are upsetting to you.
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Holy France, Batman! She doesn't have the right to enforce her own, personal boundaries?! Like boundaries at least a few of us have with respect to cheating and abuse? I don't know whether what her bf is saying here violates her boundaries are not, but if it does, it's her business and her right to mention her concerns to him (i.e., com-mun-i-ca-tion) and if she feels strongly enough about it, to walk. He's free to do what he wants. And so is she. Ok, I give you one valid boundary. If the guys says: I have been dating Jane Doe (the OP), and she sucks, and she is not good in bed, she steals, etc etc. In that case it would be slandering and illegal. Other than that, it's her issue.
GorillaTheater Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Ok, I give you one valid boundary. Quite the concession on your part. If the guys says: I have been dating Jane Doe (the OP), and she sucks, and she is not good in bed, she steals, etc etc. In that case it would be slandering and illegal. Actually, it wouldn't be "illegal", or more accurately presenting a cause of action, unless she was personally identified. Other than that, it's her issue. And one she can address as she sees fit. I'm amazed I'm even arguing about this. I wanted to ask you about your personal boundaries and how you enforce them, but decided I don't care enough.
threebyfate Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 BF brags constantly about past sexual experiences on this online "public" forum. How should I react? Should I just ignore it? Agreed on both counts, BUT she does have the right to ask him to stop if it violates her boundaries. And, if he doesn't, she has the right to enforce her boundaries as she sees fit.Past experiences have nothing to do with her boundaries unless she's the thought police.
Ariadne Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Past experiences have nothing to do with her boundaries unless she's the thought police. Thank you!
carhill Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Libel is actionable legally if the written statement(s) is/are proven to be untrue. Slander is similar, but pertains to the spoken word. Also, civilly, one must prove that one was damaged monetarily, in addition to proving to the satisfaction of the jury/judge that the statement(s) were untrue, in order to collect compensation for their injury/defamation/whatever. An example might be one business advertising false material defects in the product of their competitor to gain market advantage. If untrue and proven, and if damages can be demonstrated, the defendant may be liable to compensate the plaintiff. In this case, if the OP finds her BF's words and actions sufficiently offensive, she merely ends the relationship. She hasn't been damaged in the legal sense, or, at worst, such damages would be unreasonably expensive to proffer and prove. Expressing the boundary firmly is pretty simple: 'xxxxx is unacceptable to me. It must cease or I will discontinue this relationship' I still counsel ignoring it. Tempest in a teapot, IMO.
Author KarateKim Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 Some really good points were raised. I do agree that: 1.) I have no right to put boundaries on him; he has the right to say what he wishes. 2.) He views this as his locker room; and he is not aware he is hurting my feelings, or aware that my feelings are in earshot of being hurt. 3.) I should make him aware that I am in this locker room too before he says something he doesn't want me to hear. Is there a way to block seeing posts from someone? That might be the easiest way for us both to co-exist in our respective locker rooms? Afterthought - should I let him know that this is not as anonymous as he thinks? Because if I ran into him, what if one of his coworkers or professional associates runs into the posts too - or one of MY professional associates that knows I am "current gf"? Anyone ever run into this scenario? Thank you new technologies for making dating life even more complicated than it already is! ..and thank you everyone! I do appreciate everyone taking the time to weigh in.
threebyfate Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 3.) I should make him aware that I am in this locker room. This is all you need to do. The rest is his decision to make since he has multiple ways he can handle this. Maturity should define how the two of you coexist in the same sandbox.
carhill Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Is there a way to block seeing posts from someone? Sure, go here and add his username to your ignore list. His posts won't show up, though you will see his username.
abouttoloseit Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 She has no right to "enforce" any "boundaries" either. This guy should be free to talk and say whatever he wants. If she doesn't like it it is her problem. Haha Omg...I can't work out if you'd be a good dictator or anarchist. Although, I hope you never have a problem in life. Because remember, whatever happens, it's YOUR problem. This guy should be free to talk and say whatever he wants... "Free" to talk and say whatever he wants? Sure about that? No one really has that power do they...I mean, really.
Allisha Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Haha Omg...I can't work out if you'd be a good dictator or anarchist. Although, I hope you never have a problem in life. Because remember, whatever happens, it's YOUR problem. "Free" to talk and say whatever he wants? Sure about that? No one really has that power do they...I mean, really. Oooh someone from the UK! If that's you in your avatar....cute much?
abouttoloseit Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Oooh someone from the UK! If that's you in your avatar....cute much? Well, I think it's me...if it's not, Im scared Cos he looks JUST like me!
Allisha Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 Well, I think it's me...if it's not, Im scared Cos he looks JUST like me! Lol... cute!
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