Author jzsgirl1234 Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 If he is sexually attracted to a penis, then yes, he's bisexual. I am not sexually attracted to a penis. I am not bisexual. I don't really understand why you are so hung up on this part of it. His want of penis is a small part of the overall issue here. So what do you think is the big issue? Because that is all he seems to want, making that the start of the problem. Please let me know what you think.
Sphere Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I've gone down on a mate of mine a few years ago and I've necked several men in the past and I'm not gay in the slightest. I experimented and I wasn't remotely attracted to him and I didn't enjoy it. Plenty of women try stuff with other women and so do men, it's no big deal.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 To me the acid test as to when a person can be considered gay or bi is if they act out on same sex attraction with real people and are fine with that. Anything might go on in the mind and someone otherwise straight might entertain a same sex fantasy without it meaning they are hard-ass gay or bi. I would say that the OP's b/f is young and perhaps uncertain about his sexual identity. There's not enough there to brand him gay or bi yet. If I were his SO however, I'd be concerned about this uncertainty. In order to love someone ya have to be able to know them and trust them to be a consistent identity. If a person is not a clear and readible identity, love can only be a deep attachment to what one believes the other to be. That's a house on a shaky foundation. As for that article about "Bromances", I think it's semantic hogwash. Straight men do not suck cock. Period.
Sphere Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 . Straight men do not suck cock. Period. Of course they do, what nonsense. What's gay about helping a mate out and getting no pleasure or arousal from the experience?
Author jzsgirl1234 Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) well considering he has never done it or considered doing it with anyone that isnt a HUGE concern --- him thinking about it is. why does he love penis so much... thats the real question!! also, he made me promise i wouldnt ever tell anyone ever... he even threatened me (jokingly of course... saying hed hurt my favorite stuffed animal... but he said it to prove hed die if i told)! he told me his life would be over and he wouldnt ever do it, but was just confused why he thought about it. Edited September 28, 2010 by jzsgirl1234
Feelin Frisky Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Of course they do, what nonsense. What's gay about helping a mate out and getting no pleasure or arousal from the experience? Right. Tell yourself whatever you want--that's if there's any room left in your mouth to form words. But seriously, felating my male friends regardless of their level of horniness is about the most disgusting far-flung idea and it wouldn't cross my mind in a million years--and I know I can count on them too to not think that way (either receiving or giving). It just isn't done. You may think it's normal but it's not for a straight man.
Knittress Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 i should also mention then when i asked him about what he sees in the future for himself, he said he sees a wife and kids and thats what he wants. he has never crushed on a guy or been intimate with a guy. he said that even thinking about it makes him feel uncomfortable which makes me think he just doesnt want to beleive the possibility.... Of all the things you've said this is what worries me the most. Given the level of anguish the guy seems to be going through, the idea of him being buried deep in some closet doesn't seem unlikely. Look, hardly anyone is 100% straight, but the more-straight amongst us don't spew a lot of angst over how flexible we are. He's freaking out - why? Go over to marriedgay.org - look at how many people fool themselves into thinking they're straight because they want SO BADLY to raise a family with another biological parent.
welikeincrowds Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 You may think it's normal but it's not for a straight man. "Normal" or not isn't what's important here. Neither are definitions. I thought we discussed this 40 years ago. What matters is whether or not this relationship can work. That is what the OP would like to know. As in any relationship, no matter the particulars, both people must have their needs met. Thus, it is up to OP to take stake stock of whether or not her needs are being met in light of this new information, which may end up being irrelevant to her. It would be wise of you, OP, to ask your SO if his needs are capable of being met within the context of your relationship. If not, it will be up to you to decide whether or not the dynamics of your relationship should change, or you should move on. As others have told you, OP, your reasonable and open approach is going to make a big difference. I would recommend that you not allow this to shake your trust in him, so long as it seems apparent to you that he is making an earnest effort to be honest.
aerogurl87 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Of course they do, what nonsense. What's gay about helping a mate out and getting no pleasure or arousal from the experience? That's a homosexual act. I'm sorry but if my boyfriend told me he was helping his friend get pleasured and aroused it'd be obvious he was bi in the least. That is a no-go zone for me and I'd be out of the relationship. I seriously hope the OP's boyfriend isn't secretly bi or gay and just minimizing details and claiming the thought of being with a male repulses him. I've heard that stupid argument of "I'm not gay, I just like to sleep with men" from guys who want a wife and kids at home but want to f*ck around their wife's back with a guy because they're afraid of admitting that they are gay. And I hate to say it but usually it comes from guys who are very "manly" and alpha males.
Author jzsgirl1234 Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 That's a homosexual act. I'm sorry but if my boyfriend told me he was helping his friend get pleasured and aroused it'd be obvious he was bi in the least. That is a no-go zone for me and I'd be out of the relationship. I seriously hope the OP's boyfriend isn't secretly bi or gay and just minimizing details and claiming the thought of being with a male repulses him. I've heard that stupid argument of "I'm not gay, I just like to sleep with men" from guys who want a wife and kids at home but want to f*ck around their wife's back with a guy because they're afraid of admitting that they are gay. And I hate to say it but usually it comes from guys who are very "manly" and alpha males. I agree... if he actually went ahead and did it I would not be with him. He isn't too manly, hes just a normal boy. He can be sensitive, but hes very much like every other boy I know. If i think of a boy I know most (besides my boyfriend) it would be my brother and they are very much alike. That's why I dont think he is gay.... just very sexual. Pretty much every sexual act turns him on. I asked if he would want to watch gay porn, just to see if that would be a sign, and he said absolutely not.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 "Normal" or not isn't what's important here. Neither are definitions. I thought we discussed this 40 years ago. What matters is whether or not this relationship can work. That is what the OP would like to know. As in any relationship, no matter the particulars, both people must have their needs met. Thus, it is up to OP to take stake stock of whether or not her needs are being met in light of this new information, which may end up being irrelevant to her. It would be wise of you, OP, to ask your SO if his needs are capable of being met within the context of your relationship. If not, it will be up to you to decide whether or not the dynamics of your relationship should change, or you should move on. As others have told you, OP, your reasonable and open approach is going to make a big difference. I would recommend that you not allow this to shake your trust in him, so long as it seems apparent to you that he is making an earnest effort to be honest. You quoted me but what you say makes no sense in the context of what I said in response to sphere (who had quoted me also). Perhaps you want to go back and change it. And right on, aerogurl87. I couldn't imagine "helping a bloke out" like that. We "blokes" need that kind of help every day. How is one day any different from another? That's just some disgusting shi+.
Green Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 He could be having the obsessive thoughts because of the fact that you say he is an obsessive guy. Just having a gay thought doesn't make you gay... but telling your gf you think about sucking dick and you would harm her stuffed animals if she told anyone... well thats pretty gay. Bottom line take away the entire gay aspect of this story and replace it with something like... "I think about being with other women i just keep thinking about it" and there you go... does that sound like some one you want to be with.
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