coloredinks Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 When it comes to who pays on an early date, I used to do the polite reach into my purse and wait for them to say "No, I'll pay." But on my last two dates I didn't even bother because I've heard men say that the reach annoys them. The guys just immediately paid, and I didn't say anything. So men which do you prefer?
Pfiend101 Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 dont just do nothing. Say "Can I help out with the tab?" He will most likely say no. If you sit there and say nothing it would drive me nuts. Or offer to pay the tip.
EasyHeart Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I think it's nice if a woman offers to pay. But just make the offer, and when he rebuffs it, don't do anything more. I get annoyed when women start an argument about it or make a big deal about it. And it's kind of nice if you remember to say "Thanks for dinner" at the end of the evening.
SecretSquirrel Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) I guess it depends on the date - things seem to be different with online dating, ie lots of coffee dates. When I was single I usually went on dates that had two parts, ie dinner and a movie. When the dinner check came, if he reached for it first I might say "If you get dinner I'll pay for the movie and snacks." For just a movie date, "If you get the tickets I'll go get in line to get the snacks." If we had a dinner date and I didn't plan on seeing him again I would insist on paying the whole bill, or at least my half. Edited September 28, 2010 by SecretSquirrel
EasyHeart Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 If a man let's you pay for anything during your first few dates, he is not interested in a relationship with you. He might go out with you a few more times if he thinks that he has a high probability of getting sex from you, but he definitely does not think of you as a potential girlfriend.
alexlakeman Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 NEVER have I let a woman pay during the first few dates or months for that matter. Definitely don't bother offering to pay or split the bill. I mean he did "invite" you... A man invites; a man pays. Period.
Star Gazer Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 You HAVE to offer to pay AND you have to say thank you. You can't just sit there and act entitled.
Confusedalways Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 God the money thing always makes me so uncomfortable I think it's really important to offer and ALWAYS thank them, regardless of interest level, it's just polite. I can't help myself and always am like "are you sure?" "...seriously I don't mind" etc. I'm sure that's annoying, I'm trying to stop.
Tiberius Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 If he invites you he pays. If you want to pay, try to invite him.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 If a guy asks you out then it is assumed he's not asking you to pay. If you ask him out and say "my treat", you pay. It would not be out of bounds to offer to, say, pick up the tip when a guy pays but he more often than not will decline. When you're a committed couple and if you choose to dine out frequently it can become burdensome on a guy to pay all the fare all the time, so it would be more than courteous to cough up some funds here and there.
sanskrit Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I prefer it when they offer, and expect women to step up and share expenses early in the relationship, after a couple of "get to know you" dates, which I pay for.
jamesum Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 (edited) If a man let's you pay for anything during your first few dates, he is not interested in a relationship with you. Yeah, so you are Nostradamus now? Why speak for all men? I think a man who insists on paying for everything is a chauvinist control freak. How about that? Anyway, for me, if I asked a girl out, I would pay for the main expenses. But I would really appreciate the gesture if she would voluntarily spend a bit of her money on the tip or some snacks or parking. I dont expect it, but its just a very nice gesture which says that she is enjoying the date too and she cares about me. Edited September 28, 2010 by jamesum
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I always offer. And even when they refuse, if we go out for drinks after dinner - I buy the first round of drinks and then we alternate. Basically if it's my turn and I see that he has finished his drink - I will get up and say "I will get this round. What are you having? ". I actually don't think that it means much when a guy lets you pay your half during early dates. I have no problem with it - I make more than most of them do anyway lolol I have also been treated to $300 dinners on early dates by smarmy guys that didn't give a f%^$ about me and only wanted sex. So I don't think that you can draw any conclusions....
jerbear Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 As a guy, when in doubt, the guy pays. The guy can't be wishy washy when making these decisions. I pay even if I don't like the girl. I do hate it but sometimes a guy has to get creative, then she catches on and gets more creative. After that well she pays the bill I pay the tip or vice versa. It is WAY in the future where she has to beat me down to pay for it. i.e. she has the expense account and I pay for weekend dates.
Gattica Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 If a man let's you pay for anything during your first few dates, he is not interested in a relationship with you. He might go out with you a few more times if he thinks that he has a high probability of getting sex from you, but he definitely does not think of you as a potential girlfriend. Since when? So, I should LAUNCH if I guy lets me pay for the movie after dinner or for at least the snacks at the movie?
crimsonmike Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I always pay. As a guy I feel like I'm suppossed to pay, whether I ask her out or she asks me out. I've never had a woman refuse to let me pay, but, if she did, I'd never go out with her again.
Cards569 Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 If a man let's you pay for anything during your first few dates, he is not interested in a relationship with you. He might go out with you a few more times if he thinks that he has a high probability of getting sex from you, but he definitely does not think of you as a potential girlfriend. Not always true. It depends. If you ask me out, why should I pay for you?
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I'm just fine with a simple "thank you." My one caveat is that if you let the guy pay you should show up for the next date. It's in really poor taste to just dine and dash.
Mad Max Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Not always true. It depends. If you ask me out, why should I pay for you? This. And it goes for both genders. If I'm asked out, I'm not obligated to pay.
Author coloredinks Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 so I guess I need to reinstate the reach... I'm surprised by the responses.
Star Gazer Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 This. And it goes for both genders. If I'm asked out, I'm not obligated to pay. Aren't you the same guy that says that when you ask out a woman, she shouldn't expect you to pay??
Mad Max Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Aren't you the same guy that says that when you ask out a woman, she shouldn't expect you to pay?? Ummm no. I said whoever asks pays.
bac Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 Men from online are so strange. Sure, I do not pay for the first dates if he invited me. But, I have an impression that I should not even say 'thank you' for an expensive date. Last my date was very good. We went to restaurant, then to another place and finally to a cool bar. He paid for everything and he was so so attentive and sweet. I was totally impressed by the date. So, I thought that it was thoughtful to send him a thank you email next day. After that he vanished into thin air.
tami-chan Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 God the money thing always makes me so uncomfortable I think it's really important to offer and ALWAYS thank them, regardless of interest level, it's just polite. I can't help myself and always am like "are you sure?" "...seriously I don't mind" etc. I'm sure that's annoying, I'm trying to stop. I agree. Money stuff is so uncomfortable to talk about. However, if a man invites he should pay. A woman can invite the man to dinner to reciprocate and she pays. The "reach" is lame. I would not do that.
tigressA Posted September 29, 2010 Posted September 29, 2010 I think that there have been more and more guys in recent years who are perfectly fine with a girl paying her own way or paying for an entire date, at least once in awhile. My BF is not one of them, though. He's very traditional in that sense. On our first date and a few other times later, I offered to pick up the tab and he flat-out refused. He actually kind of got a little annoyed by the 3rd occasion when I offered. So I don't offer anymore, and always give him a sincere "Thank you".
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