Babies?!?

[terra]

I've never been interested in having kids. I like my career, travel and I think I'd make a fantastic Aunt but never ever interested in having kids of my own. Then, all of a sudden, one day the thought of having kids appeals to me. ( I'm trying to shake this new frighting feeling but it hasn't gone away.)

I've had friends that said as soon as they hit 30 they all of a sudden wanted children - regardless of their relationship status.

Anyone else go through this? It's really freaking me out.

[bobdole]

Last girl I was dating was this exactly. She told me she never really wanted kids, hit 30, realized if she waited to much longer it would be to late, and that fact made her want kids.

 

It makes absolutely no sense to me but its what she said.

[terra]

I know, it's so messed up.

I'm not sure if it's just that time is running out and my baby making years are dwindling or if I'm comfortable with never having a family; it's almost as though I feel like life is more than just me having fun with my partner.

Bob D, you said your ex girlfriend - was this the reason you broke up?

[eerie_reverie]

Growing up and all the way through college, I'd always wanted kids. Lots of them - at least 4, so everyone could have a brother and a sister.

 

Well, now I'm 24, and thinking about the logistics of it, I'm not sure how reconcilable having kids would be with my other goals: having a career, etc.

 

I think if I ever meet the right person, and HE really wants kids, I'd have them. Otherwise, I could easily see myself missing the window of opportunity, and not caring too much.

[terra]

That's what I thought too! My other goals - career, travel, and freedom -out weighed children. At 24 there was no way I was having kids, but now I'm almost 30 and things have changed - almost over night!

Growing up and all the way through college, I'd always wanted kids. Lots of them - at least 4, so everyone could have a brother and a sister.

 

Well, now I'm 24, and thinking about the logistics of it, I'm not sure how reconcilable having kids would be with my other goals: having a career, etc.

 

I think if I ever meet the right person, and HE really wants kids, I'd have them. Otherwise, I could easily see myself missing the window of opportunity, and not caring too much.

[bobdole]

Never got to bf/gf stage just someone I dated for a month or so. Babies weren't the reason we went our separate ways. I called her out on a socially inept action of hers that didn't sit well with me and she got upset and wasn't really willing to discuss anything.

 

My own personal feelings about having kids (I'm 29): Kids are expensive! And call me selfish but I would rather have oodles of disposable income that I could splurge on tropical vacations, sports cars, and etc. I'm good with kids and I'm sure I would make a good father. I just don't feel any strong urge to have any.

[Knittress]

I'm absolutely positive this will happen to me in the next couple years. In my early 20s I didn't think I'd ever want kids.

[jamesum]

Whats with people who want to have a lot of kids? I wonder if it is motivated by ignorance of the world or simple selfishness.

 

In my opinion everywhere there should be a law against having more than two children.

[cuore_depresso]

I had a rough childhood. My mom even now said that she was not the best mother in the world. I let that baggage hang with me for most of my life, and even convinced my wife that perhaps kids were not what we wanted, though if *she* wanted them I would be fine with it.

 

Recently we have had some challenges and it really has made me re-evaluate a LOT of things in my life, kids being one of them. Now I want them, I want a house full of laughter and little feet, I want my wife to enjoy being a mother, reveling in her children.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, you just are now seeing things in a different light.

[witabix]

I've never been interested in having kids. I like my career, travel and I think I'd make a fantastic Aunt but never ever interested in having kids of my own. Then, all of a sudden, one day the thought of having kids appeals to me. ( I'm trying to shake this new frighting feeling but it hasn't gone away.)

I've had friends that said as soon as they hit 30 they all of a sudden wanted children - regardless of their relationship status.

Anyone else go through this? It's really freaking me out.

 

As a male I went though this. I had a partner that had the same view. She got pregnant.

 

I was told she was pregnant the day before the abortion. Her and her sister had arranged it all, I was given no say in the matter.

 

That child would be seventeen years old now. I respected her decision as a woman who had complete say over her body, and I still respect her decision today. It doesn't stop me having dreams about pushing a pram full of earth with a dead baby inside. Make sure it is what you want before you fall pregnant.

[porter218]

Yep.. I went through this. It's strange how i comes out of nowhere. It's your biological clock ticking and it is incredibly hard to ignore. When mine started 7 years ago I was single and enjoying a great modeling career along with a full time career as marketing director for a large company. It wasn't sensible this urge at all, especially with so much on my plate. It was so strong that it highly influenced who I decided to walk down the aisle with because he wanted a child badly too. It is a real thing that happens to many women.

[Scottdmw]

It makes complete sense to me that this would happen.

 

Think about the theory of evolution. Does it really make sense that any living creature would willingly choose not to reproduce? If it did, in the next generation any genes that caused that choice to be made, or even allowed that choice to be made, would be gone. Meanwhile, any genes that encourage a person to have lots of children are going to tend to get more common. It is only recently with the advent of semi-reliable contraception that this has even been a choice, and evolution is struggling to adapt to this new part of the environment at the moment.

 

Humans are more complicated than just following their genes, and of course genetics is more complicated than single genes coding for complex behavior, but this is still a real and undeniable effect. I think it is exactly why you feel the way you do.

 

Scott

[Gallaxia]

My bf told me that he never really used to want kids but now he does. While I've always wanted kids (in that distant, down the road kind of way), hearing it kinda made me freak a lil. It just seems all the more real. You know?

[terra]

This is what I was afraid of.

There is nothing wrong with you, you just are now seeing things in a different light.

 

Thanks for all the comments - it makes me feel more normal.

So now to share this revelation with the bf...

better wait a bit before the "pass the pepper, by the way I want a baby, more rice?" conversation at dinner.

[Dazzel]

I always feel like a 'bad' person for this. I am 23 and I just don't want kids. I think babies are gross (sad truth, guys) and the idea of being pregnant and raising a kid freaks me out. Maybe it's because I am so young. But I can't see myself changing my opinion of kids and babies in general. I've been told by my brothers that they can't see me being a mom at all. I have no patience.

I always tell people I would rather all my kids have four legs and a waggy tail.

 

Sometimes I hope I change my mind because most guys do want to have kids. My current boyfriend wants kids and I don't. He doesn't understand my views on this. He really loves kids whereas I just dislike them and don't want to be around them. I'm a strange one, I know.

[terra]

I felt like this just a month ago! (I'm 29) I've maintained that children are bad for the environment, expensive, and the thought of hanging out with a screaming kid that can't control his bowels wasn't something I was signing up for.

If I were to call my mom or sister right now and confessed that I'd like to have a baby they would laugh in my face - just because it's so opposite from what I've thought before.

Lately, I don't even really think of the crying, or sleepless nights, poopy diapers, or college funds instead of traveling. I'm starting to crave a family and as one of the Cuore put it so eloquently " I want a house full of laughter and little feet".

I always feel like a 'bad' person for this. I am 23 and I just don't want kids. I think babies are gross (sad truth, guys) and the idea of being pregnant and raising a kid freaks me out. Maybe it's because I am so young. But I can't see myself changing my opinion of kids and babies in general. I've been told by my brothers that they can't see me being a mom at all. I have no patience.

I always tell people I would rather all my kids have four legs and a waggy tail.

 

Sometimes I hope I change my mind because most guys do want to have kids. My current boyfriend wants kids and I don't. He doesn't understand my views on this. He really loves kids whereas I just dislike them and don't want to be around them. I'm a strange one, I know.

[aerogurl87]

That thought has never hit me, and maybe that's because I'm still relatively young (almost 21). Anyway I've always been of this opinion on children. I'll have kids if I think my future husband will make a good father. If I don't think he'll make a good father I won't have kids with him.

[tigressA]

Anyway I've always been of this opinion on children. I'll have kids if I think my future husband will make a good father. If I don't think he'll make a good father I won't have kids with him.

 

This is exactly how I feel; I'm letting it be up to how I feel about the guy I'm with. I'm 23 and I've gone back and forth on having/not having kids for the past 5 years.

[terra]

But maybe you will shift the type of men you look for as those who would make potential good fathers?

That thought has never hit me, and maybe that's because I'm still relatively young (almost 21). Anyway I've always been of this opinion on children. I'll have kids if I think my future husband will make a good father. If I don't think he'll make a good father I won't have kids with him.

[Stung]

I'm 35 and most of my friends are from 30-45 and have gone through or are still in this stage. It's the biological clock, you hear about it and kind of mock it in your 20s and then bam! One day it hits you in the face and rides your ass for the next ten years. It's much more serious than anybody realizes until they feel it themselves.

 

I know several women who did NOT want babies in their 20s who changed their minds in their thirties after a few years of hormonal obsession. But I also know a few who just grit their teeth and rode it out, refusing to be manipulated by their own chemistry like that; they all said that the urge started to go away in their 40s, and they are once more happy to be childfree. And I have also known a few women who are seemingly immune, never felt it, hopefully never will. They're in the minority, however, at least as far as my personal observations go.

 

I always knew I wanted kids so it wasn't a big surprise to me when my clock started ticking when I was 31 and finally partnered happily with a good man, although I was determined to resist for a few more years and get my circumstances lined up right.

[aerogurl87]

But maybe you will shift the type of men you look for as those who would make potential good fathers?

 

Maybe I think my current boyfriend would make a great father one day if we do end up married, which I hope we do one day later down the road. But "must be good father material" is not on my list of requirements in a lifelong partner because when it comes to kids I can take them or leave them. I have my nephew to adore and love, and the good thing about him is when I don't want him around I can always give him back to my sister.

Edited September 26, 2010 by aerogurl87

[Citizen Erased]

A year ago the thought of children made me want to run far away from penises. And now...I'm only 23 but since I've been with my fiance, I've seen him with kids and his personality, I know he will be an amazing father. I'm excited to start a family with him...after a couple of years so we can enjoy some alone time together, finally, of course. Although things rarely go according to plan.

[tigressA]

A year ago the thought of children made me want to run far away from penises.

 

Yeah, that's a familiar feeling for me. Though if I end up with my BF in the long run I'm sure I'll end up popping out at least one kid, and I won't mind...I can see myself being like Katherine Heigl in "Knocked Up" though: "I've sacrificed my youth, my body, my vagina...yes! It will never look the same after this!"

[JustJoe]

I'm 29 and I really want to be a Dad. I've experienced a lot and done a lot and I am pretty sure I'm ready, but am not sure about my GF, but I'm getting there, slowly but surely.

[naya1]

its normal and im sure it will pass.

if you still like clubbing a lot, going to bars and doing ur own stuff. it would be kind of hard to leave a small child behind while ur trying to live ur life.