Author Hopeful30 Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 However flirty behaviour, may also come from extremeley manipulative girls, who has some sort of psychotic behaviour, where this charming, flirting behaviour is used to lure men. Though, these usually attract good guys, since they have low empathy levels. My guess is still, from your description that you have very high empathy levels, and it may be coupled with a problem of accepting bad behaviour. I love how flirtacious women automatically become "psychotic behavior". Hah! Double standard anyone? And I think you are right, I am a very empathetic person. I don't think bad people exist, only bad decisions or traits. But I don't accept bad behavior, that is why I have been dumping all these guys that I end up dating. Sooner or later their true colors come out and once again I am left thinking "where the hell are the good ones?"
Author Hopeful30 Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 I'd love to catch a pic of u since ur perfect; must be a hot body & face!! sooo mister lakeman... am I that bad?
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 OP, I reread your first post and had a thought. When you say you don't attract good guys, only the manipulative ones, what is your "type"? Do you like the outgoing alpha male? Do you overlook the bookish guy? Who catch's your eye and attention?
Author Hopeful30 Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 OP, I reread your first post and had a thought. When you say you don't attract good guys, only the manipulative ones, what is your "type"? Do you like the outgoing alpha male? Do you overlook the bookish guy? Who catch's your eye and attention? Thats actually a very good question. I like men who approach me! lol! Who have the balls to come up to me and say "Hi, i'm so-and-so, whats your name?" Shyness to me is a very big turn off. I don't really care that much about the physical, as long as he isn't completely unattractive, I don't see why not. Its the personality that makes or breaks it. But yeah I like men who are the opposite of shy. I wouldn't necessarily call that dominant.
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Ahhhhh...that's probably more than 1/2 your problem right there I've BTDT. The guy I am seeing now, met online, would've NEVER approached me in real life and is one of the nicer guys I have every dated. My type is the more alpha dude, who tends to be aggressive and direct and bold. And a playboy and flirt and a etc etc etc...lol So, you may be attracting a nice shy guy Thats actually a very good question. I like men who approach me! lol! Who have the balls to come up to me and say "Hi, i'm so-and-so, whats your name?" Shyness to me is a very big turn off. I don't really care that much about the physical, as long as he isn't completely unattractive, I don't see why not. Its the personality that makes or breaks it. But yeah I like men who are the opposite of shy. I wouldn't necessarily call that dominant.
Author Hopeful30 Posted September 28, 2010 Author Posted September 28, 2010 Ahhhhh...that's probably more than 1/2 your problem right there So, you may be attracting a nice shy guy Can I help it if its a big turn off? Besides, it doesn't mean all shy men are good, and all men who aren't shy are bad. There's plenty of non-shy good guys out there.
atlnay Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Can I help it if its a big turn off? Besides, it doesn't mean all shy men are good, and all men who aren't shy are bad. There's plenty of non-shy good guys out there. Nah, I wasn't implying any of that at all. Just making a general observation, perhaps I should've stopped reading more into it after you said you liked guys that approached you. Shy may have been the wrong word, laid back may be better. My friend isn't shy. That too is a HUGE turn off to me. He admitted if he saw me in a bar, he wouldn't have came up to me. When I met him in person, we had a GREAT conversation and later on I asked him about his approach in women in general. He's just not aggressive. So in a normal setting, had I been out, I wouldn't have noticed him, and you are right in talking to the ones that do have the balls to approach you. If a less aggressive, nice guy doesn't, not much you can do. Having said all that, have you tried online dating? Are your running across the same pattern?
Fire Salamander Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 I'm not ugly, I don't bitch or nag, I LOVE sex, i'm not jealous, or clingy or needy. I'm smart, i'm outgoing, and i'm fun. I want my boyfriend to WANT to go out with his buddies, or go to the gym, or play golf. Yet it seems that the only men that I attract are manipulative a**holes. Why not the good guys? Why don't they approach me? Am I too tall? Am I too frienly? Why is it the ugly, rude, unappreciative b*tches get all the good guys and perfect women like me are left alone? My it seems like you face the same dilemma as men. You'll turn into a super b*tch and get men, then you'll tell yourself this is not who you are. You go back to your nice sweetheart self, then become frustrated when you don't get anymore men. You then find a medium, only to realize it doesn't work as well as being a complete b*tch. Now you face a choice... Either be alone with no merit of satisfying your self righteousness, or be a b*tch and get the good guys. Complaining won't get anything done. If you know what works, then you gotta do what you gotta do.
generator456 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I was reading this lol. I’m learning how to play the Uke and well, chilling at the beach always sounds good, and if it is easy to play and learn the words or just say gibberish then I’m down for it. hehe
hardlover Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Thats actually a very good question. I like men who approach me! lol! Who have the balls to come up to me and say "Hi, i'm so-and-so, whats your name?" Shyness to me is a very big turn off. I don't really care that much about the physical, as long as he isn't completely unattractive, I don't see why not. Its the personality that makes or breaks it. But yeah I like men who are the opposite of shy. I wouldn't necessarily call that dominant. well i honestly think you are stupid. In the first post directed to you that this is soleley because of your high empathy level, which you agree on. And therefore you are doomed to fall in love with low empathy, because chemistry on a feeling level usually arises when you complement each other on this area good luck.
Knittress Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 (edited) well i honestly think you are stupid. In the first post directed to you that this is soleley because of your high empathy level... You don't seem to understand the correct usage of 'empathy' and you're insulting HER intelligence? o.O Edited September 30, 2010 by Knittress
2sure Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 I'm not ugly, I don't bitch or nag, I LOVE sex, i'm not jealous, or clingy or needy. I'm smart, i'm outgoing, and i'm fun. I want my boyfriend to WANT to go out with his buddies, or go to the gym, or play golf. Yet it seems that the only men that I attract are manipulative a**holes. Why not the good guys? Why don't they approach me? Am I too tall? Am I too frienly? Why is it the ugly, rude, unappreciative b*tches get all the good guys and perfect women like me are left alone? I think it is likely that you simply have some personal standards you are not willing to overlook in exchange for companionship. Dont worry about that, anyone who has been married more than once will tell you the first marriage was a do over and they wish they had waited and held their ground.
U1987 Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Why not the good guys? Why don't they approach me? Am I too tall? Am I too frienly? Why is it the ugly, rude, unappreciative b*tches get all the good guys and perfect women like me are left alone? It's not you. It's all girls in general. "Good guys" are usually too shy or afraid to make the first move.
KraftDinner Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 Wow, some people are jumping all over the OP. Okay, here's what I think... only liking the guys who approach you... nothing wrong with liking guys who approach you, but that quality, the able-to-approach-people thing? That is just a tiny, surface thing about someone. That speaks nothing about his actual personality... persona is not personality. I hope that makes sense. Maybe I'm alone here, but this reminds me of my friend, I'll call her H. H is beautiful. She turns heads. But I've known her a decade and she's been pretty much single the whole time, and of course can't figure out why. She wants someone she has "stuff in common with". To her, this means a guy who likes the same music and movies as she does. She does not understand that things like that really don't matter (I know they CAN -- like if you both play in a band or go to movies every night or something -- but these are surface, superficial things in general). She will write off a perfectly good guy if he says he likes AC/DC, for example. She will totally believe that's the right thing to do, because what could she possibly have in common with someone who likes AC/DC? I think that's ridiculous. You could argue that these tastes could be indicative of a certain style, which could indicate a certain lifestyle, etc.... but let's get real here. If you eliminate everyone who doesn't have a certain SUPERFICIAL characteristic, you are left with a smaller subset from which to choose. And in my friend's case, her tastes are pretty unusual so that cuts out most people. However, I say to her, and I believe this, that if she REALLY wanted a guy, she would look past that stuff. She totally disagrees. So I think she's on her own.
EasyHeart Posted September 30, 2010 Posted September 30, 2010 H is beautiful. She turns heads. But I've known her a decade and she's been pretty much single the whole time, and of course can't figure out why. She wants someone she has "stuff in common with". To her, this means a guy who likes the same music and movies as she does. She does not understand that things like that really don't matter (I know they CAN -- like if you both play in a band or go to movies every night or something -- but these are surface, superficial things in general). She will write off a perfectly good guy if he says he likes AC/DC, for example. She will totally believe that's the right thing to do, because what could she possibly have in common with someone who likes AC/DC? I think that's ridiculous. You could argue that these tastes could be indicative of a certain style, which could indicate a certain lifestyle, etc.... but let's get real here. If you eliminate everyone who doesn't have a certain SUPERFICIAL characteristic, you are left with a smaller subset from which to choose. And in my friend's case, her tastes are pretty unusual so that cuts out most people. However, I say to her, and I believe this, that if she REALLY wanted a guy, she would look past that stuff. She totally disagrees. So I think she's on her own. This is SO true. I know a several women (including my sister) who are just like this -- completely hung up on superficial things. Healthy relationships are built on common values, not common interests. Heck, there's a good chance you won't even like the same music or have the same hobbies in 5 years that you do now. And if I only dated women with good taste in music, I'd still be waiting for my first date. . ..
brainygirl Posted October 1, 2010 Posted October 1, 2010 I have days when I could be the OP, asking why I'm still single. Aside from the guys who've been impying its because she's a b!tch or ugly, most people have made good points, which is always nice to see on this board. I know that in my case it is partially a matter of timing. When I was in college and most of the people my own age were dating and meeting their future spouces, I was focused on school, kid, work and had no time and no emotional energy for it. Now I'm about to turn 29 (!) and working in my choosen job, but the people my age are mostly paired off and not all gathered up in a local place like they were in college. And life is busy. I teach at-risk high school kids and between the kids and the other adults, I get to the end of the week and just want to be left alone. That can't possibly help my dating life. And then there is the whole standards thing. I've tried dating men who weren't as intelligent as I'd like the to be. They might have been a fun lay, but they weren't fun to date. I've tried lowering my standards and dating guys who were unemployed or even used alcohol at levels I am not comfortable with, and it didn't work. I like to be treated, so its no good to try and date someone living on unempoyment. I am now at a point where I'm really not taking dating seriously at all. I like my live for the most part. If I meet someone who's fun to be around who also enjoys my company, great, if not, well, there are plenty of good books out there. You guys are now free to mock me to your hearts' content.
Author Hopeful30 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Posted October 4, 2010 I think it is likely that you simply have some personal standards you are not willing to overlook in exchange for companionship. Dont worry about that, anyone who has been married more than once will tell you the first marriage was a do over and they wish they had waited and held their ground. Its funny you mention that, because most of the guys I end up dating are divorced (and unfortunately have kids, which to me is a dealbreaker). *sigh*
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