tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I snooped! Just a little bit. I know, I know. Bad Tigress. I deserve to be flamed. But what I found wasn't typical. I was on C's computer. I was checking LS because I'm an addict, and I wanted to delete it from the browsing history so he wouldn't see it. In the browsing history my eyes landed on a site called "marriage partner"--a forum site, like LS. The topic he was on was "Indian men marrying American women". What?! Slow down, man!
CLC2008 Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Haha, I love your thread title. You're silly.
JustJoe Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 TA, if you get hitched before I have a chance to hit on you, I'm gonna be pissed, big time.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 JJ you'll probably get hitched long before I do, so I'LL be the one who's pissed. :laugh: It was this past weekend when I discovered that, and it's been buried in the back of my mind. I'm still not sure what to think of it other than "Holy crap, way to be premature."
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 The old guy will be pissed, too.IYKWIM. :laugh: Should I even be concerned about this at all? IMO at the very least it suggests we're on different wavelengths. If he's already thinking about marriage to the point where he's consulting a forum...well, I'm not exactly on that page yet. In fact I may be a couple of chapters behind.
shadowplay Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 :laugh: Should I even be concerned about this at all? IMO at the very least it suggests we're on different wavelengths. If he's already thinking about marriage to the point where he's consulting a forum...well, I'm not exactly on that page yet. In fact I may be a couple of chapters behind. I wouldn't worry about it, Tigress. I'm not sure it necessarily means much. He's probably marriage-minded in general. A lot of Indian guys are because of all the pressure they receive from their families. I wouldn't be surprised if he was a regular on the site before you even met.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Yeah, you're right about that Shadow. I couldn't tell if he was posting on that forum or if he was just browsing, maybe for info/perspective/whatever. Since I was there I did sweep my eyes over his entire history (yes, yes, flame, flame) and that was the only thing that stood out--at first I thought it was some sort of dating site. I actually shouldn't have been surprised, seeing that. He did already make clear to me that he's looking to get married, and that if things work out with us he wants it to be me he marries. I guess I'm just a little unsettled by that idea still. It hasn't been very long. And I haven't ever thought much at all about marriage--at least, not while in a relationship.
shadowplay Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 Yeah, you're right about that Shadow. I couldn't tell if he was posting on that forum or if he was just browsing, maybe for info/perspective/whatever. Since I was there I did sweep my eyes over his entire history (yes, yes, flame, flame) and that was the only thing that stood out--at first I thought it was some sort of dating site. I actually shouldn't have been surprised, seeing that. He did already make clear to me that he's looking to get married, and that if things work out with us he wants it to be me he marries. I guess I'm just a little unsettled by that idea still. It hasn't been very long. And I haven't ever thought much at all about marriage--at least, not while in a relationship. Well, at least he's being honest. It doesn't surprise me that you're unsettled. I get the sense you have some trouble with intimacy and commitment from reading your past threads. Am I right? It's good to be self aware, so you can work on that stuff. That said, you're young and the idea of marriage would be unsettling for most people your age. Could you see yourself marrying somebody any time soon if they totally swept you off your feet? I think this is something you should discuss with him sooner rather than later.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 (edited) Yeah, I have had some issues with those things. I'm still working on them. Being perfectly honest, I already feel head over heels for him, and it does scare me somewhat. The only reason why is because I have this voice in my head saying "It's too soon! You two only see each other on the weekends! You talk every day, but still, come on! What are you thinking?" But there's another voice saying, "You just feel what you feel. Enjoy it. You're in love; you're happy. Be happy, be in love. It doesn't mean you have to run away with him and elope tomorrow. Or even a year from now." And this is the voice I have been listening to. Oh, to answer your question, Shadow: No, I couldn't see myself marrying someone "anytime soon". My definition of that is within the next 6 months. I suppose the cultural differences are what's at play here. Where he's from, most guys his age (he's 27) would be married or at the very least engaged, and if they're not, their parents are pressuring them about it. He's said before that he's one of the last of his friends to still be unmarried. I was never made to feel like I should be married; in fact I was always told to wait until I was at least 30. I've had my girlish fantasies like pretty much everyone else with a vagina, but I have yet to be in a relationship where I've felt like "I totally want to spend the rest of my life with this guy." Edited September 24, 2010 by tigressA
JustJoe Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 TA, I tease and flirt, but I really do care about you, and I advise you to be very , very, careful. Indian men traditionally do not treat their wives well, as equals. They will while dating, and in the west, but revert to their cultural prejudices, once marriage takes place. I have a friend, who was married to an Indian, and she can tell some real horror stories. BE CAREFUL!!!!
Stung Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 It's never a good idea to read too much into a website someone looks at, unless you know for a fact they're repeat and active visitors. I look at all kinds of random things, sometimes for research for work or a writing idea/project, sometimes out of a passing personal interest that could be just a fleeting curiosity, sometimes because I followed a link--I laugh to imagine what people might think if they saw my browser history . Don't get freaked out unless he says something.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Don't get freaked out unless he says something. That's the thing though--he has said stuff. So I'm a little freaked.
johan Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 He's probably at the ring store right now. I'm sure at some point while he was holding your hand, or maybe when you had your finger up his ass (if you're into that kind of thing), he was taking note of your ring finger size.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 He's probably at the ring store right now. I'm sure at some point while he was holding your hand, or maybe when you had your finger up his ass (if you're into that kind of thing), he was taking note of your ring finger size. :lmao::lmao: If he were ever to go to a jewelry store for a ring for me I would be pissed. I refuse to ever have an engagement ring unless it's a family heirloom. What's typically spent on a ring could be a partial down payment on a house. I hate how many women think it's so important to have this big expensive thing on your finger to symbolize a mere promise of marriage.
JustJoe Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 TA, I'm drinking Calvados, listening to music, and thinking that you, me, all of us, should just enjoy each other, and enjoy our freedom, and the last days of summer.
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Did you find any porn? Nope, no porn. If he has any it could be downloaded onto his hard drive, but really I couldn't care less.
JustJoe Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 One of the most beautiful songs ever , for a beautiful lady.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-ibK5L2a4I
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 TA, I'm drinking Calvados, listening to music, and thinking that you, me, all of us, should just enjoy each other, and enjoy our freedom, and the last days of summer. Mmm...that sounds good! Hpnotiq for me though.
Star Gazer Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 He sounds like he's not in a relationship with you just to be in a relationship with you, but rather, he takes you seriously and dates with long-term/marriage in mind. But that doesn't mean he's like ready to get married or anything... I remember when I dated a 100% Jewish guy that I immediately looked up issues we might have, as I'm technically a gentile. If he'd looked at my search history, he would have seen something similar to what you saw... but it wasn't like I needed to be slowed down, ya know? More like, I was just researching what I was getting myself into, to see if I wanted to put the effort in. Make sense?
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Oh yeah, that does make a lot of sense SG. That makes me feel much less concerned, thank you! It does seem like he wants to put the effort in. And while it does still freak me out a little, it's also really nice to be taken so seriously by someone. I feel like it's a compliment to have me be thought of as potential wife material. I've never been thought of in that way before--at least, as far as I know. I never really thought of any guy as husband material. I was pretty much in relationships "just to be in relationships", like you said, SG.
Star Gazer Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 I feel like it's a compliment to have me be thought of as potential wife material. Of course it is! There are girls guys "wife up," and girls...well...that they don't. It's definitely a compliment to your character and quality if a guy is thinking of you as wifey material. Just don't freak out and think he's ready to put a ring on your finger...until he's actually on bended knee.
witabix Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 maybe when you had your finger up his ass (if you're into that kind of thing), he was taking note of your ring finger size. I hate how many women think it's so important to have this big expensive thing on your finger to symbolize a mere promise of marriage. Am I missing something important here?
Author tigressA Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Of course it is! There are girls guys "wife up," and girls...well...that they don't. It's definitely a compliment to your character and quality if a guy is thinking of you as wifey material. Just don't freak out and think he's ready to put a ring on your finger...until he's actually on bended knee. Yeah, I feel better about it now. One day down the line we'll talk about it more. We have talked about it pretty extensively already--mostly in regard to our families, possible obstacles, blah blah. He was the one to bring it all up, not me. I just went along with it. I didn't think it was necessary to talk about it so soon but I could tell he needed to be reassured about some things, so I decided to be honest and open with my answers to the questions he asked me instead of just deflecting them with the "Too soon" rationale.
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