ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 this is just an observation after I began dating again, in May; and I'm suggesting this with all due respect: the key to a woman's heart seems to be just beyond her panties.* ...sure you can setup an emotional connection in a pretty strong way w/o sex; been there, done that. However, at least from my limited experience, a kind of blind devotion/emotional infatuation in women seems to follow getting into (and rocking) a girl's panties.* agree/disagree??
stellaluna Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Im still trying to shake the word panties out of my head I hate it when girls use that word but a dude should never use that word. Ever. Good orgasms might keep them interested for a while but not long term.
SteveC80 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Ive noticed lately its extremely true.. I have two female friends recently who broke up with new guys because the sex was bad the first time,they didnt evne give the guy another shot and ended up getting back with shady ex's because they were good in bed.. Sex is more important to females in relationships then anyone lets on..If its bad it doesnt matter how much they lvoe you theyll bolt withuot asking questions and they sometiems mistake great sex for some amazing emotional bond or connection..
quankanne Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 it's important, but not as important as the gift of self – there's nothing sexier – or more appealing – than a man who gives you his full attention when he's with you. I'm not saying that you need to be a stalker, just that when you're together, you're fully present. Not thinking about how hot other chicks are, that you need to change out the motor in the car, that you hate how she does X when you want to do Y. But being fully there ...
FL Lady Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Ive noticed lately its extremely true.. I have two female friends recently who broke up with new guys because the sex was bad the first time,they didnt evne give the guy another shot and ended up getting back with shady ex's because they were good in bed.. Sex is more important to females in relationships then anyone lets on..If its bad it doesnt matter how much they lvoe you theyll bolt withuot asking questions and they sometiems mistake great sex for some amazing emotional bond or connection.. No- we don't mistake great sex for some emotional bond. We just love sensual & hot sex.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 ...and they sometiems mistake great sex for some amazing emotional bond or connection.. nail on the head. it seems this perception of a hardcore emotional connection (caused by sex) is like the crazy glue holding a woman to you; even if you're not a monogamous "couple". that emotional feeling/bond they feel is the source of the whole "women will try to change a man" stereotype. they're so locked in, emotionally, despite seeing things they logically don't like, but... so long as the bed play is slammin', hey, they'll try to mold the rest into something workable. I'm convinced... want a woman glued to you? ground zero is the bed room.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 it's important, but not as important as the gift of self – there's nothing sexier – or more appealing – than a man who gives you his full attention when he's with you. I'm not saying that you need to be a stalker, just that when you're together, you're fully present. Not thinking about how hot other chicks are, that you need to change out the motor in the car, that you hate how she does X when you want to do Y. But being fully there ... question about this point: is this more the case before, or after, a relationship has become sexual? thanks.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 No- we don't mistake great sex for some emotional bond. We just love sensual & hot sex. well yes, we knew this. the discussion I guess is about the power sensual & hot sex has on binding a woman to a dude. so I'll ask you this. you're seeing a guy and he's average in just about every respect (kindness, generosity, affection, socioeconomic status, etc...), but he's dynamite in the sack - as far as you're concerned. he a keeper??
tigressA Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I generally agree with this. I became rather infatuated with my BF early on because we set the sheets on fire on our first date. It has been very hard for me to end relationships I knew weren't what I really wanted because the sex was amazing.
a_woman Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 no. If there is no connection outside the bedroom the sex will wear off.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 ...we set the sheets on fire... that's effing hot... I'm using that one.
GooseChaser Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Maybe the emotional connection comes first, and then it results in better sex. It works great, though, doesn't it? Guys love sex, and in women, it causes them to form a stronger bond with the guy.
quankanne Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 question about this point: is this more the case before, or after, a relationship has become sexual? AW's got it right: Sex wears off quickly if there's no connection otherwise. So it behooves you to get the proper groundwork in place BEFORE you start sleeping with her. Unless it's a mutually-agreed upon FWB situation, but even those fall by the wayside when someone connects with another person psychologically. I've got a friend from college who simply amazes me with his skill with women. Not from a sexual standpoint (ewww ... he's like a brother, I don't EVEN want to think about that!) but in the sense that he's completely focused on the gal he's with, be it his daughter, his sister, his friends or the chicks he dates. I mean, he's someone who thoroughly appreciates women in every shape and form, and we feel it when he's interacting with us. Makes me wish all men tapped into that capacity to give full attention to the women they're with, but I realize it goes against the grain of the Y-chromosome. I will tell you that while he's a regular guy, his company is very much sought-after because of this quality :love:
tigressA Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 IME, you don't need an emotional connection to have fantastic sex.
quankanne Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 he's asking about more than sex, though ... old joke, but a lotta truth to it, OP: HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN... Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her .... HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN... Show up naked. Bring beer.
TheBigQuestion Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I disagree. In my experience, women are better at separating their emotions from sex than most men believe.
quankanne Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 and it depends on the nature of the relationship. If it's for fun and games, yeah, neither person is going to put their heart into it, thinking why should they? It's about sex, not anything more. however, there is a point where someone wants to find more than just recreational sex in their life, and starts asking questions like the OP has ...
Knittress Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 ...maybe. But then you're ignoring all the stories about women who are in love and frustrated by men who don't do it for them in the sack.
Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 ...If it's for fun and games, yeah, neither person is going to put their heart into it, thinking why should they? It's about sex, not anything more... this is where I tend to disagree with you. my experience with women is that it is extremely tough for them to keep their hearts OUT of relationships (even dead end ones) where hot sex is involved. I wanted to throw this notion out to see what you all thought. is awesome sex the key to a woman's heart? I think so. your post reasons that if two people go into a relationship with the understanding that it's all about "setting the sheets on fire" they won't become infatuated. I think that, in women (more than men), the heart strings are apart of the deal, whether something else was discussed or not.
quankanne Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 not talking about infatuation or mutual desire/like, but whether or not a guy is a keeper. But then you're ignoring all the stories about women who are in love and frustrated by men who don't do it for them in the sack. I'm still in my marriage, despite the fact that Mr. Happy doesn't work any longer, which can be as frustrating as hell ... Good sex may have been part of the initial appeal of getting with my husband, but the fact that he's always been a generous, loving guy is the reason I stay. So it doesn't *just* boil down to sex, IMO
Feelin Frisky Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Hmmm, is the key to a woman's heart through her pants? Is the key to her heart through my pants? If only it were that simple. Bonobos have it easy. We humans have more question marks.
Star Gazer Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Sex can and does cause attachment... But attachment is quite different from emotional connection.
sanskrit Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 For a normal, hetero man, trying to "connect emotionally" with a woman is like trying to take a drink from a fire hydrant. Stick to oxytocin (multiple orgasms), and by the time it wears off after about 3-4 months, you are probably starting to tire of them and vice versa so it's all good.
Lady vs Panda Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 so I'll ask you this. you're seeing a guy and he's average in just about every respect (kindness, generosity, affection, socioeconomic status, etc...), but he's dynamite in the sack - as far as you're concerned. he a keeper?? For me, not a long-term keeper. But a lot of fun for a few months maybe up to a year.
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