shadowplay Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 There, I said it. I've never felt this way until now, but after 27 years I think I've acquired enough experience to make an informed judgment. And just to preempt, by most I really mean most, not all. There are some very decent guys, including some on this board (USMHokie, Johan, Pyro, Stockalone, Carhill, to name a few). About women I can't say. I've had some bad experiences and some good, but I obviously haven't gotten to know them on the intimate level that I have guys. I will say this: they seems to have more empathy on average, and more often a genuine interest in people that transcends getting x want met. On average. There are bad seeds as well. That's it! Feel free to agree, disagree or debate at your leisure.
Philetus Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 My experience probably has something to do with my age - I'm 44. I've dated a lot of women since my marriage ended (from 25-47 years old) and almost every one had multiple horror stories of men behaving abominably. Some of my "favourite" examples of things men did.... - asking (on first dates) how large their breasts were - aggressively hitting on them while being married with children - sending photos of their genitals via email - moving in with women, quitting their jobs, and living off them - verbally and physically abusive Meanwhile, I've had boring dates. I had one woman who fell in love with me, it wasn't requited and I left her. She went off on me but that's understandable. I've never faced anything like the stories I've heard about what jerks men have been. So, for women who are looking to date men. You honestly have my sympathy.
Sanman Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Reading your other thread, I am left wondering if these feelings inform the responses to get from men more than the physical features you are uncomfortable about. It sounds like you are not enjoying your life. I think it you have the right idea about taking a step back from dating, but find the joy in your life rather than just working on the physical.
westrock Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I'm not too fond of most guys That's fine. You only need to find 1 guy for you so it doesn't matter that you're not fond of the rest. Having said that, you can still find some benefit in a guy you're not fond of in the sense that you can probably observe/identify at least one positive quality about them that you can then look for in someone else. One question... are you fond of yourself?
Tony T Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 My experience probably has something to do with my age - I'm 44. I've dated a lot of women since my marriage ended (from 25-47 years old) and almost every one had multiple horror stories of men behaving abominably. Some of my "favourite" examples of things men did.... - asking (on first dates) how large their breasts were - aggressively hitting on them while being married with children - sending photos of their genitals via email ..... Are you telling me now that it's a turn off for women if I send photos of my genitals via Email after a date or two???
theBrokenMuse Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 and more often a genuine interest in people that transcends getting x want met. People only have genuine interests in things they get something out of, even if that something is something as small as scratching a barely present emotional itch. There are motives behind everything we do, even if they aren't always clear - even to those who do them. That being said, I honestly don't think it's just men.. While women can have a good deal of empathy they can also hone that skill to inflict devastating emotional blows, especially to other women. Truth be told I think human beings in general are lacking in character and often too self-absorbed to care.
LisaLee Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I don't think I can say I have a problem with men as a whole. There are certain types o men I don't like. But then there are certain types of women I can't stand, either.
terra Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 No Tony, all women LOVE photos of men's genitals. Perhaps sending them before a first date would be a great icebreaker. Are you telling me now that it's a turn off for women if I send photos of my genitals via Email after a date or two???
Author shadowplay Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 People only have genuine interests in things they get something out of, even if that something is something as small as scratching a barely present emotional itch. There are motives behind everything we do, even if they aren't always clear - even to those who do them. That being said, I honestly don't think it's just men.. While women can have a good deal of empathy they can also hone that skill to inflict devastating emotional blows, especially to other women. Truth be told I think human beings in general are lacking in character and often too self-absorbed to care. Sure, you can explain any trace of altruism in humanity by linking it to some selfish motive. That's not what I mean. I'm talking about having wants met on a much more superficial level. I just think women tend, on average, to have more interest in other people.
Tony T Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 No Tony, all women LOVE photos of men's genitals. Perhaps sending them before a first date would be a great icebreaker. DUH!!! Why didn't I think of that???
theBrokenMuse Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 . I'm talking about having wants met on a much more superficial level.By superficial are you talking about our primal drives such as sleep, food, sex or something else?
Author shadowplay Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 By superficial are you talking about our primal drives such as sleep, food, sex or something else? Basically yeah...
a_woman Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I'm not keen on generalisation when it comes to gender but there are traits I suppose you can't ignore. I like men, I have a lot of male friends, I know they can be over assertive (aggressive even sometimes) but I'm sort of comfortable with that because I realise how men compete with eachother day in day out. Women are more emotional and perhaps can be more manipulative and those traits I find harder to handle. I find it easy to deal with the simplicity of men.
theBrokenMuse Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Basically yeah... IMO, unless dealing with a simpleton, I think that even if given the appearance of such, there is much more going on beneath the surface. I just don't think men often wear their emotional needs on their sleeves the way women tend to.
Star Gazer Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 There are some very decent guys, including some on this board (USMCHokie, Johan, Pyro, Stockalone, Carhill, to name a few). Feel free to agree, disagree or debate at your leisure. Yes, I agree...those are some fantastic men. Of course, I have my favorite... IME, I tend to really, really like men as people. They're easier to get along with, on the whole. The only time I don't like them, is when I'm dating them! Even the guy friends I have that I once dated, I love them as friends. Really. They give great advice on other guys. These same guys will say something like, "He's a douche, dump him." To which I'll respond, "Wait, isn't that how YOU acted when WE dated?" And sometimes they'll actually say, "Yeah, because I'm a douche sometimes."
jamesum Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 But generally women are attracted to the wrong kind of men in the first place. I get more attraction from the ladies when I act like I dont care about anything. But I usually lose their interest once I start being my softer self.
brainygirl Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I think the issue is that we have a right to be picky about who we choose to be with, but there's a fine line between being too picky and not picky enough. On the surface I have relatively few "requirements" about the men I date. I want them to be intelligent, nice to me, attracted to me and attractive to me, and employed. But its the little things that I can't quantify that are harder. I get turned off by guys who are still taking laundry home to their mothers to wash. I don't mind sports, but fanatics who can't miss and game or who are rabid about one particular team or college drive me nuts. Find something else to talk about for cripes saks. Another thing is intelligence. I live in the rural midwest and a lot of people around here seem to think being smart is unamerican and will act dumb. That larry comedian is a prime example of how they act. I can't stand that. I'm a smart person, I want to be with a smart person. And I run into a lot of just irresponsible user guys who live off others and don't take care of their kids and have all kinds of excuses to being that way and think that they are awesome just because they will give a woman the time of day. I may not be a perfect ten, but I'm better than some dude who wants to move in, use my house, stuff and TV and not contribute. And with those types seeming to have over run the dating scene as far as I can tell, and with me unwilling to lower my very basic standards, I think I'll be single for a long long time.
Angel1111 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Are you telling me now that it's a turn off for women if I send photos of my genitals via Email after a date or two??? LMAO!
witabix Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Are you telling me now that it's a turn off for women if I send photos of my genitals via Email after a date or two??? No Tony, all women LOVE photos of men's genitals. Perhaps sending them before a first date would be a great icebreaker. These posts gave me an idea. How about a portfolio? A few pics in a philofax type thing, maybe a philocox? Of course the guys with the 10"X8"'s would do better, maybe? There, I said it. I've never felt this way until now, but after 27 years I think I've acquired enough experience to make an informed judgment. And just to preempt, by most I really mean most, not all. There are some very decent guys, including some on this board (USMHokie, Johan, Pyro, Stockalone, Carhill, to name a few). About women I can't say. I've had some bad experiences and some good, but I obviously haven't gotten to know them on the intimate level that I have guys. I will say this: they seems to have more empathy on average, and more often a genuine interest in people that transcends getting x want met. On average. There are bad seeds as well. That's it! Feel free to agree, disagree or debate at your leisure. On a more serious note, it sounds like you are 'suffering' (wrong word probably) from 'boyfriend ennui' or maybe just a bit tired of all the horse feathers that seems to go with modern dating. I have found the old 20/80 rule applies to most things.
alphamale Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 There are some very decent guys, including some on this board (USMHokie, Johan, Pyro, Stockalone, Carhill, to name a few). you left me off the list
Author shadowplay Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 you left me off the list I'm sorry, Alphie.
loverofloveandstuff Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I went to a single sex for most of my life and I was pretty much surrounded by escalated levels of bitchiness the whole time. It's a bit of an unnatural position to be in (that is, being around girls only all the time) but it has definitely made a big contribution to turning me off girls, atleast a bit. I feel like a lot of the time there is an element of competition between women, especially regarding men. Frankly, I can't be bothered with the jealousy and manipulation that often surfaces because of their insecurities and all that crap which they sometimes fall back on to justify their behaviour. I've been out of school for 9 months, and since then, I've realised that I'm far more compatible with men (for the most part). I feel like they are far more approachable and easy to make friends with. For example, if I'm going out with a crowd that I'm not too familiar with, the girls will usually stick together and won't make it easy for me to be let into their 'group'. They'll stick with whom they already know and will be reluctant to let any newcomers in. Guys usually try their best to accomodate and make me feel like I'm part of their possy and I always appreciate that. There was one facebook (yeah I know, ) incident that really strung out to me and made me upset with women. I do a lot of promo work in the summer for some cash and fun in the sun. On one particular event, I got tagged in several photos (none of them were indecent in my opinion). I had a influx of verging on abusive comments from a lot of girls, and some of my 'friends.' None of these comments were from men by the way. After that incident, I deleted my fb because I didn't want to be a part of all that drama. Anyways, I like both men and women. Definitely have a preference towards men though.
elaina Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I'm not too fond of some guys, but there are amazing guys in the world too! Guys I'm not fond of are those who don't care for their families, who don't care about the poor, and/or those who don't treat animals well really annoy me. But again, there are definitely guys who are great men in the world. (And not all of them are hiding.) Yep, there are great guys on the forum too!
brainygirl Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I'm not too fond of some guys, but there are amazing guys in the world too! Guys I'm not fond of are those who don't care for their families, who don't care about the poor, and/or those who don't treat animals well really annoy me. But, there are definitely guys who are great men in the world. I think the "bad apples" in a group tend to stick out. The truly great members of both sexes just go about their business being great and no one notices.
USMCHokie Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Thanks for the kind words, Shadow! Yes, I agree...those are some fantastic men. Of course, I have my favorite...
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