is dating harder in NYC?

[shadowplay]

Just curious, because that's probably where I'm headed eventually (in a year or so) given my profession of choice. I mean is it harder for a woman to find a mate? I want to know what to expect. Actually, if it's really, really bad I might consider living elsewhere if I can find a viable work alternative. I have a hunch that NYC guys are more superficial, prickish and also less willing to commit, but honestly I have no clue. So what is it like?

[Bogo123]

Its not that bad in my opinion. People say its hard to find a meaningful relationship which I find true to an extent. There are just so many people to choose from and that's why people don't settle down because they're constantly exposed to new people or always looking for something better. Of course there's going to be tons of competition, but also a bigger selection of potential mates. As far as the guys, not too sure since I date women, but its probably no different than any other big city.

[terra]

Perhaps....

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/yahoocanada/100917/canada/shortage_of_single_ladies_drives_men_to_commit

[SilentVoice]

I think it is was. I had so much more variation when I was in NYC. :-( I miss NYC

[yah]

I'm originally from NYC. Since there are more people, everybody has more options. You can be more picky about who you want to date. Looks, education and family background are important. Honestly, I find it too superficial but that's not to say its impossible to find someone. People also marry wayyy later and so I find that NY'ers have longer dating history and with more partners (emotional baggage, maybe?).

 

I've read some of your past posts; dating in NYC is something I wouldn't recommend for you who take rejection personally.

[shadowplay]

Yeah....looks like I'm never getting married.

[irc333]

What's REALLY funny is this....I live in a smaller area, where mostly women from early 30's to probably late 40's are married or attached.

 

So if you do some search in my suburban area on dating sites, you'll find a small patch of Jerry Springer show material or the elderly.

 

Once in a blue moon, I'll see a woman, say mid 30's, educated, nice looking, never married, no kids, same kind of woman as my status....sometimes in their profile they'd say, "Hi, I've moved here from NYC or (insert major city here) and realized there's no one but rednecks or World War II vets here....so I decided to place a profile"

 

OF course, I email her, but no response, and I'm sure there are a few "trickle" of guys like myself that email her, but again, no response....and we're probably average looking not he "Tall GQ's" of NYC that she's used to seeing, but she chose to move to a small town where she will NEVER find such a guy, because ALL those guys are married to their own Prom Queen or HighSchool sweethearts, and STILL are.

 

Yes, beautiful peopel in small towns are already "snarfed up" pretty quickly. While "transients" make their way to this neck of the woods (transients - i.e. - people that move to this area away from big cities, or moved here because they prefer the quiet venue, etc etc, or because cheape r living rates)

 

But I think they really can't afford to be picky/shallow if they're living in a small town, otherwise go back to NYC!

 

 

 

I'm originally from NYC. Since there are more people, everybody has more options. You can be more picky about who you want to date. Looks, education and family background are important. Honestly, I find it too superficial but that's not to say its impossible to find someone. People also marry wayyy later and so I find that NY'ers have longer dating history and with more partners (emotional baggage, maybe?).

 

I've read some of your past posts; dating in NYC is something I wouldn't recommend for you who take rejection personally.

[shadowplay]

honestly, this sounds awful. I was thinking to myself, well people need to settle down some point, so they can't continue to be superficial forever, right? But then I realized maybe what happens is a minority of people, usually very desirable ones, get married at a reasonable age. Then the rest of the populace never settles down, has this indefinite bachelorhood, because nobody is good enough for anybody. But of course the women are eager to settle down with the guys they find attractive, but the guys feel they can always replace her with somebody better. This sounds like my ultimate nightmare. I'm screwed.

[tami-chan]

Just curious, because that's probably where I'm headed eventually (in a year or so) given my profession of choice. I mean is it harder for a woman to find a mate? I want to know what to expect. Actually, if it's really, really bad I might consider living elsewhere if I can find a viable work alternative. I have a hunch that NYC guys are more superficial, prickish and also less willing to commit, but honestly I have no clue. So what is it like?

 

For you, probably. But, it is a big city with lots of people...so who knows? somebody might actually get past your quirkiness and discover the gem that you are.

[shadowplay]

Oh man. I need to look for other places to live.

 

Here's what somebody wrote on another forum:

 

i used to work for a dating service, and one of the statistics they wanted us to mention to the women that came in looking for a partner were that for every one (non-gay) man in nyc there are approximately five single women. now, they never disclosed to me where they got that statistic from, so i never mentioned it to anyone.

 

if this is indeed accurate, it may illustrate the whole male kid-in-a-candy-store mentality when it comes to going from one to the next, or seeing a bunch of people at once.

[waynebrady]

Just curious, because that's probably where I'm headed eventually (in a year or so) given my profession of choice. I mean is it harder for a woman to find a mate? I want to know what to expect. Actually, if it's really, really bad I might consider living elsewhere if I can find a viable work alternative. I have a hunch that NYC guys are more superficial, prickish and also less willing to commit, but honestly I have no clue. So what is it like?

 

For women dating is easy no matter where you are, don't worry. Dating is alot easier for women than it is for men.

[tami-chan]

For women dating is easy no matter where you are, don't worry. Dating is alot easier for women than it is for men.

 

I agree dating is easier for women. However, the question is "finding a MATE" whom she thinks is not superficial, pricky, etc.etc.. Seriously, I think is it difficult for her anywhere.

[Star Gazer]

NYC, like LA, is a huge city with way more people, and a high percentage of models, gorgeous actors and other beautiful people. Men will believe they have far more options available to them. I think dating in NYC would be incredibly difficult for someone who is insecure about their appearance and internalizes rejection and takes it so personally.

[shadowplay]

OK, as an experiment I've temporarily changed my location to NYC on OKCupid to see what kinds of men message me. I'll keep it there for a few hours. Should be itneresting.

[shadowplay]

Ugh, I've done a cursory search of guys on OKC who are high matches with me and live in NYC, and the superficiality is just oozing from their profiles.

 

Here's an excerpt from one:

 

You should message me if...

 

You are highly interesting, you are a genuinely good person, or you are gorgeous. Ideally, it'd be great if you exhibited a combination of all three.

[shadowplay]

Oh, another quickie observation. The vast majority of guys in NYC who are high matches have replies very selectively or selectively as their statuses, where it's "replies often" for most of the guys where I live. I'm doomed!

[Labster12]

I live in NYC, and while it's a nightmare for men who aren't actors, millionaires, and models to date here, it must be a mindblowing experience for women who have their pick of the litter due to the high proportion of such men . I would not suggest moving to NYC at all for a single men, because chances are, you will stay single, women here are really repulsive (not physically, spiritually/character wise).

 

thanks for that advice buddy!

 

But what about somewhere else in the Northeast like Jersey?

Edited September 19, 2010 by Labster12

[shadowplay]

Oh, and all the women look like JAPpy uber-biotches. Good to know!

[tami-chan]

thanks for that advice buddy!

 

But what about somewhere else in the Northeast like Jersey?

 

You do not want to date East Indians, right? which is a shame, NJ has a good size population of very successful, good-looking, presumably, "good" East Indians.

 

Dating in NJ is not unlike NYC. When we say "we are going to the city to hang out"...we mean we are going to NYC.

 

I do not agree, with Warlord999. There are quality men and women in NYC. Although, of course, the city is driven by either money or arts or both, imho.

[welikeincrowds]

I think dating in NYC would be incredibly difficult for someone who is insecure about their appearance

 

I live in NYC, and while it's a nightmare for men who aren't actors, millionaires, and models to date here

 

 

This is one of NYC's biggest challenges. Living here is difficult for people who are insecure, period. It is a constant sell. Beautiful things and people are within your view at all times, pushed out of apartments and into the streets, and in store windows. If you internalize that relentless, unsated temptation it feels like a personal failing -- like those people have something better than you do, like happiness is an object you can hold and carry. That's what NYC represents, right? Limitless possibility at all times of the day or night. You have to guard yourself against it. They're just things, and on that level, even physical beauty is just a thing.

 

The truth is that there's just a ton of strangers here. 8 million strangers. And people teach themselves to ignore strangers, so there are actually very few, discrete times when people let their guards down. For that reason among many, finding someone you really like can be difficult for anyone in NYC, including women, almost for the same reasons that getting anything you want can be difficult in NYC. The possibilities are much higher, but so are the stakes.

 

You have to commit, and shadow, there's no way you'll be able to do it, because you won't even commit to yourself. You have no self-esteem, and you will be devoured -- by losers, by hipster *******s who have no idea what's important. They'll eat you alive, even though they don't deserve to, and you'll let them, because you have no pride.

[shadowplay]

This is one of NYC's biggest challenges. Living here is difficult for people who are insecure, period. It is a constant sell. Beautiful things and people are within your view at all times, pushed out of apartments and into the streets, and in store windows. If you internalize that relentless, unsated temptation it feels like a personal failing -- like those people have something better than you do, like happiness is an object you can hold and carry. That's what NYC represents, right? Limitless possibility at all times of the day or night. You have to guard yourself against it. They're just things, and on that level, even physical beauty is just a thing.

 

The truth is that there's just a ton of strangers here. 8 million strangers. And people teach themselves to ignore strangers, so there are actually very few, discrete times when people let their guards down. For that reason among many, finding someone you really like can be difficult for anyone in NYC, including women, almost for the same reasons that getting anything you want can be difficult in NYC. The possibilities are much higher, but so are the stakes.

 

You have to commit, and shadow, there's no way you'll be able to do it, because you won't even commit to yourself. You have no self-esteem, and you will be devoured -- by losers, by hipster *******s who have no idea what's important. They'll eat you alive, even though they don't deserve to, and you'll let them, because you have no pride.

 

I am afraid to say you are completely right. As I am now this is what will happen.

[welikeincrowds]

I am afraid to say you are completely right. As I am now this is what will happen.

 

And maybe that would be a good thing.

 

The first time I ever came to New York by myself, I was 16, and within the first hour I was hustled out of $10 by a complete stranger. I am still an idiot, but far less so.

[shadowplay]

And maybe that would be a good thing.

 

The first time I ever came to New York by myself, I was 16, and within the first hour I was hustled out of $10 by a complete stranger. I am still an idiot, but far less so.

 

this is something that's occurred to me. IN fact, at 17 I originally started college at NYU, but only stuck around for about a month before I transferred. NY scared the hell out of me and I HATED almost everybody that I met (all superficial, nasty, snobby). But I remember the woman who led our freshman orientation group said: "NY makes you grow up fast." Maybe that's what I need.

[Sanman]

Dating in NYC is definitely different from other places. Dating in many places, you have difficulty finding someone to meet your criteria. Dating in major cities means many more people fit your criteria, but there is more competition for them and you. One of the many reasons I have long strings of dating without relationships. NYC is also the career capital of the world...everyone comes here to enhance their career and no one wants to sacrifice that for a relationship.

 

 

I live in NYC, and while it's a nightmare for men who aren't actors, millionaires, and models to date here, it must be a mindblowing experience for women who have their pick of the litter due to the high proportion of such men . I would not suggest moving to NYC at all for a single men, because chances are, you will stay single, women here are really repulsive (not physically, spiritually/character wise).

 

I have never found this to be the case and my dating life has never been better than when i am in NYC. That said, six figure jobs and graduate degrees are the norm rather than the exception here. If you make $50K you are barely getting by comfortably and you certainly are not splurging on too many expensive dates.

[Labster12]

You do not want to date East Indians, right? which is a shame, NJ has a good size population of very successful, good-looking, presumably, "good" East Indians.

 

Dating in NJ is not unlike NYC. When we say "we are going to the city to hang out"...we mean we are going to NYC.

 

I do not agree, with Warlord999. There are quality men and women in NYC. Although, of course, the city is driven by either money or arts or both, imho.

 

I'd date an Indian girl!