What's the best way to make nerdy girls like you?

[AD1980]

Trust me when I say that an average woman's definition of a "ripped" guy is NOT all that ripped...

 

Hah, I hate that term...

 

lol i hear you but a guy in his shape shouldnt have that bad a time attracting women unless its his face which hes screwed then

[somedude81]

Somedude, what you're describing is the approach where you try to generate "interest" before even asking them out...it sounds eerily similar to the friends first approach, which I feel rarely ever works...life isn't a Taylor Swift song where your best friend suddenly pulls a note out of her purse at prom saying she loves you...

 

As many folks have said repeatedly in this thread, a lot of the initial "interest" is based on physical attraction...so if that is legitimately an issue for you, then work on it...

 

So don't try to be their friend first...that's what's getting you friendzoned so much...it's your whole approach that makes the girls feel like you're just trying to be their friend...just ask them out on a date...sometimes girls don't know to get "interested" in you because they simply don't realize that you're interested in them...

I DO NOT WANT TO DO THE FRIENDS FIRST THING.

 

The problem is that I don't know what I should actually do. I see a girl who's cute. I talk to her a bit. I want her to like me so that when I do ask her out, she won't reject me or she won't accept the invitation believing I want to be her friend.

 

I'm not particularly physical attractive. My face is average and I'm only 5'6. Neither of those I can change. I'm working on my body that is a long process and I probably won't be where I want to be for a year or so. Even then, there are guys who look worse than me who get girls. The difference between them and me is that they know how to make a girl like them.

 

I'm getting frustrated because I'm looking for a simple solution of do and say X, Y, Z and the girl will be interested. But that's obviously not realistic.

A 6-pack has never been a requirement for me, and I can confidently say the same for all of my girlfriends. That said, luckily for most men (and women, actually), most men don't walk around with their shirt off or lifting it up ala The Situation.

Yeah, but you're still after the 6' tall guy who's got model looks and a muscular body.

[witabix]

Yeah, but you're still after the 6' tall guy who's got model looks and a muscular body.

 

Sorry did some one call? Oh sorry, only 6', right......

[BobSacamento]

I DO NOT WANT TO DO THE FRIENDS FIRST THING.

 

The problem is that I don't know what I should actually do. I see a girl who's cute. I talk to her a bit. I want her to like me so that when I do ask her out, she won't reject me or she won't accept the invitation believing I want to be her friend.

 

I'm not particularly physical attractive. My face is average and I'm only 5'6. Neither of those I can change. I'm working on my body that is a long process and I probably won't be where I want to be for a year or so. Even then, there are guys who look worse than me who get girls. The difference between them and me is that they know how to make a girl like them.

 

I'm getting frustrated because I'm looking for a simple solution of do and say X, Y, Z and the girl will be interested. But that's obviously not realistic.

 

Yeah, but you're still after the 6' tall guy who's got model looks and a muscular body.

 

Don't be friends with the ones you are interested in. Be friends with the ones you have zero interest in who have some sort of contact with the ones you are interested in.

[Star Gazer]

Yeah, but you're still after the 6' tall guy who's got model looks and a muscular body.

 

Wrong, that's not what I'm looking for...at all. If the guy turns out to come in that package , awesome. If not, that's totally okay too.

[welikeincrowds]

If I'm following this thread correctly, your problem is that you don't know how to show interest. In particular, so that she knows you're looking for romance. Correct?

 

As USMCHokie has said, at some point, she has to be mature enough to know what you're asking for without you needing to hit her over the head with it. If you speak to woman, and you have a pleasant enough conversation, and you ask her for her number and then take her out 1-on-1, she should get the idea that you're looking to see if you two are compatible. In fact, that first conversation doesn't really even have to be flirtatious -- asking for her number is, in itself, the indicator of interest. That said, she will never know if you're interested if you don't show her at some point, and I feel that this is what you are feeling somewhat insecure about, and what you really want to know.

 

The good news is that it's within you, as it is within all of us. That may sound like feel-good bull**** to you, but hear me out. There is no "right" way to flirt. There are general guidelines (and I will try my best to share what my opinion is on the issue), but ultimately only you will know how to playfully hint at the idea of what those first moments of a romance with you will be like.

 

But I digress: "building attraction" is in itself not that difficult. It's just a game people play. Most of it is decided before you even speak to her, or perhaps in the first few seconds of speaking to her, during the "test": that nebulous battery of "standards" that we all know and love, which is, essentially, "do I find him physically attractive?" Don't let that intimidate you, however: "physically" does not just refer to your height, or your facial features. It is your image as a whole: your presentation, how you dress, how you stand. We all undergo a split-second, subconscious evaluations of what other people's bodies communicate to us. And while some of that is completely out of your control (so don't take it personally!), most of it is (so don't feel so defeated!).

 

In my experience, the most powerful tool for building attraction is eye contact. You will go very far by simply looking a woman in the eye, and smiling. You don't even really have to smile. A few years ago I experimented with eye contact on various people: store clerks, strangers on the street, etc. I was amazed at how positively people respond to it. Some girls would straight-up blush, and smile playfully, just because I looked them in the eye. I'm good looking, but I'm not that good looking. So I cannot emphasize this enough. Stare right into their god-damned souls.

 

The second thing you have to do is flirt. "How?" Again, only you can answer that. I'm sorry; I know that's annoying. But I did mention general guidelines, didn't I?

 

All people want to know is that they're doing the right thing. That we really are attractive, that we really do dress well, that our jokes really are funny, that our life choices are right for us -- that we really are OK for the person that we are, and that we are well on the way to being the person we want to be. Flirting is letting someone know that they are doing it right; and because they are doing it right, they are attractive to you; and finally, that they are attractive to you is, in itself, doing it right . They will come to you, because you want them to, and you told them so.

 

So let a woman know that she is funny. That she is cute when she smiles. That being around her makes you feel good. You don't even have to use words to do this. Laughing with her, looking into her eyes, guiding her by the small of her back: there are a million ways to tell someone something. If she was going to be receptive at all, she will want to see more of you, because you told her to, and she decided to play along. If you don't leave out that "tell her to" part, I swear to you OP, it really is that easy.

Edited September 16, 2010 by welikeincrowds
I missed a key word that made a sentence sound pretty dumb

[callingyouuu]

In my experience, the most powerful tool for building attraction is eye contact. You will go very far by simply looking a woman in the eye, and smiling... Stare right into their god-damned souls.

 

This has been my experience, as well. You just look them in the eyes and don't let go. A cheeky grin is helpful so it doesn't seem like you're staring.

 

In any case, OP, I think you put emphasis on creating interest before the date in a way that prevents you from pursuing anything because you're constantly unsure if she's reached this arbitrary level of interest yet.

 

Just act. Overanalyze later.

[Trimmer]

I don't like the thought that there is nothing I can control.

Unfortunately, that's just too bad. There is NOTHING about a woman's feelings you can control.

Oh, say it sistah! Tell it like it is!!! Hear the truth!

 

 

it sounds eerily similar to the friends first approach, which I feel rarely ever works...life isn't a Taylor Swift song where your best friend suddenly pulls a note out of her purse at prom saying she loves you...

zOMG!!! You just implicitly admitted that you've watched a Taylor Swift video!!

 

zOMG!!! Now, so have I !!

[Els]

Start off just talking to them about your interests.

 

Then invite them to do something one-on-one; could be interest-related if you like. Just make sure it'll only be the two of you. As in, 'let's go to this big cosplay event where all our friends will be' - wrong. 'Wanna create this Gundam model together?' - right.

 

Gradually turn it into date-like stuff like dinner and a walk in the park. Depending on interest level gauged, more intimate stuff my proceed thereon.

 

I don't care what people say - in my opinion (and trust me, you don't get much nerdier than me), introverted, nerdy, intellectual girls loathe just being asked out out of the blue, loathe PUA tactics. I'm not interested in guys I don't KNOW. And I don't know you if we haven't spoken much or spent time together as friends before. I'll wager most of the others in that category will be the same.

 

Of course, you'll probably ignore all of this in favour of 'But you don't try to be friends with girls you like first! It doesn't work!!!' claims. At least I tried.

 

And, there isn't a guarantee for success. Some girls just won't like you, period, just as how YOU don't like some girls.

[gypsy_nicky]

ask them about hentai;)

[CLC2008]

Dressed as Barney the Dinosaur, speaking through a Darth Vader voice changer.

 

Then onto the D&D convetion, where Barney costume comes in handy as a Pink Dragon outfit.

 

Anime? What's that all about? Is that the Japanese stuff that you can't make head nor tail of?

 

Outrageous. Hey, it could work.

 

Btw - LOL on the new avie.

 

OP, a few of the other posters are correct on the spark aspect.

 

It's the "ignition" so to speak.

 

Case in point, went on a first date with someone (this was over two years ago), we were at a restaurant and the waiter came over and turned on some kind of light device that was attached to the umbrella in our table.

 

My date's facial expression, when the waiter did that, I don't know... something about it ignited my spark.

 

But, I can clearly remember it and it was at that point, that I was drawn to him.

 

That was the spark.

[somedude81]

Welikeincrowds, thanks for the tips.

Flirting is letting someone know that they are doing it right; and because they are doing it right, they are attractive to you; and finally, that they are attractive to you is, in itself, doing it right . They will come to you, because you want them to, and you told them so.

 

So let a woman know that she is funny. That she is cute when she smiles. That being around her makes you feel good. You don't even have to use words to do this. Laughing with her, looking into her eyes, guiding her by the small of her back: there are a million ways to tell someone something. If she was going to be receptive at all, she will want to see more of you, because you told her to, and she decided to play along. If you don't leave out that "tell her to" part, I swear to you OP, it really is that easy.

I'll keep those things in mind. Or I should just start putting them into practice.

This has been my experience, as well. You just look them in the eyes and don't let go. A cheeky grin is helpful so it doesn't seem like you're staring.

 

In any case, OP, I think you put emphasis on creating interest before the date in a way that prevents you from pursuing anything because you're constantly unsure if she's reached this arbitrary level of interest yet.

 

Just act. Overanalyze later.

That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm trying to figure out her interest before I ask her out. That way I won't get rejected and things won't become awkward. Too bad it's a faulty plan and often leads to inaction.

I don't care what people say - in my opinion (and trust me, you don't get much nerdier than me), introverted, nerdy, intellectual girls loathe just being asked out out of the blue, loathe PUA tactics. I'm not interested in guys I don't KNOW. And I don't know you if we haven't spoken much or spent time together as friends before. I'll wager most of the others in that category will be the same.

 

Of course, you'll probably ignore all of this in favour of 'But you don't try to be friends with girls you like first! It doesn't work!!!' claims. At least I tried.

I really do prefer it your way. The problem is that after I really get to know a girl and we become friends, then I show her my interest and I get the "I like you but not in that way" response. I'm left wondering if I just wasted a month or more of my life on that girl. That's happened several times to me.

 

What I can do is try to flirt extra hard with the girls that I'm "friends" with. Hopefully I can try to build some attraction.

Don't be friends with the ones you are interested in. Be friends with the ones you have zero interest in who have some sort of contact with the ones you are interested in.

How do you avoid becoming friends with girls you want to be with? Well I guess I first need to define what a friend is and figure out what her definition is.

 

Is somebody I only talk to before class, sometimes in class, possibly see in club-meetings a friend? That feels more like a classroom buddy then a friend. At which point does it start becoming a friendship?