Question to the "I love him for his personality" crowd

[GooseChaser]

Im aware of the power of looks which is why i dont approach women,i dont fele like getting rejected by hundreds of women and hope one maybe tolerates my looks enough to give me a shot but isnt really that attracted to me physcially..

 

I love the whole "confidence" thing people try to give you that bs that cofnidence will make most women attracted to you..Hillarious..

 

Im almost at peace with a women never being intersted in me

I'm interested in a guy who is my height, 5 foot 6 inches, and therefore not very tall, but he is very confident, and that is a big reason I am attracted to him. Confidence is big. Despite his height, he is fairly good-looking, and he is muscular as well. Another big plus for him there.

 

If you don't feel like being rejected based on your appearance, how about getting to know women better before asking them out so that they get to see some of your personality and not just your looks?

[SteveC80]

That's often true that women understate how important looks are. They don't want to be seen as shallow. Still, the important thing is that you know that women really do care about looks, and knowing that will help you! Hey, maybe that knowledge could give you an upper hand versus other men who don't! Look on the bright side!

 

Oh believe me im not complaining ive taken advantage of it

 

I was a piece of gabrage when i was young but women fawned over me because of my looks while some good hearted friends i had couldnt get women to say their life becasue of how they looked

[GooseChaser]

Oh believe me im not complaining ive taken advantage of it

 

I was a piece of gabrage when i was young but women fawned over me because of my looks while some good hearted friends i had couldnt get women to say their life becasue of how they looked

There are always things that people can do to improve their looks. Get clothes that look good on them, exercise to stay in shape (doing this makes a difference), experiment with hair styles and ways to wear a beard or mustache (or just remain clean-shaven), and see what women like. The great personality IN NO WAY harms a guy's chances at a woman, unless they just aren't the woman's type. That isn't their fault.

[PJKino]

I'm interested in a guy who is my height, 5 foot 6 inches, and therefore not very tall, but he is very confident, and that is a big reason I am attracted to him. Confidence is big. Despite his height, he is fairly good-looking, and he is muscular as well. Another big plus for him there.

 

If you don't feel like being rejected based on your appearance, how about getting to know women better before asking them out so that they get to see some of your personality and not just your looks?

 

You just said the guy is fairly good looking just because hes not 6 feet tall doesnt mean your dating some hideous beast..

 

As far as getitng to know women better i dont have any single women in my circle of friends,all my friends are married and dont have any single femalefriends..

[GooseChaser]

You just said the guy is fairly good looking just because hes not 6 feet tall doesnt mean your dating some hideous beast..

 

As far as getitng to know women better i dont have any single women in my circle of friends,all my friends are married and dont have any single femalefriends..

Height is part of a man's appearance.

 

You can always look around and make some woman friends then.

[meerkat stew]

That's often true that women understate how important looks are. They don't want to be seen as shallow. Still, the important thing is that you know that women really do care about looks, and knowing that will help you! Hey, maybe that knowledge could give you an upper hand versus other men who don't! Look on the bright side!

 

OMG, an actual attempt to address the question! and an admission that some women do understate how important looks are.

 

I think OP's complaint is that he has always been in a position of having to turn away his friends' wives and GFs who hit on him because of his looks, and that combined with how many women claim looks aren't all that important annoys and confuses him. I don't think he needs the knowledge that women BS about this to do better, he is just annoyed by it.

 

It's much like the more common scenario of the average looking guy who is expressing interest in a girl. She manipulates/converts his obvious sexual interest into "friendship" (certainly mostly his fault, but she shares significant blame), then proceeds to go on and on about why she can't find a man who has "X,Y,Z" qualities, and the guy is sitting there thinking, "wait a minute, I have all those qualities!" Then she takes it even further by complaining about the truly bad qualities of the guy she is having sex with, and the guy thinks "wait a minute, I don't have -any- of those bad qualities."

 

The guy friend in this hypo is NEVER better looking than the BF, or on the odd chance he is, comes off as a complete doormat poofter type (this is the exception, though, most are just average guys with plenty of masculinity and confidence). The guy is left scratching his head the first time it happens to him. The second-tenth times, he starts to develop an attitude that what women say is never to be trusted versus what they do. And after YEARS of the same thing, he ends up here pissed off.

 

So did I just make the above scenario up to dig on women, pull it out of my ass? Or is there truth in it?

[PJKino]

Height is part of a man's appearance.

 

You can always look around and make some woman friends then.

 

Oh im aware how important height is to women,if a womens not dating a man whos over a certain height or looks like Brad pitt she feels she should be cannonized

[theBrokenMuse]

Whenver women are called out for being just as shallow as Men some women will come in and say well if all women wer shallow i wouldnt be with my boyfriend

That's a bad way of phrasing it - I like to think of it as developing feelings for another independent of their appearance to a large degree.

 

Do you actually think thats a compliment to your boyfriebd?

Yes. He has a brilliant mind that I admire greatly and I think given his personality that he would rather be admired for his wit than the placement of his facial features or the way his abs are sculpted.

 

Do you think your boyfriend would enjoy hearing you dont find him physically attratcive?

His mind made him become physically attractive to me.

 

How would you feel if your boyfriend said he likes you for who you are but doesnt think youre all that hot

Well, if someone liked me but didn't find me beautiful, I would feel bad and think that the relationship was doomed. However I'd be elated to be with someone who actually loved me for who I am - that person would find me beautiful for reasons that transcend mere physical appearances.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Anela]

OMG, an actual attempt to address the question!

 

OMG! I actually agreed with the original poster about how I would feel, if the man I was with didn't think I was hot.

 

Oh im aware how important height is to women,if a womens not dating a man whos over a certain height or looks like Brad pitt she feels she should be cannonized

 

Not true for everyone...

 

 

Well, if someone liked me but didn't find me beautiful, I would feel bad and think that the relationship was doomed. However I'd be elated to be with someone who actually loved me for who I am - that person would find me beautiful for reasons that transcend mere physical appearances.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

This I agree with... as long as he didn't act as though he found other women more attractive than me.

Edited September 14, 2010 by Anela

[GooseChaser]

OMG, an actual attempt to address the question! and an admission that some women do understate how important looks are.

 

I think OP's complaint is that he has always been in a position of having to turn away his friends' wives and GFs who hit on him because of his looks, and that combined with how many women claim looks aren't all that important annoys and confuses him. I don't think he needs the knowledge that women BS about this to do better, he is just annoyed by it.

 

It's much like the more common scenario of the average looking guy who is expressing interest in a girl. She manipulates/converts his obvious sexual interest into "friendship" (certainly mostly his fault, but she shares significant blame), then proceeds to go on and on about why she can't find a man who has "X,Y,Z" qualities, and the guy is sitting there thinking, "wait a minute, I have all those qualities!" Then she takes it even further by complaining about the truly bad qualities of the guy she is having sex with, and the guy thinks "wait a minute, I don't have -any- of those bad qualities."

 

The guy friend in this hypo is NEVER better looking than the BF, or on the odd chance he is, comes off as a complete doormat poofter type (this is the exception, though, most are just average guys with plenty of masculinity and confidence). The guy is left scratching his head the first time it happens to him. The second-tenth times, he starts to develop an attitude that what women say is never to be trusted versus what they do. And after YEARS of the same thing, he ends up here pissed off.

 

So did I just make the above scenario up to dig on women, pull it out of my ass? Or is there truth in it?

I'm glad you liked my post! Thanks for noticing it!

 

The section in the quote that I bolded is something that women might say to hint that they are interested in the person they are talking to, if the person they are talking to do have those qualities and the woman recognizes it. Saying that, in that case, can be an invitation to the man to make a move. It's probably not as good if she doesn't see the qualities in that man, though, or if she is taken.

[Southern Belle]

I have nothing to really add to this thread. I just want to say that I love that Meerkat Stew used the word "penury". I actually had to look it up. Love that I have learned something new today. Keep up the good work, Meer!!

[meerkat stew]

The section in the quote that I bolded is something that women might say to hint that they are interested in the person they are talking to, if the person they are talking to do have those qualities and the woman recognizes it.

 

Admittedly this could be the case, and usually is the case in movies where the sincere guy ends up winning the girl from the creep.

 

But IRL, I think more men experience this as from a position of physical inferiority when compared to the "jerky" BF, and become confused by the apparent disconnect between what she says she wants and what she actually lets in between her legs.

[LisaLee]

I'm with my boyfriend because he has a sweet ass and is good in bed. Yeah, his personality does it for me, too... I guess.

[Ruby Slippers]

Looks are a factor, of course, but to me, not the most important factor. It's easy to date a guy who's nothing but hot, but that gets boring very fast.

[meerkat stew]

I'm with my boyfriend because he has a sweet ass and is good in bed. Yeah, his personality does it for me, too... I guess.

 

Refreshing! Revel in it, that's the spirit, we all like a sweet ass now don't we?

 

Looks are a factor, of course, but to me, not the most important factor. It's easy to date a guy who's nothing but hot, but that gets boring very fast.

 

OK, fair enough, but it usually works like this:

 

Looks

.

.

.

"Other"

 

Right?

[Ruby Slippers]

OK, fair enough, but it usually works like this:

 

Looks

.

.

.

"Other"

 

Right?

Everyone has their minimum threshold for attraction, and I am no exception. But I have found some pretty weird-looking guys very attractive.

 

I'll talk to just about anybody, as long as he's not rude or a dumbass. And if an OK-looking guy turns out to be intelligent, well-spoken, and/or funny, my interest quickly starts to climb.

[Mad Max]

Looks definitely matter. Anyone that says otherwise is lying, male or female. The difference is some place more emphasis on looks than others. Attractive is subjective. Many guys I know would drool and cream their pants if a girl that looked like Adrianna Lima was in their presence. I, on the other hand am not attracted to such stick figures. I also value personality over looks. What one finds attractive, another might find unattractive. I would date a fat girl before I date someone that's about 60 pounds skinnier than me(unless they're like 5'0" at best).

[GooseChaser]

No one here is denying that women care about looks.

 

Edit: Sorry guys, I worded that wrong at first. Edited!

[Star Gazer]

Appearance matters to a certain extent, at least when you're young, but I'm a long-term planner. I'm looking for the guy who I'd like to sit across the breakfast table with when we're in our 60s, or swing on the porch when we're in our 70s, or laugh about our hemorrhoids and liver spots when we're in our 80s.

[USMCHokie]

Appearance matters to a certain extent, at least when you're young, but I'm a long-term planner. I'm looking for the guy who I'd like to sit across the breakfast table with when we're in our 60s, or swing on the porch when we're in our 70s, or laugh about our hemorrhoids and liver spots when we're in our 80s.

 

Ewww.... :love:

[Star Gazer]

Ewww.... :love:

 

 

[Knittress]

Can't I just have it all?

[Woggle]

Appearance matters to a certain extent, at least when you're young, but I'm a long-term planner. I'm looking for the guy who I'd like to sit across the breakfast table with when we're in our 60s, or swing on the porch when we're in our 70s, or laugh about our hemorrhoids and liver spots when we're in our 80s.

 

The days of couples doing that are long gone.

[donnamaybe]

Perhaps instead of worrying about the above, which gets old, and VERY predictable, you might actually consider discussing the topic? My posts have been in furtherance of a topical discussion here. It's yours, and other female posters here whose posts have not been.

 

Or rather do you think women select on looks to the same extent men do or not? It's a simple question (which incidentally has NOTHING to do with whether YOU personally select mostly on looks or not, I referenced the bell curve in the first line of my first post to this thread for a reason).

 

If women would actually DISCUSS THE ISSUE AT HAND as opposed to mealy-mouthing, rationalizing, shaming, and troll-calling, male posters wouldn't get so frustrated and generalizing here.

 

Based on my experience and my many friends', and many posts here, the statement that many women who claim that it isn't mostly about looks are being disingenuous has lots of merit.

Apparently YOU didn't read:

Of course EVERYONE is into looks to a degree. If my guy had the personality (and penis) that he has BUT never brushed his teeth (ISH!) I would NEVER have gone out with him. But that's kind of a yuck thing, not a "he is easy on the eye" thing. If he were who he was and was a knuckle dragging, lumpy headed, quasi moto type of guy they didn't make a bag big enough for, no I probably wouldn't have dated him. But seriously - how many of the whiners on LS who claim they are undatable are REALLY that bad? None, I would wager.

I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for myself and the women I personally know.

 

As far as looks ALONE are concerned, I think the older (and, thus, wiser) we get the more we realize that, while it is important to some degree, it's not the pretty wrapping paper so much as the "gift" on the inside that will make a good relationship. That's pretty much all I can say for what me and my female friends think. I know there will always be a cross-section of people who never grow up, but that applies to both women AND men.

 

As for the difference between men and women as regards the issue, I can't say because as much as us women have all tried over the years, we just CANNOT get inside the heads of men.

[Woggle]

This is why I respect Megandoll. Instead of trying to act like she is morally superior she comes right and says it. Of course many women care about looks and personality matters very little. I see the biggest scumbags in the world have women crawling all over them because they are hot.