I love a girl, but she lost attraction toward me

[Swindler]

I met a girl who was introduced to me by a friend, she was very attracted to me, she always starts to talk to me on msn, she even confessed that she likes me and feel comfortable around me, we hung out 3 times after that with my friend and his girlfriend, we kissed eachother, she always talked about marriage with me, But i always acted like a jerk and treated her badly, even though i am a good guy, and she was too shy only with me.

 

One day i asked her to go out with me without my friends and his gf. She told me that she is tired, so i treated her very badly, and left without saying goodbye.

 

The next day i tried to convince her that i was wrong, and i apologize for what i have done, and will not treat her badly anymore. She told me she need some time to think and will give me another chance. But i acted so desprate and wanted a quick answer. i even broke up with my friend because of her.

 

After seing me doing all that for her, She told me that she is not interested anymore, and that she doesnt deserve all that. She told me that she doesnt feel comfortable anymore around me. I tried many times to convince her that i will change, but nothing works. I also confessed my love to her, this made her scared, she asked me why i became a good guy suddenly. She always give me the same answer (not interested in you, we should only be friends because i liked your company).

 

Anyway i am still seing her this days as a friend but only with my friend and his gf. I am trying to act good with her, and doing all she asks. I told her that there are other girl wainting for me if she doesnt want to be more then friends, she tells me to go see those girls and to lose every hope to get back together. i even took pictures with them and shown them to her.

 

Sometimes she asks me if i found another girl, she also try to navigate photos in my phone.

Anyway i like this girl so much, it has been 2 weeks and i cant stop thinking about her.

 

I see her from time to time, i try to act like i am not interested anymore. She is the girl of my dream, i started seing all the girl ugly, and no one can impress other then her. sometimes she act like a jerk with me.

 

What should i do i want her to be my girlfriend, and i dont want to lose hope. What do you think she is up to.

 

She is very hot and lot of guys want her. But she doenst give a **** about anybody.

She had a boyfriend for 2 years. and they broke up 8 months ago, she tried to get back with him after we broke up, but he didnt respond.

 

Please give me advice, can she lose interest very quikly or she pretends that she lost interest. She tells me that we are not for eachothers.

How should i act, what should i do ? i cant stop thinking about her

 

Do you think she lost attraction cause i begged her and acted so desprate and needy, and confessed my love too early ?

 

If thats the problem, how can i fix it and regain my value in her eyes ?

 

Do you if i show her that i moved on, and like another girl, and that it would be hard to get me again might help ? cause i know for a fact that a girl wants what she cant have.

[goldencloud]

Babe, you need to chill out. Drama overload. Seriously. Chill out, do your thing, and let her contact you. All this drama, migraine inducing. You want a chance with this girl, then you need to lay out and let all these things blow over. You don't need to 'act' any certain way, or 'show' or 'prove' anything, you're not a stage monkey. We all make stupid mistakes when we care about someone, so take a back seat now and let things happen naturally for if something is meant to be, it will be.

[Swindler]

Well, thats what i am doing right now, but its not possible to stop thinking about her, in these 2 days i might see her, what should i do when i meet her, how should i act, right now she is giving me the cold shoulder and i havent contacted her it has been 10 days, is there anyway i can trigger her emotions ?

[Serenitynow]

It sounds like you are social awkward and dont understand how to interact with women.

 

You probably think if you show up with flowers and chocolates that a women should fall for you, and if she doesnt you flip out and dont understand why.

[Sabali]

Whew! Boy are you just dripping with desperation. When you walk, a trail of desperation is left behind.

 

So man, right now, you're at about a level 9... you need to bring it down to a level one. Pronto!

 

I always like to see the guy get the girl, but I just don't know if you can recover from such a full force of heavy, made-for-TV drama.

 

As men, we always have to be very aware of the creep factor that we can potentially emit. I think you are really starting to spill some creepy juice into this one. For example, calling multiple times a night even though you get no answer from her phone is creepy. Watching your hand as you touch her, creepy. Continuously begging her to give you another chance after she continuously turn you down, especially after she tells you to forget hope of getting back with her begins to get a little creepy.

 

 

Once a woman tells you to "lose every hope" of getting back together. You can bet your F***** life that she means it!

 

Move on, guy. Please.

[Swindler]

no i know how to interact with any girl and i have enough self confidence to say what i want without thinking about it, and i am not willing to bring anything, neither i havent done that before, but i am just wondering if i only should act like a friend, or try to show her that i still care about her ?

[Serenitynow]

she even confessed that she likes me and feel comfortable around me,

 

she was too shy only with me.

 

isnt that a total contradiction ?

 

we hung out 3 times after that with my friend and his girlfriend, we kissed eachother, she always talked about marriage with me

 

That sounds like she talked about marriage before you ever dated her??

One day i asked her to go out with me without my friends and his gf. She told me that she is tired, so i treated her very badly, and left without saying goodbye.

 

Obviously you dont love her as much as you say by acting like that.

 

 

Either this whole situation is totally messed up, or your timeline and grammar is horrible. Or maybe both?

 

.

[Sabali]

no i know how to interact with any girl and i have enough self confidence to say what i want without thinking about it, and i am not willing to bring anything, neither i havent done that before, but i am just wondering if i only should act like a friend, or try to show her that i still care about her ?

 

 

Man, honestly, your post does not support your quote. Really. Either you are out of form or you are being creepy. Like I say, I feel a bit of personal victory each time the guy gets the girl so I want you to win but man have you drove yourself to defeat here. I can't spew rainbows and a mouthful of sunshine out on this one. This one is done.

 

 

Leave that woman alone for a long time, man. Don't even try to hang out with her. If I found myself in this situation, I would do exactly that. Best of luck...

[Swindler]

well thats a contradiction, i dont understand why she tells me that she comfortable if she is shy around me, i honetly at first didnt give a **** about her, and she kept contacting me until we met. I realy had doubt about her actions and told her that.

 

Maybe I havent done the right thing. But i dont usualy fall for a girl too easly, sometimes it takes me months to love a girl, but i felt like this is the one i dream about, maybe its just lust.

 

Also we faught before, and the next day she contacted me three times apologizing, she was too sick about it, but i was nice and forgave her.

 

I need to know is it possible that she lost all attraction, or is she trying to get over me and try to pretend that she doesnt like me anymore.

 

I am still confident around her, and never asked her again if we could get into a relationship. Right now we are just friends. I am trying to show her my good sides, without acting desperate anymore, cause i know thats the root of the whole probleme.

[goldencloud]

Babe, it seems you have your answer. Rediscover D-I-G-N-I-T-Y! If you are forced, absolutely forced in her presence, be NORMAL, and by normal I literally mean NORMAL...not a defeatist love hero from a 1970s bollywood flick. It just doesn't translate very well into real life.

[Sabali]

I need to know is it possible that she lost all attraction, or is she trying to get over me and try to pretend that she doesnt like me anymore.

 

 

Guy, she told you to "lose every hope" of getting back together. How are you trying to overanalyze this? When you hear words like this, there is no mystery behind them.

[Swindler]

Yea you are totaly right, i thought the same thing, but my heart is driving me crazy, and honestly i didnt beg her that much, maybe 3 or 4 times, but when i send one message and she doesnt reply i stop sending another one, and i never called her, all i have done is talking to her on msn when she shows up, and when she told me lose hope, i stop contacting her. I didnt even act like a drama queen, i dont usualy show my emotion in real life, lucky there is internet so i can get it off my chest

[Sabali]

Yea you are totaly right, i thought the same thing, but my heart is driving me crazy, and honestly i didnt beg her that much, maybe 3 or 4 times, but when i send one message and she doesnt reply i stop sending another one, and i never called her, all i have done is talking to her on msn when she shows up, and when she told me lose hope, i stop contacting her. I didnt even act like a drama queen, i dont usualy show my emotion in real life, lucky there is internet so i can get it off my chest

 

 

Okay. Cool. Just promise me that you won't turn creepy on me no matter what happens! No creepy behavior!

[Swindler]

Ok cool, do you think if i leave her alone she might contact me after some time has passed. And is it ok if i show up after 3 or 4 weeks ?

Right now i am hanging out with another girl, but i dont have any feeling toward her, all i want is this girl, i just dont want to go deeper into this relationship and hurt her

[lso802]

Just don't get into a deeper relationship with the girl you're hanging out with. You need some time away from the girl you like though. You sound too into it, and that's where you mess up. Your actions follow your thoughts. I don't think you can be around the girl so long as you want her as much as you sound like you do.

[Mike B.]

I agree with Iso. To be straight up, I would do what the girl told you to and just forget about a relationship with her. Your best chance is no contact with her but even that chance is slim but it is your best option.

 

 

I am not sure why you acted like a jerk with her initially and you said that you are really a good guy. Maybe you were listening to all these people trying to make money off a guy's insecurities by selling the idea of being a jerk for a girl to like you. I never bought into that stuff. In the long run, it always best to treat a women with respect. I won't be convinced otherwise.

 

I think it is best to be yourself at the core but if you are insecure, not confident or always walked on, just work on those areas. This may not be your problem but trust me that simply showing someone that you won't accept any of their BS and being a good guy is often enough.

 

You remind me of how I felt when I lost my ex-fiance' after 5 years in a relationship with her. I acted like a jerk but it was because I realized that I had not really dated a person as mature as her in the past and didn't know how to behave in a relationship with someone of her maturity level. Boy did I want her back so bad but once you screw up on a certain level, ain't no turning back. You just have to learn from the situation and move on. You should move on. As much as it hurt, you should or it will become an obsession soon.

[mohdhm]

goodness OP, if i was a girl i'd run away pretty fast... and i've only read the first 5 sentences. It is amazing how you've had the fish in your hands and managed to let it slip away.

 

You are needy and you are acting like a total wuss. Infact, if you didn't apologize to her and remained a 'jerk' things would have probably worked out.

 

Now the solution to your problem:

- go meet girls, make new friends.

- keep 3 girls similar to a girl you'd be attracted to, as friends. CLAWS OFF!

- keep a few girls around that you are interested in... that way your neediness will diminish, and your attractiveness will go up.

- oh and by the way, just chill out and don't contact the girl for a year. Then if you happen to run into her again things can work out.

[Swindler]

I just don’t understand why is it wrong to try and show your love to a girl, where’s the problem if you wanted to fix things up and make the relationship work. Honestly if she really wanted a serious relationship, that wouldn’t be a problem, it will just prove to her that I am loyal and really cares about her.

Why does trying to fix things up means you are insecure. Where’s the relation between these 2 things.

 

Anyway right now I still have one plan to fix things, that’s my last ammo, it might work, and if doesn’t then I will lose hope forever and will move on. Both ways I have nothing to lose.

 

Here’s the plan.

I will go with my friend to some restaurant, then he will call his girlfriend to meet him up there, usually the girl I like most of the time comes with her.

Before we meet up I will tell my friend to ask me if I love her, this way it will show that I wouldn’t talk about the break up if he didn’t ask me.

I will act very normal and try to talk about the subjects she likes to talk about. And I am usually a funny guy and always make them laugh, I will loose all my killer jokes there, I bought some new clothes, and I will show that I am very happy.

 

At the end my friend will ask me if I love her. My respond will be:

 

“No I don’t love her, it was only a strong attraction, which made me depressed 2 days at most, and now 80% of the attraction has gone, and I didn’t apologize because I was so depressed and cant live without her, I was in a very good state of mind and don’t need her to make me happy, I only tried to make things work out not because I like her or I love her, because I thought she really cares about me and I don’t want to lose such a girl, even though I had so much girl to hang out with but I don’t usually make a relationship with any girl, at the end she is not everything in my life, I have too many things that can make me happy. And I don’t easily fall for any girl”. By the way she knows that I am not a stupid boy and knows that I have a good self confidence. She told me that before, it’s only that I followed my heart and really cared about her, that’s why I acted clingy.

 

Then he will ask me if I am ok with the break up.

“I will say that I am happy cause we broke up, because if we were still together I wouldn’t meet this girl I am hanging out with right now, she is very beautiful and loyal, and I like many things about her. But this time I swear in god that I will never follow a girl and please her, and will never step on my dignity for anyone, and I will never follow my heart again. “

 

Then he will ask me if I had the chance to get back with her would I.

“I will respond no, first because I cant see a girl doing something I don’t like and accept her BS, second I am not willing to work things out, instead on giving my energy on this girl, I can impress other girl with it, third it was her fault we broke up and I am not a toy she can get me whenever she wants. And if she thinks we can get back together she is wrong, maybe she might have a chance, but this time its going to be very hard to gain my trust, and if she is not smart enough, I recommend her not to even try, cause there are other girls on the track, and I will take my time to choose which one of them best suits me. And this time I will not follow her, and if she made a mistake it will cost her too much, and I don’t either give a **** if she is gone or not, and she should remember that she wanted the relationship at first, and that she also apologized when we fought the first time, but I was better then her and forgave her”.

 

I will speak up with a strong tone and with sincerity, and even my body language will show how much I am sincere.

 

Hope this plan will work out, anyway please I need your advice people about it, and you can add or remove some things in it to make it better.

 

Honestly, i dont think she chose to be attracted or not, its all in her subconsions mind, when i acted clingy she was turned off without expecting it.

And by saying these words, i think she will believe me, cause if i really like her and was clingy i would be affraid to say these things. Maybe also by saying these things might affect her subconsions mind and turn her on again, the same way she got turned off, i will also try to show the things she liked in me at the first impression.

Edited September 13, 2010 by Swindler

[Swindler]

please need advice as soon as possible about the plan, might get out tonight

[Swindler]

somebody plz give me at least an opinion

[Swindler]

didnt do anything yet, just need to know should i go with my plan, or there is no chance that it will work ?

[dispatch3d]

She appears to have very low self esteem from several things you said.

 

You seriously need to cut-out ALL of the nice guy ****. Things (appear) to start going downhill with you and her when you started being all nice (for no given reason).

 

My advice is if you actually want to date her, is to go back to treating her like ****, because your nice guy routine is NEVER going to cut it (just like she told you).

 

PS. she is low self esteem and hence would probably become jealous if you went out with a girl hotter than her. That's how they work.

[Swindler]

Yea, thats what i was thinking about, its pretty obvious that while i was treating her like **** she was following me and didnt want a break up, after acting nicely she started to get away from the relantionship, cause honestly before even begging or starting being clingy, just after i started being nice, she turned me down. Guess the only solution is to get out with a girl hotter then her, then start treating her like **** as if i dont care about her, will try also to lower her ego and make her feel inferior to me by offending her . Honestly, i feel that 99% of women are like that. its in there subconsions mind, maybe they dont like jerks consionsly, but in her subconsions they need a jerk without realising it.

[callingyouuu]

Honestly, i feel that 99% of women are like that. its in there subconsions mind, maybe they dont like jerks consionsly, but in her subconsions they need a jerk without realising it.

 

Nope, just women with low self-esteem. Once you meet a woman who will call you out on your jerk bullsh*t, that's when you know you've met a real woman.

[tylerdurden]

The best move for you would be to do nothing at all.

Disappear from her life, give her a chance to miss you.

Don't try to come with crazy plans , as this will only make things worse.

Fall off the face of the earth..