Still Pining

[Gaberzilla]

Man Ajax you have made some great progress!

I have been in NC for 2 months now. Surprisingly I am doing well. I am still sad and cry on days but doing ok. I miss my ex like crazy and I hope he is doing well.

I was also introduced to him by a friend of mine who happens to be his cousin. His cousin is a dear friend of mine. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever talk again... sometimes I think we won't.

He still has the key to my apartment. Who knows if he has any intention to return it. For now I don't need it ... the only reason I would need it is if I moved out.

Break ups are so hard. I just pray every night and ask for help in letting go. It makes me feel better. Pain is only temporary and one day I know "this too shall pass".

My ex will just be a memory with no pain. If we are meant to be , the doors will open again ...

[Ajax]

sorry to hear that Ajax' date=' I woke up this morning wishing my ex had called, checked my phone for the first time since I can remember....so strange.... when do you plan to see this girl you have been talking to? I'm sure it will put the pain on pause for a bit[/quote']

 

Hey mgene, you're the 200th poster!

 

I'm going out with the new girl and some of her friends Saturday after I get out of class. I guess we're going out to a bar down town. I've never met her friends, so we'll see how it goes.

 

 

 

Man Ajax you have made some great progress!

I have been in NC for 2 months now. Surprisingly I am doing well. I am still sad and cry on days but doing ok. I miss my ex like crazy and I hope he is doing well.

I was also introduced to him by a friend of mine who happens to be his cousin. His cousin is a dear friend of mine. Sometimes I wonder if we will ever talk again... sometimes I think we won't.

He still has the key to my apartment. Who knows if he has any intention to return it. For now I don't need it ... the only reason I would need it is if I moved out.

Break ups are so hard. I just pray every night and ask for help in letting go. It makes me feel better. Pain is only temporary and one day I know "this too shall pass".

My ex will just be a memory with no pain. If we are meant to be , the doors will open again ...

 

There's some similarities in our stories. I was introduced to my ex by her cousin who I'm friends with. And we also still have each other's keys. I let her keep mine because I thought we were still going to be a part of each others lives, but that didn't end up being the case.

 

 

Now I am in a generally better state of mind than 5 months ago and it I suppose shows as I am now only stopping by LS and that's generally because

I feel like I have shared a bond with some of you guys and curiosity gets to me to see how you guys are doing. I really hope to see on par with me or better because it's the positive aspect.

 

Glad to hear you're doing better Billie, and thanks for the update. I have to say I miss our exchanges. You gave people some pretty good advice.

[poopierabbit]

Hi Ajax,

 

I have been reading your posts for some time - our respective breakups occured at roughly the same time. I have been trying to move forward and have been dating heavily and making very good progress in my healing.

 

I understand the need to mourn the loss of a relationship, but from what I've read, your progress towards healing has been slow.

 

You mentioned a 'new girl' slept the night with you in your apartment but you didn't do anything. Two things here:

 

1. I get mourning the loss of your relationship, however, don't let opportunities pass you by. Not to mince words, (and as harsh as it sounds) that girl ain't sleepin' over for her health. She wants something from you.

 

2. Don't be sold real-estate in the friendship district. This may happen if she reads your intentions wrong. She's going to think you don't like her. If you like this girl, for lack of better words, get it on! Actions speak louder than words.

 

I so promise you once you do, there is no going back to what was. There is no point in remaining sad, despondent and/or distraught about your past relationship. You know you loved her and the amount of time that passes remaining distraught and sad to account for that love doesn't get her back.

 

Move forward and you'll be happy you did. My intentions are not to try and attack you, or make you take a defensive posture in your path towards healing, but rather to give you some friendly advice that may help accelerate that healing.

Edited December 16, 2010 by poopierabbit

[Gt.ooh]

Well, I agree. This year Xmas I'm not quite as into it as previous years. Like I said before I think the state I'm in, is a state where I'm not going to force anything. I got the dog now, when it gets nicer out I'll be taking her to areas with people and of course women...then I believe something will happen. Everyone seems to be in hibernation during the winter months.

 

I got a Merry Xmas email from her mom today, it was nice. Nice to know she still thinks of me. As for 2010, it was a very very good 3/4 of a year. And that is what I shall remember it for now. My human nature is not one to stay angry, or be angry. I'm at a neutral.

 

Ajax, going out to meet her friends..that'll be fun...but as mentioned earlier I wouldn't hesitate to "get it on"..lol. I'm sure missing that these days. I'd like to see one of us on here right now make it over the bump in the road.

 

Happy Holidays everyone.

 

Going to look at a truck tonight...hope it checks out.

[mgene15]

good luck on the truck GT, and ajax i did that last week with this new girl (went to the bar with her friends) I don't usually like being with people I dont no but after the date my new lady friend said she greatly appreciated me going with her and her friends to the bar and it meant alot to her, so you'll get alot of brownie points if everything goes smoothly. good luck to ya!

[mgene15]

So today is date number 4 an were going to see nutcracker, semi excited to see the show, super excited to see her haha. should be fun tho, and then coffee afterwards. will keep you guys posted, keep your head up everybody

[Gt.ooh]

Got the truck! It's pretty sweet. Trying to keep my head above the clouds, and do my best to keep on.

[Ajax]

Got the truck! It's pretty sweet. Trying to keep my head above the clouds, and do my best to keep on.

 

What did you go with?

[Gt.ooh]

2007 Chevrolet Silverado

[alwayshoping]

Wow that's awesome! If your ex ever see's you again she's going to think your a new man! So how is the new truck? Happy with it? Are you also going back to school soon? I remember you said you wanted too?

 

Ajax I've been reading your posts for at least 4 months and think the way you're healing is amazing! I can't wait to get to your stage and start dating, and actually hardly think of my ex. It's really inspiring x

[mgene15]

niceeeeeeeee GT, 07 silverado not too shabby! my date wen't well tonight, nutcracker was decent... lol not great but I stuck threw it because I could tell she really enjoyed it, then afterward we ate at sonic! had a great time, off she goes to texas for a week so will maintain busy at work.

[Gt.ooh]

Wow that's awesome! If your ex ever see's you again she's going to think your a new man! So how is the new truck? Happy with it? Are you also going back to school soon? I remember you said you wanted too?

 

Ajax I've been reading your posts for at least 4 months and think the way you're healing is amazing! I can't wait to get to your stage and start dating, and actually hardly think of my ex. It's really inspiring x

 

It's awesome!! never had 4x4 before. sooo smooth. I do want to do school, but I've decided I want to get back on my feet totally before I do school.

 

Nice to hear mgne!

[alwayshoping]

nice, well congrats on making positive changes gtooh. Any girl would be lucky to have you.

[Ajax]

You mentioned a 'new girl' slept the night with you in your apartment but you didn't do anything. Two things here:

 

1. I get mourning the loss of your relationship, however, don't let opportunities pass you by. Not to mince words, (and as harsh as it sounds) that girl ain't sleepin' over for her health. She wants something from you.

 

2. Don't be sold real-estate in the friendship district. This may happen if she reads your intentions wrong. She's going to think you don't like her. If you like this girl, for lack of better words, get it on! Actions speak louder than words.

 

I so promise you once you do, there is no going back to what was. There is no point in remaining sad, despondent and/or distraught about your past relationship. You know you loved her and the amount of time that passes remaining distraught and sad to account for that love doesn't get her back.

 

Well for the past couple nights she stayed over again. We didn't have sex but we did the "other" things that go along with it. Here's the thing though... it was bad. It wasn't bad because I'm still hung up on my ex or that I'm not ready for it emotionally, it was bad on its own merits.

 

The first night she seemed quite satisfied afterward. But I was left unsatisfied. I figured that it was new to both of us and that I couldn't let that affect things yet. Then she wanted to stay over again last night. I didn't really want her to but she was quite insistant and I thought I should give it another chance. It was just as bad. Once again she seemed very satisfied with what happened, but there was hardly any reciprocity.

 

I don't have a vast sexual experience. I've only had sex with five women in my life, and I don't claim to be the greatest myself, but I can honestly say that this was the worst first sexual experience I've had with a woman... and I don't want to do it again. I like this girl but sexually I just don't feel compatible with her. And I hate to say it because I don't want to be an @&&hole, but it made me appreciate what I had with my ex all the more.

 

So now I've got the problem of figuring out what I should do. What do you guys think?

[alwayshoping]

hmmm i think see how it goes for now. If its still crap after a few weeks then your going to have to tell her, perhaps she just needs direction?

 

At the start of relationships, people often feel pressure to perform so perhaps give her some time to get comfortable around you before making any hasty decisions as she may be having a case of the nerves.

[mgene15]

that's a tough one... guess the only thing to do is tell her how you feel...after all she will appreciate you tellin her your feelings rather than hiding them...jus be real with her

[YSS]

There are selfish and selfless lovers. If she is selfless and willing to please/open to pleasing you, then perhaps some direction is needed. If she is selfish, whereby, she is happy and thats the end of it, you might need to cut her loose.

 

Sex is another form of communication - needs to be a two way street and what may have worked in the past with a former lover may not work with a current lover. Perhaps she is using her "moves" that worked in the past with someone else but not you. Only you know her eagerness to please and wants you to be satisfied. I belive a selfless lover will leave you satisfied, even if it takes a few tries.

[Ajax]

Sex is another form of communication - needs to be a two way street and what may have worked in the past with a former lover may not work with a current lover. Perhaps she is using her "moves" that worked in the past with someone else but not you. Only you know her eagerness to please and wants you to be satisfied. I belive a selfless lover will leave you satisfied, even if it takes a few tries.

 

That's always been my philosophy too. So far she hasn't seemed selfish in other areas... although now that I think about it I've bought dinner a few times and cooked a couple and she hasn't done anything of that nature yet either. So I guess I don't know.

[YSS]

That's always been my philosophy too. So far she hasn't seemed selfish in other areas... although now that I think about it I've bought dinner a few times and cooked a couple and she hasn't done anything of that nature yet either. So I guess I don't know.

 

Ajax - you know how when relastionships end we have that 20/20 hindsight and can see the red flags that perhaps we did not want to see at that time....i think my bold above might be a flag for you that you have already stopped to think about. Not to say that this girl is not right for you, but keep the rose coloured glasses in the drawer :-) In life there are takers and givers, and the worse thing for a "giver" is to hook up with a taker...they will bleed the giver dry, intentional or not.

 

And whatever you do, do not compare to the EX on how she was not selfish and you had great sexual chemistry....at the end, what your EX did was selfish and not deserving. Its easy for us to fall down the slippery slope of reidolozing our ex and all that we had with him/her. Trust me, i struggle so much with it.

 

Hang in there, good luck to you.

[Gt.ooh]

nice, well congrats on making positive changes gtooh. Any girl would be lucky to have you.

 

Thanks alwayshoping, just what I needed to hear today.

 

Ajax, it's a tough thing...but I would have to go with mgne...but not just yet. I'd give it another couple times, and then go from there...if it persists, then Quote: be real. And then you can make you're next move.

 

I need help too, I'm 23. I've only been with my ex (for a year) it was a great year of sex. But since I'm inexperienced still, I'm worried about how to move forward with the next girl.. My ex had been with 2 guys before me, and she took control and guided me along. We then became comfortable with each other and the rest goes from there.

 

Suggestions? I'm ready to go out and get out, to meet the next girl.. and take the next positive step. Truck, dog, my muscle car still...and I've gotten these sexual flashbacks of us and how comfortable it was and it's driving me crazay! After all I'm 23..and a guy lol..

 

I'm thinking I should get a girl that's quite into me, and from there it's easier...whereas u start dating someone, but they're not crazy about you and expecting sexually for you to perform just wouldn't work..

 

I'm overthinking I'm sure, but that is my next hurdle guys..I may not meet the girl for another couple of months, which is ok..for now. I still like the gym, and being able to go where I want when I want..I just want to be ready, and have direction for when the time does come. I'm going to be hanging out with my cousin (player, drinker) and he knows girls' that gt his school that will get down, after a few drinks and a good night out... is that maybe a better way to go right now. Satisfy my need, b/c I'm not really into a "relationship" full on just yet. I just want someone to hang with kinda thing FWB.. Arg, just hard.??

[Ajax]

today.

 

Ajax, it's a tough thing...but I would have to go with mgne...but not just yet. I'd give it another couple times, and then go from there...if it persists, then Quote: be real. And then you can make you're next move.

 

 

Thanks for the advice, to YSS, mgene, and alwayshopping too. As it is I'll give it a little more time. But if things don't work out I don't want to lead her on... we all know we hate people who do that.

 

So I'd like to comment on what you guys have said, but something came up that I'd like to share with you guys. A little backstory first.

 

The last time I had my heart broken before my recent ex (which was admittedly the worst heartbreak) was four years ago. At that time I was also crushed having thought I found someone really special. We started dating around this time in 2006, and one of our dates was to see Night at the Museum. It turned out that she was still hung up on her ex, and dumped me a few weeks later to go back to him. Trouble was we worked together, a few desks away, and since they had a rocky on-again/off-again relationship, she'd bounce back to me everytime they broke up. After about 8 months of this hellishness I went NC, and then she quit working there a few weeks after that.

 

Tonight I got a message on Facebook from her saying that she was watching Night at the Museum and had thought of me. Had to say I was touched. Then she went on to say that she'd been a horrible person back then and was surprised when I responded. Turns out she's engaged now to a different guy... not the one she was bouncing back to four years ago, and I get the impression (albiet via Facebook) that she's got her life together. She also apologized for the way she treated me four years ago.

 

So bottom line to those of us who are hurt over our exes (as i still am from my last one) and wonder if we meant anything to them or if they still think about us... it looks like they do. I never expected to hear from this one... not in a million years. I've been over her for at least three years, but have to admit that I have thought about her on occasion too. Even when I was happily with my last girlfriend I thought about this past girl, especially since they lived around the corner from each other.

[Gt.ooh]

Ajax, I do believe they think about us.. They have to. After all they did care at one point. They just don't have their life together just yet and are unsure of the unknown. I know my ex is really stubborn and puts on the tough act, but deep down I know she cares. The rest of her family shows that they care, and are caring; therefore, she will to...but they put on the act I believe...At least in the range from 3months-year..then u really find out how much they cared. Right after the majority of the break-ups I'm finding a trend that emotions are too high and it seems that most don't care...but you look at how many people get a reach out from the ex down the road.

 

But, I'm trying harder then ever now to shut this door. And open a new one. My mind is finally telling me it's time. And I'm going with my gut. It's telling me that I will find someone, and I'll keep my ex dear to the heart. No regrets.

[mgene15]

agreed, they do think about us, My ex girlfriend is stubborn as hell, so as much as she misses me I no she won't contact me, that's just the way she is, and I have to live with it. Unlike GT, my ex's family... doesn't like me very much... an for no good reason... the reason is because I'm mexican but I do not speak spanish..her parents are from mexico and everyone in her family spoke spanish.. so everytime I was at family gatherings with them I felt like an outkast. sure her mom would call me when we were together and check in on me but I just wasn't the typical guy they'd want for her in a dream fantasyland..its tough because I feel like her breaking up with me had a lot to do with that..the odd thing is in august her dad and mom had talked to me and said they would be fine with me marrying her... and now that we're talkin about sex it's tough, because me and my ex went from having sex alot! to now I'm currently haven't had any in about 3 months...We had sex after we broke up but before NC.... I'm 22, a young guy as well! good for you GT, there will be someone out there, and after all, we're young! It's not as if we're 35 .. keep your head up..

[Gt.ooh]

LOL! Yes mgne...I too had regular sex. That's what makes it that much harder..going from steady to being cut right off. True we are young. I'm just not the type of guy that goes out to get laid...I just don't have it in me. The next girl, it will be worth the wait and thats what I'm going with...

 

The new truck makes it a lot easier for me too...after all my old one was a mobile u know.. It'll be sad to see it go when it comes time to sell in the new year as it was an awesome truck with lots of memories attatched...but it's time.

 

Tis the season to be strong my friends!

[alwayshoping]

Hey guys! Ajax your post reminded me of a post I put up last night about a ex friend emailing to apologise for being mean to me! I cut him off as he was really getting out of hand and he emailed saying sorry! I forgave him and we are going for a catch up after my exams so people can realise their mistakes!

 

Come on guys, I think out ex's think of us lots! You guys really seem nice so I'm sure they miss you all.

 

As for the sex! I'm 26 and scared as hell I will be crap with the next girl! It took a few tries with my ex before I was comfortable and didn't feel pressure to perform! I think it's natural and if the girls we get with are special they will understand and help out and make us feel at ease to just enjoy ourselves!

 

Anyways I'm glad you guys are all doing well, I'm feeling really good about my ex today! I forgive her for everything and don't care anymore, I don't even mind being friends etc if she makes an effort and If she get with another guy who is nice I will actually be happy for her and me! Wierd but I think I may have made it through! Let's just hope I keep feeling this way!

Edited December 23, 2010 by alwayshoping