Still Pining

[Ajax]

Ajax

Great to hear you are moving forward.

 

I disagree with your sentiment that if you had been a stronger person you would not have fallen apart the way you did. I say this because of my own experience and journey towards healing. At least for me, I was at the best place emotionally, mentally, physically when I met my EX. Right or wrong, he led me to believe he too was in the same "head space" and as a result his actions and words led me to believe that. I fell hard for him, I cared for him and we both looked foward to moving our relationship forward. However, like your EX he became depressed, his fears held him back, he was unsure about everything....truth be told, pretty much all of it had nothing to do with me. At the end I was devastated and for the longest time I did beat myself up thinking how weak and pathetic I was and that perhaps I was also messed up. In counselling i realized, that anyone is my shoes would of reacted the same way. Bottom line, when we are hurt, we are hurt. It does not imply we are weak, not together etc. Utilmately, if we are led to believe our partner wants a future with us and is content, how could we be anythign but devestated when they walk away.

 

Give yourself a break and enjoy the time with the new girl. Move forward with your life and when the self-doubts come up (as they will), don't let them overtake and sabotage any future possibility for fun, happiness and new memories. As a wise person said to me, Our decisions/choices are about two things 1) move us forward to what we want the most or 2) hold us back due to our fears. Always ask yourself which direction your decision will move you. Enjoy the third date

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks for the thoughtful post YSS! I read it before my date showed up but didn't have time to respond. It definately gave me a morale boost and something to consider.

 

As for date #3, I think it was as successful as the previous two. I do have a lot of fun with this girl, and sometime... just sometimes when I think about her I get a bit of butterflies. It's a good sign. She came over around 6:30 and we made waffles. Then we put on a movie and afterward talked/cuddled/made out until she left... at 1:30. She said next time she'll have to bring a "just in case" bag. She's more than welcome to

[Leandro]

thanks for the thoughtful post yss! I read it before my date showed up but didn't have time to respond. It definately gave me a morale boost and something to consider.

 

As for date #3, i think it was as successful as the previous two. I do have a lot of fun with this girl, and sometime... Just sometimes when i think about her i get a bit of butterflies. It's a good sign. She came over around 6:30 and we made waffles. Then we put on a movie and afterward talked/cuddled/made out until she left... At 1:30. She said next time she'll have to bring a "just in case" bag. She's more than welcome to

nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[YSS]

Thanks for the thoughtful post YSS! I read it before my date showed up but didn't have time to respond. It definately gave me a morale boost and something to consider.

 

As for date #3, I think it was as successful as the previous two. I do have a lot of fun with this girl, and sometime... just sometimes when I think about her I get a bit of butterflies. It's a good sign. She came over around 6:30 and we made waffles. Then we put on a movie and afterward talked/cuddled/made out until she left... at 1:30. She said next time she'll have to bring a "just in case" bag. She's more than welcome to

 

You are most welcome Ajax. Wonderful to read you had a great third date:bunny:. Enjoy this wonderful time but do take it slow. Haste makes waste.....and in today's day and age, its easy to get physically naked rather than emotionally naked. Keep us posted. Good luck to you.

[mgene15]

niceeeeeeeeeeeeee ajax! makin it look easy! haha, congratz man! I'm glad things are goin good for you, my second date is comin up this friday and I'll keep you guys informed, and GT let me no how the club thing goes if you end up going!

[Gt.ooh]

Will do! Ajax, hmm I'm a lil jealous hehe. Good job man.

[mgene15]

so date number 2 was very good! we went out to dinner first at tex wasabi, and we ate sushi, then we wen't bowling and I stunk but still beat her , and after that we went to look at all the christmas decorations around town. And yes, I had a very nice makeout session at the end.

[Ajax]

so date number 2 was very good! we went out to dinner first at tex wasabi, and we ate sushi, then we wen't bowling and I stunk but still beat her , and after that we went to look at all the christmas decorations around town. And yes, I had a very nice makeout session at the end.

 

Excellent mgene! Good Job.

 

My new lady friend came over for a bit again last night. She probably would have stayed, but I just didn't feel right about it yet. I like her, but I'm not sure how I feel yet. The problem is I can tell she really likes me. I don't want to be the DB that leads someone on, but at the same time I'm not sure that there's no future with her either. Now I'm the confused one... but at least it's only date #4 and we're not in a commited relationship and talking about the future yet...

[mgene15]

yea true, me and her are just dating once a week, I'm trying to take it extremely slow because of my past. the only strange thing that occured last night as I was driving her to the resteraunt I had to pass by a couple places me and my ex loved to eat at, and I also had to pass by her house.... My stomach cringed but I did not show it... on the first date I didn't even think about her...I'm just trying to go as slow as possible.

[Ajax]

So I went to a Christmas party that some friends of mine threw last night. I walk through the door and the first thing that happens is a girl my ex and I met on a wine tour comes over and brings the whole thing up. She said that she was sorry to hear what happened and that I really got "screwed." She went on for about five minutes before admitting that I probably didn't want to talk about it. It was kind of awkward.

 

Regardless of what's going on with the new girl, I've really come to realize that I'm not over the ex. Not over her, not completely over what she did. I'm not moping around or crying about it anymore, but I still find myself thinking about her and wishing things had been different. I even toyed with the idea of sending a "you suck at life" letter to her, but I won't actually do it.

[dk.bnz.chi]

ajax<do u want 2 meet 2 cute girls from Manhattan? i live in Chicago so u would have 2 handle them by urself:)

[mgene15]

man, ajax im sorry to hear that, man that must of been akward! and infront of your new romance? to be honest I'm not completely over my ex as well, not moping around anymore as well but i cringed when i had to drive past her house when I was on the date 2 nights ago with my new girl. keep your head up

[Ajax]

man, ajax im sorry to hear that, man that must of been akward! and infront of your new romance? to be honest I'm not completely over my ex as well, not moping around anymore as well but i cringed when i had to drive past her house when I was on the date 2 nights ago with my new girl. keep your head up

 

 

Fortunately the girl I just started dating wasn't there. I'd invited her but she had a previous engagement. It was still somewhat awkward though. On the other hand it was kind of nice to get the further validation.

[mgene15]

oooo ok, my fault must have mis-read.

[Gt.ooh]

Wow, you guys are in exactly the same boat as me. I really do wish we could have a beer together. The club night never panned out exactly like I expected (hate to be negative), but I fell asleep at 10:30 and I got a txt at 12 on which club they decided to go to.. I never got my hopes up at least, because I knew the crowd she hangs out with (one of my buddies ex's from couple years ago). So no harm done really. Ajax I have to say I would have done the same thing as far as her staying over, and the whole not over it yet.. I think it's best like Mgne says and we need to go slow, as slow as it gets..

 

Take care you guys, I do hope for another date sometime in the near future possibly off of the dating site..

[Ajax]

Guess you're right about taking things slow, today I got a speeding ticket.

[mgene15]

lol, sorry to hear that! I'm thinkin it's a sign.

[Gt.ooh]

Guess you're right about taking things slow, today I got a speeding ticket.

 

Oh no man, that's not good. But yea, mgne might be right..it could very well be an indirect sign. But shouldn't give it to much thought lol.

 

Well I worked on the weekend with my cousin at his apartment complex...scored a sweet mountain bike (which turns out is 5 times better than the one I left in T-dot)...it's worth like 2500 new . And I painted my moms' kitchen while she was away for the weekend for her birthday. All in all busy and good weekend.

 

How about you guys??

[mgene15]

that's good, remaining busy is key. Mine was very good as well, went on the date friday and saturday I helped my cousin pick out a christmas tree and decorate it (all day event) pretty good weekend, remained busy as well

[Ajax]

Last night I had two dreams about the ex. In one we were back together and everything was hunky dory. I haven't had any dreams about her in weeks, and since I started dating the new girl I wasn't even thinking about my ex as much as I had been. But over the past two or three days she's been creeping back into my mind.

 

I've been in NC for over three months now and intend to stay that way. But breaking it is becoming tempting again. I'm curious to know if she ever thinks about me and if she ever has regrets. Part of me wants to know why she's leaving her friends and family here and moving to another state. Does she just not care about anyone?

 

I need to refocus myself again. Through most of last month I had resigned myself to the fact that she's left and I'd never really understand why. I was moving forward. I can't let these little bumps in the road sway me from my path.

[pandagirl]

I've been in NC for over three months now and intend to stay that way. But breaking it is becoming tempting again. I'm curious to know if she ever thinks about me and if she ever has regrets. Part of me wants to know why she's leaving her friends and family here and moving to another state. Does she just not care about anyone?

 

I need to refocus myself again. Through most of last month I had resigned myself to the fact that she's left and I'd never really understand why. I was moving forward. I can't let these little bumps in the road sway me from my path.

 

Don't do it!!! You've come so far, and we're all going to hit weak points in the process, but you just have to stay strong, because it will pass.

 

I, too, have been really missing my ex lately. But no way am I going to contact him. I made a deal with myself that I will only contact him when I am fully over him. Talking to him now after 6 weeks NC will only take me back to square 1.

 

Also, I'm 99% sure that my ex is dating someone else. I have no way to know this, but I'm sure he is. Do I want to know that? HELL NO. Another reason to keep away from the ex. No information = good information.

[Ajax]

Thanks Panda! Good to see you posting again. Maybe I wasn't checking the right threads, but I haven't seen you on in a while. I'm sure that's a good sign though

 

I figure this little relapse was probably triggered by that girl at the party this weekend who brought the whole thing up again. I know she thought she was being supportive, but I think it did more damage than good.

 

To top it off today, I heard "our song" on the radio. It was "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias. It's almost ten years old and it's never played on the radio anymore! This also happened in the couple days right after the breakup, when I heard it on the radio three times. GROWL GROWL...

[mgene15]

yea man stay strong, you're one of the people that gave me inspiration to go NC and It has done wonders. I two have hit little bumps but just write everything down in a notepad that I want to say to her and hide it away.

[pandagirl]

Thanks Panda! Good to see you posting again. Maybe I wasn't checking the right threads, but I haven't seen you on in a while. I'm sure that's a good sign though

 

I figure this little relapse was probably triggered by that girl at the party this weekend who brought the whole thing up again. I know she thought she was being supportive, but I think it did more damage than good.

 

To top it off today, I heard "our song" on the radio. It was "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias. It's almost ten years old and it's never played on the radio anymore! This also happened in the couple days right after the breakup, when I heard it on the radio three times. GROWL GROWL...

 

Yeah, I'm around, just not as much. Still recovering, still get sad and teary, but doing a lot better. I am just determined to move on. Doesn't mean I don't love him, but you can only wallow so much before you start getting bored with yourself. I just want to be happy for myself.

 

It all happens in increments.

Edited December 8, 2010 by pandagirl

[Gt.ooh]

Ajax I hear you man.. it's getting pretty bumpy these days with the holidays coming up. I'm getting these sharp mental pains thinking about what she's doing, what she's really thinking all that stuff. BUT I will not contact this holiday season, I really have to clamp down on myself...I feel that checking her FB every couple days is a lot better than contacting in any way...Nothing at all has gone on, on the FB account. And I could mention some things and theories, but I just simply can't for my own good.. You really have given me some good support Ajax, and inspired me to do NC.. it's been 3.5 months since the break-up but about 1.5 months NC.

 

I'm really thinking about her a lot these days, but I know part of it is being winter and locked inside. Can't go out and wrench on the muscle car, or drive it. We just have to push through. It's tough to meet girls too...they're not out and where they are out I don't want any of it (not a club/bar guy)...I would love to cruise the beach in the car right about now lol.

 

Hope everyone is well, and coping even better.

 

Cheers.

[mgene15]

So I can't get to sleep tonight, it's 12:11 here in california. What am I thinking about? my ex..... dispicable me is coming to blu ray and dvd and we saw that on my birthday together... just killed me when I saw the Despicable me commercial about a half hour ago... Even no im really happy talking to this new girl and taking things slow... It got me thinking, has my ex even thought about me the past month and a half of NC? I feel almost betrayed... I've only been on 2 dates with this new girl and I'm not at that stage of cuddlig and watching a movie with her at my place quite yet, as stated before I wanna take things extra slow and do it when I feel ready... I'm thinkin it's the physical cuddling and shoulder to lean on thing I miss most. I haven't checked my ex's facebook in a long time, and don't plan on it because I no it will only hurt me.... Just venting I guess.. :/ good night guys I'll try to get some sleep