SadandConfusedWA Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I was drinking coffee and reading a book at Borders today when I noticed this guy staring at me. I kind of ignored him. He looked to be older and I always found cold approaches to be somewhat creepy. Anyhow, we ordered exactly the same thing (lemon meringue pie and cappuccino) . He moved to the seat closer to me and said "I can't believe we ordered the same cake! My mum used to make the best lemon meringue pie when I was a kid.." I kind of thought that line was cute so I smiled and started chatting to him. We got to talking about our work and it turns out that he has a PhD in Biomedical science (on the top of having a medical degree) and currently works as emergency care physician I was pretty impressed. He also used to work in academia for years. As we chatted about my research (he understood what it was about and seemed genuinely interested), I realized that he is very intelligent. We also know a lot of the same work people (he even knows my boss!). BUT and there is always a but.. he is a lot older than me. He is 48 (I am 31) and he is divorced with 2 teenage girls. He didn't really flirt, we just had a stimulating intellectual conversation. Before I knew it 3 hours have passed He wants to have dinner with me over the weekend. He is kind of cute...he is just OLD. And the teenage kids thing really puts me off. Not sure what to do??? Side note: Borders is a great pick up place. This is the second time I have been approached there within the last few months.
Kamille Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Who cares if he's old. My bf is also older than me. About the same age difference as you and this guy. But BF is Hot. Yes, with a capital H. The question is: are you attracted to him? Other question for consideration, not now, but if ever you get to a point of wanting to get serious with him: does he want more children?
jamesum Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Other question for consideration, not now, but if ever you get to a point of wanting to get serious with him: does he want more children? Lol, they have only met a day. Whats with women and always thinking soo far ahead?
Kamille Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Lol, they have only met a day. Whats with women and always thinking soo far ahead? Notice the part where I said, not now? You're absolutely right, I'm jumping ahead. Kids is a question bf and I have had to ask ourselves and it came up fairly early on, at the time when we were deciding to be exclusive. But you're right, even then, that was 2 months into dating. Ignore the kid comment S. Question is: are you attracted to him?
gypsy_nicky Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 48's not that old..... the question is, does he look good for his age? Or does he look a lot older say 60/70ish.
Scottdmw Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 He is a good bit older than you. The question is, does that matter to you? There are some reasons that I think might be good for considering that too old. But, sometimes I think people avoid dating out of their “appropriate age range” not for any good reason but because they are worried about what other people may think. In my experience people will cover this up by offering some fairly trivial reasons why they can't date someone of a different age, for example that they won't have grown up with the same music or something. I would suggest you give it some consideration and try to figure out what you're looking for in a relationship and whether the age difference is going to be a problem for that. Remember, people rarely find exactly what they want in a romantic partner. Everyone has advantages and disadvantages. You will most likely not be able to find a guy who has all this guy’s good characteristics (ER physician, brilliant, etc.) in a younger package. If you did he might well not be interested in you because maybe he would feel he could do better-- the 31-year-old version of this guy would probably want to date a 25-year-old model or something. What I'm getting at here is I would suggest not looking at just the bad parts about a person, but about their bad versus good characteristics, and decide if that's what you want. Scott
Green Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Seriously if he was 70 and you found him sexy I would say DO IT. Age and kids do remove sex apeal for me... but if I still found the person sexy I would do it. My guess is you posibly do find him sexy or else you wouldn't even be making this thread.
Kelly0900 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 It's not every day you come across such situation, or such a well-educated, intelligent potential. Give it a shot, and make the shots yourself from there-on.. You can discuss the age difference if you will, but that isn't really what I'd categorize as "stimulating conversation". Give it a go :-)
2sure Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 The age difference is one thing, but its the 2 teenage girls that would frighten me. Depending on how long they have been divorced, how old their mom is, etc etc . They can be a force to be reckoned with. Ive dated older guys with teenage daughters that scared ME. But if its just dates...who cares? You may never meet them. And he sounds like a good guy for you to network with .
quankanne Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 we just had a stimulating intellectual conversation. Before I knew it 3 hours have passed I think this would be the part I'd base my desire to date someone ... being able to hold an interesting conversation with someone is a biggie. And it could lead to something, or it couldn't. But dayum ... an intelligent guy you enjoy talking to? Girl, go for it! You might just end up with a good friend who is easy to hang around with, and if needed, be willing to stand in for a date! besides, after you reach a certain stage in your life, age is irrelevant. My husband is 13 years older than me, and I'd say we're pretty well matched. LMAO, or as my mother put it, "Yes, I like him ... I didn't have to raise this one!"
EasyHeart Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I'm a 48 year old man, and I've found that an age-difference is either a dealbreaker or it's not. Whether it is for you is up to you to decide, but if it's a problem tell him upfront. Don't date him for a few months and then suddenly decide he's too old for you. In my mind, the bigger issue is the divorce and teenage children. That will have a bigger effect on his life than his age, and the fact that the two of you are not in similar places in your lives may be a bigger problem than the age difference. If he's divorced and has older children, he may have zero interest in marriage or additional kids, which may be a dealbreaker for a 31 year old woman.
Cee Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Bear with me. I'm going to rant. I'm jealous of you. I would give my eye teeth to have a date with a man as intelligent as this guy. He's a double doctor & only the best among the best have MD/PhDs. He's at the level of Nobel laureate genius yet he's able to carry on a pleasant conversation with a beautiful woman. Therefore, he has social skills and brains. Aaaaand he's an Emergency Physician. Only people who are able to stay calm and focused in life and death situations can handle this job. Not only is he intelligent and has social skills, but he is able to think quickly and be decisive under pressure. And he's cute. Yeah, I think you should pass on dinner because of his age. When I was 32, I had a serious relationship with a man who was 48. Don't knock 40 (or 50) until you've tried it. I'm 40 now & I now know for certain that 40 is a vibrant and energetic time of life. Have fun on your dinner date
Kamille Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Bear with me. I'm going to rant. I'm jealous of you. I would give my eye teeth to have a date with a man as intelligent as this guy. He's a double doctor & only the best among the best have MD/PhDs. He's at the level of Nobel laureate genius yet he's able to carry on a pleasant conversation with a beautiful woman. Therefore, he has social skills and brains. Aaaaand he's an Emergency Physician. Only people who are able to stay calm and focused in life and death situations can handle this job. Not only is he intelligent and has social skills, but he is able to think quickly and be decisive under pressure. And he's cute. Yeah, I think you should pass on dinner because of his age. When I was 32, I had a serious relationship with a man who was 48. Don't knock 40 (or 50) until you've tried it. I'm 40 now & I now know for certain that 40 is a vibrant and energetic time of life. Have fun on your dinner date Standing ovation! Bravo!
carhill Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Not sure what to do??? Accept the dinner date and continue the conversation there. Good luck
rlindzie Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I would say go for it! I love dating older men because first of all they tend to have thier act together, they are more mature and like to do things other than get drunk and go to the club like younger guys and lastly it makes you the young hot gf/date! But i wouldnt worry about his teenagers yet, see where things take you and cross that bridge if/when you get there
Ruby Slippers Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 (edited) Other question for consideration, not now, but if ever you get to a point of wanting to get serious with him: does he want more children? Kids are an important point to consider if you want something serious, especially now that science has determined men's infertility and risk for having kids with birth defects rises exponentially beginning at 40, just as women's do. This is the main fact that turns me off from dating men over 40 -- that and the fact that my mom, in her mid-60s, is active and strong, but she has to do a ton to take care of my dad, who's 12 years her senior, in his late 70s, and in ailing health. And it's as shame, because I think 40-45 men are in their prime in many other ways. They're much more mature, stable, and capable of appreciating a woman as the complete package (beauty, brains, etc.) than a younger guy, generally. Bookstores are great places to meet smart guys. Every time I go to one, the slightly nerdy smart men -- the ones who would rather read and learn something than get sloshed and grope women at a bar -- are stealing looks from every which way. It's cute. And yeah, I would find the teenage daughters thing weird, too. Do you want something serious and long-term or not? Edited September 10, 2010 by Ruby Slippers
Eeyore79 Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I'm 30 and I wouldn't date him. The age gap is a bit too big, but what would really put me off is the kids. I want marriage and a family, and he's unlikely to want either at his age, especially when he has kids already. Plus I don't really feel old enough to play stepmom to teenagers; that would just freak me out! I don't see the point in stringing the guy along when the relationship can't possibly go anywhere, so I'd just refuse the date.
Star Gazer Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Weird. When I was 25/26, I dated a senior partner who was 39 (13.5 years older). I thought nothing of our age difference then. He was young at heart, surfed literally every day, and we had a lot of the same interests. But I wasn't really thinking long-term with him (he was though ). Now at 32, I wouldn't date someone 13.5 years older than me, even casually. But I think I'm more children-minded now, and most guys in their 40's are done having children or don't want them... and that's a major deal breaker.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 I decided not to see him again. We are at completely different stages in our lives and I don't want anything casual so it's kind of pointless. I am also not comfortable with such a huge age difference for a number of other reasons. Another thing that kind of swayed me is that the last online guy I had a date with ended up calling and we are going out again (he is 35, never been married, no kids and is after a LTR).
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted September 10, 2010 Author Posted September 10, 2010 Another thing is he mentioned how he is having his daughters sleep over the next weekend. Then he said how his 18 year old daughter is dating some guy that doesn't treat her well. I kind of felt like my maturity level is closer to the 18 year old than to him
Star Gazer Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I decided not to see him again. We are at completely different stages in our lives and I don't want anything casual so it's kind of pointless. This is great. You're acknowledging what you want, and quickly moving on if the guy isn't on the same page. That's progress!!
Stung Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 Well, I was going to weigh in with 'go to dinner and see what happens...' but I /see I am too late. You made the decision you were comfortable with, and although the guy sounds really interesting and like quite a catch, I can also understand why the different life stages might concern you. C'est la vie. I do most of my book shopping through Amazon or in independent specialty bookstores so a few years ago I was shocked when a big chain bookstore opened in my neighborhood and it turned out to be a total meat market. I was there one evening browsing when a nice, interesting man started chatting me up. It was chilly so I was wearing my coat, probably why he didn't notice I was pregnant--also my fingers were a bit swollen so I wasn't wearing any of my rings. The look on his face when I stood up and my coat fell open, and I mentioned I was five months pregnant :lmao:. Even more amusing was the pregnancy-fetishist who overheard the exchange and came over to talk to me after. I guess if I'm ever single again I will just set up camp at a Borders or Barnes & Noble and rake in the mens.
Kamille Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I vote we elect "raking the mens" our next favorite typo. I love it. Men. Many many men. Mens.
Cee Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I'm a little disappointed because I wanted to live vicariously through your experience. The 48 year old doctor probably dates a lot of women when he's not too busy saving lives. I could see a man like that not being keen on settling down. Good luck with the 35 year old.
Stung Posted September 10, 2010 Posted September 10, 2010 I vote we elect "raking the mens" our next favorite typo. I love it. Men. Many many men. Mens. I did make a few typos up there but that wasn't one of them . Bring on the mens! I mean, not for me, but I'll just watch from over there. BTW I do like your signature. I haven't heard that song in ages.
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