Mikki Mars Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 so I'm a junior in college, and I've had no success in dating, almost went on a date once but that fell thru, and I've hooked up with only 1 girl in the last 2 years here, as long as I've been here. I'm scared that I'll leave college a virgin. I barely have any friends here, I'm a poor fit for my school in every way, in terms of major, ethnic background (I'm a secular Jew, tho a Jew is a Jew, at a school of mostly Irish/Italians), I'm not a huge sports fan. I'll admit I came into this school 24 lbs heavier and with poor, but improving social skills. Will dating be harder after college? I mean I've heard its the easiest in college, tho is that for either good looking guys and really socially-adept guys? I admit I have a sketchy reputation with a lot of people, one of being a "creeper," who in the past has come on too strong to too many girls, and it even got me in trouble with my frat. My heavy drinking was a large factor in that, and I'm working very hard to stop that. I don't know if I have enough time to fix my reputation, or even the ability to do so. Am I screwed? I've been seriously thinking of transferring colleges because I am seriously depressed about having nothing to show for the last two years, socially. No girls ever text me, or friend me, tho they usually accept when I friend them, I got cockblocked left and right at a recent party. I barely get invited to any parties other than ones everyone in the frat gets invited to. Am I doomed to virginity, and worthlessness?
Green Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Its all in your head just remember that. I was very unconfident through High School and College. I was so afraid of rejection I never TRIED. I didn't ask girls out and if I ever did hang out with a girl which was rare I was to afraid to make a move I was just asexual. I graduated college with out ever having kissed a girl. But Hornyness took over and as I got older I got more confident and I can honestly say that Dating became easy with CONFIDENCE and all it turns out I had to do was TRY (Ask girls out, make moves like KISSING) My guess is you don't TRY because you are unconfident like I was. You have a good chance of getting more confidence and learning not to care about rejection as you get older. Its really not the end of the world if you graduate college a virgin. Seriiously just calm down and enjoy yourself. TRY, I know you arn't Asking girls out in person and I definetly know you arn't trying to kiss/touch them.
Author Mikki Mars Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 Its all in your head just remember that. I was very unconfident through High School and College. I was so afraid of rejection I never TRIED. I didn't ask girls out and if I ever did hang out with a girl which was rare I was to afraid to make a move I was just asexual. I graduated college with out ever having kissed a girl. But Hornyness took over and as I got older I got more confident and I can honestly say that Dating became easy with CONFIDENCE and all it turns out I had to do was TRY (Ask girls out, make moves like KISSING) My guess is you don't TRY because you are unconfident like I was. You have a good chance of getting more confidence and learning not to care about rejection as you get older. Its really not the end of the world if you graduate college a virgin. Seriiously just calm down and enjoy yourself. TRY, I know you arn't Asking girls out in person and I definetly know you arn't trying to kiss/touch them. I'm sick of living a life of hatred and jealousy, and feeling worthless despite the fact I'm better at everything I do than nearly everyone else at this college. Most kids major in **** I never even knew was a major until I got here. They wear their stupid Ed Hardy shirts and shirts with these dumb designs on them, most of them know jack **** about the world, politics, music, or anything other than sports. I try as hard as one can try. I've asked many girls to lunch to get turned down. I hit on girls at parties, and usually get rejected or cockblocked (which makes me wanna punch the cockblocker in the face as someone should do). I do more clubs, activities, and get better grades than most, in a major that elite schools also happen to have, and have no rewards.
skydiveaddict Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 so I got cockblocked left and right at a recent party. I barely get invited to any parties other than ones everyone in the frat gets invited to. Am I doomed to virginity, and worthlessness? No man. Life is just beginning for you. Go and get it!
Lovebone Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 waitaminute..... Jews are not athletic? whoa.... newsflash there. lol Disclaimer: I'm a jew, so I can say this in jest, dammit.
kblitz Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 (edited) Most obvious but important thing about attracting a woman: Don't be afraid to feel vulnerable and logic never got a woman off. You gotta let of that fear of rejection whatever the root may be. Bro, at least you're not asian with a 4 inch penis. Like that, always have a sense of humor and use it. Since you seem like a logical guy, the mind cannot logically alienate something that induces feelings aroused by humor. It's your weapon of mass attraction. As for coming on too strong, you might be rushing to avoid pain and embarassment, but it's backfiring bro. Just gotta enjoy the process, not the result. Edited September 7, 2010 by kblitz
2.50 a gallon Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 If you haven't learned to dance do so.
Cracker Jack Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I'm sick of living a life of hatred and jealousy, and feeling worthless despite the fact I'm better at everything I do than nearly everyone else at this college. Most kids major in **** I never even knew was a major until I got here. They wear their stupid Ed Hardy shirts and shirts with these dumb designs on them, most of them know jack **** about the world, politics, music, or anything other than sports. I try as hard as one can try. I've asked many girls to lunch to get turned down. I hit on girls at parties, and usually get rejected or cockblocked (which makes me wanna punch the cockblocker in the face as someone should do). I do more clubs, activities, and get better grades than most, in a major that elite schools also happen to have, and have no rewards. I have trouble in this area, too, but constantly comparing yourself to others in terms of your strengths and what you do better will not help you get better in any way. Just focus on yourself, man. Anyway, I understand how rejection sucks; most people (Who've had moderate success with women) can just shake it off and laugh, while it could be very painful for someone who's never had success with women. I say keep trying. The fact that you're actually trying counts for something. I barely ever try. I wish I had more balls to ask girls to lunch.
Green Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 When you've had no sucess with women thats when you need to seek rejection out the most. Stop caring about being rejected and pretty much it will feel like it has stoped happening... in fact from your prospective it will feel like every woman likes you. (you create your own reality and letting fear of rejection slow you down is pointless) Is college the easiest time in life to date? NOT FOR ME. College was one of the hardest times in life for me to date because when I was 18-22 i had ZERO confidence with women and was so afraid of rejection I would not in a million years risk making the FIRST move like ASKING OUT or KISSING/TOUCHING... After college and when I started working in the real world life gets depressing real fast. And you realize damn I better just start being confident... and then before you know it your ASKING OUT girls and making bold moves like TOUCHING them and KISSING them when before all you ever did was complain and hope some girl would do all the work... doesn't work that way but the hope I will give you is that NO IMO college is not the easiest time in life for dating simply because CONFIDENCE is key and young men are less confident then older men for the most part.
Shakz Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 I admit I have a sketchy reputation with a lot of people, one of being a "creeper," who in the past has come on too strong to too many girls, and it even got me in trouble with my frat. My heavy drinking was a large factor in that, and I'm working very hard to stop that. I don't know if I have enough time to fix my reputation, or even the ability to do so. Am I screwed? I've been seriously thinking of transferring colleges because I am seriously depressed about having nothing to show for the last two years, socially. No girls ever text me, or friend me, tho they usually accept when I friend them, I got cockblocked left and right at a recent party. I barely get invited to any parties other than ones everyone in the frat gets invited to. Am I doomed to virginity, and worthlessness? No you're not doomed to perpetual virginity but you might be at this school. A reputation, once gained, is very difficult to overcome. Hard to believe you're brothers haven't set you up at all. Maybe you should transfer.
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 College is looked at as the easiest time to date simply because it's such a social community, plus everyone is relatively at the same age, is pursuing somewhat equal education, and it's easy to find people who have things in common with you just based on their class schedule or where they like to hang out. Everyone lives close together (provided it's not a CC or commuter college), parties together, and has independence from family, making it a virtual breeding ground (maybe even literally) for flings and relationships. However, I think a lot of people, particularly men, take longer to find their confidence and bearings. Most are not ready to find a life partner by age 18-22, whether it be due to a social limitation (being shy) or a maturity limitation (wanting to "play the field"). This is totally natural and normal, and thus, dating life definitely goes on after college. My boyfriend is a great example. In high school and college he had few if any girlfriends, was sort of a "late bloomer" so to speak. He was shy and insecure around girls and had difficulty approaching them. He said it wasn't until his late twenties that he became successful with dating. He was 31 when we met (I was 20) and we meshed very well. Don't torque yourself up about this. Just let it happen.
Rxwoman Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 My first question is which girls are you asking out? The air-headed, popular, barby-doll cheerleader types? Join some clubs for smart, knowledgable people. Make friends with the girls in those clubs. I for one find smart, thoughtfull, knowledgable, funny guys VERY sexy, even if they're not physically a "hunk". Bill Maher is a 53 year old short, homely, little Jewish leprachaun. I'd so date him in a minute. Youre still young, you'll be fine.
Stockalone Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Will dating be harder after college? I mean I've heard its the easiest in college, tho is that for either good looking guys and really socially-adept guys? It certainly was true for me that college is the easiest time to date. In college, women were part of my everyday life and most importantly, my spare time activities. That meant that there was much more exposure to women and therefore much more opportunities to talk to them and get to know them. For others like Green, things got better after college. Unfortunately, there is no telling what will work better for you and when it does. That said, not having a date in high school or college is not a automatic death sentence to your love life. Am I doomed to virginity, and worthlessness? Probably not.
Rxwoman Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 BTW Kblitz, a 4 inch penis isn't that small. 5 and a half is average, and I personally would much rather be with an average guy, who knows how to work it, than one with a large penis who thinks because he's hung he can just lay there.
tman666 Posted September 7, 2010 Posted September 7, 2010 Personally, I don't think that it's universally true that college is the easiest time to date. I had a hell of a time finding any decent girls for a while in college before I met my current girlfriend of 2.5 years. Part of my problem was not being "in" with the stupid games that everyone plays (the hookup/party ****). I wasn't a weirdo or hideously ugly or anything, I just thought the whole thing was simian. I'm not a good liar, and thus not good at faking things. I eventually just learned to play it my own way and stop worrying about how to talk to or approach women. In the end, I just kind of figured that I was going to be pretty blunt, albeit respectful. Ask for her number, buy her a beer, dance with her, invite her to a party, invite her to go with you to the gym/hikes/movies/whatever you're in to. Don't make a big deal of it, just ask. If they didn't like it, then who really cares? I know this phrase gets beaten to death, but you have to be confident in yourself. This doesn't mean that you delude yourself into thinking that you're Don Juan, but just remember that rejection is not the end of the world. Rejection will always be a tough pill to swallow, but you have to be like the Phoenix. Meerkat Stew wrote a post recently about how young women tend to go for the "man-child" and then go for stable, mature (financially and emotionally) as they "grow up". As such, you might be one of the guys that eventually winds up with a hot wife because you worked hard, cultivated your finances, and learned to be a respectable member of society instead of falling in line with the rest of the millions of partyboys out there. Does it suck that you might have to wait for them to have their interests swing in your direction? Yeah, but such is life. Obviously, every rule can be broken, but I think what his post said made a lot of sense. You'll find your woman out there. Maybe not in the typical social circles that occupy most colleges, but she's out there. Your primary focus should be improving yourself through your education, physical fitness, and social aptitude. Focus on the journey rather than a desired end result (i.e. "I have to get laid before I'm out of college").
Author Mikki Mars Posted September 7, 2010 Author Posted September 7, 2010 (edited) No you're not doomed to perpetual virginity but you might be at this school. A reputation, once gained, is very difficult to overcome. Hard to believe you're brothers haven't set you up at all. Maybe you should transfer. the fraternity is a joke at this school. My frat is comprised of cliques, who all stay as one group of friends since last year, and probably will continue to. I'll admit there's plenty of culpability for my situation on my part, but then again none of them ever tried to help me, or bring me into their group of friends, even tho I am a "brother." Most of the brothers joined as the frat was just forming and did so with their friends. I only joined the one I'm in cuz I was scared of getting rejected from the other frat I was looking at, and that frat is known for being a lot more friendly. Its just that I'm already 21, going on 22 at the end of the year, and I'm only seven credits away from being a senior, and I was supposed to graduate this spring, but I took off a semester in spring of 2009. with my credits, I'm could graduate in fall 2011, but I don't wanna leave that early, because I wanna have social experiences. So i'd likely graduate in spring 2012 if I stay here. I know many schools force you to do two full years minimum. I might lose credits too, given that I'm looking at an academically superior school. It depends if I can get myself to write transfer apps, and if my dad will pay another 100k plus for 2 years. I'd wind up graduating at 24, starting as a junior somewhere else, and I'd still be short, 5'2''. I'd know nobody, but then again, almost no one invites me anywhere here anyway, tho I do have acquaintances I can talk to when I pass by, or wind up in the same place as. People generally do accept my friend requests. I currently got to a school of 6000 undergraduates, but it feels very small because someone always knows someone you know, and while there are some who could say good things about me, there are also too many who could call me a creeper or weirdo. Edited September 7, 2010 by Mikki Mars
Shakz Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Well then, you are kind of screwed. Have you thought about someone outside your social circle? A waitress in town or such. Given you're height how about a nice little asian twist. Alot of women would be interested in a man with a future, which you obviously are. Take advantage of what you've got going for you, and lower your standards ever so slightly. You don't have to date the cotiillion queen.
robdrm32 Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Rent the movie fight club and watch it. There is a scene where Brad Pitt is yelling at Edward Norton "Just let go!" The whole scene is kind of intense but it moved me to start repeating that to myself anytime a negative thought pops into my mind. And believe me i've been where you are, and right now my life situation is not very good, but negativity serves no purpose and that's what i get from your posts. You first have to start feeling genuinely good about yourself before anyone else will. It will take time but you have to recognize whats holding you back (attitude, confidence, or whatever it may be) and make a concerted effort to work on it. For me, constantly reminding myself to "let go" helped alot with the confidence. If you just don't care, you will feel confident because the outcome good or bad isn't going to affect you negatively. so let go of those self-defeating thoughts and work on improving yourself and your situation.
Author Mikki Mars Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Well then, you are kind of screwed. Have you thought about someone outside your social circle? A waitress in town or such. Given you're height how about a nice little asian twist. Alot of women would be interested in a man with a future, which you obviously are. Take advantage of what you've got going for you, and lower your standards ever so slightly. You don't have to date the cotiillion queen. so you're telling me that in the next two years, there is no chance I'll ever have a girl to be loved by or lusted after by, have sex with, play with, cuddle with? When will I ever have any chance for these things? What do I after I graudate, assuming I continue here? I mean I'm submitting a transfer application in case things go poorly this semester, tho we'll see what happens. I want love, affection, validation, and no I don't believe in "random" hookups or sex, everything has a reason. Even with a one night stand, there's a reason the girl chose you over all the other guys who chased her, or a random hookup. I don't wanna live anymore. Also, what does any physical therapy, occupation therapy, "business," film studies, nursing, or communication major have over me? Good schools don't even have those majors, but they all have political science and economics, which I major and minor in, respectively, and those two are popular at good schools. There are reasons why I chose my school, and it was to get out of another school quickly. I regret going here as opposed to somewhere else, tho yea my social skills were once quite very very poor, but I'm scared the fact I've learned more now is a little too late to make up for the ****ups I made last year and the year before. I do believe in my greatness and honor, and I'll be damned if girls don't. My brother has had pretty women, but the fuсkbag won't help me out, and I hate him.
Fickle Sticks Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 First off college isn't exactly easier or harder to find a date. In college there's the whole social ladder and peer pressure that you're suppose to "hook-up" sort of thing. But at the same time there are more people your age that may share similar interests as you and there is definitely a wide selection. Sounds like you're in a good spot academically and I wouldn't worry too much about what people think or say. Just be yourself and there you should never feel rushed to date someone. Just because you're not dating doesn't mean you're worthless. Try not be jealous. Do your best to improve yourself and things will work out.
Author Mikki Mars Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 First off college isn't exactly easier or harder to find a date. In college there's the whole social ladder and peer pressure that you're suppose to "hook-up" sort of thing. But at the same time there are more people your age that may share similar interests as you and there is definitely a wide selection. Sounds like you're in a good spot academically and I wouldn't worry too much about what people think or say. Just be yourself and there you should never feel rushed to date someone. Just because you're not dating doesn't mean you're worthless. Try not be jealous. Do your best to improve yourself and things will work out. but I want things like love, affection, sex, or at least having a girl to play with, like cuddling, tickling, bjs, some sort of physical contact which I don't pay for or coerce. I'm so desperate and I feel like I'm in a prison and I wanna die. I just want someone to enjoy me that much.
counterman Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Some of us want that too but what do you do when things don't work out? You keep trying and sooner or later you'll stop caring about what others think. The biggest revelation for me was when I just stopped caring. You'll be surprised how people respond to you differently when you are confident (not afraid of getting rejected).
Author Mikki Mars Posted September 8, 2010 Author Posted September 8, 2010 Some of us want that too but what do you do when things don't work out? You keep trying and sooner or later you'll stop caring about what others think. The biggest revelation for me was when I just stopped caring. You'll be surprised how people respond to you differently when you are confident (not afraid of getting rejected). alright but what do I do when the sole reason I get rejections is that I have a poor reputation with some people (ie WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK?). I am too great for this kind of dishonour. Yes I didn't make the best name for myself, tho its certainly not the worst. Why do girls care so much about what other people think?
Green Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 but I want things like love, affection, sex, or at least having a girl to play with, like cuddling, tickling, bjs, some sort of physical contact which I don't pay for or coerce. I'm so desperate and I feel like I'm in a prison and I wanna die. I just want someone to enjoy me that much. Dude you're not in prison. You need to start asking out a lot more girls then you do. Tell me you are asking atleast 10 attractive girls out a week and I'll say now you sound like you are trying. Then when they go out with you TRY THINGS... you know Touch them... KISS them... make some moves... cause if you just go on a date and treat it like a friendship you'll be lucky if you even get that. BE YOURSELF ask for a bj.... god it feels good. Just soke it in and enjoy the fact that a girl is down there licking and sucking on you. Dude its great. Do some perverted **** with a girl like lick her anus just cause you can. Man you don't know the fun you are missing. Seriously nothing like pinching a girls nipples and making her let out a little "ooooh" Cmon man you have to make MOVES... its not just going to happen for you because you come on here telling us how great you are... YOU DON"T TRY No YOU ARE NOT SCREWED. You have so much time left anyways... dude seriously come back with some updates of how you have actualy been trying.... ASk atleast 2 girls out tomorrow. Go to the mall if you have to and just ask them out don't worry about not knowing what to say or do... you need practice at being a human
Cracker Jack Posted September 8, 2010 Posted September 8, 2010 Dude you're not in prison. You need to start asking out a lot more girls then you do. Tell me you are asking atleast 10 attractive girls out a week and I'll say now you sound like you are trying. Then when they go out with you TRY THINGS... you know Touch them... KISS them... make some moves... cause if you just go on a date and treat it like a friendship you'll be lucky if you even get that. BE YOURSELF ask for a bj.... god it feels good. Just soke it in and enjoy the fact that a girl is down there licking and sucking on you. Dude its great. Do some perverted **** with a girl like lick her anus just cause you can. Man you don't know the fun you are missing. Seriously nothing like pinching a girls nipples and making her let out a little "ooooh" Cmon man you have to make MOVES... its not just going to happen for you because you come on here telling us how great you are... YOU DON"T TRY No YOU ARE NOT SCREWED. You have so much time left anyways... dude seriously come back with some updates of how you have actualy been trying.... ASk atleast 2 girls out tomorrow. Go to the mall if you have to and just ask them out don't worry about not knowing what to say or do... you need practice at being a human Wait, what? Ask them this early on? Or once you guys are, you know, actually doing sexual things? I think straight-up asking a girl to do that will probably get any guy slapped. Aside from that, I agree with everything else.
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