Why Do Men DO This?

[Ruby Slippers]

No one owes you ANYTHING. Male or female.

 

A great burden was lifted from my shoulders the day I realized that no one owes me anything. For so long as I’d thought there were things I was entitled to, I’d been wearing myself out — physically and emotionally — trying to collect them.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm also not seeing the button to click to show you're not interested. Can you point it out for me instead of yelling at me?

:lmao: That would just be too reasonable and civil, now, wouldn't it?

[mustangsally]

Eh, it's just how the game works. I literally get 10-20 e-mails per day there and I don't have time to type out "Sorry, I'm not interested" e-mails to each person PLUS keep up with the people I am interested. I even have trouble with the latter! I also have two jobs to work, school and I have arthritis...so I can't really waste time replying to every tom, dick and harry who writes "DAMN Sheeebang your hottttt!"

 

Many men don't respond to e-mails either. I don't understand why guys get so upset about this. I don't really care if you don't respond...I'm not labeling you "abhorrent and rude" or calling out your entire sex.

[Mad Max]

Eh, it's just how the game works. I literally get 10-20 e-mails per day there and I don't have time to type out "Sorry, I'm not interested" e-mails to each person PLUS keep up with the people I am interested. I even have trouble with the latter!

 

 

30 seconds for each email times 20 emails comes out to a whopping 10 minutes. Hell you can even break it up. But whatever, it is what it is. I signed up for HotOrNOt just to see what it was like. Though I couldn't send or receive emails, I still would have responded to the ones I wasn't interested in. It wouldn't take that long.

[meerkat stew]

There is a button to click to tell people you're not interested? This has never been used on me and I don't know how to use it. I'm sorry.

 

Whether there is or isn't on OKC, it is just as easy to keep a brief stock rejection saved to your desktop and cut and paste that into a reply. If they keep mailing after that, use the block feature.

[that girl]

I'm disgusted by how much sympathy this guy is getting from the fellas here at Love Shack.

 

The OP did nothing to this guy.

 

You might appreciate a "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" email, but you're not actually entitled to one. Not everyone is a regular user, some people get dozens of emails a day, and some people do not want to continue the conversation in case they get abusive.

 

The emails this guy is sending are totally over the line. I would not only block him, I would report him to OK Cupid. If he does this frequently they will eventually ban him.

[mustangsally]

Seriously? People's feelings are that easily hurt that I have to do that? Are their egos really that fragile?

 

I'm a very sensitive person...perhaps even too sensitive. Yet, I understand if a guy doesn't reply to me. He's clearly not interested, away or something else has come up. Oh well, on to the next guy.

 

What grinds my gears is men who think you owe them some long explanation for everything. I was really sick (like in the hospital) for a while and my grandmother got really sick and died around this time. I told a guy now wasn't a good time to date and he called me a liar saying I was just avoiding him. The thing is, it wasn't a good time to date and I didn't want to go into the details of my personal life with someone I don't even know all that well. I told him just that and he couldn't understand why I didn't want to tell him.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm disgusted by how much sympathy this guy is getting from the fellas here at Love Shack.

 

The OP did nothing to this guy.

 

You might appreciate a "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" email, but you're not actually entitled to one. Not everyone is a regular user, some people get dozens of emails a day, and some people do not want to continue the conversation in case they get abusive.

 

The emails this guy is sending are totally over the line. I would not only block him, I would report him to OK Cupid. If he does this frequently they will eventually ban him.

That's what scary about this thread. You see how men's entitlement and anger can generate a vortex of aggressive, demanding, and even threatening behavior. These guys actually think a woman who is a complete stranger OWES them an e-mail. Boggles the mind.

[mustangsally]

Whether there is or isn't on OKC, it is just as easy to keep a brief stock rejection saved to your desktop and cut and paste that into a reply. If they keep mailing after that, use the block feature.

 

What am I? A business? I don't need to give every guy a "Yes, we've received your resume, but unfortunately we've hired someone else for the job" e-mail! I don't get one. I don't think I've EVER gotten one...and honestly, I'd rather not.

 

And yes, tons of guys will lash out at this kind of e-mail and I'd rather not have someone else call me ugly or fat or whatever because they're angry I rejected them.

[mustangsally]

That's what scary about this thread. You see how men's entitlement and anger can generate a vortex of aggressive, demanding, and even threatening behavior. These guys actually think a woman who is a complete stranger OWES them an e-mail. Boggles the mind.

 

Seriously. It's not like I'm sending out invitations to a party to people I know or something or vice versa. Who cares? You really can't move on from one woman not sending you an e-mail?

[mustangsally]

How many of you guys have stock e-mail rejections and/or would sit down and e-mail back 20 girls per day to say you're not interested when you have tons of other commitments? Online dating isn't a job.

[Ruby Slippers]

What am I? A business? I don't need to give every guy a "Yes, we've received your resume, but unfortunately we've hired someone else for the job" e-mail! I don't get one. I don't think I've EVER gotten one...and honestly, I'd rather not.

 

And yes, tons of guys will lash out at this kind of e-mail and I'd rather not have someone else call me ugly or fat or whatever because they're angry I rejected them.

Pretty much exactly what I was thinking.

 

I don't believe mustangsally signed a Terms of Service agreement guaranteeing a rejection e-mail to every "applicant".

[mustangsally]

A gem I've recently received, that obviously deserves a response:

 

Shebang!!!! U r hottttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!

 

Also, I got one from a guy who said he's into dom and wants a sub (even though my profile has NO indication of that). I've also gotten a couple of guys my dad's age.

[meerkat stew]

I don't know why so many men feel women owe them something or hold women up to a certain standard they don't follow themselves. It seems a bit unfair.

 

As usual when this issue comes up, try to twist it into a matter of "not owing anything." Non sequitur... no courtesy or basic human compassion is ever "owed." Or is the female perception of manners all "quid pro quo?" (sometimes I suspect it is). Both women and men who don't respond to thoughtful initial Emails are to blame, but it is mostly a women thing, as men do most of the approaching online.

 

People with any basic amount of class or character who join dating sites to meet dating prospects reply, even summarily, to those who express sincere interest. It's not a matter of "owing" anything, but a matter of choosing whether to be polite or rude. So the question is, "are you a person of class and character, or are you not?" Not "do I owe someone something?"

 

Repeating, a cut and paste stock reply takes a truly negligible amount of time.

 

"Thanks for your interest, but I do not believe we would make a good match. Best wishes." Cut and paste that or even retype it. Took me all of five seconds to type it out from scratch.

 

But continue rationalizing it however you like.

[mustangsally]

Pretty much exactly what I was thinking.

 

I don't believe mustangsally signed a Terms of Service agreement guaranteeing a rejection e-mail to every "applicant".

 

For real. And not even every business does that.

[meerkat stew]

I'm disgusted by how much sympathy this guy is getting from the fellas here at Love Shack.

 

Sympathy? where? all I said is that I am not surprised that men eventually snap in this way given the abysmal standard of women's manners on dating sites, but nothing in that condones anything he has done.

 

The emails this guy is sending are totally over the line. I would not only block him, I would report him to OK Cupid. If he does this frequently they will eventually ban him.

 

And this is exactly what she should do.

[mustangsally]

Abysmal manners? I've never received a rejection...just no reply. You don't see me crying about men's lack of manners---or does it not apply to your sex?

[meerkat stew]

Oh, and comparisons to business dealings are thoroughly inapt... well unless, as many men believe, women think of dating and relationships as "business dealings," to be conducted with an agenda in mind. Telling.

[that girl]

As usual when this issue comes up, try to twist it into a matter of "not owing anything." Non sequitur... no courtesy or basic human compassion is ever "owed." Or is the female perception of manners all "quid pro quo?" (sometimes I suspect it is). Both women and men who don't respond to thoughtful initial Emails are to blame, but it is mostly a women thing, as men do most of the approaching online.

You seem to be expecting far more manners from women.

 

Using a 1-10 scale, not responding to a thoughtful email from a stranger is a 1. It would be nice to respond, but it isn't a horrible slight to not respond. Meanwhile, sending an insulting email to a stranger because they didn't email you back is an 8.

 

Sympathy? where? all I said is that I am not surprised that men eventually snap in this way given the abysmal standard of women's manners on dating sites, but nothing in that condones anything he has done.

 

You are condoning it by saying that women bring it on themselves.

[mustangsally]

Oh, and comparisons to business dealings are thoroughly inapt... well unless, as many men believe, women think of dating and relationships as "business dealings," to be conducted with an agenda in mind. Telling.

 

You didn't answer me. Should men be forced to write every woman back as well, less he be deemed rude?

 

I also know most of my girlfriends and I never hear from guys who aren't into us, so should you add men's manners to the appalling list of manners and just saying people have bad manners? I'm so confused.

 

WTF is your deal? Seriously, dude. Calm down. You seem really bitter and angry at women in general. I'm sorry for whatever happened to you, but don't take it out on us. Especially saying women all see relationships as business deals? Come on. You obviously really hate women...

[meerkat stew]

You seem to be expecting far more manners from women.

 

Using a 1-10 scale, not responding to a thoughtful email from a stranger is a 1. It would be nice to respond, but it isn't a horrible slight to not respond. Meanwhile, sending an insulting email to a stranger because they didn't email you back is an 8.

 

Basic manners are -not- a matter of "owing someone a debt," not a matter of "quid pro quo," not a matter of some bogus rating system you have pulled out of thin air, not a matter of "well they were rude so my rudeness is excused," but rather factually quite simple...

 

Two people join a dating site presumably to meet and date the opposite sex, in so doing signalling that they are receptive to contacts from strangers.

 

This is ALL that is necessary to engage the basic principles of courtesy. People of class and character, male or female, observe such principles, people lacking class and character, male or female, do not. Simple.

 

Person A mails person B with a customized Email. If person B has any class, fundamental social skills, character, what have you, they will take the few seconds necessary to reply, if only summarily. If they do not possess such traits, they won't. Simple.

 

You are condoning it by saying that women bring it on themselves.

 

Whatever.

 

Had I meant to say "women bring it on themselves," I would have said so. What I did say in my first or second post to this thread was that she should block and/or report the guy in question. Would someone truly "sympathetic" to his behavior have offered such advice? Has anyone in the thread said anything like "his actions were justified?" or "you should give the guy a chance?" Of course not, nothing even remotely similar. Keep rationalizing.

[mustangsally]

It just seems kind of funny that you're hellbent on blaming this issue on women when men also don't respond if they're not interested 9 out of 10 times.

[Star Gazer]

I'm on OKC and this guy who I don't find physically attractive AT ALL e-mails me. I'm not looking for an Abercrombie model and none of my bfs have been attractive in the generally accepted sense of the word, but I know what I find cute and what I don't. This guy didn't fit the bill. So instead of just letting it go, he's harassing me and telling me how rude it is not to reply to him and how this shows I have no ambition. When I let him know I wasn't interested, but thanks anyway for his message, he messaged me back calling me immature to judge someone based on text and pictures. Honestly, does he e-mail EVERY woman on that site because it is "immature" not to?

 

I'm not looking for the perfect guy, but at this point, I do know what I want. Some things in his profile sort of turned me off as well. Isn't that the point of online dating, to judge people and see if you want to pursue them or not?

 

I just can't stand men like this. Calling me names isn't going to make your case, buddy.

 

It's lame, isn't it? Unfortunately, t's a weekly occurrence (or more) for me.

 

Just today I got another variety... He is attractive and interesting, but his behavior just made me roll my eyes.

 

He messaged me Friday night with a one liner. By Saturday morning, he wrote, "I thought you were cool. Write me back!!!" By Sunday morning, he wrote again, ""Haven't heard from you, what's your problem?"

 

I didn't see any of these messages until today, when I responded. I told him that he didn't exactly give me a chance to write him back before repeatedly pelting me with messages, and that I didn't think we'd be a good match.

 

He wrote back calling me disrespectful, because "only disrespectful bitches don't write back" and that "if you're online you have time to write back" then proceeded to finish up by calling me a "fake profile" and that "my pictures reflect someone who's only seeking attention from nice guys like him."

 

Yeah, that's it buddy. I'm so devastated... Pffft.

 

Awww... online dating. So fun.

[Mad Max]

Seems to be best to avoid online dating. A lot of weirdos on those sites. I'm not against online dating and I back anyone that prefers it, but it's just not for me.

[Star Gazer]

Seems to be best to avoid online dating. A lot of weirdos on those sites. I'm not against online dating and I back anyone that prefers it, but it's just not for me.

 

It's worked well for me in the past, but I think I'm done with it...