USMCHokie Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 So I recently realized that with every girl I've ever dated, I almost completely shut them out from my world...I don't do it intentionally, but I seem to do it consistently...no girl I've dated has ever seen my place...I don't introduce them to my friends...and if I decide to go do something, I rarely will invite them along...my family and oftentimes my friends don't even know I'm dating someone...I usually end up waiting for them to invite me over to her place...or I'll ask them out somewhere and meet at her place... I have no idea why I do this...I certainly don't want to...I want to let the girl I'm dating into my world, but for whatever reason, I just don't think to do it...I always end up immersing myself in her world, meeting all her friends, staying at her place, etc. And then I keep my personal life completely separate from the relationship... Is it because I'm not truly interested? Or does being a late bloomer affect my relationships? Or are there deeper issues? I'm lost... Help...?
MrNate Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 So I recently realized that with every girl I've ever dated, I almost completely shut them out from my world...I don't do it intentionally, but I seem to do it consistently...no girl I've dated has ever seen my place...I don't introduce them to my friends...and if I decide to go do something, I rarely will invite them along...my family and oftentimes my friends don't even know I'm dating someone...I usually end up waiting for them to invite me over to her place...or I'll ask them out somewhere and meet at her place... I have no idea why I do this...I certainly don't want to...I want to let the girl I'm dating into my world, but for whatever reason, I just don't think to do it...I always end up immersing myself in her world, meeting all her friends, staying at her place, etc. And then I keep my personal life completely separate from the relationship... Is it because I'm not truly interested? Or does being a late bloomer affect my relationships? Or are there deeper issues? I'm lost... Help...? haha man, I do the same thing! I feel like your brother sometimes (no homo). My mom doesn't even know what I like. I never mean to be intentional about keeping things to myself, it's always been something I did naturally. I don't think there are any deep issues, it may just boil down to making an effort to reveal more about yourself. (At least this is what I think)
Author USMCHokie Posted September 2, 2010 Author Posted September 2, 2010 I don't think there are any deep issues, it may just boil down to making an effort to reveal more about yourself. (At least this is what I think) But the thing is, I'm a completely open book to a girl...except when it comes to incorporating her to my actual life... EDIT: No homo.
Cracker Jack Posted September 2, 2010 Posted September 2, 2010 I just think it's a matter of you not being ready to fully embrace these women just yet. I feel as though when you're fully comfortable with a certain woman, you'll be ready to include her into your personal world. I don't think it's much of an issue.
MrNate Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 But the thing is, I'm a completely open book to a girl...except when it comes to incorporating her to my actual life... EDIT: No homo. What do you mean by "actual life"?
Author USMCHokie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 What do you mean by "actual life"? Everything I would normally do whenever I wasn't with her at her place...for example, if she went out to dinner with her roommate or some of her friends, she'd have me come along as her 'boyfriend'...if I went out to dinner with my roommate or any of my friends, I don't even think to invite her... Or if I'm just relaxing during the week at my place, I'd never invite her over for dinner or to just relax and watch a movie or something... It almost feels like I'm "hiding" her from my friends and my life...
Woggle Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 It is better to keep a woman and the rest of your life seperate anyway.
Star Gazer Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 It almost feels like I'm "hiding" her from my friends and my life... Are you hiding her from your life, or are you hiding your life from her?
Author USMCHokie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Are you hiding her from your life, or are you hiding your life from her? I definitely always hid them from my life...maybe because I lived most of my life single and I never thought to start including a SO in it...I really don't know...
yah Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I think it is scary to let someone in. Once you introduce them into your home, to meet your friends and family, that kind of solidifies the relationship and says "ok, I'm committed to making this work with you." Maybe not for marriage but it is still a commitment one makes where they open themselves up and become exposed and possibly risk getting hurt. Just a thought.
Star Gazer Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 When you're hanging out with your friends, is it that you typically don't want her there? Or does it just not occur to invite her? Have you ever had a girl ask to meet your friends, see your place, etc.? Ever had one complain or make an issue about it? What about the ex who brought you to LS? She never saw your place? So many questions, I know!!
Green Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I personaly don't feel you really like any of these girls you date. First off I only date girls I REALLY 100% like. Second I didn't introduce my current gf to my family until like 6 months after we started dating. I told my family I was dating some one but an oportunity didn't come up untill about 6 months later. I was proud to introduce my gf to my friends. You just never seem completly excited about the girls you date... Do you orgasm durring the sex? Do you orgasm durring the Blow Jobs?
meerkat stew Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Your initial attitude is healthy and common sense IMO, if you go past a year and still doing that, then maybe worry about it, not until.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 When you're hanging out with your friends, is it that you typically don't want her there? Or does it just not occur to invite her? It just doesn't occur to me to invite her. For example, I went to dinner last night with my brother who was dropping something off at my house. I could have easily invited her to dinner with us and even introduced her to my brother. Instead I told her I had plans... Have you ever had a girl ask to meet your friends, see your place, etc.? Ever had one complain or make an issue about it? Yes, the last girl I dated was the first one to make an issue about it...she said it made her think she wasn't wanted...which made me think about my past dating experiences and realize that I had done this with every girl... What about the ex who brought you to LS? She never saw your place? No, she didn't...but that was because I was renting a room from a family in a single family house and didn't want to bring visitors into the house...
Author USMCHokie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 I personaly don't feel you really like any of these girls you date. I think you might be spot on with this statement... I was proud to introduce my gf to my friends. Yea, this didn't seem to apply to me. You just never seem completly excited about the girls you date... Do you orgasm durring the sex? Do you orgasm durring the Blow Jobs? Heh, yes, but I felt a bit disconnected from it...and you're right, I wasn't ever super excited to see them...there was even a time or two when I was like, "ah sh*t, I have to go see her..." I'm terrible... Thanks. This was a good post Green. Definitely opened me eyes.
Green Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Heh, yes, but I felt a bit disconnected from it...and you're right, I wasn't ever super excited to see them...there was even a time or two when I was like, "ah sh*t, I have to go see her..." I'm terrible... Thanks. This was a good post Green. Definitely opened me eyes. work on that then. For me it took over year from breaking up with one girl to find a new girl to date. I've really only had two seriouse relationships and looking back the other girl wasn't really right for me. This current relationship oppened my eyes to how fun sex can be and how much you can romanticly love a girl. Your inexperience in dating definetly may have you second guessing urself. These girls just don't seem right for you. Find a girl you Really really like. If you don't really really like her after like 3 or 4 dates you probably never will.
that girl Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 I think how integrated someone is in your life depends a lot on how long you have been dating and whether you are seeing other people. But if you haven't introduced the person to at least some of your friends/family after 6 months, it is going to raise eyebrows. I wasn't ever super excited to see them...there was even a time or two when I was like, "ah sh*t, I have to go see her..." I'm terrible If you're never psyched to be seeing someone, what is the point in dating them? Obviously you're not going to be psyched every night your wife of 10 years comes home from work, but at least in the beginning there should be some excitement.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Your inexperience in dating definetly may have you second guessing urself. These girls just don't seem right for you. Find a girl you Really really like. If you don't really really like her after like 3 or 4 dates you probably never will. Yea, I definitely will keep this in mind...I definitely held onto the last one for much too long...I think I felt bad for ending something that wasn't necessarily bad, but also wasn't particularly good...
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Basically, I would read this as the guy is not that interested in me.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 You guys are crazy. If somebody likes you, they're not going to wait A YEAR before bringing you into their social circle and life! That suggests major intimacy and trust issues. Or some bodies in the closet. Hokie, why in the world are you going out with women you're not even excited about? I'd rather spend an evening with myself doing just about anything.
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Well, if he is anything like me - it takes a year or longer to find someone you are genuinely excited about dating. WTF are we supposed to do in the meantime?
Author USMCHokie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Hokie, why in the world are you going out with women you're not even excited about? I'd rather spend an evening with myself doing just about anything. I think I just didn't have the cajones to end it earlier...and eventually I ended up preferring to stay in by myself...
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 Is it really true that if you don't like someone within the first 3 dates you probably never will?
Land Shark Posted September 3, 2010 Posted September 3, 2010 You're lucky you just shut them out. I end up eating them. And not in the way they like.
Author USMCHokie Posted September 3, 2010 Author Posted September 3, 2010 Is it really true that if you don't like someone within the first 3 dates you probably never will? I don't know...but I'm starting to believe it, though... EDIT: Yay, 4000.
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