Girl wants time to think about things?

[fmfan08]

Okay, so we have feelings for each other, we've met up a few times and kissed and she seemed shy with me but she likes me. I unintentionally hurt her last week with a facebook status that wasn't even aimed at her and it seemed to change something, she told me she's scared of our 3 year age gap and think I'd probably want a more serious relationship. I told her it's her who I want but she had too busy weekend to think about things, but said she was thinking about me a lot.

 

I wondered if she liked someone else and said I'd rather her be honest with me if she isn't interested. She told me there was nobody else. she could have made something up if she wanted me out of her life, she doesn't consider herself 'nice or kind' to keep me strung along, she'd tell me straight up. also said that her status 'You never get the things you want -.- (u)' was about me. I said a few things that she was the girl I wanted and feelings, etc. She said 'I'll have to think about it'. (she was hurt from last week with me, I never meant it).

 

I replied saying I respect you and I'll give you time to think, she replied on wednesday, the day i sent it but I haven't looked at her message in case I'm tempted to reply.

 

My status saturday morning was 'when you still want a certain someone but don't know what to do lol..' and she ended up liking it on facebook. She's been quoting songs that relate to similar situation we're in, as they were my fave band and I recognized it so knew what the song meant.

 

Why does she need time to think? Usually it's because girls let you down, but there's some things I don't get. She thinks I can do So so much better, but I want her. It's nearly been a week, should I ask her straight up what she wants?

[meerkat stew]

You are backburnered. She will consider you as a placeholder, but is not interested in you as the main course. Women who are truly interested in a man never need time to think. Would move on to other options.

[Sabali]

So just a few things here:

 

First, I take usually take a stance in my replies. You are free to play around with alternatives and obsess over them.

 

 

First, when a woman says she "needs time to think about it" that seems to always be a tethering on a zone where things won't work in your favor. They are usually in or not and they usually tell you upfront when they are not in or they do the nice thing and let you down easily where you have to be good a taking hints. If you are not good at taking hints, you become annoying and the subject of "girls night out" laugh-a-thons. You don't want to become the main attraction for that event.

 

She is a afraid of the 3 year age gap? What!? Is that a typo... did you miss a zero there or are you guys in highschool? Seriously. Three years is nothing unless she is 13 and you are 16.

 

She needs time to think because she is letting you down softly. She think that you can do "so much better." She thinks you are a "nice guy" and that you deserve someone better than her who really gets hot from outlaw bikers which you are not. If a girl likes you, she doesn't tell you that you can do so much better. She gives you buying signals and tells you to buy her instead of the next product.

 

 

It's been a week and she hasn't given you a decision because she is thinking about the outlaw biker. She is not pacing the floor at home trying to decide if she is going to let that huge gap of 3 years slide or not. Trust me.

 

There are many people out there that analyze and analyze every sentence action and word spoken in the dating world. If you are confused, I think it is always best to assume the worse and back off. Man, ain't nothing like backing off and dumping the overanalytical thinking which can drive you crazy. It is so liberating.

 

If the woman truly liked you, she will contact you again before long. She will do it. Personally, I have never run into a situation where I backed off in a case where a woman was really into me and I run into her 3 years later and she said "hey, how come you never called me back 3 years ago. I was waiting..." They let you know.

 

Action is better than speaking and men as a rule talk too much when it comes to dating. They let things come out of their mouth when they should be just smiling and waving and holding babies. "I only want you" is something that should be spoken only when you are about to become a part of a committed relationship that you two both are feeling the same about. Just show her "things" until that time. Smile, wave, hold babies...

 

Finally, never pressure a woman. She said she needed time to think, give her all the time in the world while you date other people. Don't call her up saying "what do you want, woman?" Just let her be. Never apply pressure.

Edited August 29, 2010 by Sabali

[fmfan08]

So just a few things here:

 

First, I take usually take a stance in my replies. You are free to play around with alternatives and obsess over them.

 

 

First, when a woman says she "needs time to think about it" that seems to always be a tethering on a zone where things won't work in your favor. They are usually in or not and they usually tell you upfront when they are not in or they do the nice thing and let you down easily where you have to be good a taking hints. If you are not good at taking hints, you become annoying and the subject of "girls night out" laugh-a-thons. You don't want to become the main attraction for that event.

 

She is a afraid of the 3 year age gap? What!? Is that a typo... did you miss a zero there or are you guys in highschool? Seriously. Three years is nothing unless she is 13 and you are 16.

 

She needs time to think because she is letting you down softly. She think that you can do "so much better." She thinks you are a "nice guy" and that you deserve someone better than her who really gets hot from outlaw bikers which you are not. If a girl likes you, she doesn't tell you that you can do so much better. She gives you buying signals and tells you to buy her instead of the next product.

 

 

It's been a week and she hasn't given you a decision because she is thinking about the outlaw biker. She is not pacing the floor at home trying to decide if she is going to let that huge gap of 3 years slide or not. Trust me.

 

There are many people out there that analyze and analyze every sentence action and word spoken in the dating world. If you are confused, I think it is always best to assume the worse and back off. Man, ain't nothing like backing off and dumping the overanalytical thinking which can drive you crazy. It is so liberating.

 

If the woman truly liked you, she will contact you again before long. She will do it. Personally, I have never run into a situation where I backed off in a case where a woman was really into me and I run into her 3 years later and she said "hey, how come you never called me back 3 years ago. I was waiting..." They let you know.

 

Action is better than speaking and men as a rule talk too much when it comes to dating. They let things come out of their mouth when they should be just smiling and waving and holding babies. "I only want you" is something that should be spoken only when you are about to become a part of a committed relationship that you two both are feeling the same about. Just show her "things" until that time. Smile, wave, hold babies...

 

Finally, never pressure a woman. She said she needed time to think, give her all the time in the world while you date other people. Don't call her up saying "what do you want, woman?" Just let her be. Never apply pressure.

 

I'm giving her time to think at the moment which is avoid all contact. She's a bit insecure of herself and questioned why I wasn't showing interest in cuter or better looking girls. She's scared of the age gap because of her going into last year of school (in uk) and me starting university.

 

Her close mate (called joe) wrote on her facebook wall '[her name]'s in love', wondering why she said 'am in love joe :/' on other night and said don't deny saying that, she said she wasn't denying it. maybe she's a bit nervy on how she feels for me?

 

She told me this was the FIRST ever time she's ever felt like this about someone, maybe she's frightened on falling for me or falling in love.

[Sabali]

I'm giving her time to think at the moment which is avoid all contact. She's a bit insecure of herself and questioned why I wasn't showing interest in cuter or better looking girls. She's scared of the age gap because of her going into last year of school (in uk) and me starting university.

 

Her close mate (called joe) wrote on her facebook wall '[her name]'s in love', wondering why she said 'am in love joe :/' on other night and said don't deny saying that, she said she wasn't denying it. maybe she's a bit nervy on how she feels for me?

 

She told me this was the FIRST ever time she's ever felt like this about someone, maybe she's frightened on falling for me or falling in love.

 

 

Trust me, man, if this woman was in love with you, you would be hearing from her too much. Have you run into a lot of ladies who are so nervous or insecure about being in love that they won't contact you? I have never seen it. When a woman is in love with you or even have deep feelings, you will see it in one form of another pretty clearly.

 

Provide more background here. If you tell me that she sits in her car outside your apartment while you are at home and watches you while you sleep then I will pump you full of bulls#!+ to make you feel better about this. More background please.

[fmfan08]

Trust me, man, if this woman was in love with you, you would be hearing from her too much. Have you run into a lot of ladies who are so nervous or insecure about being in love that they won't contact you? I have never seen it. When a woman is in love with you or even have deep feelings, you will see it in one form of another pretty clearly.

 

Provide more background here. If you tell me that she sits in her car outside your apartment while you are at home and watches you while you sleep then I will pump you full of bulls#!+ to make you feel better about this. More background please.

 

She does contact me, almost instantly when I send her a message. She doesn't ignore them, i sent her one on wednesday saying i respect the time she needs to think, etc. then ended it with 'see you x'. She replied to that but i've not read it to just keep my mind off things and not tempt me to reply, as I don't want to break my promise of giving her time.

 

I took her out and on the way back walking home, I took the plunge to hold her hand. It was 50/50.. I made the move to hold her hand and she locked her fingers inbetween mine, there was a feeling that she definitely wanted me to do that. We were talking on the way back, she laughed a lot at my humour, even if it was probably awful! When I wanted to know more about her, she seemed quite shy with me and there was tension. I teased her saying that she was quiet and was expecting myself to have trouble shutting her up (in a jokey way), she laughed at that. She said she's never been like that with anyone before.

 

At her doorstep she was asking whether I wanted to come in (her mum was in the house so I told her I needed to get back, didn't want to meet her parents that soon). It looked like she was about to close the door, but she slowly stepped forward and looked at my lips, as did i with hers and we started kissing for about 10 seconds, as we pulled away we both smiled and she giggled a bit.

 

This is what I don't get, she does watch a lot of these teen romance things and that she's realised that there are guys out there that do treat girls right and wonders to herself if her age may make her act too 'immature' for me, that she'll develop deep feelings for me and is scared of getting hurt?

[Lorelai]

One thing I've never, ever understood was all of the reading so much into a person's Facebook posts/statuses.

 

I mean, honestly, if someone who was interested in me tried to figure out if I was interested in them by looking at my Facebook, they would run away screaming because the last song I posted was "Excitable Boy" by Warren Zevon. (I shared it because XM Radio shared it with me yesterday morning as I was driving home, and the third verse *definitely* took me out of autopilot mode....)

 

Don't obsess, don't stress, and don't play little games through Facebook. It's just not healthy. And it's likely to backfire.

[phineas]

If she wanted to be in your arms, she'd be there now.

It's really that simple.

[fmfan08]

One thing I've never, ever understood was all of the reading so much into a person's Facebook posts/statuses.

 

I mean, honestly, if someone who was interested in me tried to figure out if I was interested in them by looking at my Facebook, they would run away screaming because the last song I posted was "Excitable Boy" by Warren Zevon. (I shared it because XM Radio shared it with me yesterday morning as I was driving home, and the third verse *definitely* took me out of autopilot mode....)

 

Don't obsess, don't stress, and don't play little games through Facebook. It's just not healthy. And it's likely to backfire.

 

Yeah, we've been flirting a while with each other every 1-2 days. Usually I would send her a message but i'd leave it a day or two and she'd send me one. She wanted time to think so i've taken away that contact and it seems to be frustrating her lately, she likes my status' a lot when she can (she never used to do that) i've been acting happy and not bothered lately so she's seen that. she wrote on her wall 'hahahaa lads are such pricks. arrrrsehoolessssss' so she seems frustrated now i've taken that contact away but i think she wants me to be bothered, i won't show signs of that, maybe she's missing me. I promised to give her that time to think and i'm sticking with my word to be honest!

Edited August 29, 2010 by fmfan08

[Sabali]

If she wanted to be in your arms, she'd be there now.

It's really that simple.

 

 

Thank you.

[Swiss Miss]

Please in the future... stop with the facebook statuses. You look ridiculous publicizing what the two of you are discussing

[fmfan08]

If she wanted to be in your arms, she'd be there now.

It's really that simple.

 

That's the thing, she likes me a lot but seems to think she will hurt me eventually. She's never been in love before and never felt the way she does for me before either. It's the first time she's had to cope with these things running through her head like that and wanted time to think because she was confused.

[phineas]

That's the thing, she likes me a lot but seems to think she will hurt me eventually. She's never been in love before and never felt the way she does for me before either. It's the first time she's had to cope with these things running through her head like that and wanted time to think because she was confused.

 

Bull.

There is either something about you that is turning her off or there is someone she is way more attracted to for one reason or another.

 

If she wanted you & thought you were so great she would make you hers before any other woman could.

 

I was dealing with the same thing from a woman that essentially back burner-ed me but expected me to not see other women.

 

I've since let her know It's her decision but I'm not waiting around & surprise surprise she does not appear to be in any rush to make plans with me in advance.

 

How much time would I have wasted waiting around for her if I hadn't taken action?

 

Go date other women.

If this woman really wants you she will be more scared of loosing you than anything else.

[fmfan08]

Bull.

There is either something about you that is turning her off or there is someone she is way more attracted to for one reason or another.

 

If she wanted you & thought you were so great she would make you hers before any other woman could.

 

I was dealing with the same thing from a woman that essentially back burner-ed me but expected me to not see other women.

 

I've since let her know It's her decision but I'm not waiting around & surprise surprise she does not appear to be in any rush to make plans with me in advance.

 

How much time would I have wasted waiting around for her if I hadn't taken action?

 

Go date other women.

If this woman really wants you she will be more scared of loosing you than anything else.

 

Yeah, she seems kind of peeved of late because i've not made contact but yeah, I hurt her a week ago saying something that wasn't aimed at her, but she told me that she had felt hurt from that anyway.

[Sabali]

Bull.

There is either something about you that is turning her off or there is someone she is way more attracted to for one reason or another.

 

If she wanted you & thought you were so great she would make you hers before any other woman could.

 

I was dealing with the same thing from a woman that essentially back burner-ed me but expected me to not see other women.

 

I've since let her know It's her decision but I'm not waiting around & surprise surprise she does not appear to be in any rush to make plans with me in advance.

 

How much time would I have wasted waiting around for her if I hadn't taken action?

 

Go date other women.

If this woman really wants you she will be more scared of loosing you than anything else.

 

 

Thanks again.

 

 

I am just going to sit this one out and let Phineas take it from here.

 

Good luck, OP.

[phineas]

Yeah, she seems kind of peeved of late because i've not made contact but yeah, I hurt her a week ago saying something that wasn't aimed at her, but she told me that she had felt hurt from that anyway.

 

Yeah, i've heard the same BS from my cheating ex-wife & from the current woman.

Some arbitrary thing that "turned her off" or "hurt her feelings" or she found "unattractive" about you.

 

Their Just things to make you think it's your fault for why she doesn't want you.

It's really manipulation / stall tactics.

 

Also she'll never tell you what about you turns her on, makes her feel good, or what she finds attractive.

 

But i'm sure you have told her.

Good example I took a woman to two weddings.

Both times I told her she looked amazing.

She never once commented on how I looked dressed up.

Lots of other people did.

 

I don't want anybody who doesn't act like they want me in return.

[fmfan08]

Thanks again.

 

 

I am just going to sit this one out and let Phineas take it from here.

 

Good luck, OP.

 

I really do appreciate both your help!

[fmfan08]

Yeah, i've heard the same BS from my cheating ex-wife & from the current woman.

Some arbitrary thing that "turned her off" or "hurt her feelings" or she found "unattractive" about you.

 

Their Just things to make you think it's your fault for why she doesn't want you.

It's really manipulation / stall tactics.

 

Also she'll never tell you what about you turns her on, makes her feel good, or what she finds attractive.

 

But i'm sure you have told her.

Good example I took a woman to two weddings.

Both times I told her she looked amazing.

She never once commented on how I looked dressed up.

Lots of other people did.

 

I don't want anybody who doesn't act like they want me in return.

 

Yeah, see your point. She's a straight up girl though, if she didn't want all this agro she'd have ditched me, believe me she is that type of girl. But when she sent message, she sent another 2 hours after that and I didn't reply until near midnight, she may have thought I frustrated her. I have been giving her mixed signals though, which has probably made her confused.

[Mad Max]

Phineas is spot on. If she wanted you, she'd make every effort to be with you. For your sake, please move on. There are plenty of others that will/do want you.

[Amira4210]

She told me this was the FIRST ever time she's ever felt like this about someone, maybe she's frightened on falling for me or falling in love.

 

Not true, after getting out of a bad relationship, I met a guy who I was falling so hard and so fast for that I tried to break up with him, and started becoming insecure and wondering why he wasn't with prettier girls (and i know im a very pretty girl) and I just thought he was too good to be true and that he might hurt me, so I demanded time apart to really figure out my feelings and if I wanted to continue to let myself fall so hard for him. On the other hand, I've asked guys for time to think before and that was bc I was unsure of how I felt and need time, and yes, some of them were on the back-burner. Women are kind creatures, give her what she asks, she wants time, respectfully give it to her, if she texts, reply, if she calls, pick up, be kind and be patient with her. Do not initiate contact when she asks for space, like a sweet puppy, let go, sit back and watch her realize what she is missing and watch her slowly but surly crawl back to you. If you're meant to be with her, you will, if not, than God has other plans for you with a better-fitting person. Good luck!

[phineas]

Not true, after getting out of a bad relationship, I met a guy who I was falling so hard and so fast for that I tried to break up with him, and started becoming insecure and wondering why he wasn't with prettier girls (and i know im a very pretty girl) and I just thought he was too good to be true and that he might hurt me, so I demanded time apart to really figure out my feelings and if I wanted to continue to let myself fall so hard for him. On the other hand, I've asked guys for time to think before and that was bc I was unsure of how I felt and need time, and yes, some of them were on the back-burner. Women are kind creatures, give her what she asks, she wants time, respectfully give it to her, if she texts, reply, if she calls, pick up, be kind and be patient with her. Do not initiate contact when she asks for space, like a sweet puppy, let go, sit back and watch her realize what she is missing and watch her slowly but surly crawl back to you. If you're meant to be with her, you will, if not, than God has other plans for you with a better-fitting person. Good luck!

 

This is good advice.

However i'd like to add that you should not spend inordinate amounts of time talking to her on the phone when she calls. Or spend the night responding to texts.

 

Also, date other women. don't put your life on hold waiting for her to figure it out.

[Mike B.]

There are exceptions to every rule. Nothing is 100% but if you try to operate by exceptions rather than the rule, you will drive yourself crazy and never accomplish much progress.

 

The internet is a great source of information but the downside to that is that you can always find something on it that will tell you what you want to hear and you will ignore what you should be told. I believe Phineas provided good insight in this thread and is right on target. Is what he said 100% the case all of the time? Probably not but you should try to play the odds.

[fmfan08]

There are exceptions to every rule. Nothing is 100% but if you try to operate by exceptions rather than the rule, you will drive yourself crazy and never accomplish much progress.

 

The internet is a great source of information but the downside to that is that you can always find something on it that will tell you what you want to hear and you will ignore what you should be told. I believe Phineas provided good insight in this thread and is right on target. Is what he said 100% the case all of the time? Probably not but you should try to play the odds.

 

Yeah, this is true.

 

I've not contacted since last wednesday, she's liked about 6 of my status' in a row this week. Then I noticed the wednesday just gone, right after midnight she wrote a status saying "Hate it when you really wanna talk to someone but would feel a dick saying your feelings."

 

What could she mean by that, is she hinting me to make the contact back to her? Does she seem to know what she wants?

[phineas]

Yeah, this is true.

 

I've not contacted since last wednesday, she's liked about 6 of my status' in a row this week. Then I noticed the wednesday just gone, right after midnight she wrote a status saying "Hate it when you really wanna talk to someone but would feel a dick saying your feelings."

 

What could she mean by that, is she hinting me to make the contact back to her? Does she seem to know what she wants?

 

Wholly drama batman.

Listen to your self.

Get off the facebook.

She's attention whoreing you big time.

If you respond after she posted that she'll know she has you hook, line, & sinker. By the balls.

 

Don't respond.

 

The phone works BOTH WAYS.

If she had something to say to you she would contact you.

[InceptorsRule]

fmfan,

 

Check it out--what do YOU want out of a relationship with a woman, be it this one, or any other woman?

 

Decide what YOU want, and then go directly for what YOU want.

 

Do YOU want to have a "relationship" which consists of no actual contact but a bunch of silly facebooking nonsense? If so, great--you've got it! Don't change a thing.

 

However, if you want a real live warm breathing woman in your arms then you need to look for someone else, because this girl just ain't cutting the mustard.