meerkat stew Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 LL... I mean no disrespect, but your expectations are COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE! It was your first time meeting this guy! What kind of "grand old time" did you expect to have?? Charm and charisma are great, but sometimes the ones who are talented in the "sweeping off your feet" department are not the best partners. It sounds like he talked too much and just flat out bored you. If that's the case it could be nerves or bad social skills. No way to know which without more experience. Have gotten expert at telling when I am being microanalyzed in accordance with some female checklist, and will often turn off entirely if I get that feeling, it's just plain rude on a first date. Maybe he got that kind of feeling from you?
westrock Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 (edited) But his personality in itself was lacking in fun or being funny, I guess. On one hand you say that he was not fun... and he did smile and laugh a few times but I don't know why because I said nothing funny at all. ... but then you admit that you said nothing funny at all. I wonder if he is making the same conclusion about you? He does definitely deserve a 2nd try I have decided that. Try something that is activity oriented (but not something that is too competitve). You'll get to see his fun side there. Edited August 29, 2010 by westrock
Star Gazer Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 I did? Curious. Yeah, you did, when you said: "If it is just the first date, what makes me think it will get any better? Want to be bored the rest of your life? No, you dont. Here's your sign." If that's not a suggestion to avoid a second date, I don't know what is.
AverageJoe Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Yeah, you did, when you said: "If it is just the first date, what makes me think it will get any better? Want to be bored the rest of your life? No, you dont. Here's your sign." If that's not a suggestion to avoid a second date, I don't know what is. You call it what you like, she already knows what she is going to do. I never suggested perfecion. Nowhere in my words above did I say, dont go out on a second date. It was an outside perspective, I offered. She can take it, or she can leave it. All she is was asking is an opinion, thats all we have here. Opinions. This is the problem with some women, specifically you. You manufacture things in your mind that was never said. Look, we men are simple, what we say is what we mean. For whatever reason you want to find some deep seeded meaning that was never there to begin with. Again, I never alluded to perfection. Yet, somehow someone percieved it as that. However, I do appreciate you stepping away from the medicine cabinet for for a bit of dialogue
dispatch3d Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 this post kinda summarizes to me what girls are actually looking for. Logically op knows this guy is an awesome catch, yet something just doesn't "fit". Yet she doesn't have any problem being attracted to the more abrasive guys. So the question is what gives? I really think it's about how emotionally charged the guy can make the conversation. When you were talking about the things you mostly talked about I thought boooorrrrinnggg unless he can make them fun himself (unlikely). Honestly a lot of the time I talk to girls it's about borderline nothing and it doesn't matte. It's all about the mood etc. that is set.
Author LoveLace Posted August 29, 2010 Author Posted August 29, 2010 I know he likes going to see music and I do too so I might invite him to do just that sometime and maybe I'll feel more connected or less bored or whatever...I liked him enough to want to do that, and don't think it would be a waste of time, however if I still think he's on the dull side after that I just won't date him again, it's that easy. He could have been nervous or not quite himself or whatever so I want to give him that benefit of the doubt. Westrock; when I say I said nothing funny at all, I mean he was laughing at things I said that were not meant to be funny, like oh this is a good spot to sit...and he laughs...oh this is a cool place...and he laughs...frankly that was annoying, although I'm guessing he was just nervous here... I had an "okay" time and not a "very good" time, "very good" is what I expect a worthy 1st date to be, one that would lead to a 2nd date anyhow. BUT we always hear stories about people who didnt like each other at first but that all changed, so considering I felt attracted and thought he was very nice, it deserves a 2nd time.
zengirl Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 (edited) Lunch meeting today, with a Match guy, very cute, very sweet, and really has his crap together with a career, etc. For whatever reason, we mostly end up talking about mostly just work, and also about food, that's pretty much it I think...and he was talking a lot which is fine, but I'm sitting there realizing that this is no laughing it up of a good time, the guy smiles but the sense of humor there is completely absent. I hated that this really sweet and cute guy is just so boring. It's not that he doesn't have fun interests, because it does seem that he enjoys some same things as me like music and such. But his personality in itself was lacking in fun or being funny, I guess. But wow! What a great catch he would be otherwise. I think I want to try a 2nd date just to see if I start to like him more...or maybe a sense of humor will come out if he's less nervous...I don't know. But I do know he's the kind of guy that everyone would say, "Oh he's a great catch!! That's what you deserve!" And I am attracted to him physically. It just wasn't this grand old time, like I would hope a first date would be. Of course I want a person that I can laugh a lot with, I'm a giggly person...but in his company, not a thing comes up to laugh about. It's just listening and talking. But is it something that can be looked over if I grew to like everything else about him a lot? It's not that he seems uptight or way too serious...like I said he smiles...but ugh somehow so boring! I think maybe I've just dated too many edgy guys that are a little on the wild side or whatever. And they are also the ones who were all wrong for me. So should I sacrifice a character trait that usually fancies me and go with all the other good things that are there? Or just consider a 2nd date a NO go right now? You talked about work at a lunch date. That isn't going to be a grand old time. You have to take responsibility for the interaction you have with other people, really. I don't go into a date expecting a fellow to entertain me. I'm a fun, giggly person too. . . and I entertain the heck out of myself. I go in hoping a fellow won't deflate my fun like a cheap balloon, of course, but it doesn't seem like you really saw who he was at all. I think people expect too much too fast. If you're attractive, there are no major red flags, and you had a decent time . . . why not go out and do something that you think is fun. If he's still not fun, then he's not fun. But you really have no idea if he's actually boring or not. At the end of the day: A second date is no great commitment. I definitely wouldn't go past the 3rd date until I've felt something pretty interesting for a guy, but I've gone on lots of 2nd dates with fellows who weren't bang-on right away. Some of them have turned out to be pretty cool. I don't understand this need to have a "Very Good" time instead of an "Okay" time or putting it on others. Sometimes I come back from hanging with my best friends and have only had an "Okay" time (even though they're awesome, super cool, fun, fantastic people) but mostly it's because of what I put into the event. Why expect other people to amuse you?* But, no, never date anyone because they're a "great catch" or good on paper. That sounds dreadful. *This is not the same as wanting someone who is, say, funny. I get that. I can have a fantastic time with someone who's not funny at all and an okay time with someone funny. The time and the person are interacting, but they are not the same thing. Edited August 29, 2010 by zengirl
lso802 Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 BUT we always hear stories about people who didnt like each other at first but that all changed, Very true. Let us know how things progress if they do. I'd be interested in reading about it myself.
Author LoveLace Posted August 29, 2010 Author Posted August 29, 2010 Very true. Let us know how things progress if they do. I'd be interested in reading about it myself. Will do, going to stay in touch with him and maybe see if he wants to do something next weekend, there will be a festival in town so that is a possibility Today though I was talking to one of my best friends and she pointed out that I've always seemed to mesh very well with the guys who have pretty outward personalities, like the "life of the party" kind of guy. And I've always been known as that life of the party gal so clearly I guess that's why I tend to stick with the same type. But that type has also managed to get on my nerves so maybe a shyer type is something to try...
sagetalk Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 If this is the way you feel on the first date, the first date! You need to stay reasonable ask yourself. If it is just the first date, what makes me think it will get any better? Want to be bored the rest of your life? No, you dont. Here's your sign. Dont be that chic that settles, just so you can have a man in your life. Who cares what other people think? This is your life, yours! Be selfish and make sure to go after what you want. This is a recipe for disaster and long term sorrow. Dump a guy because he isn't fun and laughing on the first date? That is stupidity on levels I haven't even thought possible. He just met you, who in the world is going to be their 100% fun self on a first date unless they are just trying to have sex with you and don't care about a relationship.
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