LoveLace Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Lunch meeting today, with a Match guy, very cute, very sweet, and really has his crap together with a career, etc. For whatever reason, we mostly end up talking about mostly just work, and also about food, that's pretty much it I think...and he was talking a lot which is fine, but I'm sitting there realizing that this is no laughing it up of a good time, the guy smiles but the sense of humor there is completely absent. I hated that this really sweet and cute guy is just so boring. It's not that he doesn't have fun interests, because it does seem that he enjoys some same things as me like music and such. But his personality in itself was lacking in fun or being funny, I guess. But wow! What a great catch he would be otherwise. I think I want to try a 2nd date just to see if I start to like him more...or maybe a sense of humor will come out if he's less nervous...I don't know. But I do know he's the kind of guy that everyone would say, "Oh he's a great catch!! That's what you deserve!" And I am attracted to him physically. It just wasn't this grand old time, like I would hope a first date would be. Of course I want a person that I can laugh a lot with, I'm a giggly person...but in his company, not a thing comes up to laugh about. It's just listening and talking. But is it something that can be looked over if I grew to like everything else about him a lot? It's not that he seems uptight or way too serious...like I said he smiles...but ugh somehow so boring! I think maybe I've just dated too many edgy guys that are a little on the wild side or whatever. And they are also the ones who were all wrong for me. So should I sacrifice a character trait that usually fancies me and go with all the other good things that are there? Or just consider a 2nd date a NO go right now?
AverageJoe Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 If this is the way you feel on the first date, the first date! You need to stay reasonable ask yourself. If it is just the first date, what makes me think it will get any better? Want to be bored the rest of your life? No, you dont. Here's your sign. Dont be that chic that settles, just so you can have a man in your life. Who cares what other people think? This is your life, yours! Be selfish and make sure to go after what you want. You know, many people put more thought into what they might leave on their voicemail greeting, than the thought of what they really want out of life.
Cee Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 The structure of online dating can make perfectly good people boring. Somebody told me that he doesn't consider the first meeting with someone he talked to online as a date, instead a meet and greet. The first meeting is basically a blind set up and it's hard to be immediately flirty and chatty with a total stranger. I'd say go on the second date and if you don't feel giggly and flirty then, we'll maybe there's no spark.
AverageJoe Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 How do you know it won't get better? I often come off as boring when I first meet people. Sure, she can go on another date. Never suggested she shouldnt. But I will say this, if it wasnt much of a concern for her, she surely would not have taken time out of her day to start a topic here about it. Women have insticts.
AD1980 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 If he has all the other traits youre looking for give him another chance.. Maybe he was just nervous and didnt show you his full personality.. Im kind of a quiet guy and at first meetign me wouldnt think i have much of a sense of humor but i actually do when you get to know me but i have to feel comfortable with a person first..
AD1980 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Women have insticts. And there would be no women on here or other dating sites if those instincts were always full proof
kalikula Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Try another date but I wouldn't compromise on this issue. People who are too serious are no fun to date at all. I dated a guy online who I quickly realized only had a sense of humor if it came to talking about himself- he never laughed at ANYTHING I said, unless it was about himself. It was 100% him. I didn't realize how arrogant he really was! Total loser.
Dante311 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Sometimes... those of us who are career oriented, our minds are just so stressed from giving 200% to be successful (especially in grad school w/ the stress levels and time committments and the like...) maybe he IS that guy... but at the moment he is distracted by work... ..I know I FINALLY did online dating as of a week ago b/c I'm so detracted from the dating world due to time constraints and commitments to my PhD... give him more time perhaps?
AverageJoe Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I know it's a concern all too well being the man on the other end of a number of first dates like this. I know I can do better on a second date and it's very frustrating not to get that chance. Now, maybe the guy really is boring. Why knows if he's boring or just nervous? The only way to know is to at least give him one more date. Again, I never suggested not going out again. That is entirely up to her if she thinks she may garner some interest out of it. All I am saying is, dont settle for an understudy of someone else she could have. Lets say that second date goes just as the first one did. Then what? She knows her answer and the guy lets led on. And there would be no women on here or other dating sites if those instincts were always full proof Agreed, men have them too. They never are full proof, however they are a good measuring device of what might possibly come.
kalikula Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Dating would be much better if people would put more into long term prospects than the amount of excitement on a first date. She should dump him if he has no sense of humor on future dates, but he deserves a chance. I said she should try another date. Personally, I tend to overlook "red flags" and end up liking someone if I hang out with them a lot, even if they kind of suck. So I'm just saying don't invest too much in someone if there's a big red flag. Humor is really important to me. If I can't laugh and have a good time with someone then being with them becomes a chore.
Dante311 Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I know 3 gay guys who would die for me. I wish I were gay. women are too much trouble now-a-days. I can't seem to find normal ones that want o settle down. just ones looking for a good time.
AverageJoe Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Hey, you try out the gay thing. Let me know how it works out. In the meantime, send me over the girls that want to have fun and a good time.
AverageJoe Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 In other words, he better have quite a sense of humor on the second date or else. Simply put, yes.
Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 LL, go out with him again. He could have been nervous, or not being himself. If you enjoyed his company and found him attractive, that's reason enough to entertain a second date. Expecting to be "wowed" by a first date is unreasonable, IMO. Keep in mind that tons of second dates are nothing like the first: fun when the first was slightly boring, or dull when the first was fun and exciting.
spookie Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 LL... I mean no disrespect, but your expectations are COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE! It was your first time meeting this guy! What kind of "grand old time" did you expect to have??
kalikula Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 In other words, he better have quite a sense of humor on the second date or else. Good dating is a skill. I am pretty shy but I still know how to be friendly, make a joke, make light of a situation, tell a funny story to a stranger. It is really not that hard, just something you have to learn, believe me. This is coming from someone who used to be too shy to order my own food/coffee. I wouldn't waste my time on someone who has social skills that lacking, sorry, it's just too uncomfortable to be around people like that.
AverageJoe Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 LL... I mean no disrespect, but your expectations are COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE! It was your first time meeting this guy! What kind of "grand old time" did you expect to have?? Unreasonable? Everyone has in mind what they themselves want or desire out of another. If that is one of the characteristics she is looking for, what is so damn unreasonable about that? I expect a date not to be a meth head. Extreme example, sure. I suppose I am unreasonable?
AverageJoe Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Wow, so you want perfection in the second date then. Who said perfection? It wasnt me.
Author LoveLace Posted August 29, 2010 Author Posted August 29, 2010 He does definitely deserve a 2nd try I have decided that. I just consider a good first date one when you are laughing and having a good time, in general. This was a nice, calm lunch, almost felt like being in a work meeting the way he talked about work so much...and he did smile and laugh a few times but I don't know why because I said nothing funny at all. And he certainly said nothing that I thought was funny, nor did he seem the type to try and be funny, either. But who knows there is a chance that a 2nd time could be different and it won't hurt to find that out...somehow I don't expect it to be different though. But he's so sweet and cute that I am pretty sure I want to try one more time I guess I'm just looking for something unique in someone's personality...so far he is a little dull to me but maybe something will change my mind about that. Thanks all
Star Gazer Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Unreasonable? Everyone has in mind what they themselves want or desire out of another. It's not reasonable to expect to have a "grand old time" on a FIRST DATE, which is really only a first MEETING when doing online dating.
carhill Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 Could it be boring is better? Decidedly not, but you haven't got that far yet. Next time, shelve the work stuff. There's a reason they close the doors and turn the lights out. Good luck
AverageJoe Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 It's not reasonable to expect to have a "grand old time" on a FIRST DATE, which is really only a first MEETING when doing online dating. Once again, and again, I never said do not go out with him a second time.
AverageJoe Posted August 29, 2010 Posted August 29, 2010 You impled that or close to it. I did? Curious.
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