PerfectImperfection Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Hello I have known my boyfriend since we were four years old. We went out when we were fourteen until sixteen, and then ended the relationship as I moved back to Italy, where I was born. When I was seventeen, I moved back and we have been together since then, which makes it four years now. He means the absolute world to me, and this is awkward to talk about, but he always refuses a BJ. Neither of us have been with anybody else regarding relationships, and we were both each others firsts. So I know that he has never had a bad experience with one before, because he has never let me give him one, and he hasn't received one from anybody else. I was just wondering whether, he just plainly doesn't want one, or if there is another reason? Help would be greatly appreciated. If I go to make a move, he grabs my hand in his and resumes kissing me or distracts me. It's not that i'm desperate to give him one, or even want to for that matter. I just don't want him to feel unappreciated. Thank you very much xo.
naya1 Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 usually a bad sign, that he isnt attracted to you, his libido is low (due to medicines or drugs) or hes getting it from someone else.
Don Ho Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 usually a bad sign, that he isnt attracted to you, his libido is low (due to medicines or drugs) or hes getting it from someone else. Possibly. Sounds very odd. I assume you have intercourse or not? Maybe he was molested or something as a child.
Sanman Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Not true, there could be many reasons. When I was very young and inexperienced the thought of kissing a girl who had just had my cock in her mouth a bit disgusting (germaphobic thing). I got over it quick though because I love bjs !!!!!!
Author PerfectImperfection Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Possibly. Sounds very odd. I assume you have intercourse or not? Maybe he was molested or something as a child. Yes, we have intercourse regularly. And it's not like I haven't seen everything before, and I don't think he is self-conscious. I'm just worried now, stupid, I know.
Author PerfectImperfection Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 Hmmmm.... Has he gone down on you? He has tried to yes. But then I felt uncomfortable and selfish, because I know he wouldn't let me return anything.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 usually a bad sign, that he isnt attracted to you, his libido is low (due to medicines or drugs) or hes getting it from someone else. Oh? *chokes off a ho-ho-ho*. That's quite a leap, nay? To the OPer, maybe he has some religious hang up or idolizes you to the point where he thinks its demeaning to you and doesn't want to see you that way (YET!). That would be understandable for a teen. He may want it to be his idea rather than yours too. So I guess he would need some latitude to mature and reconcile his real outlooks with those he may have taken on from others as a youth. He doesn't seem to be under-appreciative of you without you fellating him. Perhaps you should look for gentle opportunity to communicate and let him express his views.
Stung Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Oh? *chokes off a ho-ho-ho*. That's quite a leap, nay? To the OPer, maybe he has some religious hang up or idolizes you to the point where he thinks its demeaning to you and doesn't want to see you that way (YET!). That would be understandable for a teen. He may want it to be his idea rather than yours too. So I guess he would need some latitude to mature and reconcile his real outlooks with those he may have taken on from others as a youth. He doesn't seem to be under-appreciative of you without you fellating him. Perhaps you should look for gentle opportunity to communicate and let him express his views. I agree that it's far more likely to be some kind of Madonna-Whore complex than a lack of attraction. He probably compartmentalizes you as 'not THAT kind of girl.' It's also possible that he was molested as a child, or that he's self-conscious about his penis for some reason and doesn't want you quite so up-close-and-personal with it. You've been together for several years, but you're still quite young. It's time for you both to start learning to communicate more openly about this very important part of your relationship.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Most women hate giving blowjobs and thinks it's disgusting, you're lucky... I would never let a woman give me a bj either, it's gross and I wouldn't want any women to have to do something like that to me. Man, no ticky no shirty. No head, no bed.
Tony T Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 There is absolutely nothing to worry about. There are some men who simply don't like BJs, for one reason or another, and that's perfectly fine. There's no hidden message in that...any more than I don't like apple pie. If it's not important to you and everything else in the relationship is going fine, I suggest you move on...and, if you must worry about something, consider focusing on the economy, the disasters around the world, or something far unrelated to sex.
meerkat stew Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Does every woman who doesn't particularly enjoy oral sex indicate the female equivalent of some "madonna-whore" complex or libido issues? No, so why jump straight there with men? OP says they have a normal sex life. There are lots of guys out there who don't like BJs particularly, I'm one, and most of my friends think they are overrated. No particular hang-up or turn-off involved, just prefer other things. So few do them well anyway.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 ...There are lots of guys out there who don't like BJs particularly, I'm one,.. That astounds me. How do you and they live? BTW, whether a woman really likes to do it or she does so yieldingly I've found that all need to be trained a bit. I expect to take direction from them too. It can be a bust in early sexcapades if she thinks her way is the best way and gets defensive if I react that it's not. It's not just head. It's a desire to please. And that takes some accomodation of the individual's likes and dislikes. I feel "we can work it out" is a good outlook and seeing things in absolutes of blacks and whites is just counter-fulfilling. Why should I think all pussy should be eaten the same way?
AverageJoe Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 That astounds me. How do you and they live? This is my school of thought as well, that would be a deal breaker for me. Such is life.
meerkat stew Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 That astounds me. How do you and they live? By spending most sex time with our c-cks in a vagina instead of a mouth. As far as women taking any form of constructive criticism in the bedroom well... good luck with that.
Author PerfectImperfection Posted August 27, 2010 Author Posted August 27, 2010 That's exactly how I feel. As if I SHOULD please him. I won't let him do anything to me now, as I know that I can't return what he does, and I find that very selfish.
Star Gazer Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 There are lots of guys out there who don't like BJs particularly... I've never met one, nor do I ever want to!!
bobdole Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 There are lots of guys out there who don't like BJs particularly I was one as well until I realized every woman that gave me head prior to my ex-fiance was horrible at BJs. Man I miss her BJs... Haven't found one since that knows what to do like her or was willing to accept instructions without being insulted.
ascendotum Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 Haven't found one since that knows what to do like her or was willing to accept instructions without being insulted. I assume they think, 'well what do you know about sucking c***' or 'well I've done this 500 times now I think I know what I am doing' or 'well the 20 other guys I did this for didn't complain', or 'I'm doing you a nice favor and you complain'.... I don't know, but I have also found giving women advice in this area does not go down too well as well. (pun intended).
meerkat stew Posted August 27, 2010 Posted August 27, 2010 I was one as well until I realized every woman that gave me head prior to my ex-fiance was horrible at BJs. Man I miss her BJs... Haven't found one since that knows what to do like her or was willing to accept instructions without being insulted. Well there it is in a nutshell, they don't do it right, I stop them after a couple minutes and just move into a sexual position. I'd just rather be screwing or giving oral than getting BJs knowing only 10% of them are going to be good, but 90% of vaginas are good Another thing is that once you date a couple of swallowers, spitters or "happy ending" finishers just don't cut it... at all.
Stung Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Does every woman who doesn't particularly enjoy oral sex indicate the female equivalent of some "madonna-whore" complex or libido issues? No, so why jump straight there with men? OP says they have a normal sex life. There are lots of guys out there who don't like BJs particularly, I'm one, and most of my friends think they are overrated. No particular hang-up or turn-off involved, just prefer other things. So few do them well anyway. Unless I missed it, this guy has never experienced a bj to know whether he likes them or not and refuses to let his girlfriend experiment. I don't think it's wildly off base to think there is some actual reason that he's unwilling to even try it to see if he likes it. If he doesn't like it then, maybe it's just a preference. Please don't try to turn this into some crazy gender thing, as I read it he was refusing to try a blowjob to even see if he liked them, not refusing them after experiencing a few.
Stung Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Hello He means the absolute world to me, and this is awkward to talk about, but he always refuses a BJ. Neither of us have been with anybody else regarding relationships, and we were both each others firsts. So I know that he has never had a bad experience with one before, because he has never let me give him one, and he hasn't received one from anybody else. . And the above is where the OP clearly states that her bf has never had a bad BJ or in fact any BJ of any sort at all ever, and refuses to try it.
nddb Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 Another thing is that once you date a couple of swallowers, spitters or "happy ending" finishers just don't cut it... at all. I agree. I find it extremely rude that any woman spits after giving oral. Some guys though are so desperate to get some that they act like it's no big deal. If a guy runs to the sink and spits after giving oral to a woman, it sure won't go over well.
kalikula Posted August 28, 2010 Posted August 28, 2010 I agree. I find it extremely rude that any woman spits after giving oral. Well thats too bad... Guys may like to have girls swallow their load but guess what, sometimes it doesn't go down right, tastes horrible or triggers my gag reflex. I wouldn't really care if a guy wanted to wash his mouth out after going down on me. Sorry that I don't want to subject myself to something I really don't enjoy and that makes me "rude".
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