USMCHokie Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 This question is for those who are dating or in relationships while trying to maintain a healthy diet. How do you handle dating someone where you might eat out more often than if you were single or cook and eat things that you might not normally eat otherwise. Did you maintain healthier eating habits than your dating partner prior to the relationship, and how did you adapt to the change? The reason I ask is that I've been seeing this girl where we are eating out more often than I'd like and if she cooks, it's something that might conflict with my eating schedule. I admit that I have a ridiculous diet routine, and I would never subject anyone else to it, but I feel like whenever I'm eating with her, I'm cheating on myself. Sometimes I'd rather not eat with her so I can make my own food after an entire weekend of eating delicious greasy food... I know that I'm an extreme case and maybe I'm just being high maintenance, but how do you or would you reconcile this? I don't really want to ask if I can make my own food when I'm over at her place...and I would never deny her delicious carbohydrates if I cooked for the both of us... Nutrition is important enough to me that I can't give it up entirely (like I did in a previous relationship), but at the same time, I'm not sure how to compromise on this...
skydiveaddict Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 You have no choice but to eat what she cooks. When you're out to eat, it should be easy to order something that conforms to your diet. And when you cook for her @ your place it should be easy as well. It's not a big deal IMO
spookie Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I've never been in a relationship that didn't make me gain weight.
homersheineken Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Totally see what you mean. I've just changed my diet for the better too and I've get the snide/joking remarks from family/friends and dates. I usually try to make a joke out of it since it was pretty bad (I'm now seeing). Best you can do is limit your bad portions when with her. Bring healthy snacks to eat after. If she asks why you do that, tell her that it's better to eat smaller meals. If you're feeling brave enough/secure in the relationship, tell her it's because of health - and encourage her to also engage. You can also ask if she finds you physically attractive and if/when she says yes, say it's because of your diet and you want to maintain
NYCGirly Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 IMO, eating habits are an important part of a relationship since a great deal of the relationship is spent eating together. If I'm a super strict health nut and he wants to go to Greasy Joe's every weekend, we're gonna have a problem. I will end up resenting him for eating crap in front of me all the time. I don't plan on compromising the progress I've made during the week in diet and exercise for weekends/nights of bad eating. Instead I want someone who will be a motivator for me and will push me to eat more healthy foods and vice versa.
MisUnderstanding Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 When she cooks, ask her to only feed you during certain times. If she likes you, she would understand. Ask her to cook something you'd normally eat. Don't eat a lot of the food either. I don't mind it when not all of my food is consumed. And when you go out, just order smaller and healthier portions, or don't eat the whole thing. I think it's totally ok to tell the girl about your eating habits.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 When she cooks, ask her to only feed you during certain times. If she likes you, she would understand. Ask her to cook something you'd normally eat. Don't eat a lot of the food either. I don't mind it when not all of my food is consumed. And when you go out, just order smaller and healthier portions, or don't eat the whole thing. I think it's totally ok to tell the girl about your eating habits. Well, she knows all about my diet routine and constantly makes fun of me for it... And it's not necessarily how much I eat, but what I eat...and I've gotten to the level where I have to manipulate my diet and only eat certain types of foods on certain days...yea, I'm one of those douches... But she's gotten a lot better about it and has even said that she wants to clean up her diet as well, just not to the ridiculousness that I'm doing... Unfortunately, when I go out to eat with her, I just say to hell with it and order delicious stuff...I guess that's just on me to control myself... IMO, eating habits are an important part of a relationship since a great deal of the relationship is spent eating together. If I'm a super strict health nut and he wants to go to Greasy Joe's every weekend, we're gonna have a problem. I will end up resenting him for eating crap in front of me all the time. I don't plan on compromising the progress I've made during the week in diet and exercise for weekends/nights of bad eating. Instead I want someone who will be a motivator for me and will push me to eat more healthy foods and vice versa. I absolutely agree with this...it's nice to serve as a motivator for other people...and it's not like I eat all that much crap when I'm with her, it's just that even one or two meals can wreck my plan for the week...just because there's carbs or something stupid like that... Yea, the more I think about it, the more high maintenance I feel...yikes... Again, I'm a bit of an extreme case...and I don't want to push her too far in terms of diet...it's not like she eats a lot of unhealthy stuff to begin with... If you're feeling brave enough/secure in the relationship, tell her it's because of health - and encourage her to also engage. You can also ask if she finds you physically attractive and if/when she says yes, say it's because of your diet and you want to maintain Oh, she knows that I have been trying to get down to unhealthily low levels of body fat since we started dating...she always says that she's trying to fatten me up...
melodymatters Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I hope you know that I care for you and respect you from your many posts, but if this was a womans thread they'd be throwing the anorexic confetti all over the room by now.... My main advice to everyone, always, is to eat smaller portions. If your diet is that specific, that certain things can be consumed on certain days, then, you gotta let it out and find a lady who can deal with that !
skydiveaddict Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 (edited) As usual, all my timely and educated advice has sailed right over your head. dont come cryin to me when you're an over weight, fat marine!:laugh: and all over a woman, go figure :D:D:D:D:D! And those tattoos, oh The HORROR, The HORROR! Edited August 26, 2010 by skydiveaddict
xpaperxcutx Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 How about you arrange the dinner dates on your cheat days? That way you can eat what you want and still get those carbs in without feeling guilty. I, too, am a very picky eater. I don't eat meat, and half the time I prefer to cook my own meals rather than eat out. Normally when I do go on dates, I just suggest going for sushi or a vegetarian cuisine. Luckily, I have not met someone willing to cook for me just yet ( minus one time when I got invited over for sphagetti) so I think I'm pretty lucky on this front. More likely if I do date longterm, I make I'm the cooker rather than the dinner guest.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Oh, she knows that I have been trying to get down to unhealthily low levels of body fat since we started dating...she always says that she's trying to fatten me up... Well you know even pro. bodybuilders have their off- season diets. They can't maintain low body fat all year round. I think you should lighten up just a little bit. If you do find yourself binging more than usual, just hit the gym hard the next day. Just go hard on the cardio and lift heavier.
Gypsy_Soul Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Both of you have to compromise for each other. Or you could just be like me and try to find someone that is compatible with you especially with your healthy eating. Which is why I'm still single lol! To me the "delicious" greasy food is disgusting. I don't even crave that crap anymore. It makes me sick just to look at it, let alone put into my body. I usually tell the people that I'm with I can't eat that, it makes me sick or it'll make me gain weight if I eat that. Is that too harsh? I don't know but it's the truth. It's your body, your health, if someone really likes you and your body, it takes maintenance and upkeep. It takes work, very hard work and a lot of people don't understand that.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 I hope you know that I care for you and respect you from your many posts, but if this was a womans thread they'd be throwing the anorexic confetti all over the room by now.... My main advice to everyone, always, is to eat smaller portions. If your diet is that specific, that certain things can be consumed on certain days, then, you gotta let it out and find a lady who can deal with that ! Hahah, thanks melody. I didn't even think about it that way, but now that you mention it... And she knows about all about my diet regime and certainly accepts and tries to accomodate for it, but sometimes it just can't happen... As usual, all my timely and educated advice has sailed right over your head. dont come cryin to me when you're an over weight, fat marine!:laugh: and all over a woman, go figure :D:D:D:D:D! And those tattoos, oh The HORROR, The HORROR! Hahah, not at all!!! :laugh: Those women will be the end of us, I swear...
Author USMCHokie Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 How about you arrange the dinner dates on your cheat days? That way you can eat what you want and still get those carbs in without feeling guilty. I, too, am a very picky eater. I don't eat meat, and half the time I prefer to cook my own meals rather than eat out. Normally when I do go on dates, I just suggest going for sushi or a vegetarian cuisine. Luckily, I have not met someone willing to cook for me just yet ( minus one time when I got invited over for sphagetti) so I think I'm pretty lucky on this front. More likely if I do date longterm, I make I'm the cooker rather than the dinner guest. This is true...and I think my concern is more towards the day-to-day eating if I go over to her place and she makes dinner rather than the occasional date night out... Well you know even pro. bodybuilders have their off- season diets. They can't maintain low body fat all year round. I think you should lighten up just a little bit. If you do find yourself binging more than usual, just hit the gym hard the next day. Just go hard on the cardio and lift heavier. I definitely understand what you're saying here...and I'm honestly having a little bit of difficulty coming up with a response...I guess all I can say is, "you're right"... But I'm not really a bodybuilder...even though I might seem like it...and do some of the things that they do...but I'm not a bodybuilder...I swear... I think you've really just highlighted how ridiculous I sound in this thread...
Author USMCHokie Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Both of you have to compromise for each other. Or you could just be like me and try to find someone that is compatible with you especially with your healthy eating. Which is why I'm still single lol! .... It's your body, your health, if someone really likes you and your body, it takes maintenance and upkeep. It takes work, very hard work and a lot of people don't understand that. You're right...it does take hard work to achieve any goals, especially when it comes to your fitness and health...but I guess I'm just realizing again how much easier it is when you're single...
lab_brat Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Granted, you seem slightly nuts about the food issue (in a really charming way of course ), but for the right person that wouldn't necessarily be a huge deal. I think you should talk to your gf about it -if i was in a relationship with someone i really liked I'd be happy to accommodate that kind of thing - ok, you'd have to bring your own food scales, but as long as it wasn't incredibly complex (ie if the bf was coming over and said 'i want brown rice n steamed vegies'), or something, that'd be okay?? If you're hoping to make it work long term i'd really consider it? And yeah, just keep some perspective, it can be a quick slide from severe restriction/diet to BDD or anorexia.
gypsy_nicky Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 USMC, not patronizing you but you do remember that what's really important is calories in calories out? You don't really need that big of a caloric excess to maintain muscle mass or you don't need to dip too low to maintain low bf levels.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 USMC, not patronizing you but you do remember that what's really important is calories in calories out? You don't really need that big of a caloric excess to maintain muscle mass or you don't need to dip too low to maintain low bf levels. Yep, and I'm a very big advocate of keeping it simple with calories in < calories out for weight loss for most people...however, I don't do much with total caloric intake but rather manipulate what kind of food I eat, not necessarily the amount...
Author USMCHokie Posted August 26, 2010 Author Posted August 26, 2010 Granted, you seem slightly nuts about the food issue (in a really charming way of course ), but for the right person that wouldn't necessarily be a huge deal. Hahah, thanks. I think you should talk to your gf about it -if i was in a relationship with someone i really liked I'd be happy to accommodate that kind of thing - ok, you'd have to bring your own food scales, but as long as it wasn't incredibly complex (ie if the bf was coming over and said 'i want brown rice n steamed vegies'), or something, that'd be okay?? If you're hoping to make it work long term i'd really consider it? And yeah, just keep some perspective, it can be a quick slide from severe restriction/diet to BDD or anorexia. I'm not gonna lie, but I cringed a little when I read 'gf'... We're just dating right now, and I'm not sure it's going to last long term...this has been an issue with previous girls I've dated, but definitely not to the extent it is now since I recently started doing carb cycles...which isn't really all that complicated...just a little bit of a pain in the butt when you're sharing meals with someone who just rolls her eyes and laughs when I tell her I haven't had a carb in two days... And I know what you mean about BDD...I have goals that I'm trying to reach and am doing so with healthy means...I definitely don't hate my body and wouldn't resort to drastic or unhealthy measures to "fix" anything...
kickintheaz Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 hey Hokie.. you've raised an interesting point about how to switch from our single lifestyle to a +1 lifestyle... obviously the 'g/f, non g/f, dating, other half' of yours is trying to support you but does the little roll of the eyes and that show she really doesn't understand why you're doing what you're doing?? aesthetically you must be pleasing to her and personality wise, heck I think we all are attracted to you on here! clearly you have goals in mind and you set in train a process by which to reach those goals.. and bravo for doing so... however if that process is taking its toll or not working 100% for you, then is there a way to redo the process to reach the goals? when I started dating an ex, she had gall bladder problems, that means 0% grease/fat/oil or I'd be holding her hair back for the night whilst she had a chat with Vitreous China.... yet I thought it might go somewhere so I adapted, it nearly killed me at 2am leaving the pub and not being able to goto the chip shop but I learned to love just toast and tea after a night out!... what that taught me is all about the compromise we have to make but likewise those we start to date need to learn that too... so your dating this girl now, you may or may not see a future, but surely to have a future we need to find some adaptability in their behaviour also? Is the food you eat gonna be a dealbreaker for this coupledom? (for want of a better word) If so, you know what to do... If not, then how can you adapt the process you are using to perhaps include her in it more? As to eating out a lot..... are there other activities to do? if you sorted your eating habit out so its manageable can you suggest your way a couple of times a week and allow her, her way the other times? can you alternate weeks of the diet? I think lab rat is right, TALK TO HER... if you're at the comfortable stage of eating and entertaining in each others houses and you're both mature(?!) adults, then I think ya need to explain where you're coming from.. and if I may throw in a kickintheaz too... you said that "this has been an issue with previous girls I've dated" what did you do then? nothing? or did you try and because your food habits are sooo sooo bizarre that most people just couldn't cope with it?? Perhaps an inward look initially (which I am sure you are doing) to see what are the goals you are trying to achieve and why and then if you can adapt those goals or the process to reach them, talk to your, (dare I say it cheekily) Girlfriend!!!!
Green Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 You have to BE YOURSELF stop trying to be FAKE around this girl and just give her your full insanity. She will probably like you more for it. First research resteraunts you want to eat at and make sure you get to pick the place every other time. There are places with healthy options. You can tell them to cook the food you want and substitue fries for fruits or what ever. Find places that work. Offer to cook for her some times that way you can make healthy meals that work for the both of you. Bottom line relationships are work but you need to feel free to PUT HER IN HER PLACE when she puts you down for doing what you like to do. Being single is a lot easier but is easy what you want out of life. Stop being a wuss and tell her how you like things and don't be afraid to respect yourself because it also means you are respecting her if you are HONEST about who you are. I'm sure she will still like you. I refuse to eat at certain resteraunts McDonalds being one of them but also including all Fridays, Applebees, chili's, any places like that are a no go on my list. I'm sure there are some great resteraunts that can make meals that work for you. FIND THEM... also get back to your crazy schedule if thats why you want out of life but see what you can do to make your GF happy. (if you're having sex I think its rude you havn't told her she is ur gf oh by the way telling her she is your gf will make her happy and accept more of your crap)
ascendotum Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Hokie - It surprises me a little that you are so finicky with your food given your background. I thought you said you used to be scrawny, but sounds like now you have to be careful as regards what you eat. If you are working out regularly I wouldn’t have thought you would have to worry about watching your carbs in relation to your weight. If you do, then you certainly cannot be a hardgainer. You don’t look like an ectomorph. When I was your age I was eating 5 meals a day, 6 if you include whey shakes and all the snacks, 2 of them were a roast meal & dessert. Calorie count was all I cared about. If you have no intention of training for a competition, I thought you could lighten up a little. It sounds like you still have not achieved your goals as regards your physique, if you need to maintain a 'ridiculous diet routine.' Eating an extra roast meal a day wouldn’t make much difference to my weight (just have physique like Bruce Lee now) so sorry I cannot give you any advice on dating in relation to maintaining a strict diet regime, as for me anything went (excepting food allergies). Unfortunately nearly all my girlfriends had spookie's problem and gained weight...faster than I did I would find living with a strict vegetarian would be hard as I am intolerant to legumes, and also a girl who loved her pastas, breads and cakes, unless she went gluten free, and I also avoid foods with sugar and diary. So far it has not been an issue that has resulted in too many arguments or resentment as this has tended to suit girlfriends as they have generally been health conscience with food. Eating out made it easier as we could eat what suits us individually, so I thought this would be okay for you. Would things not be more difficult still if you two were to maybe end up living together (or the next girl)? The points raised by kickintheaz on adapting and compromise + his last comments are in line with my thoughts. BTW – Congratulations on your transformation, ex-scrawny guy.
phineas Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Yep, and I'm a very big advocate of keeping it simple with calories in < calories out for weight loss for most people...however, I don't do much with total caloric intake but rather manipulate what kind of food I eat, not necessarily the amount... Yep. calories in / calories out just doesn't work when you hit low body fat percentage & are trying to retain muscle mass. You nesd to have the right ratios of macro nutrients or your body will start storeing fat & using muscle as an energy source reguardless of how big your caloric deficit is. See, I'm 38. Not quite in great shape however most of the women my age are very health concious so Their all big on chicken & Steak & fresh veggies cooked in a healthy manner. So it isn't an issue. However most people in their early to mid 20's can stay lean even if they eat nothing but fast food because their metabolism is jacked up because their still young.
caramel c Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I will usually just eat whatever I want on a date, but during the rest of the week try to keep a very healthy diet. It works.
tman666 Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 I guess I consider myself to be extremely lucky that my girlfriend is interested in training and nutrition. However, if I've learned anything (and we've had many a battle over this), it's that girls want to have fun too, and they don't want to talk about macronutrients, training, caloric deficits, etc. most of the time. Personally, I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here and say that you shouldn't compromise if you don't want to. Your training and nutrition are something that's entirely yours. You're the one who has worked hard to attain your physique. Your training (I'm assuming, due to mine being this way) is entirely self directed, planned, and motivated. When you think about it, your training/nutrition is one of the few things in life that is entirely by you, for you. If you don't feel like compromising those things that you've invented for yourself and worked very hard for, make sure that you find a girl with similar thought processes, or at least one that respects your turf in this regard. If your girl thinks that you need to surrender some of that for her, then that's fine, but you have to decide whether or not it's worth it. Changing her mind about it probably won't work.
Recommended Posts