Let's be honest with ourselves.

[MrNate]

How important are looks really? (Note: Please don't get too serious in this discussion, moving on.)

 

I mean, really, let's drop the charades here. Would you really take the average girl/guy over the hot one of all things were equal?

 

We often talk about how looks play into initial attraction right? So by this logic, I think it's safe to say that looks carry a bigger weight than we often let on. I think guys are less modest about this than girls. But in any case, guy or girl, the situation almost all of the time is ' ohh, he/she is cute' I really can't say I've ever heard personality being the big attraction factor early (not that it doesn't matter). So maybe it's in our best interest to be the best we can physically, to optimize or chances when it comes to getting our foot in the door at least.

 

Because honestly, I think most of us would like the chance to be with someone hot. I guess my point is looks do matter, and matter quite a bit.

 

Thoughts?

[Minnie09]

I believe that the first impression is THE decisive factor.

But: First impression is not only looks, but - and I mean especially - the aura. Someone needs to have a "pleasant" aura at first sight. Looks are not enough. I consider myself rather attractive, but my current aura is too depressive due to a recent break-up. If someone sees me in a bar, they might think negatively of me, or see me as boring or nasty or arrogant. That doesn't attract anyone. Unfortunately. LOL

[harmfulsweetz]

Hm. They certainly matter, and matter the most early on, but I think everyone has a different definition of 'hot.' People often go with what are average looking people, but they still think of them as 'hot.' Because what's average to one is hot to another, and vice versa.

 

Overall, looks are important, very important. More so in the way of those who take care of themselves v those that don't. A woman can be fairly average, but if she takes care of herself well, she stands a chance with the 'hot guys'.

[espec10001]

How important are looks really? (Note: Please don't get too serious in this discussion, moving on.)

 

I mean, really, let's drop the charades here. Would you really take the average girl/guy over the hot one of all things were equal?

 

We often talk about how looks play into initial attraction right? So by this logic, I think it's safe to say that looks carry a bigger weight than we often let on. I think guys are less modest about this than girls. But in any case, guy or girl, the situation almost all of the time is ' ohh, he/she is cute' I really can't say I've ever heard personality being the big attraction factor early (not that it doesn't matter). So maybe it's in our best interest to be the best we can physically, to optimize or chances when it comes to getting our foot in the door at least.

 

Because honestly, I think most of us would like the chance to be with someone hot. I guess my point is looks do matter, and matter quite a bit.

 

Thoughts?

 

Well physical attractiveness is an initial attraction. It's just human nature for 2 individuals physically attracted to one another to get the ball rolling. But after that, it's all about the person they are.

 

Speaking for myself, I am very aware of what physical features attract me: dark eyes and dark hair and short. This may be because it is the opposite of how I look physically, and as they say opposites attract.

 

However, no matter how great looking the girl is, there needs to be a personality behind the appearance. And if we can't get the brain exercises going or she's incapable of critical thinking then I get bored.

 

So looks are only half the equation in my book.

[USMCHokie]

I'll be blunt here.

 

Looks are what get you in the door, but personality is what keeps you in the house.

 

I agree with you in that looks are primarily what you create that first impression of someone with and it's what creates initial attraction. When we first meet someone, nine times out of ten, our first sensual experience is visual...not auditory...it'd certainly be an interesting experiment if you conducted one of those speed dating events, but everyone had to wear a blindfold...

 

That being said, I feel that those who say that looks aren't important can be placed in two general categories:

 

(1) People who worry about what people think about them and don't want to be judged for being "shallow" just because they find physical attraction important. Please...

 

(2) People who aren't attractive and don't want the opposite gender to place importance on looks since they would be passed over for more attractive folk.

[westrock]

Looks may have some importance for some initial attraction to a stranger you've never met. The more I get to know someone, I find that the less looks matter.

 

To answer your question, from a subjective perspective, one would always pick the "hot" person over the average person all things being equal. But that doesn't really mean much because whether someone is hot or average is a matter of personal choice. I may think someone is hot and you may think the same person is average, and vice versa to someone you picked. As such, everyone is simultaneously hot and average depending on who is doing the evaluating.

 

Another thing is that the more we get to know someone, our visual perception of them changes. An average person, once we get to know them may be hot (or vice versa)

 

Also, in reality, one will never find a situation where it is all other things being equal between two people.

[good_vibes]

Of course looks are important, but what may be attractive to one may not be to another.

 

I once read about a study that found you generally end up with someone who is about the same level of attractiveness as you are.

 

It said one reason was that people who may be considered on the whole to be less attractive will find others who are less attractive to be good looking, whereas someone on the higher end of the scale would not. For example America's Top Model would probably not find your average Joe attractive, whereas your average Jane probably would.

 

The study also stated that many men would not ask out a woman they find too attractive because they would fear striking out, or they would think the woman would not stay with them for long if they dated anyway.

 

So yeah all things being equal, in theory people would probably prefer to be with the best looking person, but in real life maybe not.

[LondonS]

Looks are directly related to physical attraction element but we all have different definition of "attractiveness"- I see some couples where one partner is a lot better looking than the other so not sure how true it is for everyone.

Personally, yes Looks are important.. I'd be lieing is I said I only like a guy for his personality...

[phineas]

What's average?

[PJKino]

very important it doesnt mater if a person is gandhi and mother teresa combined if we cant imagine making out with that person its never gonna happen

 

i know im nice and a good hearted person but so are allot of people,im not attractive physically to women i guess so i stay out of the dating game

 

i dont expect women to be attracted to me just because im nice

[caramel c]

A man doesn't have to be beautiful for me to be attracted. It's less important what they're born with, more important what they do with it. I like a well groomed guy who takes care of his clothes and shoes, who dresses appropriately for the occasion, gets regular haircuts, and clips nails when needed. Guys who don't keep up with these things tend to turn me off.

[USMCHokie]

What's average?

 

I honestly think "average" is a lot less than most people think...with widespread exposure to beautiful people in popular culture and media and also depending on where you live and the local demographic, people often have an inflated view of what average looks are...

[Mad Max]

Looks do matter to some extent. Some people place more emphasis than others. Me personally, while looks do matter, I place little emphasis on it. I would date an overweight girl with a nice personality over a physically attractive b*tch any day of the week.

[hydorclops]

Yeah, go to the gym, spend lots of time and money on couture and then you will receive your entitlement.

 

Or, you could learn about human nature, know yourself, and develop good social skills. Then you could create good relationships.

 

Some people do both.

[lofi_tokyo]

I sometimes have a hard time judging just how shallow I am. My group of friends are a bunch of extremely attractive ladies - a large number of them are models. From that group, two of them are very vain. Not only do the men they date have to be a 10, but they also have to be fantastic in bed and have some degree of wealth. So in comparison, I don't feel that shallow.

 

That being said, last year when I was single, I was often "seeing" 3-5 people at once. The unattractive individuals were always given the least of my time.

 

I noticed that one of the posters mentioned having some sort of connection with the person you're dating is also important when one first starts seeing someone. I believe this to be true, however I've found in a couple of my own experiences I almost couldnt let myself feel a connection with someone I found physically unattractive. So in that case, looks came first.

 

Blah. Writing all of this I really do feel shallow, and admittedly, I guess I am. But if it counts for anything, looks only get a guy's foot in the door. If his personality is a flop, then he won't be getting any further with me.

[WintersNightTraveler]

Would you really take the average girl/guy over the hot one of all things were equal?

 

I do not think you asked what you wanted to ask. Of course most rational people would take a hot partner, if all other things really were equal.

 

Hokie has a good point about it getting you in the door. For me it's a prerequisite, but not sufficient on it's own.

 

But that's also not a very revealing statement on my part. Of course you need more than just looks.

 

I think it's more interesting to ask if you would consider seriously dating someone you felt was clearly less attractive than you feel that you are. Not just a "slightly less attractive but a matter of opinion type of thing", but a "no doubt about it" type of thing.

 

That would be a real problem for me. I think I could do it, but the person would have to be really exceptional otherwise. Maybe I'm shallow.

[MrNate]

What's average?

 

Good question. I honestly think the term 'average' needs a makeover. Seeing as how most people can be attractive. I think average may need to be on some level on par with being ugly.

 

Interesting question though. I'd like more opinions on this to be honest.

[WintersNightTraveler]

That being said, last year when I was single, I was often "seeing" 3-5 people at once. The unattractive individuals were always given the least of my time.

 

Well that's just who you're banging. Not really any reason to judge on anything besides sexiness and looks (related concepts but not exactly the same). And maybe convenience.

 

 

 

Good question. I honestly think the term 'average' needs a makeover. Seeing as how most people can be attractive. I think average may need to be on some level on par with being ugly.

 

Interesting question though. I'd like more opinions on this to be honest.

 

I don't think there's a good definition of average. That's why I think comparing to yourself, rather than some vague notion of average, is more telling.

[MrNate]

I do not think you asked what you wanted to ask. Of course most rational people would take a hot partner, if all other things really were equal.

 

Hokie has a good point about it getting you in the door. For me it's a prerequisite, but not sufficient on it's own.

 

But that's also not a very revealing statement on my part. Of course you need more than just looks.

I think it's more interesting to ask if you would consider seriously dating someone you felt was clearly less attractive than you feel that you are. Not just a "slightly less attractive but a matter of opinion type of thing", but a "no doubt about it" type of thing.

 

That would be a real problem for me. I think I could do it, but the person would have to be really exceptional otherwise. Maybe I'm shallow.

 

Thanks for pointing that out, I guess i could have reworded that to say would you take a hot person over an average one if you could.

 

I agree that physical attraction carries a pretty big weight.

[Ilovecake]

Physical attraction is 50% for me but that doesn't necessarily equate to looks since I'm usually attracted to men that would not be considered handsome by most people's standards.

[MrNate]

I sometimes have a hard time judging just how shallow I am. My group of friends are a bunch of extremely attractive ladies - a large number of them are models. From that group, two of them are very vain. Not only do the men they date have to be a 10, but they also have to be fantastic in bed and have some degree of wealth. So in comparison, I don't feel that shallow.

 

That being said, last year when I was single, I was often "seeing" 3-5 people at once. The unattractive individuals were always given the least of my time.

 

I noticed that one of the posters mentioned having some sort of connection with the person you're dating is also important when one first starts seeing someone. I believe this to be true, however I've found in a couple of my own experiences I almost couldnt let myself feel a connection with someone I found physically unattractive. So in that case, looks came first.

 

Blah. Writing all of this I really do feel shallow, and admittedly, I guess I am. But if it counts for anything, looks only get a guy's foot in the door. If his personality is a flop, then he won't be getting any further with me.

 

I honestly think most people are shallow on some level, so I don't think you need to feel bad.

[AD1980]

it very,people try to downplay it and feed u fluff thats its all about confidence blah blah blah

 

as a mediocre looking dude its been nothing but rejection for me im sick of it and ave given up on women

 

i dont blame women i blame my genes for a life of loneliness and never finding love

[kalikula]

To me it's a combination of factors...

Looks, height, voice (sexy/manly, normal or slightly weird/high pitched), personality, and where they are in life (Do they have their **** together? Do they have car/job/in college/friends etc.)

 

As I have gotten older I have gotten cuter (I think) and I've stopped settling for guys that are average. I realized this is important because if I'm only kinda attracted to him then I won't really be sexually attracted to him and sex will suck. Some things I am flexible on (Height, muscles or not) others I am really not flexible (High pitched voice or doesn't have his **** together = not gonna work).

[MrNate]

it very,people try to downplay it and feed u fluff thats its all about confidence blah blah blah

 

as a mediocre looking dude its been nothing but rejection for me im sick of it and ave given up on women

 

i dont blame women i blame my genes for a life of loneliness and never finding love

 

Surely you're not going to accept this right? I think you're selling yourself short big time man. I mean, I haven't had the greatest successes, but on the flip side, I rarely tried most of my life. So I got the proper results. Now I'm making proper adjustments.

 

Don't just quit like that man.

[AverageJoe]

This is a no brainer for me. Of course I want hot women, what guy doesnt when you get right down to it.

I see men trade up all the time.