EasyHeart Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 That is not a friendship, that is a relationship. You're trying to change the dictionary by stating you don't want a relationship but you want everything else that entails it. Be honest with yourself. I think this is a reason why most guys find us women confusing. We never state clearly what we want. You can't backtrack on what you told him--- you agreed to a FWB hookup, which in essence means sex without any type of attachment. Also FWB always sets up the woman to be disrespected. That means the guy no longer views you as anymore than a piece of tail. So to even ask for his friendship is kind of useless.This. You told him that you wanted to be FWBs, but then you started acting like you are in a relationship, so of course he started pulling away. The poor guy was probably wondering WTF you were doing. You told him to treat you like a worthless piece of meat, which he did. What more were you expecting? He treated you exactly the way you asked him to.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 Guys - how is this an FWB when they only hooked up one time? He hasn't even followed through or initiated hooking up another time. I don't even think he's interested in FWB, he had her once, and is moving on. Texting is nothing.
Lorelai Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 (edited) That is not a friendship, that is a relationship. You're trying to change the dictionary by stating you don't want a relationship but you want everything else that entails it. Actually, with this modification.... "I think, what I want, is to have honesty and open communication with him. To not feel like a burden, but instead, someone that he values in some way. Be able to laugh with him. Joke with him. Flirt with each other. Maybe see him once a month, give or take, and have a physical, hot encounter where we try new things we'd been talking about. Maybe just have some fun, like go hiking. I guess I'd also like him to express some sort of interest in me as a person--in the way friends do for one another. Like, feel able to talk with one another about what's up in our lives without feeling like I've overstepped boundaries. I'd like him to open up to me a bit, so I can be a friend in return, because I really do care about what's going on in his life, and that he's having a hard time." ... that sounds like the definition of friendship to me. You can't backtrack on what you told him--- you agreed to a FWB hookup, which in essence means sex without any type of attachment. Also FWB always sets up the woman to be disrespected. That means the guy no longer views you as anymore than a piece of tail. So to even ask for his friendship is kind of useless.I have an odd definition of "friends with benefits" -- someone who is a friend who you just happen to screw. If they're actually a friend, they're going to value you. They'd enjoy hanging out with you for more than just sex. They'd care about you and be concerned with your welfare. But even if they might be able to say they loved the other person, they wouldn't say they were IN love. No, I'm not describing some mythical ideal -- I've had two where that was the case. For the first, it was with a guy about 10 years older than me that I'd known since I was 15. He and his wife were into polyamory, and he'd always flirted outrageously but never made any moves until I was of age. When I was 19 and had broken up with a guy a couple of weeks before, he made a move and we had sex fairly regularly for a few months. I knew his wife was okay with it (I had talked to her). But because I knew he had a primary relationship, I couldn't really rebound on him. I ended it when I felt I was ready to actually date again. Still friends, and we've had sex once or twice since then, but he lives out of state now. We talk a lot on the PC. The other was a guy I'd known since I was 10. We'd dated very briefly in junior high but never got beyond kissing. When I was 20 we were hanging out and had drunk sex because both of us were hard up, so to speak. For drunk sex, it was very good, and after we sobered up and talked about things we both agreed we'd kill each other if we ever tried to date. We hung out a lot both with friends and alone, and when we hung out alone it wasn't all sex all the time. This went on for several months until I moved about two hours away. No hearts broken, no feelings hurt, still friends to this day. What you're describing, and what it sounds like the OP's man wants is a booty call, not a FWB thing, to my mind. To the OP: I have to say that I'm also suspicious of the hotel thing and the distance he's trying to keep, as well as the repeated efforts to keep you hooked and saying all the right things without following through on them. It sounds like he is wanting you to have romantic feelings for him, else he wouldn't go on about you being "brought into his life for a reason" or other stuff like that. But all he wants to give of himself is a booty call. Maybe he thinks the only way he can get laid is if the other person has romantic feelings. I dunno. Either way, his actions and words say he doesn't want a relationship, and it sounds like his actions tell you he doesn't want a friendship. So if you want what he has to offer -- a booty call -- then instead of trying to talk to him about it, start treating it like a booty call arrangement. Don't suggest seeing him socially or hanging out with him. Don't call him unless you want to get laid. Don't stay the night (not like that would happen given all of his secrecy, but still, don't). If he texts for a reason other than to ask to meet you for sex, don't engage in long texting conversations. If you speak voice and he doesn't get to asking you to meet him in the first 10 minutes, make your excuses and get off the phone. Don't text him unless it's returning a text. And whatever you do, do NOT have any more "talks" with him about the status of the relationship unless he brings it up. And realize that sex is all you are going to get from this man. Make yourself understand this, not just intellectually but in your heart as well. The suggestions I made above are not to play games with him, but to keep yourself from getting any more romantically attached than you already are, and give yourself some distance so you can get over those feelings. Don't expect him to change his mind and want a relationship, or even to want the definition of FWB I gave. If you don't think you can do this now or you realize you can't in the future, then end it completely and ignore his desperate attempts to get you in the sack. Edited August 25, 2010 by Lorelai
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Hey guys....she slept with him once and he has sent her a few texts....she has initiated a lot of texts. He hasn't even wanted to see her in person again. please explain how this is an FWB relationship? This is a f**k and ch**ck. No need to analyze it to the deep extent it has been.
Recommended Posts