Ex owes me 1000 dollars

[dispatch3d]

How long does it typically take to get the money back? (In months?) What are the two extremes you've seen (longest and shortest)?

 

How much time do you estimate you burn doing this?

 

How often do you not get the money back, and if you don't, what are the reasons?

 

How many costs do you incur on average while sueing? As in on collections, etc.

 

Of the times you didn't get paid back, what were the reasons you couldn't collect the money?

[NYCmitch25]

How many large debts have you successfully collected on?

 

Personally - I threatened a Honda Dealership and they jumped to send me my 500 dollar warranty check back. I filed with an ex and she wrote me a 2K check almost that day... so it works..

[carhill]

Dispatch, I bill my time out at 80.00 per hour, and time taken to adjudicate collections generally runs between 10-15 hours total, including mileage, document prep, court time and collection time. So, between 800-1200 per suit of lost time, which is not recoverable. Direct expenses are usually quite low, generally under 100.00, except for a till tap, which is expensive.

 

The sheriff in my county will generally give one shot at a bank levy (they go to the bank and seize the accounts) so you gotta hope it's a good day. If there's a dollar in the account, you've collected in full

 

Most deadbeats hide their money and their real estate is tied up in complex ownership schemes and it's hard to lien effectively. People who make a habit of not paying are very expert at it.

 

I doubt the OP's ex is any of these things. He just doesn't have the money after buying his latest iPhone, xBox, Kiddy Meal, whatever. Can't get blood out of turnip. Sure, garnish his wages, but what if he's a freelancer like me. LOL, good luck. He probably owns nothing of value worth liening.

 

Hell, I just wasted 10 bucks writing up this post. Time to sue someone!

[Jilly Bean]

No, it isn't an excuse, and I'm kind of annoyed that you would suggest that. The money issue came up quite recently because it took forever for the insurance to process it, and I looked on the insurance website to find out how much I had to pay out of pocket.

 

We discussed this many times recently and he told me he would pay me back in a few weeks (he doesn't have the money right now). But I realized after he cut off contact with me that I might never get that money from him, as he didn't even have an address to send it to since I'm moving. That's when I sent him the email. I hardly see how that could be construed as "stalking." I sent it to several addresses, in case he had blocked me from one of them. And this was last week. He still hasn't responded. I'm sure he's checked his email, as he does constantly.

 

 

Well, Shadow - you know I wasn't trying to crush you. I hope you know my intentions with you are *never* cruelly motivated.

 

BUT, look at this from the readers perspective for a second.

 

He sends you the text last week telling you he's going NC, and to never contact him again, and he will be doing the same. So, what did you? Immediately called him.

 

When he broke off the relationship months ago, you still tried very hard to cajole him into some kind of friendship, as I remember he was fine to never see each nor speak again. I also remember you ending up in some horribly painful sexual situation with him back then, too.

 

So, me questioning that you are looking for reasons to break the NC he has requested isn't exactly without merit nor history. It seems the more he wanted NC, the faster you would chase him.

 

The stalking came in when you said a few times that you were considering accosting him outside his work, and that you didn't care if he whacked you with a RO. I think there was another incident post-breakup where you would show up unaccounced and unexpected, but I may be wrong.

 

If this truly is just about you getting your money back, and I know as a student 1k is a LOT of dough, then take the advice given and file in small claims court.

 

Bottom line, Shadow, crappy as his exit strategy was, continuing to try and contact him isn't going to work out well for you. Unfortunately, you're not going to have the last word, and you're not going to have the chance to ask him why he did what he did last week.

 

Truly - in time, you will realize he's done you a favor. He's toxic, and adds nothing positive to your life. Be HAPPY he removed his troubled ass.

 

File the court docs, Shadow. You have written proof on your side of him agreeing to split the costs. Most times, people will settle before court, so maybe you won't even have to go through the court appearance.

[dispatch3d]

Dispatch, I bill my time out at 80.00 per hour, and time taken to adjudicate collections generally runs between 10-15 hours total, including mileage, document prep, court time and collection time. So, between 800-1200 per suit of lost time, which is not recoverable. Direct expenses are usually quite low, generally under 100.00, except for a till tap, which is expensive.

 

The sheriff in my county will generally give one shot at a bank levy (they go to the bank and seize the accounts) so you gotta hope it's a good day. If there's a dollar in the account, you've collected in full

 

Most deadbeats hide their money and their real estate is tied up in complex ownership schemes and it's hard to lien effectively. People who make a habit of not paying are very expert at it.

 

I doubt the OP's ex is any of these things. He just doesn't have the money after buying his latest iPhone, xBox, Kiddy Meal, whatever. Can't get blood out of turnip. Sure, garnish his wages, but what if he's a freelancer like me. LOL, good luck. He probably owns nothing of value worth liening.

 

Hell, I just wasted 10 bucks writing up this post. Time to sue someone!

 

So opening post will pay out of pocket <$100 to get ~$900-$950 back for 10 hours worth of work. Not a bad deal.

 

Sounds like it's in her best interest to not tell him how the money will be taken from him. He won't like his wages being garnished for the next 3 months though - regardless.

 

Yeah he's probably not a sociopathic deadbeat.

[zengirl]

Doesn't sound like he's a freelancer from what shadow said about his work at school, so if you can get them to garnish wages (easier in some places and systems than others, I think, though maybe carhill knows better), that might help.

 

Yes. It's the collection that is the problem, IME. All my suits have been between 1K and 3K, mainly for uncollectable receivables.

 

I mostly meant, all the way to collection. Not just the court itself. But it sounds like you've had some luck there. And some bad luck too.

 

Personally - I threatened a Honda Dealership and they jumped to send me my 500 dollar warranty check back. I filed with an ex and she wrote me a 2K check almost that day... so it works..

 

Was specifically talking to him. As I thought his particular way about threatening was a bit over-the-top extreme. Also: big corporations are much more likely to cut checks at customer threats in some cases, like the warranty thing, than individuals or small businesses. I do think shadow has to show that she is serious, but waving court papers in someone's face doesn't seem to me the way to do it. I've always been told unemotional and heavily documented is the best way to go. That freaks people out. I've never collected debts from individuals, though. Only companies.

[carhill]

I still think calling Judge Judy would be perfect. She'd love to get her teeth into some dude who stiffed his ex-GF for his part of the abortion after knocking her up. He'd be so done and it wouldn't cost either of them a dime. Shadow would be a celebrity. Her suitors would expand exponentially.

 

This underscores the reality that, if someone brings suit like this, even in small claims, it does go on the public record once you walk through that courtroom door. Whatever is transcribed will be there for all to read, if they so wish.

 

The ex can always settle outside in the hall. It goes on all the time.

[shadowplay]

Fck, this whole thing really hurts. I cannot BELIEVE he would do this to me. I know he's a ****bag, but it still hurts like hell that he could stoop so low. All day I've been on edge and feeling low. It's going to be very hard for me to trust anyone again.

[carhill]

Yes, it does hurt, and I'm really sorry for that. If there ever is a *****ty bill to stiff someone on, it's this one. Every decision has consequences and your ex will face his.

 

Look at it this way. You took control, did a positive thing for yourself and accepted complete responsibility. Why should his irrelevance invade your positive outlook? You can always get more money. He'll have his grand. In the scheme of life, it's nothing. He'll never have the likes of you

[threebyfate]

((hugs)) shadow. I'm sorry that you're in this position. It really, really hurts when a loved one betrays you to this level.

 

The ex is a weak, little boy where time and again, he keeps proving that he's incapable of handling an adult situation. A complete and utter douchebag.

 

Try to focus your energy towards alternate ways to pay for this, including discussing a loan from your parents. This way, it will give you time to try to get the money from him through small debts court.

[Ruby Slippers]

Fck, this whole thing really hurts. I cannot BELIEVE he would do this to me. I know he's a ****bag, but it still hurts like hell that he could stoop so low. All day I've been on edge and feeling low. It's going to be very hard for me to trust anyone again.

I'm sure it must be very painful. The small silver lining is... he's giving you more and more proof that you're lucky he's out of your life now.

[Star Gazer]

Contractually speaking, you don't have a leg to stand on even if it was put in writing and memorialized, UNLESS you wouldn't have got the abortion BUT FOR his agreement to split the cost. We all know that's not true, you would have had the procedure regardless of whether he was willing to contribute. As such, it's nothing more than an "illusory promise" on his part and would never be binding (in contractual terms, there's no "consideration" here). Sorry Shadow. He's a dick, but unless he just makes good on his word, you can't hold him to it.

[silverfish]

Write to him c/o his parents house. Make sure they get a copy for his attention as you can't trust him to read it, and give him 30 days to pay up or you'll go to small claims.

[shadowplay]

weird. not only did my ex disable his facebook account and ok cupid account after I sent him that email, but so did his roommate (remember the one I messaged about hanging out and playing boggle because we were sort of friendly). I had my friend see if either profile was viewable from his facebook account, and neither was. I don't really care, but I was just curious and at this point I'm almost amused by his ridiculousness.

 

What is this -- mass hysteria? Does he think I'm going to boil his pet turtle?

 

I haven't done anything even remotely justifiable to provoke this. He's the one who's been the massive dick.

 

The next thing I know they'll be in the witness protection program living in some cabin in Montana.

 

God, he is such an infant, and a coward. And man is he dumb.

[meerkat stew]

Contractually speaking, you don't have a leg to stand on even if it was put in writing and memorialized, UNLESS you wouldn't have got the abortion BUT FOR his agreement to split the cost. We all know that's not true, you would have had the procedure regardless of whether he was willing to contribute. As such, it's nothing more than an "illusory promise" on his part and would never be binding (in contractual terms, there's no "consideration" here). Sorry Shadow. He's a dick, but unless he just makes good on his word, you can't hold him to it.

 

Sorry, but the above is incorrect:

 

1. The decision to have the abortion itself is not the only possible form of consideration here. Just one example would be BF's agreeing to pay half in exchange for OP's forebearance in asking her parents or his parents for the money. Could come up with several other prospective sources of consideration, but won't because:

 

2. Magistrate (small claims) courts generally have broad equitable powers, in other words, you needn't have a technically legal case to recover, especially in cases such as OP's. This is why the television court shows are even possible, the judge can play Solomon and decide who's right and set a remedy without formality despite the unavailability of a legal remedy. In a case such as OP's, equitable theories such as promissory estoppel or unjust enrichment might have to be stretched a bit, but if there is a type of case where a small claims court will stretch for a remedy, OP's case is it.

 

That does not mean the outcome is certain by any means, but if I had to bet based on the facts presented would bet on OP every time in magistrate's court.

 

Restating, getting him to sign a promissory note leads to the highest probability of ever seeing that money, but all hope is not lost if he won't sign.

[zengirl]

weird. not only did my ex disable his facebook account and ok cupid account after I sent him that email, but so did his roommate (remember the one I messaged about hanging out and playing boggle because we were sort of friendly). I had my friend see if either profile was viewable from his facebook account, and neither was. I don't really care, but I was just curious and at this point I'm almost amused by his ridiculousness.

 

What is this -- mass hysteria? Does he think I'm going to boil his pet turtle?

 

I haven't done anything even remotely justifiable to provoke this. He's the one who's been the massive dick.

 

The next thing I know they'll be in the witness protection program living in some cabin in Montana.

 

God, he is such an infant, and a coward. And man is he dumb.

 

shadow, you're caring entirely too much what he thinks. This fellow is clearly not high quality and has demonstrated this. Really. . . . don't care what he thinks. Just don't.

 

Take only steps you think will help get back your money, but understand it might not happen. Also take what steps you need to work on saving your credit. Mostly, payment plans can be arranged for large medical bills. If it's on a credit card. . . that's going to be harder, but there are things that could be done. Get some good financial advice if you need it.

 

Separate the money issues from the emotional issues. And just let the emotional issues go. For your sake.

[shadowplay]

shadow, you're caring entirely too much what he thinks. This fellow is clearly not high quality and has demonstrated this. Really. . . . don't care what he thinks. Just don't.

 

Take only steps you think will help get back your money, but understand it might not happen. Also take what steps you need to work on saving your credit. Mostly, payment plans can be arranged for large medical bills. If it's on a credit card. . . that's going to be harder, but there are things that could be done. Get some good financial advice if you need it.

 

Separate the money issues from the emotional issues. And just let the emotional issues go. For your sake.

 

I'm trying, but I think it takes a little while to get there. I'm still fuming right now.

[Jilly Bean]

Contractually speaking, you don't have a leg to stand on even if it was put in writing and memorialized, UNLESS you wouldn't have got the abortion BUT FOR his agreement to split the cost. We all know that's not true, you would have had the procedure regardless of whether he was willing to contribute. As such, it's nothing more than an "illusory promise" on his part and would never be binding (in contractual terms, there's no "consideration" here). Sorry Shadow. He's a dick, but unless he just makes good on his word, you can't hold him to it.

 

Seriously, Star? Even though she has something in writing in which he agreed to split the costs?

 

weird. not only did my ex disable his facebook account and ok cupid account after I sent him that email, but so did his roommate (remember the one I messaged about hanging out and playing boggle because we were sort of friendly). I had my friend see if either profile was viewable from his facebook account, and neither was. I don't really care, but I was just curious and at this point I'm almost amused by his ridiculousness.

 

What is this -- mass hysteria? Does he think I'm going to boil his pet turtle?

 

I haven't done anything even remotely justifiable to provoke this. He's the one who's been the massive dick.

 

Well, chances are they both still have accounts, but changed their names so that you wouldn't be able to find them so easily.

 

I don't think he thinks you're dangerous, but you have to admit this part is pretty funny.

 

I mean, you keep saying how crazy it is that he must think YOU'RE crazy, yet you keep posting about how your cyber-stalking of him keeps hitting road blocks, which only proves he was right to go underground, as he knew you would continue to stalk a bit.

 

Personally, I'd be rather concerned that my previous actions would cause someone to go to such lengths to avoid me. That's another takeaway from this.

 

Agreed he's a massive douche, though. Screwing you on the money is totally uncool.

[Lorelai]

You can try small claims court, and if you do I wish you the best of luck.

 

My ex still owes me $800. I'd agreed to let him pay it out over time and was having to nag him for every single damn payment.

 

Less than four months after we split up, my father died. I had to pay for his funeral, plus the costs of going out there (I live in Arkansas, he lived in North Carolina), plus the two weeks of work where I missed wages (the third week was paid funeral leave, but dying from HIV and associated liver cancer is not a very fast process. I put off going out there as long as I could because I was beyond broke.... but he was going in and out of lucidity from high calcium levels due to the tumor, and I was his only family left alive).

 

I ended up having to take out a 401k loan. That might be a possibility for you if you do have some retirement savings...

 

But yeah, when I got back from the funeral I sent him the final nag-mail, basically saying I'd just buried my freaking DAD and if he was a man he would pay what he agreed.

 

He didn't.

 

I haven't spoken to him since beyond emails when HIS creditors have called me (very short "Make these idiots stop calling me, k?" emails).

Edited August 20, 2010 by Lorelai

[zengirl]

I'm trying, but I think it takes a little while to get there. I'm still fuming right now.

 

Maybe everybody else is different, and others can weigh in, but I think you stop being angry when you decide to be. (I mean really decide to be -- not just want to. We want all kinds of things in passing we don't act on.) I'm not saying that I mean feeling anger isn't natural, but I think holding onto anger, longer than a few moments, is a choice.

 

Why are you looking at his FB and OKC anyway? Are these really potential avenues for getting your money back?

[dispatch3d]

Seriously, Star? Even though she has something in writing in which he agreed to split the costs?

 

 

I definitely don't know enough about contract law to comment on whether she should win or lose her case. However, all contracts need consideration to be legally binding. In other words, you can't just write a contract for someone to pay you $200 and have them sign it. Not binding. They have to be getting something in return. This "something" is called "consideration" in legal terms....

[Lorelai]

Maybe everybody else is different, and others can weigh in, but I think you stop being angry when you decide to be. (I mean really decide to be -- not just want to. We want all kinds of things in passing we don't act on.) I'm not saying that I mean feeling anger isn't natural, but I think holding onto anger, longer than a few moments, is a choice.

 

I still resent my ex for being such a douchebag, but it's not taking over my life. Then again, we've been split for over a year, and it's just now been a year since my dad died.

 

Time does help. But it took me awhile, mainly because so much happened at once when we split -- the week he dumped me my father confessed that the last-ditch retrovirals had failed and he'd lost enough weight that he'd been officially diagnosed with AIDS wasting syndrome (at that point he'd hit a 17 BMI), and my grandmother nearly died due to a bleeding ulcer (she was on blood thinners and had to have multiple transfusions). We'd been together nearly five years, but the breakup was honestly the least of my worries that week.

 

It wasn't really until all of the emergency stuff got taken care of -- me finding a new place to live since I couldn't pay the rent on the house we were renting by myself, Granny getting out of the hospital, me having to let my bosses know that Dad was nearing the end of his 17-year battle with the disease -- and I got a chance to breathe for a minute that things really hit me. And then the healing was put on hold again when Dad entered hospice and they discovered the liver tumor.

 

Yes, last year sucked. And I still resent my ex -- both for the things he did that he knew were wrong to do, and for the bad taste of leaving just before things all went to hell (which isn't rational, he had no way to know what would happen, but feelings aren't always rational). But I'm not angry at the moment. I don't know when I'll let go of the resentment, but it only comes to the surface when it's brought up.... it's not something I'm obsessing over. But for awhile, yes, I was furious. And I think if I had buried that anger in the attempt to let go of it, I would have done myself more damage.

 

Better to pound a few pennies into paper-thin wedges with a hammer in my parking lot and get rid of some of my frustration and anger than to have buried it where it might have come out without me being in control.

[TaurusTerp]

Maybe everybody else is different, and others can weigh in, but I think you stop being angry when you decide to be. (I mean really decide to be -- not just want to. We want all kinds of things in passing we don't act on.) I'm not saying that I mean feeling anger isn't natural, but I think holding onto anger, longer than a few moments, is a choice.

 

Why are you looking at his FB and OKC anyway? Are these really potential avenues for getting your money back?

 

Because everything Jilly said on the 1st/2nd page is completely accurate. I'm amazed how LS sometimes will enable insane behavior in the spirit of being a supportive community.

 

She's stalking him. There's no 2 ways about it.

 

Shadow, you really do seem like a nice person and don't deserve to be stiffed. But you need to TONE DOWN THE CRAZY. Stop trying to contact him. Dont send his parents letters, dont wait for him outside of a building, dont contact his work. Just stop. Because even now I'm sure you're searching for alternate names he's under on facebook. Place your claim, and be done with it.

[zengirl]

I still resent my ex for being such a douchebag, but it's not taking over my life. Then again, we've been split for over a year, and it's just now been a year since my dad died.

 

Time does help. But it took me awhile, mainly because so much happened at once when we split -- the week he dumped me my father confessed that the last-ditch retrovirals had failed and he'd lost enough weight that he'd been officially diagnosed with AIDS wasting syndrome (at that point he'd hit a 17 BMI), and my grandmother nearly died due to a bleeding ulcer (she was on blood thinners and had to have multiple transfusions). We'd been together nearly five years, but the breakup was honestly the least of my worries that week.

 

It wasn't really until all of the emergency stuff got taken care of -- me finding a new place to live since I couldn't pay the rent on the house we were renting by myself, Granny getting out of the hospital, me having to let my bosses know that Dad was nearing the end of his 17-year battle with the disease -- and I got a chance to breathe for a minute that things really hit me. And then the healing was put on hold again when Dad entered hospice and they discovered the liver tumor.

 

Yes, last year sucked. And I still resent my ex -- both for the things he did that he knew were wrong to do, and for the bad taste of leaving just before things all went to hell (which isn't rational, he had no way to know what would happen, but feelings aren't always rational). But I'm not angry at the moment. I don't know when I'll let go of the resentment, but it only comes to the surface when it's brought up.... it's not something I'm obsessing over. But for awhile, yes, I was furious. And I think if I had buried that anger in the attempt to let go of it, I would have done myself more damage.

 

Better to pound a few pennies into paper-thin wedges with a hammer in my parking lot and get rid of some of my frustration and anger than to have buried it where it might have come out without me being in control.

 

I'm not suggesting one bury anger at all. I'm suggesting actively work through it and let it go. Getting all, "Why? Why? Why?" about things just keeps you angry.

 

But I don't think it takes that long to deal with most anger caused by most break-ups, nor do I think reveling in it is healthy either. In your case, there are a bunch of other issues listed here that have occupied your energy. I understand that.

 

Break-ups suck. When people hurt us, we get angry. I think most people hold onto anger far longer than necessary and think either they're learning something or they're hurting somebody else, but anger is poison and the life it poisons is usually the angry person, not the person who's caused the anger. Best to work through it best and fast as you can.

 

I think most anger people feel is magnified. I don't think people have to get as angry as they get. I don't know. . . I think resentment is just caused by a lack of acceptance of how things are. Which is pretty much what causes most unhappiness in the world.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

weird. not only did my ex disable his facebook account and ok cupid account after I sent him that email, but so did his roommate (remember the one I messaged about hanging out and playing boggle because we were sort of friendly). I had my friend see if either profile was viewable from his facebook account, and neither was. I don't really care, but I was just curious and at this point I'm almost amused by his ridiculousness.

 

What is this -- mass hysteria? Does he think I'm going to boil his pet turtle?

 

I haven't done anything even remotely justifiable to provoke this. He's the one who's been the massive dick.

 

The next thing I know they'll be in the witness protection program living in some cabin in Montana.

 

God, he is such an infant, and a coward. And man is he dumb.

 

Your making this personal when it shouldn't be anymore shadow and that could also hurt your chances in court ide think. Think about it all he has to say is your stalking him and there goes your creditability. You need to take a step back calm down stop trying to contact him or his acquaintances either directly or indirectly.

 

Use that time to get your duckies in a row and get ready to settle this in more professional way looking at his fb or his okc isent going to get your money back is it? Unless this isent really about the money in the 1st place but just a attempt to keep a dirt bag in your life?