shadowplay Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 We had an agreement, prior to him suddenly cutting off contact with me and changing his number so I couldn't reach him. This is money from the abortion related costs, that we agreed to split. He was supposed to pay me back some time in the next few weeks. We had discussed this many times. When he cut off contact I sent him an email reminding him about the money to which he never responded. Now what the heck am I supposed to do? He doesn't even know my address because it will be changing in a couple of weeks, and I don't know what it is either. I have no way of reaching him. For all I know he's filtering my emails and sending them to his trash. I'm sure he deleted my number as well. I've always been extremely responsible about paying him back on the rare occasions that he had to cover me for a meal or whatever because I didn't have cash/card on me. I also spotted him a bunch of times. I NEED this money. Like it will screw up my credit if I don't get it from him. Ugh, I hate him. He's such a low life. I have this awful feeling that he's going to not pay me back.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 This is probably exactly why he cut off contact...you stated you had discussed the money he owed you recently, right? Well, that is pretty low down and dirty. I'm sorry, there's really not much you can do about it. He obviously is lowlife scum and has no intentions of paying you back. You can raise your credit score, might take some time. I filed bankruptcy 10 years ago, I'm flying high with my credit score now, so this shouldn't really affect you too badly. I'm sorry for what you're going through, though.
Jilly Bean Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Sadly, you'll probably never see the money, Shadow. Unless you had a contract that he would pay you, you're pretty much SOL. Even in small claims court, with no proof, you'd lose. Sucks big time. And an expensive lesson of ahole men for sure.
Green Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 just threaten to email his work about how he didn't pay you for the abortion. That should get a few hundred out of him and a promise to pay the rest.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 just threaten to email his work about how he didn't pay you for the abortion. That should get a few hundred out of him and a promise to pay the rest. Once again... I like the way you think. I rarely advocate this kind of thing, but in this case, I say go for it. He's scum.
TaurusTerp Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 just threaten to email his work about how he didn't pay you for the abortion. That should get a few hundred out of him and a promise to pay the rest. Sounds more like a recipe for harassment and a restraining order.
threebyfate Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Wow, now that's about as lowlife as any person can get! I would still email him describing the full details of what he owes you and confirm that he agreed to pay for it. Hopefully, he'll reply by email so you can lock down his acknowledgement for legal recourse.
sugarmomma Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 If you put up all the money from the gate and didn't actually put money in his hand he probably doesn't see where it was a "loan". If its not written down, it didn't happen. No promissory note. I would just let it go. Lesson learned.
sugarmomma Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Wow, now that's about as lowlife as any person can get! I would still email him describing the full details of what he owes you and confirm that he agreed to pay for it. Hopefully, he'll reply by email so you can lock down his acknowledgement for legal recourse. She tried that and he ignored her. He's not stupid and knows that an email will hold up in court. All of these costs were for an abortion? What was the total?
threebyfate Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 She tried that and he ignored her. He's not stupid and knows that an email will hold up in court.I'd still attempt another go at it but this time, with a read receipt. Another email won't harm her.
Knittress Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Ugh, what a POS. Can you imagine the nightmare of having a child with this loser? Maybe $1000 is getting off easy.
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 What paper trail do you have shadow? You need proof or you're SOL. He's a dick, but you may still be out $1000 regardless.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Is it really 2 grand for a abortion? wow I didn't think it cost that much im guessing 2 grand as you said he owes you a grand and you two split the cost? Sorry to hear op but maybe court would be the only way do you have anything in writing saying that he was willing to split costs?
zengirl Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 We had an agreement, prior to him suddenly cutting off contact with me and changing his number so I couldn't reach him. This is money from the abortion related costs, that we agreed to split. He was supposed to pay me back some time in the next few weeks. We had discussed this many times. When he cut off contact I sent him an email reminding him about the money to which he never responded. Now what the heck am I supposed to do? He doesn't even know my address because it will be changing in a couple of weeks, and I don't know what it is either. I have no way of reaching him. For all I know he's filtering my emails and sending them to his trash. I'm sure he deleted my number as well. I've always been extremely responsible about paying him back on the rare occasions that he had to cover me for a meal or whatever because I didn't have cash/card on me. I also spotted him a bunch of times. I NEED this money. Like it will screw up my credit if I don't get it from him. Ugh, I hate him. He's such a low life. I have this awful feeling that he's going to not pay me back. Yeah, you are not seeing this money. It sucks, but it's really hard to prove somebody owes you money in circumstances like these. Do you have any paper trail at all? Email of him agreeing to pay? Even then, it's likely not worth small claims court. But it could be some ammo to go at it in the style Green suggests. just threaten to email his work about how he didn't pay you for the abortion. That should get a few hundred out of him and a promise to pay the rest. I don't like this (in terms of my personal moral code where forgiveness is key and fighting *******ry with *******ry is discouraged), but that doesn't mean it wouldn't work. It sounds like the only option that would. Is it really 2 grand for a abortion? wow I didn't think it cost that much im guessing 2 grand as you said he owes you a grand and you two split the cost? Sorry to hear op but maybe court would be the only way do you have anything in writing saying that he was willing to split costs? This is what I'm confused about. Never had one but have a friend who works with Planned Parenthood I just IMed out of curiosity, due to this thread. And she said it's closer to $500. . . and this is in the South, where you'd think they'd make it difficult and expensive. They don't get any funds to offset cost for this either (they get funds to offer BC and such at sliding scales, not that anyone can understand them half the time). So sounds like you got ripped off twice. Boo.
Author shadowplay Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Yeah, you are not seeing this money. It sucks, but it's really hard to prove somebody owes you money in circumstances like these. Do you have any paper trail at all? Email of him agreeing to pay? Even then, it's likely not worth small claims court. But it could be some ammo to go at it in the style Green suggests. I don't like this (in terms of my personal moral code where forgiveness is key and fighting *******ry with *******ry is discouraged), but that doesn't mean it wouldn't work. It sounds like the only option that would. This is what I'm confused about. Never had one but have a friend who works with Planned Parenthood I just IMed out of curiosity, due to this thread. And she said it's closer to $500. . . and this is in the South, where you'd think they'd make it difficult and expensive. They don't get any funds to offset cost for this either (they get funds to offer BC and such at sliding scales, not that anyone can understand them half the time). So sounds like you got ripped off twice. Boo. Yeah, it wasn't for the abortion itself but for some complications I had after where I was bleeding very heavily and went to the ER to make sure I was OK. We agreed at the time that we'd split the cost for whatever my insurance didn't cover. And then we discussed this again several times recently. I do have several im conversations saved where he agreed to pay.
Author shadowplay Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 BTW, I've considered stopping by his place of work, not going into the office, but intercepting him when he leaves the building. He works on campus right near the art building, and I'm there fairly often. But I'm too scared to do this. I'm honestly scared of him. I don't trust him, and wouldn't put it past him to try and put a restraining order on me if I approached him in person. He's way over-reactive and seems mentally unstable. I mean he changed his number out of the blue a couple of days after sending me this email: Hi Shadow! Happy Birthday! I really hope its a totally great day for you! I had a really nice time last night that I won't forget. I love you." I sent him another email last night, giving him another chance to respond.
zengirl Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Yeah, it wasn't for the abortion itself but for some complications I had after where I was bleeding very heavily and went to the ER to make sure I was OK. We agreed at the time that we'd split the cost for whatever my insurance didn't cover. And then we discussed this again several times recently. I do have several im conversations saved where he agreed to pay. Print these out. BTW, I've considered stopping by his place of work, not going into the office, but intercepting him when he leaves the building. He works on campus right near the art building, and I'm there fairly often. But I'm too scared to do this. I'm honestly scared of him. I don't trust him, and wouldn't put it past him to try and put a restraining order on me if I approached him in person. He's way over-reactive and seems mentally unstable. I mean he changed his number out of the blue a couple of days after sending me this email: Hi Shadow! Happy Birthday! I really hope its a totally great day for you! I had a really nice time last night that I won't forget. I love you." I sent him another email last night, giving him another chance to respond. Forget e-mail. If you're going to send something, go registered mail. And send a copy of the IMs.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Print these out. Forget e-mail. If you're going to send something, go registered mail. And send a copy of the IMs. I agree with this its time to play some hard ball with him op either that or let your credit go down the flusher and trust me that is not a easy or fun ride for it to take..
phineas Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 You can also just take him to small claims court. No lawyer needed. You have a recording. Depending on your state it should be legal even if he didn't know he was being recorded.
spookie Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 What a total piece of s!ht, Shadow. I like Green's idea of calling his office. Even if you never see the money, at least that will humiliate him. Is there any way you can get a loan from your parents or brother in the interim so as not to ruin your credit?
Green Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 If you took him to court or tried to humiliate him with the abortion stuff would you be afraid of getting a public record or something that you had an abortion? Does it bother you for people to know? A restraining order wouldn't stop you from sending a letter to his work about <<< My ex-boyfriend __________ impregnated me.... I agreed to get an abortion after he convinced me that he would not suport a baby financial and found it cheaper and better to just help pay for an abortion and any costs. He convinced me to get an abortion and I did so because I thought he would atleast help pay for those costs. I then had bleeding after the abortion and I was scared and had to go to the ER I again confirmed that I was scared of the bleeding because of the abortion and that he assured me that he would help pay the costs of this too. He has not paid me my money for the abortion he talked me into getting and this is the reason I write this letter... its the only thing I have left as he completly ignores my request for money. >>>> Just show him the letter and tell him all the people you plan on sending it to including his parents if he doesn't do right by you. Also include the im's you saved where he promised to pay. See a lawyer and you might be able to get a free consultation. You do have a writing so maybe this is a contract??? who knows but a lawyer could tell you and maybe you could get attorney fees too so you wouldn't have to pay. (probably no attorney fees though) But look into it
Author shadowplay Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 If you took him to court or tried to humiliate him with the abortion stuff would you be afraid of getting a public record or something that you had an abortion? Does it bother you for people to know? A restraining order wouldn't stop you from sending a letter to his work about <<< My ex-boyfriend __________ impregnated me.... I agreed to get an abortion after he convinced me that he would not suport a baby financial and found it cheaper and better to just help pay for an abortion and any costs. He convinced me to get an abortion and I did so because I thought he would atleast help pay for those costs. I then had bleeding after the abortion and I was scared and had to go to the ER I again confirmed that I was scared of the bleeding because of the abortion and that he assured me that he would help pay the costs of this too. He has not paid me my money for the abortion he talked me into getting and this is the reason I write this letter... its the only thing I have left as he completly ignores my request for money. >>>> Just show him the letter and tell him all the people you plan on sending it to including his parents if he doesn't do right by you. Also include the im's you saved where he promised to pay. See a lawyer and you might be able to get a free consultation. You do have a writing so maybe this is a contract??? who knows but a lawyer could tell you and maybe you could get attorney fees too so you wouldn't have to pay. (probably no attorney fees though) But look into it I'm worried that if I send him a letter he'll just rip it up before reading it. I think I'll try to confront him in person with the printed out ims. Restraining order be damned. He doesn't have anything on me.
Art_Critic Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 (edited) Once again... I like the way you think. I rarely advocate this kind of thing, but in this case, I say go for it. He's scum. Agreed.. I also like Green's post even though I wouldn't normally give that advice but in this case it might be the right move if you want the money.. what a POS. Edited August 19, 2010 by Art_Critic
zengirl Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 If you're in school (undergraduate or graduate), shadow, there is likely some free legal counsel on campus. There was at my school.
torranceshipman Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 We had an agreement, prior to him suddenly cutting off contact with me and changing his number so I couldn't reach him. This is money from the abortion related costs, that we agreed to split. He was supposed to pay me back some time in the next few weeks. We had discussed this many times. When he cut off contact I sent him an email reminding him about the money to which he never responded. Now what the heck am I supposed to do? He doesn't even know my address because it will be changing in a couple of weeks, and I don't know what it is either. I have no way of reaching him. For all I know he's filtering my emails and sending them to his trash. I'm sure he deleted my number as well. I've always been extremely responsible about paying him back on the rare occasions that he had to cover me for a meal or whatever because I didn't have cash/card on me. I also spotted him a bunch of times. I NEED this money. Like it will screw up my credit if I don't get it from him. Ugh, I hate him. He's such a low life. I have this awful feeling that he's going to not pay me back. Ugh what a douche. All I can say is...this ex is an ex for a reason. I don't think he has any intention of paying you back. I'd try to do what you can to make good credit without figuring that $1k back into the equation. Sorry to hear what a douche the guy is.
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