zengirl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I've found that the more masculine the guy, the more roving-eyed he is. The sweet, nerdier mama's boys will pretend they would never watch porn, never check out and desire other women, but they give subtle hints that they do, anyway. It's just that they're more scared of losing their woman, so they "behave" themselves. The alpha dogs don't care as much, because they know a replacement is always just around the corner. I don't think this is a weak vs. strong thing, though women can make it one and stick along with jerks if they like. It is about the replacement issue. If a man deems you irreplaceable (which he should if we're talking long term potential, and you should too if you're really looking for a true SO), then he knows how to behave himself regardless of his strength and masculinity. Because he appreciates what he has more than what he doesn't have. I like sweet fellows and nerds, but I don't like Mama's boys. I've never found the two to be related. The biggest Mama's boys I knew were big, burly dudes. P.S. As I said, porn is not really an issue. It's just an idea. It's no different than a gal reading a smutty romance novel (not my cuppa but plenty of women do) or something. I've no desire to control someone's thoughts either, so God knows I don't ask a fellow what women he fantasizes about, nor do I bring up every dirty dream I've had of another man. This is just good manners.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I don't think this is a weak vs. strong thing, though women can make it one and stick along with jerks if they like. It is about the replacement issue. I don't equate strong and masculine with jerk. Strong, assertive men are just being who they are, like everyone else, and are not necessarily jerky. I've no desire to control someone's thoughts either, so God knows I don't ask a fellow what women he fantasizes about, nor do I bring up every dirty dream I've had of another man. This is just good manners. I don't, either. I'm just expressing some of the feelings that one girl has when she witnesses her lover's roving eyes. I doubt I'm the only one. I'm not going to change anything or anyone, and I wouldn't want to. But there is some sadness in the experience of loving a man, just as there can be great joy.
zengirl Posted August 21, 2010 Posted August 21, 2010 I don't equate strong and masculine with jerk. Strong, assertive men are just being who they are, like everyone else, and are not necessarily jerky. I don't, either. I'm just expressing some of the feelings that one girl has when she witnesses her lover's roving eyes. I doubt I'm the only one. I'm not going to change anything or anyone, and I wouldn't want to. But there is some sadness in the experience of loving a man, just as there can be great joy. Well, I am equating that behavior -- a man openly expressing his desire to sex other women -- with being a jerk, not being strong and masculine. This is what is happening in the OP's relationship. Something unhealthy also happens when a woman gets over-analytical and starts "looking" for these things that she winds up hurt and feeling like she's seen it. Or when she starts trying to compare herself to other attractive women in the world and request that her fellow somehow find them disgusting solely because he's with her. Never dated a fellow who had roving eyes. That doesn't mean they didn't have porn, have fantasies about other gals they kept to themselves, or even saw a gal here and again they found attractive. Though, I don't personally watch porn to get off, I'm guilty of the latter two myself (lustful thoughts and seeing other attractive men), as a female, so I don't consider them issues that could "hurt" me. I knew for sure that any fellow who I was with wanted to sleep with me and only me, and I was very secure in his attraction and desire to me. But perhaps we are talking about different things--- a fellow who seemingly wanted to sleep with another gal would be an issue. This does not demand that a fellow suddenly stop noticing there are other attractive women in the world. There are. There always will be. I can see them too and some attractive men. But life is not a competition in that way.
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