Philetus Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Great post, thanks. I do have to say, I am lining up more dates, but this guy actually did stand out as quite special. But I"m keeping on... I'm sorry it didn't work out then. One thing that was hard for me to wrap my head around was how people can seem so genuine during a date about their desire to see you again. They convince you that they really do like you and can't wait to get together again. Then, it happened to me. I had dates where I really liked someone DURING the date. But, the next day when my head was clear I start thinking about things more objectively. Things that didn't matter while on the date (like, she says she wants kids) become more important in the sober daylight. I'm one of these people who actually TELLS people by text/email if I've had a change of heart but most people aren't like that.
Author Cuccoon Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Yes, guys, I've thought of both those scenarios. On the one hand, perhaps I shouldn't have invited him with my friends. But on the other, I shouldn't txt again for a private date because that's too needy. That's why I get to the point of wanting to txt him and invite him somewhere alone. So perhaps he'd had a change of heart after the date. I do wish he'd say one way or the other, but most people don't. I just have to stop going over the date wondering what I said that turned him off. Oh well, have another date lined up for tonight although I'm already not that interested in him. Helps me keep moving on though.
Author Cuccoon Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 So just to be sure......is there any way in H*ll I should contact him just one more time? To invite him on a private date? I really like him!!!
Philetus Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 So just to be sure......is there any way in H*ll I should contact him just one more time? To invite him on a private date? I really like him!!! Here's what I say after I've invited someone on a second date and get no response.... "Hi. I wonder if you got my note inviting you to such and such. I don't know if you didn't get back to me because you didn't get it or if you're not interested in getting together again. If you'd like to hang out again, drop me a note. If I don't hear from you, I assume it's cause you're not interested. If it's the latter, I wish you all the best." This note gives you both an out. It makes it clear that he has one final chance to hook up with you. He has to **** or get off the pot. You can be sure if he doesn't contact you, he's not interested. Move on. Finally, you take the high road and communicate that you'll be fine if he doesn't contact you. You're not needy.
Author Cuccoon Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 I like it! Anyone else agree/disagree? I'll let you know how it goes if I go that route
Author Cuccoon Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 What the hell, I have nothing to lose - I just looked back on my phone - I couldn't find a record of calling him - weird. Maybe I did call the wrong number? So I sent the text just as you advised - we;ll see. Cross your fingers for me!
Philetus Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Good luck! One other piece of advice I got that I'll pass along. Keep your sense of humour about dating. Seriously, the stories I've heard about how men act on dates are unbelievable. If you can laugh about it instead of dwelling on it, you'll be miles ahead. It sure helped me.
Author Cuccoon Posted August 18, 2010 Author Posted August 18, 2010 Thanks, I'll definitely keep that in mind for my date tonight!
Author Cuccoon Posted August 19, 2010 Author Posted August 19, 2010 Well, I sent the text, heard nothing back. Ok, I"m finally over it. I feel a little like an idiot for sending the text after it was pretty obvious he wasn't interested but somehow it has helped me put it to rest. My other date tonight was one of those "he's a nice guy but...." no fireworks on my end, like with the other guy. It's ok, I feel better anyhow - now I can let him go.
Philetus Posted August 19, 2010 Posted August 19, 2010 Well, I sent the text, heard nothing back. Ok, I"m finally over it. I feel a little like an idiot for sending the text after it was pretty obvious he wasn't interested but somehow it has helped me put it to rest. My other date tonight was one of those "he's a nice guy but...." no fireworks on my end, like with the other guy. It's ok, I feel better anyhow - now I can let him go. Hey, I'm sorry on both counts but it's good that you can put all of it behind you and keep looking forward. For me, it's been an exciting time to be single. Online dating makes meeting people very easy (I also tried speed dating twice and would recommend it). The downside is, people become disposable. It's very easy to let someone go because there's often a new person on the horizon. I don't like that aspect of it, but I accept it. The upside is there is very little incentive to 'settle' for anything other than what you want - at least in my case. I dated for six months, had a great time, and met (and am falling in love with) the most amazing woman in the world (no offense ). Keep your head up, keep your sense of humour, and do what's right for you (don't compromise). You'll be fine. It can be damned exciting.
Author Cuccoon Posted August 20, 2010 Author Posted August 20, 2010 Phil... It's amazing how positive you are about the whole thing. I've found it somewhat nervewracking - and after three unsuccessful dates, I'm ready for a break already. Glad you have found someone - quite inspiring!
Philetus Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 LOL. Thanks. I've already described my first date. Second date was a complete dud. Third date was fun but she wanted to be friends. We actually were friends for a while. She's the one who gave me great advice. At first, I was putting everything into these dates. I was looking for someone right away. I put a lot of pressure on myself and these poor women. It took me about a month or two to calm down and take each experience as it came. I tried a couple of singles mixers and speed dating. I was lucky because the first person I 'dated' wasn't into a relationship, she just wanted to have fun. She was fine that I was dating other people at the same time. It took the pressure off and I enjoyed myself. It took some time to get the knack of it. Good luck.
kristinpea1979 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 Hey there! I know your post was a little while back, but I found it when looking for advice for my problem...it is my only post, please check it out and see how we compare! I'd love to find out how you are doing, as this has felt like one of the longest/most painful weeks of my life! I went on ONE date with this guy and I feel like my boyfriend of 5 years left me! Haha. I guess we are good at visualizing a future and a relationship very quickly, well I am anyways... If you need support/advice from a fellow dater, please feel free to contact me...I'd be curious to know what you are doing to move on from this. I actually just texted the guy who "blew me off" tonight, asking him to call me when he gets a chance, and I'm not even sure why, I guess maybe I am hoping for some answers - we REALLY bonded, and then the rug got pulled out from under me! Good luck! :-)
Author Cuccoon Posted August 21, 2010 Author Posted August 21, 2010 kristen - I will check out your thread. I have no idea why I was ready to date this guy. He really seemed interested - and he fit so much of what I think I'm looking for. I"ll comment more on your thread. Phil - that's interesting - esp. the "disposable" part. That, I think, is what really gets me. I have a hard time with rejection - both ways. I don't like to feel rejected, and I don't like to reject. Dating requires a lot of both. In this way, it just doesn't feel "fun" to me in the way you describe. I would like it to be, however!
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