It's happening again

[grampi]

I was posting in this forum last fall about an accidental encounter that occured between myself and a younger, attractive woman. As those of you who partook in that discussion know, we parted without ever doing anything, but the temptations were there.

 

Well, it's happened again....this time on Face Book. My wife and Daughters were all practically begging me to get a FB account, so I finally did the other day. A gal I dated back in the late 70s and I crossed paths the first day I had the account on this netwoking gateway and we still have all the chemistry. I could sense it right off the bat (because I can read)!

 

I truely don't go looking for these things to happen, they just do, and this time may be a much more difficult challenge to overcome.....

Edited August 4, 2010 by grampi

[sloudrou]

I was posting in this forum last fall about an accidental encounter that occured between myself and a younger, attractive woman. As those of you who partook in that discussion know, we parted without ever doing anything, but the temptations were there.

 

Well, it's happened again....this time on Face Book. My wife and Daughters were all practically begging me to get a FB account, so I finally did the other day. A gal I dated back in the late 70s and I crossed paths the first day I had the account on this netwoking gateway and we still have all the chemistry. I could sense it right off the bat (because I can read)!

 

I truely don't go looking for these things to happen, they just do, and this time may be a much more difficult challenge to overcome.....

 

You could, of course, just delete the FB account and have done with it.

[grampi]

You could, of course, just delete the FB account and have done with it.

 

I could have, but I didn't. What does that mean?

[sloudrou]

I could have, but I didn't. What does that mean?

 

It means you're either a) trolling; b) not really intent on solving the problem; or c) stupid. Quite possibly all three.

[EYECANDY000]

dont let it start up... delete her, or block her...right now you havent done anything wrong and you dont have any regrets.. dont let it lead into something

[grampi]

What you guys are saying is both true and common sense. Apparently my desire for passion overrules my desire to be sensible. I'm trying to figure out what's causing it....there must be a reason....

[marsle85]

It doesn't mean anything. You're looking for a greater meaning to justify what you know is wrong. Why don't you invest the time and energy you do to pose questions about a possible affair, and try to recreate the chemistry you once felt with your wife.

[grampi]

It doesn't mean anything. You're looking for a greater meaning to justify what you know is wrong. Why don't you invest the time and energy you do to pose questions about a possible affair, and try to recreate the chemistry you once felt with your wife.

 

I've done that. My wife's about as passionate as a badger....

[Art_Critic]

Maybe going back and reading the advice from your first thread would also help since the situations are similar and it did seem to work...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t209657/

[sloudrou]

I've done that. My wife's about as passionate as a badger....

 

Well, perhaps you need to think about whether you really want to stay in this marriage, and I mean seriously. Sounds like you and your wife now want different things, so perhaps you might be better off to just pay the child support and/or alimoney and move on with your life.

 

BTW, a lot of men in your position in the past have thought everything was OK, before being served divorce papers by their wife who was seeing someone else on the side. If the passion is gone from your marriage, it's a big red flag, dude.

[grampi]

Well, perhaps you need to think about whether you really want to stay in this marriage, and I mean seriously. Sounds like you and your wife now want different things, so perhaps you might be better off to just pay the child support and/or alimoney and move on with your life.

 

BTW, a lot of men in your position in the past have thought everything was OK, before being served divorce papers by their wife who was seeing someone else on the side. If the passion is gone from your marriage, it's a big red flag, dude.

 

It's not that clearcut. My wife and I still love each other (I know she still loves me), it's just I think she gets her satisfaction from our marrige through the comfort stage, whereas I still need the fun stuff, i.e. the flirting, holding hands, kissing, it's not just about the sex. This isn't just a problem with my wife, it turns out it runs in her family. I can't hold that against her.....

[Mimolicious]

Why don't we ask the "badger" of your wife what you should do???????? Let's start there! Let's see how thrilled she is going to be to find out how you are SCREAMING to cheat.

 

You know the right thing to do. Either you want to stir things up on this forum or you just like to play foolish games at the expense of your family. Don't you think you are a bit "over the hill" to act like a careless teen?

[sloudrou]

It's not that clearcut. My wife and I still love each other (I know she still loves me), it's just I think she gets her satisfaction from our marrige through the comfort stage, whereas I still need the fun stuff, i.e. the flirting, holding hands, kissing, it's not just about the sex. This isn't just a problem with my wife, it turns out it runs in her family. I can't hold that against her.....

 

This may sound like a stupid question, but have you tried actually *talking* to your wife about the things that you feel are lacking? If it's just things like flirting and holding hands, I can't imagine that she'll really have a problem with those if you actually spoke to her.

 

Either way, you're going to have to do something.

[grampi]

Why don't we ask the "badger" of your wife what you should do???????? Let's start there! Let's see how thrilled she is going to be to find out how you are SCREAMING to cheat.

 

You know the right thing to do. Either you want to stir things up on this forum or you just like to play foolish games at the expense of your family. Don't you think you are a bit "over the hill" to act like a careless teen?

 

Do you think smokers don't know they're polluting their lungs? How 'bout alcoholics? Do you think they don't know they're killing their livers, and maybe even destroying their families? Telling them to "just quit" is the same as telling someone in my situation to just quit.

[sloudrou]

Do you think smokers don't know they're polluting their lungs? How 'bout alcoholics? Do you think they don't know they're killing their livers, and maybe even destroying their families? Telling them to "just quit" is the same as telling someone in my situation to just quit.

 

So if your doctor tells you to quit smoking or die, do you tell him that it's too hard to quit?

 

Dude, you either fix this problem or you don't. You either talk to your wife and sort out the issues with her, or your marriage fails. Yes, those are the only two options.

[grampi]

This may sound like a stupid question, but have you tried actually *talking* to your wife about the things that you feel are lacking? If it's just things like flirting and holding hands, I can't imagine that she'll really have a problem with those if you actually spoke to her.

 

Either way, you're going to have to do something.

 

I didn't say sex wasn't an issue at all, I said it isn't all about the sex. However, part of the flirting, holding hands, and kissing thing IS sex, and I think it's a contributing factor.... and yes, we have talked about it.....

[grampi]

So if your doctor tells you to quit smoking or die, do you tell him that it's too hard to quit?

 

Dude, you either fix this problem or you don't. You either talk to your wife and sort out the issues with her, or your marriage fails. Yes, those are the only two options.

 

You're too black and white. In relationships, things are never just one way or another, there's always a middle ground...

[sugarmomma]

OP why are you here?? No one here is going to tell you its okay to have an affair on your wife.

 

Go do whatever you want if you're willing to deal with the consequences. I don't understand people with your logic and won't try. Good Luck.

[sloudrou]

You're too black and white. In relationships, things are never just one way or another, there's always a middle ground...

 

Not in this case. You've already been pursuing other women, if you don't fix things in your relationship, it's a matter of time before you hook up with one of them. Then if your wife finds out... Well, I hope you like paying alimoney and child support.

[grampi]

OP why are you here?? No one here is going to tell you its okay to have an affair on your wife.

 

Go do whatever you want if you're willing to deal with the consequences. I don't understand people with your logic and won't try. Good Luck.

 

And I don't understand you're logic. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I'm doing is okay. I know it's not okay. I'm trying to find out why it happens, and what I can do (if anything) to stop it from happening.

[sloudrou]

And I don't understand you're logic. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I'm doing is okay. I know it's not okay. I'm trying to find out why it happens, and what I can do (if anything) to stop it from happening.

 

And we've already answered that question, too. It's happening because your current relationship with your wife lacks intimacy and spark, and your natural instinct is to seek it elsewhere. The ONLY thing you can do about it is to fix things with your wife and make that relationship work.

 

Sure, you can keep bumping this thread until someone chimes in with a different answer that massages your ego rather than addressing the issue, but that won't solve your problem either.

[sugarmomma]

And I don't understand you're logic. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what I'm doing is okay. I know it's not okay. I'm trying to find out why it happens, and what I can do (if anything) to stop it from happening.

 

 

It happens because of your lack of self control. If you wanna cheat get a divorce then you won't have to come here and post this nonsense.

 

 

Troll

[grampi]

I guess I picked the wrong night to have this problem....

[sugarmomma]

I guess I picked the wrong night to have this problem....

 

LOL!!! I guess so.

[grampi]

It's much different when I encounter people in the forum who have experinced similar situations. I don't think you can see things through the same perspective if you haven't been there yourself.