Got her number but...

[Funky]

Alright here's the lowdown of my story...

 

I was out with a bunch of my friends for lunch on friday. A couple of tables over from us there was this really pretty girl sitting with a older women who appeared to be a co-worker. I was caught starring at her a few times and vice versa.

 

When it came time to leave I decided that I was going to approach this girl since I was very attracted to her.

 

Me: Hi, sorry to disturb you, I'm X, how are you?

Her: Hey, I'm Y, I'm good.

<shake hands>

Me: I was wondering if you would be interested in grabbing a drink together sometime?

Co-Worker: I can leave and go back to work, it doesn't bother me.

Her: I have tons of work I need to get done.

Me: That's fine I have to get back to work as well. Maybe we can exchange numbers and get together some other time?

Her: Sure, here's my number.

Me: Cool, it was a pleasure meeting you both, have a great day!

 

Sunday rolled along and decided to give her a call after supper time to maybe try and get together during the week, there was no answer and decided to not leave a message. On Monday I decided to give it another shot, called a bit later, no answer again, so left a voicemail this time. Hey it's X, we met at Z last Friday. I know we didn't really get a chance to talk but I thought you had a great smile and a very nice style. I'd really like to get to know you more, give me a call and we can set something up, <insert number here> you can always text me if you want.

 

I think I worked everything pretty well, but wondering why there was no answer both times although it can be for any reason.

 

Anyways, the main reason for my post is that, if she doesn't call me back (i never check my voicemail) should I maybe text her?

[USMCHokie]

She just gave you her number to be nice since you kind of put her on the spot there. Some will just give you a number because they don't have the balls to say no. You should have left a voicemail the first time you called. A girl only gets one phone call/voicemail from me. If she's interested, she will call back. This one isn't interested. Move on. DO NOT call her or text her again.

 

And also, start checking your voicemail. It's not hard and doesn't take any time. Stop being lazy.

[TuesGirl]

She just gave you her number to be nice since you kind of put her on the spot there. Some will just give you a number because they don't have the balls to say no. You should have left a voicemail the first time you called. A girl only gets one phone call/voicemail from me. If she's interested, she will call back. This one isn't interested. Move on. DO NOT call her or text her again.

 

And also, start checking your voicemail. It's not hard and doesn't take any time. Stop being lazy.

 

What he said. Although I think two calls is appropriate, but no more at all.

[BS76]

She just gave you her number to be nice since you kind of put her on the spot there. Some will just give you a number because they don't have the balls to say no. You should have left a voicemail the first time you called. A girl only gets one phone call/voicemail from me. If she's interested, she will call back. This one isn't interested. Move on. DO NOT call her or text her again.

 

And also, start checking your voicemail. It's not hard and doesn't take any time. Stop being lazy.

 

For the most part I agree. He did absotlutely nothing to give her a reason to want to go out with him. Getting a number is easy as hell, it's getting them on a date that can be difficult. For that it can take 30 minutes to an hour of hanging out before having enough rapport and attraction for them to want to carve out some time in their week to do something with you. And the more attractive the girl, the more options and demands on her time from other guys there will be, which means you'll have to stand out all the better to make a lasting impression to the degree necessary she'll want you over the others.

[Sophia8]

I agree with the above, if you don't hear from her then leave it. As for her not answering her phone it may be that she gave you her number as she felt cornered into it or she could have given you a false number... or it may just be that she has been busy.

[USMCHokie]

What he said. Although I think two calls is appropriate, but no more at all.

 

Interesting...but why would more than one call be appropriate...? Let's say a guy you're actually interested in calls you and leaves a voicemail...would you willingly ignore the voicemail and wait for the guy to call again...? That's just inconsiderate. I wouldn't be interested.

 

And also, if a girl claims that she is too busy to return a simple phone call, then she's obviously too busy to date. Not interested.

[dispatch3d]

Well I like your approach. Direct+good. Problem is you didn't really establish ANYTHING with her. I think the problem is you went for the number without a purpose+too early. If you had sat down with her then, that would have been fine.

 

saying you have a nice smile fwiw is too generic. Don't compliment on looks.

 

Next time just take out the whats your number (it isn't worth anything this early). You need to give her a reason to like you+establish a reason you like her (something other than her looks). Since you know she's on a lunchbreak with coworkers, you could ask her about her career ambitions and see if they line up with the kind of ambitions you may want in a girlfriend. You can also talk about what your ambitions are. Suggest you should meet sometime to get to know each other better, then get her number....

[dispatch3d]

Doubtful she's interested at this point. The reason I'd call twice is to get on the phone with her to start a conversation, hopefully get her to like me, then go for a date. I would essentially be using the phone for generating the conversation I wanted to make when I first met her.

[meerkat stew]

Let's say a guy you're actually interested in calls you and leaves a voicemail...would you willingly ignore the voicemail and wait for the guy to call again...? That's just inconsiderate.

 

Of course it is, but that's women. Even the otherwise quality ones do this. To be fair, it's not just about being inconsiderate, but that many of them have a hard time steeling their nerve to return a call to a stranger. Sounds silly for an adult, and still rude, but that's just the way most of em are.

 

Now, once they are firmly hooked, you get to take your payback for early rudeness on their part. I'm in the call 2-3 times camp, but I only leave a VM on the first call.

[USMCHokie]

Of course it is, but that's women. Even the otherwise quality ones do this. To be fair, it's not just about being inconsiderate, but that many of them have a hard time steeling their nerve to return a call to a stranger. Sounds silly for an adult, and still rude, but that's just the way most of em are.

 

Hmmm, I see what you're saying...fair enough...so send a lame text...even that's better than not responding at all...

[TuesGirl]

Interesting...but why would more than one call be appropriate...? Let's say a guy you're actually interested in calls you and leaves a voicemail...would you willingly ignore the voicemail and wait for the guy to call again...? That's just inconsiderate. I wouldn't be interested.

 

And also, if a girl claims that she is too busy to return a simple phone call, then she's obviously too busy to date. Not interested.

 

The only reason I say this (before, ahem, you all start jumping to conclusions) is that on several occasions I've had messages appear in my vm or inbox that were several days old and this has happened to my friends also. Or it'll send me the same message 9 times (anyways I digress). It happens frequently enough, especially with newer phones and the 'bugs' they have to work out that I think it's worth a second call if you're really interested. But after that...no more. Yes, if she/he/it is interested, they will call back after they get their message.

[BS76]

As for calling, always call and leave a message. If you don't hear from her a few days later then call or text. If you still don't hear from her then write her off.

[Dblock10]

well done for asking her, she isn't interested though or she would have picked up or returned the call.

 

move on, persevere.

 

good luck

[ConflictedGuy27]

yo, OP. this was a great read IMO cause, we've all made this mistake along the way before. the flaw in your approach, as a few have pointed out already, was you didn't establish a reason for you two to pick up where you left off.

 

bottom line; if you're not Brad Pitt, guess what, you have to build attraction or stimulate some interest before a woman will take your call. that however is the fun part.

 

I agree with the poster that suggested you chill on the complements. You certainly had an in with her since she disclosed she came from work and was now in a bar. busting on women is a sure fire way to spark interest, minimally. I.e. "so you came here straight from work, huh? so either you two were celebrating a recent promotion or your job's pretty terrible, be honest; which is closer?"

 

I dunno, something to that effect may have put a smile on her face and caused her to fire back with a playful comment of her own. the key is you guys have to play around first, if there isn't an immediate physical attraction she has in you first.

 

even if you scored her number calling her before seeing her again may have been a bit premature. a text may have made more sense, but some are against subtle attempts to build attraction via texts. I do it and have a lotta success with it.

 

in any event, chalk this one up to experience cause after the second call with no answer it's very clear where you stand.

 

next time you see a girl you like in a situation like that, do something out of the ordinary to immediately grab her interest. I've written a note on a coaster and tipped my bartender for delivering it. it's cute and immediately they're like, who did this?? lol.

 

be slower in the future and try to build interest first so you she'll give you a chance to build attraction later.

[Dblock10]

yo, OP. this was a great read IMO cause, we've all made this mistake along the way before. the flaw in your approach, as a few have pointed out already, was you didn't establish a reason for you two to pick up where you left off.

 

bottom line; if you're not Brad Pitt, guess what, you have to build attraction or stimulate some interest before a woman will take your call. that however is the fun part.

 

I agree with the poster that suggested you chill on the complements. You certainly had an in with her since she disclosed she came from work and was now in a bar. busting on women is a sure fire way to spark interest, minimally. I.e. "so you came here straight from work, huh? so either you two were celebrating a recent promotion or your job's pretty terrible, be honest; which is closer?"

 

I dunno, something to that effect may have put a smile on her face and caused her to fire back with a playful comment of her own. the key is you guys have to play around first, if there isn't an immediate physical attraction she has in you first.

 

even if you scored her number calling her before seeing her again may have been a bit premature. a text may have made more sense, but some are against subtle attempts to build attraction via texts. I do it and have a lotta success with it.

 

in any event, chalk this one up to experience cause after the second call with no answer it's very clear where you stand.

 

next time you see a girl you like in a situation like that, do something out of the ordinary to immediately grab her interest. I've written a note on a coaster and tipped my bartender for delivering it. it's cute and immediately they're like, who did this?? lol.

 

be slower in the future and try to build interest first so you she'll give you a chance to build attraction later.

 

 

What was written in this note? haha to me that sounds creepy but maybe it works :S

[ConflictedGuy27]

What was written in this note? haha to me that sounds creepy but maybe it works :S

 

the last note I wrote there was this young girl working @ this restaurant a buddy of mine go to. she and I saw each other a few times and she'd say stuff like, "hey, your back again..." whatever. so wasn't completely cold.

 

anyway. I'm @ the bar area and there's this jerky guy giving her sh*t about nobody picking up the phone. I see it as an in.

 

I ask her for a pen; and she gives it. I write: "so was it just me or was that guy a big, jackass?? DONT say a word! just shoot me a smile if you agree. -Conflicted"

 

I handed her her pen back (with the note folded and clipped to it) and she looked at it without opening it up. you could already tell she knew it was a note and she wanted to look at. lol

 

so she finally reads it and nods at me from across the room with a big smile. lol.

 

I smile back & turn away. later she comes to the bar and strikes up a convo with me and we chat.

 

lol. the story continues but this ain't my thread. lol.

[dispatch3d]

Busting on her has to be practiced, but will definitely work. You can probably (well definitely) get away with **** I can't, and I can likely get away with stuff he can't. Personally I don't like busting on girls till I know them a little. Practice with waitress - they have to be nice, and you can get a feel for what kind of limits to set.

[meerkat stew]

"so was it just me or was that guy a big, jackass?? DONT say a word! just shoot me a smile if you agree. -Conflicted"

 

So you basically sucked up to her, no different than showering them with compliments really, is it?

[Allisha]

the last note I wrote there was this young girl working @ this restaurant a buddy of mine go to. she and I saw each other a few times and she'd say stuff like, "hey, your back again..." whatever. so wasn't completely cold.

 

anyway. I'm @ the bar area and there's this jerky guy giving her sh*t about nobody picking up the phone. I see it as an in.

 

I ask her for a pen; and she gives it. I write: "so was it just me or was that guy a big, jackass?? DONT say a word! just shoot me a smile if you agree. -Conflicted"

 

I handed her her pen back (with the note folded and clipped to it) and she looked at it without opening it up. you could already tell she knew it was a note and she wanted to look at. lol

 

so she finally reads it and nods at me from across the room with a big smile. lol.

 

I smile back & turn away. later she comes to the bar and strikes up a convo with me and we chat.

 

lol. the story continues but this ain't my thread. lol.

 

Then create one, buddy, or keep on talking.

 

I want to know what else happened!

[dispatch3d]

So you basically sucked up to her, no different than showering them with compliments really, is it?

 

definitely different.

[ConflictedGuy27]

So you basically sucked up to her, no different than showering them with compliments really, is it?

 

lol. it's not sucking up. it's validating how ackward she felt by being told off by some random guy, when she didn't have a thing to do with it.

 

what I was saying was several fold, my friend...

 

one. I get how you feel.

 

two. I'd never treat you like that, as I understand what a jackass is; and

 

three. I'm comfortable enough with our relationship letting you know that by connecting with you in an interesting way.

 

girls are EMOTIONAL... hello. it's not like coming onto a guy that sees a pretty face and says, "let's go!"

 

if you think this approach was sucking up, clearly you have a few things to learn about BUILDING attraction in women.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Then create one, buddy, or keep on talking.

 

I want to know what else happened!

 

haha. fine!

 

so she comes over to where I'm sitting and calls me by my name (because I wrote it on the note) and says, "hey Conflicted, look! the pen you wrote me with totally blew up in my hands!"

 

she then shows me the ink on her hands.

 

I laugh and ask her "are you usually this unlucky, or do you think it's something I'm doing intentionally??"

 

she says "shut up!" and I say "fine!" then turn away and she smiles and walks away.

 

she's on duty so she takes a few orders, whatever. meanwhile I'm thinking, what can I use to grab her number. lol.

 

so when she's free I say "so Judy, I have to ask you something." she says, "so you're talking to me now?"

 

I say "it's gotta be the most cliche thing when guys ask for your number, when you say, what can I get for you?"

 

she's like, "that never happens".

 

so I say "really??" & she's like "yah." so I say "then it would work on you, wouldn't it??" and she asks "are you asking for my number??"

 

and I say "of course not... don't you remember, you have to ask, 'what can I get you?' are you asking what you can get me?"

 

lolol.

 

so get this... she smiles and slowly raises up her left hand and bam! a wedding band. she says "I'm married". lol.

 

so I say, "I hope I didn't offend you, you just look really young!" and she's like, "lol, yah, I'm 21" I damn near had to hold myself back from laughing cause she was clearly living the attention.

 

I say, "wow, you must be a great judge of character" lol. and she's like "yah, my husband's great."

 

so anyway, I'm outside waiting for a Togo order I just placed and as she leaves (cause her shift is over) she says, "bye Conflicted" and waives. I say "see you next time"

 

and that's the end. interest was waaaay built in this situation. she ate all of it up. didn't turn into digits, but that's fine cause I don't go out with married women.

 

however, I'll be flirting with her next time. ;p

too fun.

[ConflictedGuy27]

Busting on her has to be practiced, but will definitely work. You can probably (well definitely) get away with **** I can't, and I can likely get away with stuff he can't. Personally I don't like busting on girls till I know them a little. Practice with waitress - they have to be nice, and you can get a feel for what kind of limits to set.

 

you don't have to know them at all. the less you know them, the greater the impact; especially if they're cute.

 

duh, cute girls get complements from guys all the time. busting on them makes an immediate emotional connection. they will want to play back with you.

 

it doesn't have to be a hardcore bust at first but that usually works too; as long as you have enough info to interject some humor.

[that girl]

Interesting...but why would more than one call be appropriate...? Let's say a guy you're actually interested in calls you and leaves a voicemail...would you willingly ignore the voicemail and wait for the guy to call again...? That's just inconsiderate. I wouldn't be interested.

I don't think the reason to call twice is that women are insane or so overburdened by dates.

 

First, there is the fact that voicemails are not always clear. I once had a job where I would get lots of voicemails from strangers and many times I couldn't call them back because I couldn't hear their number. Which is why when I make a professionally call to someone who wouldn't have easy access to my number, I always close by saying "My number is 555-555-5555. Again, this is that girl calling in regards to your application and my number is 555-555-5555." I don't do it for social calls, but it is totally possible to have a voicemail you can't respond to.

 

Second, if you've just met someone once, it is possible that they could have forgotten to call you back and the second call is a reminder. Sure, it doesn't bode well, but how invested do you want someone to be after one brief meeting? I know a couple who met in a big group of people and when he called her, she had absolutely no memory of who he was, but went out with him anyway. Even when she saw him, she didn't remember him. They've been happily married for 30 years now. Not the likely scenario, but sometimes it takes a couple of meetings for people to click.

[Sphere]

This is very common and has happen to me several times.

 

I think you're biggest mistake there was you rushed and didn't show an ounce of patience. You introduced yourself, didn't even have a chance of building rapport with this woman and then BAM you went straight for the number. It's a bold move and I've done it before, but from my experience it hardly ever works. You come across as being too strong.