meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Saw that pole-dancing was a fad for exercise among women these days, and it looked fun, so thought I'd give it a try. Got kind of into it, the endorphin rush and limelight is so addictive! Lately, there have been some pole-dancing amateur nights at local bars on karaoke off nights, and I have actually done several as the only middle-aged male contestant. The results have not been gratifying, unfortunately, and I can't figure out why. Due to my age and some joint damage, I have to wear kneepads when I pole-dance. I thought this would just be another place for my fans to put dollar bills, but alas it seems off-putting. I thought women would respond favorably to men "wearing the kneepads" for a change, but apparently not the case. As a prominent local professional, I also protect my identity by wearing a Mexican wrestling mask when I do these gigs, a stylish green and yellow one with lots of sequins. Thankfully, the mask also conceals the tears rolling down my face at the rejection I encounter in the form of jeers, shouting, and the occasional thrown beer bottle. Things have come to a head lately, as a drunk hopped up on stage and yanked my mask off while I was in one of the complex "upside down splits" part of my choreography during my last performance. Now everyone in town knows who the middle aged male pole dancer is. Well my dating life has plummeted to nada, and my ego is completely deflated. I just need to hear that there are women out there who would appreciate and would date an older gentleman who likes to pole-dance. I know God put me on this earth to pole-dance... don't women respect men who know what they want in life any more? Please help.
D-Lish Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Stop being a poser and take it to the next level- get naked.
Gallaxia Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Aww, things will look up. Maybe it's your stage name? What is it?
melodymatters Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 So, either Goldpile has a second screen name or a psychic twin !
Sabali Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Stop being a poser and take it to the next level- get naked. I don't think you got your message across, D-Lish. You may have to show him how it's done. I'll be the drunk in audience.
Author meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Well, I -am- naked when I do it (these are adult clubs after all), other than the wrestling mask, the pasties and my special "dachsund/weiner dog" sock, but you may have a point. The pasties and sock don't match the mask, and the tassles on both the pasties and the little dog ear tassles on the sock often cause abrasions from whipping them around during certain more "animated" parts of the act. Getting pasties to go in two different directions is harder than it looks, especially for a man with only A cups, and often they just fly off into the audience, even superglue won't hold them. My aunt hand-knitted the weiner dog sock for me, so it has some sentimental value, maybe just dump the pasties and sock both though, worth a try. Thanks.
Art_Critic Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I thought women would respond favorably to men "wearing the kneepads" kneepads are for the exclusive use by women only.. or men who give a lot of head. It's time to start pole dancing without the mask now.. since the cat is out of the bag then why not ?
Gallaxia Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Well, I -am- naked when I do it (these are adult clubs after all), other than the wrestling mask, the pasties and my special "dachsund/weiner dog" sock, but you may have a point. The pasties and sock don't match the mask, and the tassles on both the pasties and the little dog ear tassles on the sock often cause abrasions from whipping them around during certain more "animated" parts of the act. Getting pasties to go in two different directions is harder than it looks, especially for a man with only A cups, and often they just fly off into the audience, even superglue won't hold them. My aunt hand-knitted the weiner dog sock for me, so it has some sentimental value, maybe just dump the pasties and sock both though, worth a try. Thanks. :lmao:
Author meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Aww, things will look up. Maybe it's your stage name? What is it? Oh I like you already. I was using "Kevin Bacon" as an homage to my favorite movie, "Footloose," (and of course there's the double-entendre there too), but got some rather nasty letters from Hollywood lawyers and had to stop. So I've been using Barack OMAMA for the last couple of weeks. Umm, hold on a sec, there are some men in dark suits at my door...brb.
tami-chan Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 The results have not been gratifying, unfortunately, and I can't figure out why. Due to my age and some joint damage, I have to wear kneepads when I pole-dance. I thought this would just be another place for my fans to put dollar bills, but alas it seems off-putting. I thought women would respond favorably to men "wearing the kneepads" for a change, but apparently not the case. Have you tried putting "bling"-some sequined designs, perhaps?- on your knee pads? "generic" flesh colored knee pads remind me of Tennis' Senior's tournament. As a prominent local professional, I also protect my identity by wearing a Mexican wrestling mask when I do these gigs, a stylish green and yellow one with lots of sequins. Thankfully, the mask also conceals the tears rolling down my face at the rejection I encounter in the form of jeers, shouting, and the occasional thrown beer bottle. Omg...I am so sorry this happened to you. Where's security? I think you need to do your pole-dancing in a classier venue-where women understand and appreciate your art. Things have come to a head lately, as a drunk hopped up on stage and yanked my mask off while I was in one of the complex "upside down splits" part of my choreography during my last performance. Now everyone in town knows who the middle aged male pole dancer is. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. I am pretty sure those men envy you...I mean, seriously, CAN they do the "complex upside down splits"????? I think not. Hold your head up high! Well my dating life has plummeted to nada, and my ego is completely deflated. I just need to hear that there are women out there who would appreciate and would date an older gentleman who likes to pole-dance. I know God put me on this earth to pole-dance... don't women respect men who know what they want in life any more? Granted, it is a bit new...a novelty, really, to see a man pole-dance...but I am sure the women in your town will come around and realize, a pole-dancing man is a "good" man to have. :lmao:oh god.....
BobSacamento Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I think you are breaking one of the universal man codes: No dudes on the stripper pole!
Author meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) Have you tried putting "bling"-some sequined designs, perhaps?- on your knee pads? "generic" flesh colored knee pads remind me of Tennis' Senior's tournament. Thanks for the idea, Tami, but the friction from the waxed floor would just rub the designs off during my "mega spins" (have trademarked that term btw, no other male pole-dancer can use it). Maybe tie-dyeing them? Do they have pole-dancing at Senior Tennis tournaments? Maybe that would be a more appreciative audience given the deteriorated eyesight... Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. I am pretty sure those men envy you...I mean, seriously, CAN they do the "complex upside down splits"????? I think not. Hold your head up high! Thank you so much for the encouragement, if only there were women like you in the audience! I am going to rename my signature move, the "Tami." It's where I kick off my plastic pimp-pumps and show off my hyperpolysyndactly (a term specifically created to describe my case by the venerable "Midwestern Journal of Abnormal Podiatry"), as you see I have eight alternating webbed toes on both my feet! I wiggle wiggle wiggle all sixteen gloriously rainbow painted toes in their faces, and still the tips don't come. Maybe they will respond better to the "Tami" than what I call it now, "ToeJamathon!" Edited August 2, 2010 by meerkat stew
tami-chan Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Thanks for the idea, Tami, but the friction from the waxed floor would just rub the designs off during my "mega spins" (have trademarked that term btw, no other male pole-dancer can use it). Maybe tie-dyeing them? Do they have pole-dancing at Senior Tennis tournaments? Maybe that would be a more appreciative audience given the deteriorated eyesight... ohhh..the "mega spins", yes, that would be a major consideration. Tie-dyeing, well there you go-that's worth a try. I do not think they have pole-dancing at the tournaments, but you can certainly check the entertainment they have at those after-game parties! Thank you so much for the encouragement, if only there were women like you in the audience! I am going to rename my signature move, the "Tami." It's where I kick off my plastic pimp-pumps and show off my hyperpolysyndactly (a term specifically created to describe my case by the venerable "Midwestern Journal of Abnormal Podiatry"), as you see I have eight alternating webbed toes on both my feet! I wiggle wiggle wiggle all sixteen gloriously rainbow painted toes in their faces, and still the tips don't come. Maybe they will respond better to the "Tami" than what I call it now, "ToeJamathon!" ahmm..NO, let's not name your signature move, the "Tami". I really don't think that's a good idea. I mean, "tami" is so...blah! I think you should choose a name that is more "exotic".
Author meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 NO, let's not name your signature move, the "Tami". I really don't think that's a good idea. I mean, "tami" is so...blah! I think you should choose a name that is more "exotic". You're just being coy now. Don't hide your light (or my toes) under a basket (or a pimp pump)! Fair enough, I will call it "The Toes of my Life" as an homage to the beautiful, haunting, Oscar winning song from the masterpiece "Dirty Dancing."
Feelin Frisky Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Yeah, I hate wearing pasties when I'm on the pole too. :D:D
Author meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Yeah, I hate wearing pasties when I'm on the pole too. :D:D OMG a kindred spirit! Someone else who knows the excruciating (yet mildly stimulating) pain of a too tight pastie. I'm very jealous of your handle, btw, which is obviously your "pole name" also. The Secret Service has told me in no uncertain terms that neither "Barack Omama" nor "President BUSH" (an alternative I suggested that got a pistol barrel shoved up my nose) are acceptable. Any suggestions?
tami-chan Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Oh my god...no....there are two of them....why, god, why? btw, MS...not trying to be coy-just being honest about the "blahness" of the name tami....
Shakz Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 I'm just glad that a man isn't afraid to express himself in a manner that, while society may reject it now, is boldly, courageously, and unabashedly looking to the future. We have always laughed at the true pioneers. The Wright Brothers, Sir Thomas Crapper, Ru Paul; but, by God, they changed the world for the better. And now there is Barack Omama. My faith in mankind is restored. God bless you, BO. God bless you.
carhill Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) So, either Goldpile has a second screen name or a psychic twin ! My first thought! don't women respect men who know what they want in life any more? MS, long time, no read. Now I know what you've been up to. I say screw it. Suck down some Naprosin, toss the kneepads and let it all hang out. You know what you want. You want the painless pole. Edited August 2, 2010 by carhill
Feelin Frisky Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Oh my god...no....there are two of them....why, god, why? btw, MS...not trying to be coy-just being honest about the "blahness" of the name tami.... Nah, I was just trawling for a laugh. Pasties on me do not compute.
Author meerkat stew Posted August 2, 2010 Author Posted August 2, 2010 Can we see a video of it first? The gubmint took all my tapes away, else I'd post one for all to see BO in action. The bunnies in your sig do look something like my hyperpolysyndactylic toes though.
tami-chan Posted August 2, 2010 Posted August 2, 2010 Nah, I was just trawling for a laugh. Pasties on me do not compute. it's ok. FF. We don't judge...
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