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How do you know if a girl you're dating/in a relationship with finds you attractive?

lso802

By lso802
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lso802 Established Member

lso802

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I'm currently browsing through the LS board, and this piqued my interest:

 

Tons of women marry men they have no physical attraction for.

 

I think that is the worst thing a woman could do to a man.

 

I think I'm average looking to some, below average to some, and some want to tie me down to a bed. How would I know or find out if a girl I'm dating or in a relationship finds me attractive?

Soul Bear Established Member

Soul Bear

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They will complement you and make you feel good, they will not be able to take their eyes off' you, they will flirt and touch, they will admire you for things you have done.

They will call you, email you, text you, want to be see with you, want to spend time with you at ever possible minute....

I think you get the picture...;)

I would say tho, that the main part is what they say to you and how they look at you etc etc. You usually know when you have chemisrty with someone

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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They have sex with you. Willingly...

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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She kisses you.

 

I have never kissed or slept with someone I didn't find attractive. And out of my friends that are girls, a good 50 people, only one of them has ever managed to kiss and sleep with a man she didn't find physically attractive. She thinks she's being noble by doing that, as in : "I see further than appearances when I date a guy".

 

a parte, for me intellectual attraction quickly turns into physical attraction, so I have no clue what she means.

Soul Bear Established Member

Soul Bear

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USMCHokie- LMAO hahahaha that is spot on. SImple, yet so effective!

 

And...

 

Kamille- that is also spot on. There is such a thing as seeing beauty in a person...but not the obvious kind...

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lso802 Established Member

lso802

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Well guys, to bring up the quote again, women do marry guys they don't find attractive. I would think kissing and sex is involved before and after then... that appears willing. :confused:

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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Well guys, to bring up the quote again, women do marry guys they don't find attractive. I would think kissing and sex is involved before and after then... that appears willing. :confused:

 

Women and men both probably marry people they don't find attractive ... but who made the originator of your quote a bona fide expert?

 

I'm sure you have heard of both genders marrying for money, or for some kind of power position. I know that some women find money and power attractive, so even if the guy looks like crap it is not inconceivable that his wife may indeed be attracted to him.

 

I guess if you are very rich, powerful, elderly and ugly you might have to be concerned whether the woman you are dating and who is climbing you like a tree is actually attracted to you. Otherwise, the physical cues are pretty reliable.

Untouchable_Fire Established Member

Untouchable_Fire

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Well guys, to bring up the quote again, women do marry guys they don't find attractive. I would think kissing and sex is involved before and after then... that appears willing. :confused:

 

Women... and to a certain degree men as well, tend to rewrite the emotional history of a relationship to fit their current feelings.

 

When you married her she thought you were attractive, but once a better guy comes along... she looks back and thinks your just some ugly f***er and wonders why she married you.

 

And... that happens all the time. If you don't believe me go read the posts from those poor schmucks int he "my wife won't touch me" section.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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Well guys, to bring up the quote again, women do marry guys they don't find attractive. I would think kissing and sex is involved before and after then... that appears willing. :confused:

 

Easy. Don't marry someone who doesn't kiss you and doesn't take the time to make you feel loved and attractive.

bac Established Member

bac

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Well guys, to bring up the quote again, women do marry guys they don't find attractive. I would think kissing and sex is involved before and after then... that appears willing. :confused:

 

Think about anything else that she might want from you that is not just emotional/intellectual connection and sex. For example, she might want you just to score to get married, for making babies, your money, help with her carreer or other things.

 

It is true that before getting married the women would kiss and have sex, but they do it without natural enthusiasm and they stop doing that after they get what they want. For example, after she gets you as a husband, she will limit kisses or sex as much as possible.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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Think about anything else that she might want from you that is not just emotional/intellectual connection and sex. For example, she might want you just to score to get married, for making babies, your money, help with her carreer or other things.

 

It is true that before getting married the women would kiss and have sex, but they do it without natural enthusiasm and they stop doing that after they get what they want. For example, after she gets you as a husband, she will limit kisses or sex as much as possible.

 

:laugh: Bac, really? You really believe that women do not have a natural enthusiasm for sex? YOU???? What about that thread you have about being unable to leave a younger guy because the sex was so good???

SassyKitten Established Member

SassyKitten

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In a nutshell, body language.

 

Many women are too shy come come outright and say you're attractive, but you can easily tell by the way she looks at you, how much she's touching herself when she looks at you, etc.

Sanman Established Member

Sanman

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Women and men both probably marry people they don't find attractive ... but who made the originator of your quote a bona fide expert?

 

I'm sure you have heard of both genders marrying for money, or for some kind of power position. I know that some women find money and power attractive, so even if the guy looks like crap it is not inconceivable that his wife may indeed be attracted to him.

 

I guess if you are very rich, powerful, elderly and ugly you might have to be concerned whether the woman you are dating and who is climbing you like a tree is actually attracted to you. Otherwise, the physical cues are pretty reliable.

 

The bottom line to this question is that you want to know if your partner is settling for you. There is honestly no relaiable way to know for sure. And settling is not always a bad thing anyway.

 

If you are old, rich, and ugly...do you care if she is attracted to you? You are using her for her looks and she is using you for your money. It is essentially legalized prostitution.

bac Established Member

bac

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:laugh: Bac, really? You really believe that women do not have a natural enthusiasm for sex? YOU???? What about that thread you have about being unable to leave a younger guy because the sex was so good???

 

I was talking about the women who do not find their guys to be attractive but who date them for other reasons.

Also, the couples are easy to recognize because a girl is obviously out of his league. For example, any old wealthy male selebrity, 50 and more y.o. who has extrapounds and has not done a face lift but who is dating a much younger beautiful female.

zengirl Established Member

zengirl

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I don't think any healthy woman is going to have sex with a man she doesn't find attractive. So. . . I guess, the same way you know if anyone is emotionally healthy: By getting to know them.

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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If she gives you bedroom eyes and wants her hands on you, she desires you. If not, she's either a prude (and who wants that?) or she's prioritizing money, security, or some other sensible criteria for partnership, rather than anything resembling sizzling love.

 

But beware... some women fake the sizzle up front to get what they want. A smart man's task is to discern the fakes from the gems.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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They will complement you and make you feel good, they will not be able to take their eyes off' you, they will flirt and touch, they will admire you for things you have done.

They will call you, email you, text you, want to be see with you, want to spend time with you at ever possible minute....

I think you get the picture...;)

I would say tho, that the main part is what they say to you and how they look at you etc etc. You usually know when you have chemisrty with someone

 

She kisses you.

 

I have never kissed or slept with someone I didn't find attractive. And out of my friends that are girls, a good 50 people, only one of them has ever managed to kiss and sleep with a man she didn't find physically attractive. She thinks she's being noble by doing that, as in : "I see further than appearances when I date a guy".

 

a parte, for me intellectual attraction quickly turns into physical attraction, so I have no clue what she means.

 

For balance, I've experienced these dynamics with Hoovers, both single and married, and they clearly found only one part of me attractive and that specifically was sucking the love and emotion out of my soul.

 

But then we get to this part:

 

They have sex with you. Willingly...
Yep, that's where the Hoovers fall down. All suck and no vagina. ;) So, the clear indicator is 'kiss *and* sleep with'. Everything else is just carbon dioxide. That said, a ten year marriage put some serious doubts in my mind about that combination being true too...

 

Seriously, it's a wonder I still have any interest in women left in my soul. If not for my parent's great example of what a marriage should be, I'd be out of this a long time ago. Maybe it's time. IDK.

 

The really hard part is, when I'm going down SoulBear's list and nodding my head at all those things and knowing the results over so many unhealthy experiences, wiping the slate clean and giving the next potential some modicum of empathy and care and, more essentially, *believing* them. That's the core of it. I just don't believe them anymore. After 50 years of it, I just don't. It's probably no different than a woman not believing a man because, in her case, guys BS her to get into her pants.

 

Well, anyway, to answer the OP, I honestly think you never know for sure. It's hope and belief. Up to you whether you're willing to take the leap of faith. I wish you well in that journey. :)

Edited by carhill
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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Aside:

 

The really hard part is... essentially, *believing* them. That's the core of it. I just don't believe them anymore. After 50 years of it, I just don't. It's probably no different than a woman not believing a man because, in her case, guys BS her to get into her pants.

I believe that plenty of men mean the sweet, sweeping things they say... at the TIME. But most of them are just not able to live up to that hero image they cannot help projecting in the beginning.

SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

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I tend to date guys I am not that attracted to hoping that attraction will devolop later.

 

The difference in my behaviour in when I am attracted to a guy and when I am not is HUGE.

 

 

When I am not, I will focus on conversation only. I will keep my outfits fairly conservative (as to not to tempt the guy) and I won't touch him during conversation. I will still be open to a short hug/kiss at the end of the date. I will let the guy put an arm around me or hold hands, but the key word is LET - I might hug him back but there won't be huge reciprocation.

 

When I am attracted to a guy, OMG. Firstly I will find any excuse to touch him or sit closer to him. If he puts his arm around me, I will respond by putting my head on his shoulder (if sitting), caressing (SP?) his arm, even putting my hand on his knee etc. The reciprocation/escalation will feel completly mutual and natural rather than uncomfortable or forced. I will also look up at him every now and then because I will want to kiss.

 

If I am not that into a guy, I will avoid looking him in the eyes when sitting close by because I want to minimize kissing.

Feelin Frisky Established Member

Feelin Frisky

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If your date seems to want to show you off or seems pleased to be seen with you, (assuming your not a celebrity with tons of money) it denotes that she's happy with your looks. If she doesn't wnat to be seen with youby her freinds or family, she may dig you but be tipping it that yo're a dog. :p

GordonDarkfoot Established Member

GordonDarkfoot

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Ask her.

 

 

...................

JadedHeart Established Member

JadedHeart

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You assume she's attracted to you and act accordingly.

 

You can tell yourself she's already with me so yea she is attracted to me!

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

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You assume she's attracted to you and act accordingly.

 

 

I read in Psychology today that men tend to overestimate women's interest in them. That's why I would say: don't assume but pay attention to her body language. As many of us here have said, if a woman touches you, stays close to you, prompts kisses, sleeps with you, initiates sex, she is into you.

 

My take on the sexless marriage thing is that if sex is an important part of how you feel loved and appreciated in an R, than that's something that needs to be discussed and known before the marriage. BF and I both know that sex is important to each of us, and we also both realize that life will likely take its toll and that at one point, one of us might be less into it than the other. What we do agree on is that neither one of us will ever deny that sex is an important part of our relationship. If one of us loses passion, we agreed that we would work on it together, as a couple.

zengirl Established Member

zengirl

Posted
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I read in Psychology today that men tend to overestimate women's interest in them. That's why I would say: don't assume but pay attention to her body language. As many of us here have said, if a woman touches you, stays close to you, prompts kisses, sleeps with you, initiates sex, she is into you.

 

My take on the sexless marriage thing is that if sex is an important part of how you feel loved and appreciated in an R, than that's something that needs to be discussed and known before the marriage. BF and I both know that sex is important to each of us, and we also both realize that life will likely take its toll and that at one point, one of us might be less into it than the other. What we do agree on is that neither one of us will ever deny that sex is an important part of our relationship. If one of us loses passion, we agreed that we would work on it together, as a couple.

 

I think that's basically the ticket.

 

But that involves [gasp] communicating. I think most marital problems, including the sexless marriage and marrying the wrong person, come down to a lack of communication. And I don't think it's usually got anything to do with one person lying about or even adeptly hiding their intentions. . . most people just don't want to see things or ask about them!

JadedHeart Established Member

JadedHeart

Posted
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I read in Psychology today that men tend to overestimate women's interest in them. That's why I would say: don't assume but pay attention to her body language. As many of us here have said, if a woman touches you, stays close to you, prompts kisses, sleeps with you, initiates sex, she is into you.

 

My take on the sexless marriage thing is that if sex is an important part of how you feel loved and appreciated in an R, than that's something that needs to be discussed and known before the marriage. BF and I both know that sex is important to each of us, and we also both realize that life will likely take its toll and that at one point, one of us might be less into it than the other. What we do agree on is that neither one of us will ever deny that sex is an important part of our relationship. If one of us loses passion, we agreed that we would work on it together, as a couple.

 

Good point Kamille...

 

To think about this logically, you can assume she's attracted to you and have two possible outcomes.

 

1. She really is and you're both happy.

2. She really isn't and she breaks up with you.

 

Communicating about issues is very important. He's not asking about problems that arise in a relationship though.

 

Men are a bit optimistic in trying to gauge a women's interest level yes. What happens if we don't? Oh she's not that interested I think... I won't bother going up to her then.

 

I tend to believe in my personal opinion, men are sexually aggressive while women are sexually receptive.

 

My idea is to just assume, act accordingly. If she's receptive then yes, if not no. Thanks for your insight Kamille

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