smk Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 You have to stop beating yourself up over it... We have all been there, I know how crappy it feels, the weakness, the frustration, constantly thinking of them, pining for them, wishing they would just come back - but what's done is done... They chose to leave, so all we can do is pick ourselves up and continue on our journey... You will get their you just have to be strong... We are all here for you... Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 I know SMK, I guess I can kinda take her off the pedastal with the weight gain and normally that would do it. I just really felt it for this woman, whether she be big or small. Day 1 and day 2 were somewhat ok on nc. But today was hard and I'm tryin to pick myself up. Just hate feelin so weak and frustrated. I can't do anything more though without appearing weak, if I haven't left that impression already. I probably did. Just wishin she wasn't so messed up and she'd see things my way of course. Basically, everything I shouldn't be doing. I gotta get out of this stupid weak rutt I'm in. High sweetie, what you are feeling is not weakness. You are getting stronger. Feeling something doesn't make you weak, I think you went off of NC so that you didn't have to feel anymore and that she could just fix everything. Now you know that isn't going to happen, so you need to fix it yourself. You got this, you are on your way. Ok enough of this sadness and ****, what is everyone wearing right now?? I have yoga pants and a tank on Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 9, 2010 Author Share Posted August 9, 2010 First of all I want you to know that I do understand how hard these emotions can hit. I a good 3 months of my own insanity. Secondly, you may think about looking into some meds to help you over this hump right now. Most cases some temporary help does wonders, specially if your doing the other things like exercise and eating well. Third, I do not think you beating yourself up about your choice is very helpful effort. In fact you did not let down your value system as much as other values become more important; such values like wanting to be needed, external conformation of your worth. More productive effort would be understand why these values are so strong that you would make the compromise that you did. Then learning how you can get address all these values in a healthier way. It sounds like your parents was a bit like mine. They cared for me deeply and would do anything to protect me from life's pain. Some ways they too much, as a result I never learn how to manage those pains as a child as well as I could have. In their love to protect me, they kept me from seeing my own abilities and strengths. It can happen when parents worry to much about us, we start to doubt ourselves. We then have to learn these coping skill as a adult, it harder but we can. I can not say that this is the case for you, but with you strong fear of being alone there may be some possiblity or at least a good place to start. Hmmm... Once again, pretty insightful clouds. I am on 10mg of lexipro right now, which I guess is supposed to be a weak dosage. I'm just really scared of the whole meds thing. They also got me on clonazepam to sleep at night. It didn't work though last night. I know what you mean about wanting to be needed, and I do desire that, but I desire it from a woman I love. Sure felt like I had that. Crazy I was so wrong. Not sure if my protective parents contributed to me not wanting to be alone or not, but I know I'm not a big fan of it. I definitely need to learn how to cope with heartbreak though because I'm struggling with it right now. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 BP - I like your style... Boxers and t-shirt am in bed.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 9, 2010 Author Share Posted August 9, 2010 You have to stop beating yourself up over it... We have all been there, I know how crappy it feels, the weakness, the frustration, constantly thinking of them, pining for them, wishing they would just come back - but what's done is done... They chose to leave, so all we can do is pick ourselves up and continue on our journey... You will get their you just have to be strong... We are all here for you... I know man, I know... And I appreciate the encouragement. She just really kicked me in the balls with this... I never saw it coming and neither did her good friend who set us up. Tryin to pick myself up bro. I think I'm overtired though as well. Had to be on the road by 5:30 and probably only got 3 hours of sleep so I'm draggin today. So suprised this happened like this... Never one arguement in 9 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 9, 2010 Author Share Posted August 9, 2010 High sweetie, what you are feeling is not weakness. You are getting stronger. Feeling something doesn't make you weak, I think you went off of NC so that you didn't have to feel anymore and that she could just fix everything. Now you know that isn't going to happen, so you need to fix it yourself. You got this, you are on your way. Ok enough of this sadness and ****, what is everyone wearing right now?? I have yoga pants and a tank on Thanks for the kind words paw. You are a sweetheart. Yeah, I just wanted her to snap out of it and realize what we have, especially compared to this guy she's hanging out with now.. Who knows? Maybe in 2 months shell be moving anyway. Sure would think she'd address that divorce! Oh and jeans and a polo, driving 200 miles back home after working a 13 hour day on 3 hrs sleep... I feel like debbie downer on saturday night live... Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 BP - I like your style... Boxers and t-shirt am in bed.... High didn't get the memo ) Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 9, 2010 Share Posted August 9, 2010 Thanks for the kind words paw. You are a sweetheart. Yeah, I just wanted her to snap out of it and realize what we have, especially compared to this guy she's hanging out with now.. Who knows? Maybe in 2 months shell be moving anyway. Sure would think she'd address that divorce! Oh and jeans and a polo, driving 200 miles back home after working a 13 hour day on 3 hrs sleep... I feel like debbie downer on saturday night live... Love SNL, that would be a good thing to watch!!!! Drive safe Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 9, 2010 Author Share Posted August 9, 2010 High didn't get the memo ) Oh I got it. It just took a little longer to get through.. I appreciate you trying to lighten the mood Paw... SOMEbodys got too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 Well, what is this now... The start of day 4 again. Still feeling pretty loopy about all of this. I ordered the book "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" yesterday. Hoping that will point me in the right direction. Hope everyone has a good day. Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I'm sure you'll be painting the town red and whipping them through the streets in no time Oh and er, blue + white shirt and suit trousers.. At work Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 I'm sure you'll be painting the town red and whipping them through the streets in no time Oh and er, blue + white shirt and suit trousers.. At work That's pretty optimistic, but I hope you are correct Cookie.. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I second cookies notion - notion approved - notion passed... You already sound better today HPD... Keep at it and keep strong.... Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Well, what is this now... The start of day 4 again. Still feeling pretty loopy about all of this. I ordered the book "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" yesterday. Hoping that will point me in the right direction. Hope everyone has a good day. Good step. Nothing about her and something that say you trying to heal. Now I will challenge you to state one thing that you are going to do before the day out that will either help you heal, make you feel better, committee to something positive or generally just enjoy doing. Force yourself to do this from here on out. Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 GC - I read a book recently which says exactly what you just did - it's about taming the tigers or fears we have within us that stop us from leading the life want... HPD - your first post of today was a good sign as GC said... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 Sigh.... You guys are gonna kill me.... Broke NC.... Sent this email this morning after hearing that her car wasn't over at that guys place for the last two nights. Me: Sooooooo.... Last week went well... Kinda blew up in my face I guess. Wasn't expecting that at all. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to suprise you like that or to overwhelm you. I just wanted you to remember what I looked like and wanted to stir something up inside you I guess. Are you ok? Her: I'm not mad. I just feel like I'm trying to make too many people happy and I don't even know what's going to make me happy. Me: Hmmmm.... Not really sure if I know what that is supposed to mean in regards to last week.. Who all are you trying to make happy? I'm Corn-fused... :-\ You can talk to me. I won't judge you. Haven't heard back of course. This is a long road and just when I think I'm making progress getting over her, I feel like I'm reaching her. I was debating posting this, but I have to be honest with my failures and my successes. FAIL! Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 HPD - we all fall down it's how we pick ourselves up that matters... How do you feel about not hearing back? What are your expectations from her response? It's those things that matter... I broke NC yesterday and it worked differently for me, you just have to be strong and make sure you don't get high expectations or hopes from her replies.... That's the real setback, when we expect to hear something and it doesn't work out... Be strong buddy and we are all here for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 HPD - we all fall down it's how we pick ourselves up that matters... How do you feel about not hearing back? What are your expectations from her response? It's those things that matter... I broke NC yesterday and it worked differently for me, you just have to be strong and make sure you don't get high expectations or hopes from her replies.... That's the real setback, when we expect to hear something and it doesn't work out... Be strong buddy and we are all here for you... Of course I'm bummed I haven't heard back, but I'm not suprised. It's a tough question, and like clouds says, I'm expecting her to communicate when that's something she doesnt' do. I don't know what my expectations are from her response. If I read into it, I would think that she's second guessing the other dude now, and maybe considering going back to her husband?? I have no clue. Or I'm still in her head?? At least I F#cked her up a bit last week... I don't know. I guess if she's going back to her husband, I'd understand that more than this other thing. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 Of course I'm bummed I haven't heard back, but I'm not suprised. It's a tough question, and like clouds says, I'm expecting her to communicate when that's something she doesnt' do. I don't know what my expectations are from her response. If I read into it, I would think that she's second guessing the other dude now, and maybe considering going back to her husband?? I have no clue. Or I'm still in her head?? At least I F#cked her up a bit last week... I don't know. I guess if she's going back to her husband, I'd understand that more than this other thing. You did not f#ck her up, you gave her want she wanted. She loves the feeling of chaos, she loves feeling like a victim, she love feeling like it is all out of her control. What she is not feeling is SHlT about you. And those 4 things are about the only 4 things you two current agree on. . Link to post Share on other sites
cookie2 Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 I'm not mad. I just feel like I'm trying to make too many people happy and I don't even know what's going to make me happy. Translation: Leave me alone! When I want attention I'l ask for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 You did not f#ck her up, you gave her want she wanted. She loves the feeling of chaos, she loves feeling like a victim, she love feeling like it is all out of her control. What she is not feeling is SHlT about you. And those 4 things are about the only 4 things you two current agree on. . You're probably right clouds. Very correct on the analysis. This is worse than a drug addiction... Dang.... Why do I do this to myself? I need that book to get here... Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 10, 2010 Share Posted August 10, 2010 You did not f#ck her up, you gave her want she wanted. She loves the feeling of chaos, she loves feeling like a victim, she love feeling like it is all out of her control. What she is not feeling is SHlT about you. And those 4 things are about the only 4 things you two current agree on. . Agree and {{{{hugs}}}}} for the harshness that follows..... You did not come close to f#cking her up but you are succeeding in f#cking yourself up....what good is all this back and forth doing?? If she wanted you she would contact you. You are harrassing her and taking any little morsel she gives you as a sign that she is coming around. Where is that strong guy that never showed her weakness now? I am sorry again for the harshness but we see you continually slamming yourself into this brick wall - just want you to be ok Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 10, 2010 Author Share Posted August 10, 2010 Agree and {{{{hugs}}}}} for the harshness that follows..... You did not come close to f#cking her up but you are succeeding in f#cking yourself up....what good is all this back and forth doing?? If she wanted you she would contact you. You are harrassing her and taking any little morsel she gives you as a sign that she is coming around. Where is that strong guy that never showed her weakness now? I am sorry again for the harshness but we see you continually slamming yourself into this brick wall - just want you to be ok I know Paw... I'm doing this to myself. Spot on about the strong guy that never showed her any weakness. I'm doing it now... I gotta stop!! I'm sabotaging myself! I know it's for my own good. SORRY!!! TO MYSELF!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts