Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 Well, looks like I made it through another day. I didn't drive by either so that's 3 days now of that. What would it change? Hung out with the other chick for a bit today, but am sleeping by myself this evening. I think that's good. One thing that drive me nuts is when she took me out last night, she kept playing this song called "I never told you". It goes something like "I miss everything about you, Can't believe that I still want you, yada yada"... And it just TOTALLY makes me think about my ex. This girl is playing it to be romantic to me, but I'm like dying inside because it totally fits with a song I would play for my ex. It literally kills me inside to hear it. I try to turn it down so I can talk to her, and mainly, so I don't have to listen to the torturous lyrics, and she'll turn it up and say, Baby, this song totally reminds me of you!! $hit $hit $hit.... Well, It looks like I'm going to make it through day 4. I am so tempted to send her that song. I won't. Of course I'm wondering if she's thinking of me right now, and wondering why I haven't tried to contact her again. This is hard and f*cked up. Sorry for another rant everyone. Just trying to stay sane over here. Emphasis on TRYIN! Monday tomorrow everyone. Good times... Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Your doing good. Keep on keeping on. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Well, looks like I made it through another day. I didn't drive by either so that's 3 days now of that. What would it change? Hung out with the other chick for a bit today, but am sleeping by myself this evening. I think that's good. One thing that drive me nuts is when she took me out last night, she kept playing this song called "I never told you". It goes something like "I miss everything about you, Can't believe that I still want you, yada yada"... And it just TOTALLY makes me think about my ex. This girl is playing it to be romantic to me, but I'm like dying inside because it totally fits with a song I would play for my ex. It literally kills me inside to hear it. I try to turn it down so I can talk to her, and mainly, so I don't have to listen to the torturous lyrics, and she'll turn it up and say, Baby, this song totally reminds me of you!! $hit $hit $hit.... Well, It looks like I'm going to make it through day 4. I am so tempted to send her that song. I won't. Of course I'm wondering if she's thinking of me right now, and wondering why I haven't tried to contact her again. This is hard and f*cked up. Sorry for another rant everyone. Just trying to stay sane over here. Emphasis on TRYIN! Monday tomorrow everyone. Good times... Maybe you should stop seeing this other girl as you aren't being fair to her or yourself. Using her to get over your ex is 1. Not working clearly and 2. Just wrong. Not to be harsh, but that's the truth and you already know it, so it isn't news. You should just feel your pain and go through it....alone...you will live. Versus pretending to be into some girl, who is more into you than you are her, while secretly wanting your ex. All this does is drag someone else into your situation and add more unnecessary drama and hurt. You felt good sleeping alone...and you know why, because your conscience tells you that this new-girl scenario is not truthful or right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 Maybe you should stop seeing this other girl as you aren't being fair to her or yourself. Using her to get over your ex is 1. Not working clearly and 2. Just wrong. Not to be harsh, but that's the truth and you already know it, so it isn't news. You should just feel your pain and go through it....alone...you will live. Versus pretending to be into some girl, who is more into you than you are her, while secretly wanting your ex. All this does is drag someone else into your situation and add more unnecessary drama and hurt. You felt good sleeping alone...and you know why, because your conscience tells you that this new-girl scenario is not truthful or right. I understand what you are saying Beeotch. I have thought of that too. There are times that I spend with her that I forget all about my ex, and have lots of fun with her, so that kind of confuses me a bit as well. I've tried to be as honest with her as I can, and I'm not telling her I love her, or that we are boyfriend/girlfriend because I'm still working through lots of issues. I've also stopped on the sex part as well. But yes, I guess I'm still using her emotionally to help me through this. That probably isn't fair, you are correct. I guess I consider her more of a deep friend right now, and she must consider me the latter. You probably speak the truth. She is basically the only person I have who will get me out of the house on the w-ends, so I feel kind of trapped at the moment. It's either wallow, or try to move on, whatever way I can. I can see the conflict though and I appreciate your thoughts Beeotch. You are probably right, I just don't know if I'm strong enough for that yet. Thank you Beeotch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 Your doing good. Keep on keeping on. Thanks Binster. I'm trying. What else can I do? Although good? That's highly subjective, just like Beeotch points out... Still can't believe I haven't heard from the ex. Today is day 5. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 And holy hell am I getting the urge to contact her this morning. WOW. This is hard. Can't believe she never responded from last wed. night. Thought I was so close... Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 And holy hell am I getting the urge to contact her this morning. WOW. This is hard. Can't believe she never responded from last wed. night. Thought I was so close... Why can't you believe she hasn't responded? This is your EGO talking not your mind. You need contact so badly because you need her to validate what you felt during your relationship. She can't do that, she has moved on. You need to know that you did your best, but that she has issues. You have your own mess to clean up now, stop worrying about her. She wasn't available to you when you started this. Rejection sucks and it sends us into a spin, go read the advice I got on my co-dependency thread, really helped me Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) Why can't you believe she hasn't responded? This is your EGO talking not your mind. You need contact so badly because you need her to validate what you felt during your relationship. She can't do that, she has moved on. You need to know that you did your best, but that she has issues. You have your own mess to clean up now, stop worrying about her. She wasn't available to you when you started this. Rejection sucks and it sends us into a spin, go read the advice I got on my co-dependency thread, really helped me Mornin Paw... Sigh.... I suppose your right... It is probably my ego. Maybe your right about the validation as well. I still have a hard time believing she's actually moved on. Maybe moved onto another distraction. She's still married. And yep, that's a big issue. I just felt we got soooo close the last week. I guess I'm foolishly holding onto that. I mean, I could just feel it... Yup, I'm spinin. I've been on your co-dependency thread. I've even posted there. I better read a bit more on it. At least I do have a meeting with my counselor today. My gut just tells me that she still has this in her. She's just a wreck right now and is going with the path of least resistance. Maybe it's just my head messing with me. I wish she would talk to me about this and set me straight. Work is hard because I'm at my computer all day, and I know she is too. I see there's new emails in my inbox and I immediately think, "finally", but to no avail. Funny how I like to torture myself. At least I'm expressing my neediness here and not showing any of it to her. I guess I got THAT goin for me at least... BAhhhh.... I want my face to face... Thanks for your post paw... Hope your doing better today. Edited August 2, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Still all about ego my friend. Talk to the counselor tonight about rejection and how to cope.... I had to search back and find this - original post from Circular, has really helped me figure out where I am at most times.... It's part of grief.... there are 5 stages: * Denial "I can't believe she broke up with me? why? Everything was p-e-r-f-e-c-t" * Anger "That $*% she can go to #$*#$ hell, dumping me like that you #$@*" -- Anger can be projected and displaced, that's what you're most likely experiencing, gotta vent it on someone. * Bargaining "OK, maybe if I talk to her, plead, send an email, a text, she must miss me right? We can probably figure it out. Maybe it's ok if we're just friends?!" * Depression Wahhhh, "I don't want to go out with my friends, I can't even get out of bed, all I can do is cry, this is killing me" *Acceptance "You know what, what was her name? I don't understand whatever I saw in her...." You can experience different stages at different times, you'll grieve components of your relationship at different times; maybe grieve the physical piece, then the emotional connection, then the great conversations.... so it can seem at times like you're going through every stage at the same time. I am ok today. Sad but not obsessing, moving forward bit by bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) Still all about ego my friend. Talk to the counselor tonight about rejection and how to cope.... I had to search back and find this - original post from Circular, has really helped me figure out where I am at most times.... It's part of grief.... there are 5 stages: * Denial "I can't believe she broke up with me? why? Everything was p-e-r-f-e-c-t" * Anger "That $*% she can go to #$*#$ hell, dumping me like that you #$@*" -- Anger can be projected and displaced, that's what you're most likely experiencing, gotta vent it on someone. * Bargaining "OK, maybe if I talk to her, plead, send an email, a text, she must miss me right? We can probably figure it out. Maybe it's ok if we're just friends?!" * Depression Wahhhh, "I don't want to go out with my friends, I can't even get out of bed, all I can do is cry, this is killing me" *Acceptance "You know what, what was her name? I don't understand whatever I saw in her...." You can experience different stages at different times, you'll grieve components of your relationship at different times; maybe grieve the physical piece, then the emotional connection, then the great conversations.... so it can seem at times like you're going through every stage at the same time. I am ok today. Sad but not obsessing, moving forward bit by bit. I know Paw. I know. This is just unlike any break up I've been through. If she only would have broken up with me back when this all started. And like I said, she still hasn't. Hell, she even won't tell her friend who set us up that. ACTIONS though. I gotta get through the denial. And, she's still MARRIED. Gawd did I fall for a mess of a woman... I know I need to be stronger than this. That's why I'm here. Better here than there. Paw, how long have you been NC and when did all this stuff go down for you? Glad to hear your doing better. Monday must be my obsessing day, and every day feels like Monday lately... Edited August 2, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 I know Paw. I know. This is just unlike any break up I've been through. If she only would have broken up with me back when this all started. And like I said, she still hasn't. ACTIONS though. I gotta get through the denial. And, she's still MARRIED. Gawd did I fall for a mess of a woman... I know I need to be stronger than this. That's why I'm here. Better here than there. Paw, how long have you been NC and when did all this stuff go down for you? Glad to hear your doing better. Monday must be my obsessing day, and every day feels like Monday lately... I have been NC for almost two weeks now. We never had our official "the end" talk either. The night we were fighting on the phone (after having the most amazing weekend EVER the day before) he told me about too much pressure, etc. I told him to tell me that it is over and he said he couldn't - because it sounded so final. I am sure it was because he wanted to keep me on the string for sex or friendship or whatever. He sent me a "hi" text last week that I didn't respond to. He had his friend go fishing to see if I was ok. I had to come to my own conclusions about the end of our relationship because he was fine with running and coming back. I was tired of being crushed every time he ran. It is actions, not the words they say. He kissed me so lovingly the day before and told me how much he loved me and how great things were. 24 hours later I am getting screamed at for never thinking that he cared enough about me and that I expected too much. We are stubborn and we don't like to lose. If I would have cut and run the first 20 times this happened I would not be in this mess. I have to work on becoming a stronger person. You have to get out of "denial" and back on dry land (hee hee get it, denial = de nile??) Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 I have been NC for almost two weeks now. We never had our official "the end" talk either. The night we were fighting on the phone (after having the most amazing weekend EVER the day before) he told me about too much pressure, etc. I told him to tell me that it is over and he said he couldn't - because it sounded so final. I am sure it was because he wanted to keep me on the string for sex or friendship or whatever. He sent me a "hi" text last week that I didn't respond to. He had his friend go fishing to see if I was ok. I had to come to my own conclusions about the end of our relationship because he was fine with running and coming back. I was tired of being crushed every time he ran. It is actions, not the words they say. He kissed me so lovingly the day before and told me how much he loved me and how great things were. 24 hours later I am getting screamed at for never thinking that he cared enough about me and that I expected too much. We are stubborn and we don't like to lose. If I would have cut and run the first 20 times this happened I would not be in this mess. I have to work on becoming a stronger person. You have to get out of "denial" and back on dry land (hee hee get it, denial = de nile??) Yeah paw, good to see you still have your humor... Wow, I guess I was expecting you to be a lot further than 2 weeks into this. You must be a very strong person. I'm kinda ashamed I'm not. And you know, at least you had some fights. You can reflect on those. I don't have any arguements to look back on and that's what leaves me so confused?? Its not me glorifying the situation either. It was just gone just that fast! I almost wish it would have been the other way around because then I'd have negative things to at least remember. Dang! Can't even do that! I know. I don't like to lose either, and giving up is not in my nature, hence the struggle. But I can't be the only one fighting for this, and it appears that I am. This has me so messed up and I wish I could be as strong as others here. Link to post Share on other sites
bonpaw2008 Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 ! This has me so messed up and I wish I could be as strong as others here. You are strong, that is why you are here. I know that things were rosy for you until she disappeared, but be thankful that you haven't gone through this 20 times....perfection to **** in a day.... I don't want to preach to you (anymore ) but let her be, get yourself back, things will work out....for the best Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) You are strong, that is why you are here. I know that things were rosy for you until she disappeared, but be thankful that you haven't gone through this 20 times....perfection to **** in a day.... I don't want to preach to you (anymore ) but let her be, get yourself back, things will work out....for the best Honestly paw, I appreciate your preaching. It's one of the few things that I have to look forward to. It keeps me from breaking NC. If I were strong, I wouldn't be going to a counselor, put on Lexipro, yada yada. I only appear strong to her, or kinda. Jeeze if she could only see this thread that would go down the tubes in a flash. Thanks for the continued support paw. I know you feel like you're probably feeling like a broken record, but I guess I need it pounded into my rock hard head, so don't feel like you have to stop... Just got back from my counselor. He feels for me too. Wishes she would give me some closure and thinks she's putting me through the ringer. He's right. He wishes she'd just tell me to f*ck off instead of keeping me on this string. Sorry to hog the board.... Again... and again.... and again... Thank you all, HPD Edited August 2, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 Blahhhh.... Is this supposed to be getting easier? Can't believe she pulled another disappearing act on me. I know she's waiting for me to make contact. I can't give her that satisfaction. So everything she wrote and we talked about last week was BS. Answer my email and tell me to get lost!! Rant off... Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 Remember even if she contacts you STAY NO CONTACT Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 Remember even if she contacts you STAY NO CONTACT Jeeze Binster, You are asking for a miracle there sir. I'm dyin to say something to her and she won't contact me. If she actually did, I'd be lyin if I said I wouldn't contact back. I guess it depends on what she would say... Or not... I'm so effing weak right now it's taking everything not to say "Well?? Are you going to do what you said you were going to do and answer my questions??" This is more of a struggle than when I caught my fiance in bed with another guy 10 years ago. At least she didn't keep me on a string... And that, sir, was effing hell... But at least it had a definite ending... Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 2, 2010 Share Posted August 2, 2010 HPD - stick to NC... What is it that you want to say to her? What will it accomplish? What will you achieve? Nothing... Do you enjoy being dragged down each time she breaks NC? No you don't? I read your posts, I see the progress you make and then it goes down the drain each time she breaks NC. No one said it was gonna be easy, the good things seldom are. We have to take the long winding path to find the our peace... Stick to NC and it will only serve to make you stronger... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 (edited) HPD - stick to NC... What is it that you want to say to her? What will it accomplish? What will you achieve? Nothing... Do you enjoy being dragged down each time she breaks NC? No you don't? I read your posts, I see the progress you make and then it goes down the drain each time she breaks NC. No one said it was gonna be easy, the good things seldom are. We have to take the long winding path to find the our peace... Stick to NC and it will only serve to make you stronger... Thanks for posting SMK. What do I want to say to her? I want to say, "What the hell happened?" "What's going on?" "Where do I stand and why do you tell me these things?" "Why didn't you ever let me go in the first place?" No I don't. I just know she's a headcase and god it was everything I wanted for what seemed like so long, but it was only 9 months I guess. I can't believe I got that attached after 9 months! We still have so much unfinished business between us and she knows it too. This is all so ridiculous and it's taking me a ridiculous amount of time to get a grip on myself. I can't control this AT ALL!! She's going to do whatever she's going TO DO! I gotta effin let go and I don't have a clue how to! I gotta quit this dang obsession! Again, at least I'm just doing it here and she doesn't know! Right now she's a 29 yr old woman who thinks she's a 15 yr old girl dating a "rock star" or something... It's just so preposterous. I think she knows that too!! She works at a hospital and has young Dr.'s hitting on her all the time! If I would get replaced by something like that, well, maybe the better man won! This just makes no dam sense, but that's also why maybe there is no indication of any physical contact between these two! ARGHHH!!! It seems to be getting harder for me every dam day. It's supposed to be getting EASIER!! Sorry for the rant. Having a bad monday today.. Really bad monday today. I gotta take it easier on myself. I just need to get it out on this board instead of ranting to everyone else. Sorry everybody. Effing struggling today. Edited August 2, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 And I got half a effing mind to show up at her work right now and wait until she gets off just to make her face this mess. NO... I won't... But this coward mindf*ck crap is BS. Why write me crap about all these deep "feelings" for me when she won't even face me?? That's just more BS to try and keep me on a dam string... Tell me to kick rocks! I told her to tell me that and I would! She won't DO IT! BS! Just another rant from HPD... Carry on, and again I'm sorry... Again, better here than there... Jeeze how many of these do I have in me? Several it looks like... Link to post Share on other sites
smk Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 HPD - by saying all those things what is the eventual outcome that you are hoping to achieve - to get her back or to get closure? I can assure you of one thing the answers you are looking for may not be the answers she gives you. The answers you seek though are within you. You say in your post that the better man won - yeah I think so too - YOU are the better man and you did win - what you won is the lessons learnt about life and love - the lessons that will make you a stronger person - the lessons that will make you a better person, the lessons that have made you the winner... Things may not seem as clear as we want them to right now, but with time they will. I haven't stopped thinking about her, I want to do all those things that you want to as well, but then I think can I deal with going through this all over again? No I cant - because I know if I did do any of those I will have some expectations of having her come back and if she doesnt then I will be even worse off... It may not be easy to just let go, but unfortunately it needs to be done. I am going to give you an example - you go to a club, see a pretty girl, start talking to her, flirt, dance, think you are getting lucky tonight, then she goes her own way and leaves you standing, do you a) go and drag her into an alley and force your way onto her hoping she changes her mind or b) do you accept that she does not want to be with you and go home on your own and live your life and move onto bigger and better things? I am sorry for the slightly cruel example but its what it is - she left - let her go move onto bigger and better things - sure its gonna be a tough ride - but nothing worth having is life comes easily. We all want to achieve things in life, but we have to work at them... Be strong buddy - stick to NC and if need be tell her not to contact you = put your fut down.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) HPD - by saying all those things what is the eventual outcome that you are hoping to achieve - to get her back or to get closure? I can assure you of one thing the answers you are looking for may not be the answers she gives you. The answers you seek though are within you. You say in your post that the better man won - yeah I think so too - YOU are the better man and you did win - what you won is the lessons learnt about life and love - the lessons that will make you a stronger person - the lessons that will make you a better person, the lessons that have made you the winner... Things may not seem as clear as we want them to right now, but with time they will. I haven't stopped thinking about her, I want to do all those things that you want to as well, but then I think can I deal with going through this all over again? No I cant - because I know if I did do any of those I will have some expectations of having her come back and if she doesnt then I will be even worse off... It may not be easy to just let go, but unfortunately it needs to be done. I am going to give you an example - you go to a club, see a pretty girl, start talking to her, flirt, dance, think you are getting lucky tonight, then she goes her own way and leaves you standing, do you a) go and drag her into an alley and force your way onto her hoping she changes her mind or b) do you accept that she does not want to be with you and go home on your own and live your life and move onto bigger and better things? I am sorry for the slightly cruel example but its what it is - she left - let her go move onto bigger and better things - sure its gonna be a tough ride - but nothing worth having is life comes easily. We all want to achieve things in life, but we have to work at them... Be strong buddy - stick to NC and if need be tell her not to contact you = put your fut down.... I understand what you are saying SMK. I know everyone thinks that their situation is different, and of course, so do I. I DO want those questions answered because I think that she just got scared and tried to run because she was smack dab in the middle of a serious relationship while not even having her divorce finished, and freaked out. I can understand that, I guess? From what she tells me, from what she tells her friends, and what she writes me, she does still have these deep feelings for me, it's just too soon and she's scared. Wrong place, wrong time. My comments about the better man winning were kind of the opposite. If this guy she was spending time with now wins, he's not the better man. I hate saying it like this, but I beat him in every category. That's what I wouldn't understand. And, that's kind of why I can't imagine the physical stuff going on either. In the three instances I 've seen them interact, they haven't even touched each other. No hello hug/kiss, no goodbye hug/kiss, and the last time when the were outside for like a half hour, no hugs, kisses, hand holding, arm around, no physical contact whatsoever. A girlfriend of mine that i can confide in came over last night and I showed her the pictures of this guy and explained the situation and she's just as puzzled as I am. She thinks there is NO way that anything could be happening between these two other than a friendship. This guy is NOT attractive and if she were going after sex or whatever, she could have guys WAY more attractive than me. (not like I'm Brad Pitt or anything, but I'm considered attractive, much more successful, yada yada...) She thinks, along with my ex's friend thinks that this is just some sort of comfort zone friendship and nothing more. After seeing this guy, they can't imagine it's anything MORE than that, and honestly, I feel that way too after witnessing them interact. I think when I started pushing for a face to face last week, she panicked and needed his support, or whatever solace he gives her. I think when the pressure is on, she goes there and talks about things as a safe harbor in the storm. Now of course after talking with my friend who's a girl, I got kind of wriled up about the whole situation. I ended up waking up at 3 in the morning and had to drive by (I know, bad). But, her car wasn't there. She stayed at home. What does that mean? I have no idea. I can only think that since I layed off on the pressure, that she is back to thinking for herself. I know I shouldn't have done that, but it was in my head. It may mean absolutely nothing, but it made me feel good to know she's spending time by herself again. When she does that, that's when she realizes how good I was to her and it gets her thinking. For your example, No I would not club the girl and drag her outside. I would shrug it off. If however, I brought the girl home and she stayed at my place for 9 months, told me repeatedly she loved me and had never been happier, and then basically vanished without saying we need to break up or I don't want to see you again, I would want to know what was up, and why that was so I could grow from that relationship. That way I could at least learn what not to do in future relationships. I suppose driving by is a form of breaking NC, but I still will not contact her. If she contacts me, depending on what she says, I may respond. I and everyone who knows her doesn't believe that whatever is going on at this other guys place can be anything more than a safe harbor, and as I've said before by their actions, I don't see how it could be either. I must admit though, it felt really good seeing that she wasn't there last night. Sorry for the long post. Kinda lots on my mind again today. Hope everything went well for you at the therapist last night SMK. Thank you for posting in my screwed up thread... Edited August 3, 2010 by HighPlainsDrifter Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 Sigh.... Day 6 I guess, and kinda struggling today. I'm glad that I haven't made contact, and mixed about driving by last night. I guess it was good to know that she stayed by herself, but I'm still hooked... Dang... Whenever I see she's not over there I feel like I should reach out to her because I think she's trying to figure herself out like she says she is. I guess that's the wrong thing to do. I need to be missed, and the only way to be missed is to not be there. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Again sir, wise words. I was so content with myself while I was in that relationship. It's amazing how everything seemed to disappear, even though only one thing has changed. Unfortunately, that one thing was also the most important thing to me. Now you know what to work on, why it is so hard to let go. It is not her it is you. You were dependent on her to make you feel good about yourself. You reach out for external evidence of your worth and when that evidence left so did your worth. Everything you say is true though clouds. I know it. I just need to get there and I wish my ex would just be honest with me and let me go fully instead of this hanging on a string nonsense. And your still doing it. Your saying that it is up to her if your going to heal or not, if your going to move on or not, if your going to be happy or not. Your spending time to explain her actions, why not yours. Fact is her actions now is the same things that attracted you to her. She feed of you making your whole worth her but over time she got hunger for a different flavor. And why should she not keep you hanging on, your still given her what she needs, knowing she controls your worth. And you keep given it to her because as painful as it is to be in this no man land, it easier to keep distracting yourself (first in the relationship, now with the break-up) then actually trying to face the real issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted August 3, 2010 Author Share Posted August 3, 2010 Now you know what to work on, why it is so hard to let go. It is not her it is you. You were dependent on her to make you feel good about yourself. You reach out for external evidence of your worth and when that evidence left so did your worth. And your still doing it. Your saying that it is up to her if your going to heal or not, if your going to move on or not, if your going to be happy or not. Your spending time to explain her actions, why not yours. Fact is her actions now is the same things that attracted you to her. She feed of you making your whole worth her but over time she got hunger for a different flavor. And why should she not keep you hanging on, your still given her what she needs, knowing she controls your worth. And you keep given it to her because as painful as it is to be in this no man land, it easier to keep distracting yourself (first in the relationship, now with the break-up) then actually trying to face the real issues. Thanks for moving to my post clouds. That way I don't have to jack. I imagine I did get a big sense of self worth through her. It's always nice for a successful man to have a pretty lady on his arm. Kinda makes all the hard work worth while. I guess I did get validation from that. I'm trying to understand what you are saying about me feeding her by making her my prize, but I really thought it was a mutual feeling. I was led to believe that at least. And as I've mentioned, while I do appear weak in these boards, I do appear strong to her. I've never begged, pleaded, or any of that stuff. I've only said that I heard you've found someone else and that I wish you the best and hope you find your happiness. That's when I get hit with how she still has these strong feelings for me and misses me and all that. I honestly believe this woman is a wreck right now, and understandably so. My gut tells me she's running from what she knows is something really wonderful because maybe she feels guilty because she's still married and doesn't deserve it, if that makes any sense. I know I need to let go of her. It's just that I still love her so much and don't know how yet. Thank you clouds. I know you speak the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
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