jamesum Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 To update all you wonderful, helpful people on this situation... I finally got up the nerves to send him the photos last week with a brief note saying I hope he's been doing well since we last saw each other. He sent a reply within 6 hours saying thanks, asking what I've been up to since my vacation, and telling me to say hi to my friends who he met on the trip. I waited a day before replying and I gave him a short update on my life. I ended it with a question about his job, hoping to keep the convo going. Well, it's been over a week now and I haven't gotten a reply. I give up on this guy. If he can't even keep an email conversation going, it would be stupid of me to expect a phone call. You already did your part. The ball is in his court.
Eeyore79 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I feel really sympathetic because a similar thing happened to me and I was crushed. I met this guy on holiday and we had this amazing whirlwind romance; I genuinely thought I'd found my soulmate. He told me I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, he talked about our future, he made love to me, and when we parted he gave me his email address. He never emailed me. So I emailed him, and his response was such a brush-off, like "Yeah, it should be possible for us to stay in touch"... no sense that he missed me or ever wanted to see me again. So I emailed him again, and with hindsight I can see I was sort of nagging him, and every so often he would feel guilty and reply. I always felt sad because he wasn't really giving me any attention or saying he cared about me or wanted to see me, this went on for a couple of months and I always felt like I was chasing him. To cut a long story short, I eventually found out that he had a gf at home, and had been with her for a couple of years. When I confronted him he apologised, saying I was just so beautiful and unique, and he'd never cheated before. He said he didn't know how to tell me and had just tried to fade out of my life, but I wouldn't let go, and he regretted what he'd done both in cheating and in stringing me along. I was crushed, because I really thought he was The One. Perhaps he just said anything because he wanted to get me into bed. After a while I realised he was not this sad romantic figure who simply couldn't be with me because of circumstances... he was a lying cheater who slept with me behind his gf's back, and I deserve better.
jamesum Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 It makes me chuckle everytime a woman mentions the word "Soulmate".
zengirl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 It makes me chuckle everytime a woman mentions the word "Soulmate". What about if a man mentions it? (I actually don't believe in 'soul mates' as in 1 and only 1 ultimate person who will complete you, or even in the individual soul as a concept, but it's silly to think men don't blabber on about them. I'm known loads of schmoopy fellows who believe in them.)
jamesum Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 What about if a man mentions it? (I actually don't believe in 'soul mates' as in 1 and only 1 ultimate person who will complete you, or even in the individual soul as a concept, but it's silly to think men don't blabber on about them. I'm known loads of schmoopy fellows who believe in them.) Im sure there are such equally dramatic men. But honestly I have NEVER EVER heard a single man mentioned it in real life. When the word "Soulmate", "The One", or "Mr. Right" comes out of a woman's mouth, I just run as far away as possible from her because chances are she is the emotional wreck type of woman who thinks as if somehow god created us in pairs and we are roaming the world to find that missing half of our soul. :laugh: From my experience, the sanest and most realistic kind of women I ever met never mentioned such words. They just look for partners the way they look for friends. No fairytale expectation.
zengirl Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Im sure there are such equally dramatic men. But honestly I have NEVER EVER heard a single man mentioned it in real life. When the word "Soulmate", "The One", or "Mr. Right" comes out of a woman's mouth, I just run as far away as possible from her because chances are she is the emotional wreck type of woman who thinks as if somehow god created us in pairs and we are roaming the world to find that missing half of our soul. :laugh: From my experience, the sanest and most realistic kind of women I ever met never mentioned such words. They just look for partners the way they look for friends. No fairytale expectation. Oh, I agree. Though, I don't go running from a fellow JUST for that. But it does make me raise an eyebrow because most folks who use the word soulmate are looking for perfection.
jamesum Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 Oh, I agree. Though, I don't go running from a fellow JUST for that. But it does make me raise an eyebrow because most folks who use the word soulmate are looking for perfection. Of course I wont actually run from a woman just for that either. But definitely it raises an instant red flag in my eyes.
Author Peace&Love Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 If this is how he treats you now, why would you want this to progress any further? Vacation is over, you are far away, he can't get laid so his interest level has dropped. Based on your previous thread, I'd guess the main reason you want this guy's attention is because the other girl wants him too and you lost a friend over it. Guys like this are trouble. He sounds like the type that enjoys playing girls off each other, because we are competitive and he gets double the attention. He might have told you he wasn't interested in her and might have told her he wasn't interested in you, causing the facebook issue. I would ask myself, if this other girl wasn't involved, would I still give two ****s about this jerk? The other post was about a guy I was seeing back home. That fling ended right around the same time I went on vacation. These are two separate situations and two different guys. If you read my last update, I said I give up on this guy (the vacation fling). Apparently, the thread has taken a life of its own...
Author Peace&Love Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 jamesum & zengirl: I haven't used the word "soulmate" since I was 16! lol In all seriousness, I believe people come and go in our lives for different reasons. Some pass by briefly, some stay around for a while, some come in and out... I believe "soulmates" are people who appear when you need them to, but that doesn't mean they will stick around after their job is done.
Author Peace&Love Posted August 8, 2010 Author Posted August 8, 2010 He never emailed me. So I emailed him, and his response was such a brush-off, like "Yeah, it should be possible for us to stay in touch"... no sense that he missed me or ever wanted to see me again. So I emailed him again, and with hindsight I can see I was sort of nagging him, and every so often he would feel guilty and reply. I always felt sad because he wasn't really giving me any attention or saying he cared about me or wanted to see me, this went on for a couple of months and I always felt like I was chasing him. To cut a long story short, I eventually found out that he had a gf at home, and had been with her for a couple of years. When I confronted him he apologised, saying I was just so beautiful and unique, and he'd never cheated before. He said he didn't know how to tell me and had just tried to fade out of my life, but I wouldn't let go, and he regretted what he'd done both in cheating and in stringing me along. I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a jerk! I would not be surprised if the guy I met also had someone back home. At this point, I'm not even curious anymore. I know when I'm getting the brush-off and like I said in my original post--I do not like chasing after guys. One of my of my girlfriends on the same trip met a guy, too. (Her guy doesn't know mine.) Even though this guy lives in a different country, he's been keeping in touch with her on a daily basis and he's been making plans to visit her in the near future, even inviting her to his vacation home in Spain!
Eeyore79 Posted August 8, 2010 Posted August 8, 2010 I could understand it better if he had been a bit less enthusiastic when we were together. If he was looking for a fling, he shouldn't have said stuff like I was the most beautiful woman he ever saw, and he felt more positive about our relationship than anything ever before, and he felt able to tell me things he couldn't talk about with anyone else. He talked about meeting my mother, and about me coming to live with him, etc. He made it seem like a relationship with a future, and then he just went really cold after we parted. Maybe it was all just an act to get me involved enough to sleep with him, but our romance seemed so real that even now I find it difficult to write it off as just being lies and deception, even though logically I know that's what it must have been. I didn't want to accept that I was getting the brush-off, because I was totally smitten with him and invested in the relationship because of having slept with him. I should have just let it go as soon as it became evident that he didn't want to keep in touch with me. On the plus side, I now have a much keener sense of whether a guy is into me or not - I don't read into his actions so much, and I try to put my own feelings to one side and assess his behaviour realistically. Ths guy sounds like mine in that he can't be bothered to keep in touch with you, so my advice is to save yourself the heartache I went through and just let him go.
Author Peace&Love Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 If there was something I had learned early on it's that guy's would do anything to get a girl into bed, even if it means requiring some work like pretending he's genuinely interested. My guy said similar things yours did, like saying I should meet his family, how they would adore me, blah blah blah. I was also completely smitten with him and even my friends could not believe they had all misread him. Another lesson learned. On the plus side, I get over guys quickly and being in this forum has helped move along the process even faster.
SadandConfusedWA Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I consider myself a hopeless romantic yet I HATE the word "soul mate" or similar. I don't beleive in one perfect person at all. I have had feelings for men that were completly different and could have each been a reasonable matches for me. I know that I will meet and fall for more men. Perhaps there is a compatibility scale and each could be ranked from most compatible to least compatible but that's about all I beleive in.
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