SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 (edited) Hi guys im just a bit confused by something and need some honest input me and my partner had a little tif today over money issues. Now other then this everything between us is great our situation is. Im disabled I get a flat amount disability income each month. He works but its mainly part time its not the best company he knows he can do better but yet he seams complacent and reserved to get what he dose at the moment even tho there are other jobs out there in his field. Hes lucky if he gets 25 hours a week recently so its quite part time I just sat down before and looked thu our budget and realized im paying on average about 500 to 600 more a month into our home/living then he is. He pays the rent and a little amount of food each week. I cover the rest of the utility's/months food for both of us plus I also buy him stuff when he needs it like clothing/shoes/mobile phones and so on. Ive also helped him clear some of his past debts witch I didn't mind at the time and have helped him pay his mother back money when he had borrowed from her. Hes also a gambler witch I don't mind when he has the extra income IE I wouldn't tell him what to spend his personal fun money on long as it doesn't affect our home in a negative way. I will say He has drastically cut down on that habit since we moved in together. I guess im feeling a little jiped to see im contributing a significant amount more then he is at the moment am I wrong? is he using me in a way? I don't know what to think I honestly didn't think it all worked out like that on paper until just before. I think he thinks because he pays the rent hes contributing more then his share but still we have bills and food on top of that. I don't mind if it was a little extra but its quite a bit. And then for him to ask me to help clear his personal depts/bills is well I dunno Im letting my own go to help him more times then not I need advice on how to best handle this situation am I wrong? Am I over reacting? and also I don't know why but I some how feel guilty if I end up with/want any money to myself maybe because he doesn't have that much left each week himself if that makes any sense Thanks guys... Hes recently hinted that we need to share the home expenses like hes some how hinting that he feels like he pays more then me! Again I guess cause he sees the rent come out each week but in reality when you work it ALL down on paper I dish out much more each month over all.. Sorry if this is a little long Edited July 23, 2010 by SpanksTheMonkey
qinboxmail Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Hi guys im just a bit confused by something and need some honest input me and my partner had a little tif today over money issues. Now other then this everything between us is great our situation is. Im disabled I get a flat amount disability income each month. He works but its mainly part time its not the best company he knows he can do better but yet he seams complacent and reserved to get what he dose at the moment even tho there are other jobs out there in his field. Hes lucky if he gets 25 hours a week recently so its quite part time I just sat down before and looked thu our budget and realized im paying on average about 500 to 600 more a month into our home/living then he is. He pays the rent and a little amount of food each week. I cover the rest of the utility's/months food for both of us plus I also buy him stuff when he needs it like clothing/shoes/mobile phones and so on. Ive also helped him clear some of his past debts witch I didn't mind at the time and have helped him pay his mother back money when he had borrowed from her. Hes also a gambler witch I don't mind when he has the extra income IE I wouldn't tell him what to spend his personal fun money on long as it doesn't affect our home in a negative way. I will say He has drastically cut down on that habit since we moved in together. I guess im feeling a little jiped to see im contributing a significant amount more then he is at the moment am I wrong? is he using me in a way? I don't know what to think I honestly didn't think it all worked out like that on paper until just before. I think he thinks because he pays the rent hes contributing more then his share but still we have bills and food on top of that. I don't mind if it was a little extra but its quite a bit. And then for him to ask me to help clear his personal depts/bills is well I dunno Im letting my own go to help him more times then not I need advice on how to best handle this situation am I wrong? Am I over reacting? and also I don't know why but I some how feel guilty if I end up with/want any money to myself maybe because he doesn't have that much left each week himself if that makes any sense Thanks guys... Hes recently hinted that we need to share the home expenses like hes some how hinting that he feels like he pays more then me! Again I guess cause he sees the rent come out each week but in reality when you work it ALL down on paper I dish out much more each month over all.. Sorry if this is a little long When two people marry they should share the money. It doesn't have to be equal but the best that both of you can share. If not happy then don't stay together. At the end, money is just paper. Is it worth to fight over a piece of paper ?
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 When two people marry they should share the money. It doesn't have to be equal but the best that both of you can share. If not happy then don't stay together. At the end, money is just paper. Is it worth to fight over a piece of paper ? Were not married were just partners who are living together im not hard to get along with like I said I wouldn't mind if the gap wasn't so broad. And maybe if he wasn't starting to give off the vibe that hes actually paying more then he should. I agree when your with some one you should do the best you can it should be a give and take to some extent. Maybe I just feel hes content to do less then he could as long as im here to pick up the slack Thanks for the reply.
zengirl Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Were not married were just partners who are living together im not hard to get along with like I said I wouldn't mind if the gap wasn't so broad. And maybe if he wasn't starting to give off the vibe that hes actually paying more then he should. I agree when your with some one you should do the best you can it should be a give and take to some extent. Maybe I just feel hes content to do less then he could as long as im here to pick up the slack Thanks for the reply. In a case where it was an issue of a guy not being able to work more hours, and it was someone I was otherwise happy with and saw as someone I'd someday marry, this wouldn't bother me. If he was gambling away the money, then expecting me to cover things. . . I would. I also haven't ever paid down personal debt for a boyfriend. I'd do it for a husband, if I had the means and he didn't, but not for a boyfriend. I guess it depends on what he's doing, why this is bothering you now (what's behind it), and how much it matters to you. Also, it matters how likely you are to get married -- I think if you're going to marry someone, you have to accept their finances. So, if you're going to marry this guy, then this is something you'll have to accept.
shlee Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Why don't you show him the breakdown that you wrote up? I have a very strong sense of "fairness", and in my opinion (so if you're fine with it, that's you, but it's not a position I would put myself in) you shouldn't be paying HIS debts, or buying him everything he WANTS, ESPECIALLY at the expense of your own needs (bills/debts) and wants. He should be able to get along just fine (financially) without you. What did he do before? (Apparently, rack up debts he can't pay). He sounds irresponsible.
Diezel Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Why don't you show him the breakdown that you wrote up? I have a very strong sense of "fairness", and in my opinion (so if you're fine with it, that's you, but it's not a position I would put myself in) you shouldn't be paying HIS debts, or buying him everything he WANTS, ESPECIALLY at the expense of your own needs (bills/debts) and wants. He should be able to get along just fine (financially) without you. What did he do before? (Apparently, rack up debts he can't pay). He sounds irresponsible. THIS. I mean, come ON. This is what REALLY bothers me. You KNOW what's going on, but I bet you're going to marry him because the sex is good and he's so good to you and all that jazz. Look the financial aspect of a relationship CAN trump all. If he is like this now, it will NOT get any better. I've gone through this situation before and I wasted years of my life waiting for that other person to realize their potential. You are ENABLING him to be complacent. And that's what you fail to understand. As long as you ALLOW him to pay less than you do, he'll do it... and why not? Show him the breakdown, give him a few weeks and if nothing changes, LEAVE. Like I said, this situation does NOT get better after a marriage certificate is signed and money will be the central focus of a relationship gone sour.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 (edited) In a case where it was an issue of a guy not being able to work more hours, and it was someone I was otherwise happy with and saw as someone I'd someday marry, this wouldn't bother me. If he was gambling away the money, then expecting me to cover things. . . I would. I also haven't ever paid down personal debt for a boyfriend. I'd do it for a husband, if I had the means and he didn't, but not for a boyfriend. I guess it depends on what he's doing, why this is bothering you now (what's behind it), and how much it matters to you. Also, it matters how likely you are to get married -- I think if you're going to marry someone, you have to accept their finances. So, if you're going to marry this guy, then this is something you'll have to accept. I guess its bothering me now because this is the lowest hours hes gotten since we have lived together and Im fairly sure he could get a better job if he would look their are jobs in his field advertised regularity. But hes been putting it off time and again why should one partner just except when the other doesn't contribute their fair share? As ive said I know the job market can be tough. And if he tried but couldn't find any thing ide have no prob picking up the slack until that changed hes cut way down on his gambling so Im fairly sure thats not really a contributeing problem Why don't you show him the breakdown that you wrote up? I have a very strong sense of "fairness", and in my opinion (so if you're fine with it, that's you, but it's not a position I would put myself in) you shouldn't be paying HIS debts, or buying him everything he WANTS, ESPECIALLY at the expense of your own needs (bills/debts) and wants. He should be able to get along just fine (financially) without you. What did he do before? (Apparently, rack up debts he can't pay). He sounds irresponsible. This is taking it a bit to the extreme hes not a bad guy hes just in a rut I believe and its frustrating for me before me he lived at home with his parents. THIS. I mean, come ON. This is what REALLY bothers me. You KNOW what's going on, but I bet you're going to marry him because the sex is good and he's so good to you and all that jazz. Look the financial aspect of a relationship CAN trump all. If he is like this now, it will NOT get any better. I've gone through this situation before and I wasted years of my life waiting for that other person to realize their potential. You are ENABLING him to be complacent. And that's what you fail to understand. As long as you ALLOW him to pay less than you do, he'll do it... and why not? Show him the breakdown, give him a few weeks and if nothing changes, LEAVE. Like I said, this situation does NOT get better after a marriage certificate is signed and money will be the central focus of a relationship gone sour. This is pretty much what ive done hes asked me to help him update his resume so I guess we will see how we go we also broke down our total home expenses and I think he was a little surprised By the way some of you are jumping the gun for some reason I never mentioned marriage? in fact we have no plans on marring its OK cause its mutual neither of us are interested that were quite happy to just stay together Edited July 23, 2010 by SpanksTheMonkey
brainygirl Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 He sounds like one of these men who is an over grown child who will never be able to take care of themselves. He was being taken care of by his parents, but now he lives with you and he's your problem now. He wont ever get better. Even if he gets a better job he will still have no realistic idea about how much it takes to run the home and how little he makes, he will always spend more than he should and will always be resentful when you point out that he can't afford that trip or this toy. Leave him. And if you can type on a message bored, you can learn to spell and get a job. Disability is for chumps.
Rifareal Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 i guess you need to talk more about that. speak what you think and don't just stuck it on your mind. conversation is very important in any relationship. discuss everything... though you might be cautious on your choice of words
make me believe Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 What kind of a man leaches off of his partner like that? And you're not even married?? How long have you been together? You need to completely separate your finances with this guy. I FIRMLY believe that combining finances or becoming financially dependent on somebody outside of marriage (or at least engagement) is a HUUUUUUGE mistake. He needs to pay for his own debt. I can't believe he had the nerve to ask you to pay it down for him. Ridiculous! Cut the financial cord and start splitting household bills 50/50 and let him pay for his own debt and extras (clothes, shoes, etc). He doesn't NEED new clothes & shoes & phones all the time, and you shouldn't feel guilty about spending your own money on you. A gift here and there or a night out on you is fine, but regularly buying him everything he wants & paying his debt for him is not.
zengirl Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 I guess its bothering me now because this is the lowest hours hes gotten since we have lived together and Im fairly sure he could get a better job if he would look their are jobs in his field advertised regularity. But hes been putting it off time and again why should one partner just except when the other doesn't contribute their fair share? As ive said I know the job market can be tough. And if he tried but couldn't find any thing ide have no prob picking up the slack until that changed hes cut way down on his gambling so Im fairly sure thats not really a contributeing problem I didn't mean to sound judgy here. I don't think one person should do anything in a relationship --- in terms of it being clear-cut and for everybody, and if this is bothering you, that's absolutely legitimate. I think you need to decide what you want. For me, being compatible on money is really important whilst dating. That doesn't mean equality in paying bills (I grew up with my Mom and Stepdad, and I remember the way they calculated bills --- he made considerably more than her, and we moved into his much bigger, more expensive beachside house, where there was no way she could pay 50% even though she'd always paid for herself (and me!) before, living alone and financially responsible; it's just life that 50% is not always attainable in marriages. Frankly, my Mom would've rather sold the fancy house, but he loves it). If I was going to marry someone, I'd pay a little more without it being an issue. I'd also pay a little less. To me, a marriage is joining finances too, so basically, the most important thing is that the folks agree on money in general (attitudes towards work, debt, and life goals relating to money). But 50/50 really isn't the way most marriages I've seen go. It seems like there's always a more successful, higher-earning partner. I used to be much more comfortable picturing myself in that role (the high earner) and have only just become comfortable realizing that I might be the lower earner, like my Mom (since I'm now a teacher, and we don't make much). As I said, I wouldn't pay off their personal debts unless we were married. You've been kinder than I would be in that way. But, I'm not really sure "where" your feelings are come from, as you mention several competing issues: *His gambling and personal debts. *You paying more. *His not living up to his financial potential. *His attitude. None of these are wrong things to be upset about, but they are all handled very differently. That's what I meant about "why" it's upsetting you.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 He sounds like one of these men who is an over grown child who will never be able to take care of themselves. He was being taken care of by his parents, but now he lives with you and he's your problem now. He wont ever get better. Even if he gets a better job he will still have no realistic idea about how much it takes to run the home and how little he makes, he will always spend more than he should and will always be resentful when you point out that he can't afford that trip or this toy. Leave him. And if you can type on a message bored, you can learn to spell and get a job. Disability is for chumps. What on earth is the personal attack for brainy? seriousely you dont know me or my disability's so dont judge me that way.. I use a spell check thanks my spelling is fine some ones on the rag I guess please refrain from taking it out on me.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 i guess you need to talk more about that. speak what you think and don't just stuck it on your mind. conversation is very important in any relationship. discuss everything... though you might be cautious on your choice of words Your right we do need to talk more im not a saint either see my main prob is I tend to keep my frustrations inside and let them build up until I cant take it anymore and I well explode! I need to not let it get to that point if im at fault here as well it will be in that aspect What kind of a man leaches off of his partner like that? And you're not even married?? How long have you been together? You need to completely separate your finances with this guy. I FIRMLY believe that combining finances or becoming financially dependent on somebody outside of marriage (or at least engagement) is a HUUUUUUGE mistake. He needs to pay for his own debt. I can't believe he had the nerve to ask you to pay it down for him. Ridiculous! Cut the financial cord and start splitting household bills 50/50 and let him pay for his own debt and extras (clothes, shoes, etc). He doesn't NEED new clothes & shoes & phones all the time, and you shouldn't feel guilty about spending your own money on you. A gift here and there or a night out on you is fine, but regularly buying him everything he wants & paying his debt for him is not. The thing is it was my choice to help him with the dept and I didn't mind it just took me for a shock when I sat down today and did the sums. I will say this I think I may have painted him in a bit of a unfair light! Hes never actually asked me for any material things if anything hes just the opposite hes actually quite cheep and would prob rather him nor me never buy anything new. But I just don't live like that so I do get things for him from time to time nothing massive but ill buy clothes here and there and so on ok maybe the best example. I had bought him a new pair of work shoes because his old ones actually had holes in them and he said there fine ill wear them. Its kinda like that hes not actually asking for material items but im the kind of person who is not cheep like that so I go a head when needed if that makes any sense I always shop sensibility tho mostly second hand and so on but it is my choice hes not asking. I think im starting to agree about the sharing of finances up until now we have had the mentality that we share our finances like you money is mine and mine is yours kinda deal perhaps its time to rethink that you may be right I didn't mean to sound judgy here. I don't think one person should do anything in a relationship --- in terms of it being clear-cut and for everybody, and if this is bothering you, that's absolutely legitimate. I think you need to decide what you want. For me, being compatible on money is really important whilst dating. That doesn't mean equality in paying bills (I grew up with my Mom and Stepdad, and I remember the way they calculated bills --- he made considerably more than her, and we moved into his much bigger, more expensive beachside house, where there was no way she could pay 50% even though she'd always paid for herself (and me!) before, living alone and financially responsible; it's just life that 50% is not always attainable in marriages. Frankly, my Mom would've rather sold the fancy house, but he loves it). If I was going to marry someone, I'd pay a little more without it being an issue. I'd also pay a little less. To me, a marriage is joining finances too, so basically, the most important thing is that the folks agree on money in general (attitudes towards work, debt, and life goals relating to money). But 50/50 really isn't the way most marriages I've seen go. It seems like there's always a more successful, higher-earning partner. I used to be much more comfortable picturing myself in that role (the high earner) and have only just become comfortable realizing that I might be the lower earner, like my Mom (since I'm now a teacher, and we don't make much). As I said, I wouldn't pay off their personal debts unless we were married. You've been kinder than I would be in that way. But, I'm not really sure "where" your feelings are come from, as you mention several competing issues: *His gambling and personal debts. *You paying more. *His not living up to his financial potential. *His attitude. None of these are wrong things to be upset about, but they are all handled very differently. That's what I meant about "why" it's upsetting you. No worries sorry if I took you the wrong way im actually not upset about the gambling but I do find it interesting others keep picking up on that so much even tho its honestly not a issue for me. Like I said his fun money should be his and mine like wise perhaps its a mix of why im upset some of it is I can tell that his work situation is upsetting to him as well. He even said tonight "do you think im happy there you no im not" So to me if your not happy then do something to change it no? Especially if the situation if beginning to affect your relationship/home in some way I honestly just want him to be happy and us to be able to share everything together. As I said earlier I think I have some issues I need to work on as well after all the mans not a mind reader. We sat down and worked thu some stuff I hope I can help him enough to get motivated for himself as much as me Thanks guys..
brainygirl Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 What on earth is the personal attack for brainy? seriousely you dont know me or my disability's so dont judge me that way.. I use a spell check thanks my spelling is fine some ones on the rag I guess please refrain from taking it out on me. actually spelling and puntucation or lack thereof very distracting. Point being that you seem fairly intelligent and are able to budget, track expenses, and correlate spending habits to income, so why sell your self short with a looser guy who uses you to take care of him and pay the bills and by staying on disability all your life. His income can go up, yours is stuck. I think that's your problem.
hopesndreams Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Were not married were just partners who are living together Semantics. You are feeling burdened and feeling used. He looks at it as not burdening you and not using you. You want him to make more dinero? Of course you do. He is happy with his job, not complacent. Tough these days to find a job that brings "happiness". Would you rather have him bringing home more money and being miserable? That is the chance you and he will take. Only, he ain't interested and is quite "happy" with the way things are.
mixwell Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 And if you can type on a message bored, you can learn to spell and get a job. Before you decide to trash talk someone's spelling you should check out your own. It's a message board not BORED. Bored is a feeling, not a physical thing. Sorry just had to call out the irony of your post. PS. If there is something improper on this post, I really don't care to be honest. Peace
mixwell Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 To the OP, I think if it has been enough of an issue within yourself then you should probably mention it to your guy. Don't be defensive about just tell him what your're spending compared to him and I would use positive enforcement with him trying to approach another job. IE "Hunny you have so much more potential and you can find something better" although I'm sure you've said that. I know that you aren't a greedy person with money but sadly money makes the world go round and it can be a strong factor in a relationship.
spookie Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I'm shocked by the responses on this thread. Leave this guy because you've been spending 500 bucks a month more than him without realizing it?? Come on guys, there's no denying that money's important, but y'all are acting like it's the only thing in the world. Maybe for you, it's acceptable to dump your partner for being a "loser" cause he's in a rut, but some people believe in being there for and supporting the other person, preferring to value relationships over money. I think the OP was looking for advice on how to amend the situation, not so much regarding whether her bf makes enough money in your eyes to be worthy of her. I think she should start by showing him the breakdown (because it sounds like he's not aware of the situation, just like her until recently). From there, perhpas a serious discussion about budgeting is in order. If you are buying s!ht for one another, you're sharing finances, so plan it out so neither of you feel like you're getting screwed.
hopesndreams Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 I think the OP was looking for advice on how to amend the situation, not so much regarding whether her bf makes enough money in your eyes to be worthy of her. I'm not convinced of that.
Jilly Bean Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Spanks - do you plan on getting off disability? Or will you be on it for life? Did you meet him before you got disabled, or after? He sounds like a slacker, and yes, IMO, he is taking advantage. Its almost like you're his cash cow, sitting on your nice, chunky disability check, which relieves him of responsibility to look for more, or better work. Plus, how much money is he really gambling away? Considering he's a low contributor, I don't see how he's entitled to piss away what little money he does make. I dunno. It seems like a pretty inequitable situation. If you plan on spending a life with this guy, I'd ask him what his plans are to bring in more income, as you fear your check isn't sufficient to support you both going forward...
someotherguy Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 If the sexes in this thread were reversed, the OP would be burned at the stake, and most of these replies would be vilified. Frankly, this subject disgusts me. Y'all are getting along fine, you have enough between the two of you to be happy, but you're complaining because maybe he doesn't make enough money right now, during what is arguably a depression? Jesus, this turns my stomach.
allina Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 Spanks - do you plan on getting off disability? Or will you be on it for life? Did you meet him before you got disabled, or after? He sounds like a slacker, and yes, IMO, he is taking advantage. Its almost like you're his cash cow, sitting on your nice, chunky disability check, which relieves him of responsibility to look for more, or better work. Plus, how much money is he really gambling away? Considering he's a low contributor, I don't see how he's entitled to piss away what little money he does make. I dunno. It seems like a pretty inequitable situation. If you plan on spending a life with this guy, I'd ask him what his plans are to bring in more income, as you fear your check isn't sufficient to support you both going forward... I agree with this post. Also, before you moved in with him and combined your incomes, bills and debt did you talk about it? Have you discussed what your expectations are regarding money? If you haven't, you should asap. Money is one of the main things couples fight over, it's something that needs to be discussed and planned. Does your SO contribute to the household in other ways? Does he clean, cook, do yard work? It seems like he's enjoying an easy life, working only 25 hours/week and spending as if he was working 50.
Author SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 (edited) Before you decide to trash talk someone's spelling you should check out your own. It's a message board not BORED. Bored is a feeling, not a physical thing. Sorry just had to call out the irony of your post. PS. If there is something improper on this post, I really don't care to be honest. Peace Thank you for that mix some people don't realize that while yes I can function on here be it with the aid of spell check. I do have quite debilitating physical disability's I don't think brainy meant it in a malicious way. She just jumped to lump all disabled into the same barrel I would love to have a carer sadly it just wasn't in the cards for me in life I think the OP was looking for advice on how to amend the situation, not so much regarding whether her bf makes enough money in your eyes to be worthy of her. I'm not convinced of that. Actually that hits the nail on the head I just wanted to get some advice on how to help him thu this. Ill be it I was upset in my original posts so maybe some drew off of my frustrations again I let them build up not good on my end Spanks - do you plan on getting off disability? Or will you be on it for life? Did you meet him before you got disabled, or after? He sounds like a slacker, and yes, IMO, he is taking advantage. Its almost like you're his cash cow, sitting on your nice, chunky disability check, which relieves him of responsibility to look for more, or better work. Plus, how much money is he really gambling away? Considering he's a low contributor, I don't see how he's entitled to piss away what little money he does make. I dunno. It seems like a pretty inequitable situation. If you plan on spending a life with this guy, I'd ask him what his plans are to bring in more income, as you fear your check isn't sufficient to support you both going forward... Well Jilly even if I wanted to its a done deal so ill I can do is except life as it is for me. I met him while I was already on it I know the trend here is to roast his nuts. But really I swear to you he is a genuine nice guy I mean the man has helped wipe my butt when I couldn't I know sorry TMI. But still not many people would do that for their partner. I know he loves me and I love him we just need to work on a few issues both of us im 99.9% sure hes quelled the gambling to expectable levels. I would never deny a man who works even on even a part time level some "fun time" that just makes people miserable real quick If the sexes in this thread were reversed, the OP would be burned at the stake, and most of these replies would be vilified. Frankly, this subject disgusts me. Y'all are getting along fine, you have enough between the two of you to be happy, but you're complaining because maybe he doesn't make enough money right now, during what is arguably a depression? Jesus, this turns my stomach. As ive said hes a good hearted man and we both need to work thu our issues I wont leave him so soon Ill try to help him 1st that said I do see were some may come to that conclusion and I respect their views as well. I guess Im upset/frustrated partly because A. even he knowes hes not happy in this job situation witch is depressing for him and upsetting for me to watch. B.my income is fixed I can only cover so much if they widdle down his hours any more we may eventually hit situation critical. Ive never demonised this man I love him and im going to stand by him and try to help him get out of this funk hes in. Another thing ive just thought about he also gets mood swings? Im fairly sure hes maybe bipolar? I don't know he can go from being in a level mood to being quite depressed and then back to normal some times in less then half a hour. Also this man dose pay ALL OF THE RENT so hes not the freeloading type its just that we also have other expenses that can add up to just as much and even much more then the rent at times. Everything is doubled when two people live together after all maybe its all still a learning curve for him being that he came from liveing at home with his folks I dunno.. Edited July 24, 2010 by SpanksTheMonkey
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 24, 2010 Posted July 24, 2010 ]As ive said hes a good hearted man and we both need to work thu our issues I wont leave him so soon Ill try to help him 1st that said I do see were some may come to that conclusion and I respect their views as well. I guess Im upset/frustrated partly because A. even he knowes hes not happy in this job situation witch is depressing for him and upsetting for me to watch. B.my income is fixed I can only cover so much if they widdle down his hours any more we may eventually hit situation critical. Ive never demonised this man I love him and im going to stand by him and try to help him get out of this funk hes in. Another thing ive just thought about he also gets mood swings? Im fairly sure hes maybe bipolar? I don't know he can go from being in a level mood to being quite depressed and then back to normal some times in less then half a hour. Also this man dose pay ALL OF THE RENT so hes not the freeloading type its just that we also have other expenses that can add up to just as much and even much more then the rent at times. Everything is doubled when two people live together after all maybe its all still a learning curve for him being that he came from liveing at home with his folks I dunno.. [/b] I've still got many friends who are struggling to find work. Before you get too worked up about this... understand that the job market is very tough except for high skill positions. Now, if he is just hesitant to go looking... this is common with many men. You should offer to help him with his resume, and job search.
Enema Posted July 26, 2010 Posted July 26, 2010 Hes recently hinted that we need to share the home expenses like hes some how hinting that he feels like he pays more then me! I'd go ahead and do this. He may appreciate your contributions more when you split everything 50/50 and he realizes he has even less money.
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